warning/s: suicide mentioned, its lowkey psychological horror typa vibe for the reader specifically and they're losing their fucking mind lmao
I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE MAIN POST AGAIN TRYING TO DELETE THE REBLOG
i like to think isekai reader was only able to get close to neteyam bcuz of how persistent they are
it's weird for him sometimes because he doesn't know where they stand, sometimes they're like this older role model figure, even though their ages aren't far off from one another, other times they're acting just like their age, sometimes even more childish and it annoys the fuck out of him
i'm thinking of incorporating the concept of time resets into it, like, they die, then by sheer will, they come back, back to a moment before they died, (maybe a different story actually lmao), but think of loading a previous game file because your current route sucks, like you made the wrong decision and you wanna try again, fix it, find the best ending
i want to see how many times reader has to die until it starts weighing on them, and other characters start noticing just how reckless they've become, imagine how disturbing it is to watch someone you care about act like dying is the least of their problems
constantly, happily throwing themselves into danger
i wanna see like at some point when an outcome they never wanted to happen happens, they instinctively reach for a knife, a weapon, anything to kill themselves with because they can just "start" again, go back before, choose a better option, make a different decision
the act of killing oneself is a serious thing.
killing yourself is hard. a very difficult thing to do. sometimes your survival instincts override that desire to die. sometimes you stay despite.
and the reader, you, growing so numb to it you think it's the easier option rather than moving forwards and accepting the situation as is, highlighting just how far you've fallen, how far you've deteriorated, like all your experiences building up but you can't think of anything better, you're permanently locked on that goal you've set for yourself, "save neteyam" "save him"
lol you can tell im not a big fan of big sudden trauma, like if someone died, this character is traumatized now, not to negate the fact that someone dying is traumatizing, but i like trauma that piles up, less like a truck that runs you over, more like crushing pressure that wears you down overtime, makes you think you can keep moving, crawl yourself out but it keeps you stuck, the pay off is more satisfying that way imho (i just realized this is literally houseki no kuni's influence on me)
i think i just like psychological horror but anyway ahsdfjhsajf
like imagine neteyam still dies no matter what action the reader takes, and reader keeps having to kill themselves to go back and i wonder if it numbs them, because the whole reason they're even on pandora in the first place is to save him, or at least that's what they think so, like this intrinsic desire to make things better becomes your hubris, and you think the universe, whatever it is that put you here is just playing with you at this point, torturing you
doomed by the narrative? doomed by fate? idk.
imagine another failed route, neteyam dies again, they're on the rock, with the family, neytiri's cries in the background and their mind just goes static, maybe a mix of grief, frustration
you're lwk losing your mind, spiraling; why is nothing working, what's the point of me being here, why do i keep failing, i don't understand, i don't understand, why does he keep dying, i made a different choice this time, the plan was perfect, what went wrong? i don't get it. i'm so tired. how many more times do i have to do this, i don't want to do this anymore---
and absentmindedly you're reaching for your gun, a knife, your own face blank as your vision blurs at the edges, staring at neteyam's dead body, and you're pressing the blade into your skin, or fingers on the trigger slowly pulling it back
this has happened before, you killing yourself right there, the world going dark and you wake up back to when he's still alive, where everything's fine and alright before it all goes wrong
but god, why won't anything change? why is it so hard to stop it from going all wrong?
this time something's different, someone notices what you're doing
maybe kiri, lo'ak, or jake, his attention snapping on you, and he's grabbing your arm, stopping you, bewilderment clear as day on his face; "what the fuck is wrong with you?"
and for the first time, something surprises you; this never happened before
yes im just basically making a crackfic atp but thats like the whole reason i write, self-indulgence, writing about concepts i find interesting
ADDITIONALLY ADDITIONALLY, what if, it turns out, the only way to save him is to sacrifice yourself
the only way to stop him from dying, is if you die in his stead
your existence in their universe, someone who first saw it as a work of fiction, is a form of imbalance, you're not "wrong" but you're not supposed to be there either
because the universe works in mysterious ways, and I'm a firm believer in there being balance and the universe always doing it's best to correct any forms of imbalance, either slow, or sudden
and there's always a price for everything, you can't take and take, you have to give
"This story is a tragedy because it didn't have to end this way." vs "This story is a tragedy because it was always going to end this way"
HI HEY HELLO IM WORKING ON A TADC AU!!! (please read/reblog if possible)
so basically its a fanmade crossover au with tadc x spirited (the christmas movie)
it might seem a little random at first but i SWEARRR it fits so insanely perfectly like im so proud of myself for coming up with this
the art isn’t great cuz i doodled it all super quickly
jax- clint. they literally have the EXACT SAME personality. they’re both stubborn and cocky, have the same sense of humor, take down other people for their own wellbeing, and pretend to not care about people they’re close with AND PEOPLE THEYVE LOST IN THE PAST. clint has really great character development. he has this whole thing where his sister dies and refuses to acknowledge it because of fear, the same thing as jax.
