Last night I woke up at midnight. I think it was because I had to pee, because that's what I did immediately after waking up. I woke up, felt an urge to go pee and promptly did so. But I also checked the time. I saw that it was like 12:10. My dad hadn't yet left for work, but he was basically all prepared to go. And then me being awake at midnight changed things. I couldn't manage to get back to sleep, much as I tried. I was coated in sweat. I was dripping in sweat, and I had to change my shirt. And I was struggling to sleep. And so my dad promised he'd stay home. And I only managed to fall back asleep once I knew he was coming home.
Considering how I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee, I'm kind of worried this is a sign that my bladder is being weak or it's faltering or something. Because right now I'm sitting underneath my bedsheets listening to music while a fan blows at me again. And I'm remembering that I usually get up to pee something like 3 to 5 times when I'm sitting here. It's feeling like my bladder is getting worse. When I was in elementary school, I could hold my bladder in really well. I could go six hours without needing to pee. In May to June of 2025, I went bathroom multiple different times in High School. I was mortified by it.
Also, I'm worrying the need to pee gets stronger because I masturbate so much. I masturbated twice in one day yesterday or the day before. I masturbate a lot, and I fear I'm making myself more sensitive and more in need of urination. I drink a lot of water, so maybe my drinking habits are the real explanation. But I couldn't tell you.
I didn't go bathroom in college ever, but college days hardly ever rival the length of an elementary school day. So yeah, I'm afraid my bladder is becoming worse and more unmanageable. I know it's probably not. I know this is 90% hypochondria on my part, but I can't help it. I can help it. I'm just worried it'll happen again tonight. I'm really worried about that. I'm also worried about one day potentially having to deal with peeing my bed. I know you can put down plastic sheets or whatever to prevent that happening, but who wants to try and sleep on plastic? Not me! So this dilemma will always be bothering me, I think it's safe to say. Even now I feel like I need to pee. But I refuse to get up. I refuse. I will hold it in, if only to prove to myself that I can.
I generally haven't had a great few days, though. I had a massive panic attack last night over a brief storm that passed overhead. I feel like that could've contributed to me struggling to sleep later that evening. I also now have a pounding headache, and I feel miserable. I just haven't been having a great time in the last little while. My head is really freaking pounding. I wonder if my drinking habits influence my need to pee. I do drink a lot of water.
I'm gonna go for a bath in around 2-3 hours, but I'm incredibly on edge now. Just incredibly on edge. I'm a bit worried about sleeping tonight, I'm worried my posts recently haven't been seen, I worry I waste my time writing too many posts and doing nothing else. I worry about a lot of stuff. sigh...
