CW: self deprecation & bad self esteem in regards to a scar
“Are you sure you don’t want to cover my scar?” Whumpee looks at Caretaker, tilting his head slightly in confusion. It’s big, nearly covering half their face, a twisted burn from something he should remember but can’t.
It’s undeniably ugly, that’s what Whumper had always told him, from the very beginning of his memories. And why would he doubt Whumper? That’s why he always had to wear that mask, the one still hiding in his cupboard.
Without Whumper in his life though he put it on less and less, slowly getting used to being able to touch the wrinkled skin without fabric covering it, to being able to see his face in its entirety.
But just because Caretaker permits him to not wear the mask inside, doesn’t mean she wouldn’t use this chance to make him less hideous.
Caretaker stops mid-movement, holding the makeup brush in the air. “Do you want me to cover it?” She turns to look at her collection of concealers, but there is hesitation in her gaze.
“Oh, I don’t know. Wouldn’t it make you more comfortable?” At least, that’s what it was always like. He wore the mask so Whumper would be comfortable, so they wouldn’t have to see a grotesque twisted version of what used to be his face.
Caretaker turns back to him and there is nothing but honesty in her eyes. “Whumpee, I love you. I love everything about you, from your personality, your laugh, to your dimples and your scars.” She turned around again, digging in her collection of products until she pulled out a shiny pallet.
“What if we put some sparkle on it instead. What do you think?”
My character development this year has been crazy so far 😭
+1 Sexuality Questioning
+1 Sexuality Acceptance
+1 Grades
-1 Sexuality Acceptance
+1 Therapist
-1 Grades
-1 Grades
-1 Self-Esteem
+1 Anxiety Medication
+1 Neurodivergence Possibility
-1 Self-Esteem
+1 Sexuality Acceptance
+1 Girlfriend
+1 Grades
“Alright cool, school ends in 2 days, it is literally the last week, my grades are all good and Finals don’t seem too bad, so this will just be smooth sailing-“
So apparently big tits are only attractive if you’re super skinny but NOT if you’re a fuller bodied woman. Damn, and here I thought having big tits was the key to getting a man. But apparently it only matters if I’m skinty. 🙄 im only half joking because the type of men I like will never find me hot unless I’m super thin. And I know that body positivity exists and all but like. I don’t WANT to accept being this way and I don’t like being overweight. I feel slow and tired.
Polyships....especially Because Souji feels like the lowest on the totem pole and peripheral but it also lucky to have people to love they don't even need to love him back they just have to tolerate him because it's more than he deserves... (◕‿◕✿)
I always fucking do this. I get my heart hooked on someone and I end up obsessing over them, and then nothing ever comes out of it.
I want to be in a relationship with this guy but there are complications and shit and it’s driving me insane. I just want someone to cuddle and kiss me and be there for me to say “It’ll be alright.” I feel like an idiot because I let him in and showed him that I wanted to be with him and then he backed away because he wasn’t and still isn’t sure if he wants this. He said he just wants to start off with hanging out together and stuff, and I’m totally fine with that, but if you tell me you want to hang out then I expect you to put some FUCKING EFFORT into TRYING to BE WITH ME. And because he hasn’t initiated anything, I feel like I’m pathetic for even trying and that I’m not worthy of his time, when in reality, it’s HIM who needs to feel that way because I’m the one who keeps trying to get together but...he’s just busy all the time. I feel like if I was old enough to go out and legally drink then this issue might be lesser, but that’s not the way it is and I can’t legally go to a bar and have a beer with him.
I hate crying about this, but just thinking about how lonely I am, how desperate I am for affection that when I’m shown a smidgen of it from anyone who isn’t family I pounce on it, it makes me go to a dark place where I feel like I’m slipping back into my depression. And I know that you’re supposed to block out and get rid of poisonous people who make you feel this way, but I don’t want to lose him. Not again. Not after I went so long without seeing him or anyone for a whole year. I don’t know what to do. I’m a wreck, I’ve cried three four times while I was typing this. I just want to be with somebody, and I want that somebody to be him.
But if he can’t realize what a great gal he’s passing up on, well, that’s his problem.
I hate every ounce of my being. I hate how I look, down to the tips of my toes. I hate every inch of my body. I also hate my personality. I find myself so annoying and obnoxious and nothing like what I wished I could be. I literally look at myself in the mirror and start to cry. That happens way too often to be normal. I despise myself and I don't know what to do.
self hatred isn't very fun and it's not beneficial to your well being. i’ve answered multiple asks about negative body image, and hating yourself is very hard to get over, but it's only going to hurt you. why hate yourself so much? you're going to be stuck with yourself for as long as you live, so get used to it.
now, you could have something called body dysmorphic disorder, which is a mental illness where the patient is preoccupied with their negative body image. for this, i would go to your doctor or a mental health professional such as a therapist to discuss this with them. you are a beautiful human being, and maybe you don't see it, but others do.
beauty is subjective, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is a common phrase. one person’s idea of beauty can be different from another person’s. you get to decide what is beautiful to you, and beauty isn’t always physical. our society believes “beauty” is whatever is sexually pleasing or aesthetically pleasing to the eye. you say you’re ugly, but that’s only your warped perception.
you're the only person who is getting inside of your head and saying those negative things about yourself. think of it this way, would you ever say those things to a daughter, a friend? you shouldn't say those things to yourself if you wouldn't say them to someone else. you deserve just as much love and respect as someone else. if you don't like your personality, you can always tweak it. we change as we grow older and we learn more about ourselves. old habits fade away and new ones take their place. you have that control, and you can use it if you choose to.
please take those steps to get yourself the help you need, it’s not worth it to hate the body you’ll live in for the rest of your life.