gangle- kimberly. she’s pressured to keep her job which is run by her boss, clint, aka jax, even though her career hurts other people. however, it pays her well. she has an entire song that i honestly think fits gangle (SPECIFICALLY episode 4) so well. AND both work outfits are blue which makes me so happy for some reason lmao. plus she’s love interests with roberto (zooble) so abstragedy tehe
zooble- roberto. they both have similar insecurities, roberto’s being about his human decency and zooble’s being about their body, but yk i did the best i could lmao. their personalities aren’t super duper similar but they have a super similar dynamic with clint/jax, and end up falling for kimberly/gangle. it works just trust
pomni- bonnie. FUNNYBUNNY FUNNYBUNNY FUNNYBUNNY cough i mean bonnie’s personality is super similar to pomni’s and she just reminds me of her.
caine- jacob. they’re both spooky and are both in control of the entire system of the media if that makes sense. like they’re both the in charge of the other characters. idk it makes a lot of sense if you’ve seen the movie.
ribbit- carrie. clint’s older sister who died of a sickness and it put a toll on him that he refuses to admit. LITERALLY ribbit.
kinger- yet-to-come. both silly comedic characters who are oddly tall and emotionally intelligent
ragatha- nora (ew that’s my name) idk jax and ragatha give angsty ex vibes plus i couldn’t find where ragatha fit anywhere else in the story sorry
ill make more art for it and possibly edits/animations if you’re lucky tehhehe
if anyone wants to ask questions about it or make any content for it PLEASE go ahead
playlist for anyone interested: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIsTSLrJq1VTt0ISwSi8DRz1rpKb161nD&si=paOwYpDBVgQDN53v
Okay so since ao3 hit 17 mil fics I did a little stats stuff, for anyone who's interested. Basically I was curious about how many words are in those 17 million fics. I couldn't go through every fic so this is the best I've got:
Sorted by word count:
The top 100,000 (0.005%) fics had an estimated 648.8 billion total words, which is about 6.49 million conventional novels
The top 500,000 (0.03%) fics had an estimated 653.9 billion total words, which is about 6.54 million conventional novels
There were 138,000 (0.008%) fics with 0 words, 90,000 of which were tagged in "Art"
Excluding those, the bottom 100,000 (0.005%) fics had an estimated 1.25 million total words, which is about 12.5 conventional novels
The bottom 500,000 (0.03%) fics had an estimated 36 million total words, which is about 360 conventional novels
Using that data I got a mean 650,000 words per fic on ao3, but that sounds pretty skewed so take that with a grain of salt, I am after all only considering less than 1% of fics on this site.
Anyway, using that questionable average we get an estimated total of approximately 11 trillion words, which is about 110 million conventional novels.
The lowest possible estimate is: 1.23 billion words, which makes 13,000 conventional novels
The highest possible estimate is: 22 trillion words, which makes 220 million conventional novels
I put my methods below the cut if you care, otherwise I hope u liked my stats, really makes you appreciate how much 17 million fics really is I think
To come up with an average for each 100,000 fics (5000 pages on ao3) I found the mean of the word counts 1st and 100,000th fics, I then multiplied this by 100,000 to get a total and repeated that 5 times
A 'conventional novel' I take to be 100,000 words for simplicity
I round to 2 significant figures, or 3 when it made sense
Also I didn't count the longest fic because it was about 40 mil words longer than second place, so it was skewing my results (more than they already are lol)
My messy spreadsheet: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1aA1KnFuJwVQ--VdCKL2ghlJt9t9peeGry9kuqJ2ISVQ/edit?gid=0#gid=0
rewatched 2001 A Space Odyssey again and. yeah i’m never going to get over this. book & movie combined its an insane story and is so well written. science fiction is an art form
Kwami's being "abstract concepts" is weird because... What is actually an abstract concept?
The dictionary defines abstract as: "existing in thought or as an idea but not having a physical or concrete existence."
Which, like, I get that it's there to stop there being say "Plinkk, the Kwami of Hammers". Or a Kwami of say Fire, because these things are physical stuff that exist and they wanted to avoid just having both such clearly defined and thus really specific powers, and having even more Kwami exist than is already implied.
But at what point is a concept actually abstract? We know that Hammers are too material and real, but what about the concept of "Tools" in general? Is that too physical or concrete?
The definition of a tool is: "a device or implement, especially one held in the hand, used to carry out a particular function."
But really, anything can be a tool in a pinch. A stick becomes a lever, or a pry bar, or a pole to hang clothes to dry on. If a thing is a tool or not can be in flux, it's all in how you interact with it and think about it.
That feels more abstract than say a hammer.
That feels almost as abstract as the concept of making things. Or of breaking things. Or "Illusions" which, by the way, are things that actually exist. There are optical illusions in the real world. There are hallucinations which might count. So clearly abstract concepts existing in physicality on one level, so long as they still have a more nebulous definition that can never fully be pinned down as "physical" is ok?
Because that's what it's starting to sound like to me.
So, I'm developing a theory of what makes a concept generate a Kwami. And I think our hammer vs tool example is a good way to explain it.
Hammer is a narrowly focused concept. I can define it as a blunt object I use to break, fix, and create things. That's a simple definition and might include lots of stuff that isn't actually a hammer, but you get the idea. If I hold up a hammer and say it's a hammer, there's really not a ton of room to argue that it isn't unless you're intentionally being difficult.
But Tools as a whole are a different story. Beyond just the dictionary definition I gave above, there are also Mental tools like pneumonic devices or other memory and reasoning techniques, or digital tools that assist us in day to day tasks. Some people use other humans as tools, things for a specific task that they toss away when the work is done. I could hold up a pinecone and say "this is a tool because it's an object I use to help me light fires, which is a specific purpose" and people could argue it with me. Because I'm using it as a tool, but does that make it one? If I stop using something not made specifically as a tool as one, does it lose the property of being a "Tool"?
I think this kind of hard to pin down nebulousness is what differentiates the abstract from the material. If you can legitimately argue about what a concept applies to without being intentionally obtuse, that's probably abstract.
I'll give another example that might be easier to understand: the Japanese language is a material, concrete concept. It can't be held or touched, but we know exactly what it is when we talk about it and it has extremely limited things it can be applied to.
The concept of Language in general, however, is an abstract concept. Language is a form of communication, can be spoken or verbal or even kinesthetic based. There's nuance and "give" and room to argue about it.
So I think that's what really separates a concept that can create Kwami's and one that can't. So while "Plinkk" can't exist in universe without AU shenanigans altering the way Kwami work (which is cool and based of you honestly), we could easily have "Plonkk, Kwami of tools" in a slightly more cannon compliant fic, or even in the show one day.
Upcoming in-person events! I'll be vending at TWO CONS in January and February.
January 25 is SOMERCON in Somerville at the Armory: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/somercon-a-mini-ttrpg-convention-tickets-1976656557975. This is a sweet little convention in its second year - tons of great games across many different sessions, it'll be a hoot. Tickets are still available but several games have sold out, so move fast if you wanna go!
Feb. 13-15 I'll be vending at BOSKONE at the Westin Seaport: https://boskone.org/ I'm hella excited (and also kinda intimidated!) by this but it should be a fun nerdy time with an amazing roster of SFF authors and creators.
Before the Anger— episode 95, "Sign Language (pt. 2)"
Pay special attention to character body language! Young children dont have naturally very good defensive reflexes. Therefore, for the child to become defensive (arms up, trying to flee, for example.) They would probably have to be expecting you to hurt them. For example, if you saw somebody lunging at you, you probably wouldn't just stand there, throwing your arms back in surprise like a child would; you'd most likely step back and put your arms out in front of you in some way. Those are learned behaviors (kinda)
In this episode, Sans is recoiled in shame/nerves/maybe a little bit of embarrassment, but is not cowering away. In fact, without speechbubbles, a lot of this episode it pretty normal interaction between a parent and a misbehaving child. (Except for the last panel, of course)
((Dear W.D.— there was something odd about being at Gaster’s house. It made me realize how little we know about each other. I met the fabled Papyrus for the first time, and seeing him in the corner of the room, all curled up away from us (playing with a remote?) made me think of a young W.D.— curled, nervous. Something to be gentle to.))
