#not being enough

[therestastheysayishistory]

-To my dear family.

[artists-apeiron]

I’m sorry but I love Nick Bottom. Yes, he’s a slimy little thief, a hater, he’s a sexist little cunt, of course. Yet, you can’t ask me not to relate to him. the writer of little if not zero talent who just knows his ideas aren't enough for the big stage of life and spectacle. You can’t ask me not to love the husband who'll never stop trying, to search for new ways, to bring joy to the wife he so profoundly adores. The brother who carried little Nigel on his back as he took care of him, himself a child, and guided him, trying to make him feel good, enough, kept the bad parts -the debts, the fights, the crimes- as far away from him as he physically couldn't. When he finally snapped, when the pressure became unbearable and the world was against him, Nick let the facade fall and broke down. Nigel didn't know how to react. It didn’t make any sense to him, but it does to us. Because how could Nigel know what he was being shielded from if Nick did it so well with so much constancy?

A half decent man who is really, really trying.

I love the fucking guy.

[mikrhsnobara]

I want just once to be someone’s first choice.

Not only choice. But first choice. I want them to choose me among everyone else and I want them to do so without a ulterior motive.

Just choose me because even if you can without me you prefer being with me.

[justoverwhelmingmidnightthoughts]

you know what sucks?

knowing that you have so much love and care to give to someone but is constantly viewed as only being good enough for a quick shag or some snapchat sexting.

being pretty enough to be seen as someone to have sex with but not enough to have someone random hold the door open for you.

seeing eveyone else get hit on in public but you know that people are only attracted to you online. so you spend the nights out fantasising in your head about things that could be. not fully living in the moment.

lots of caveats to all these thoughts but the feeling of not being enough underpins them all.

it all kinda sucks :(

[roachzrivia]

it’s one of those days where i don’t know what to do with myself

[zenwords]

Not Being Enough

Not being enough is usually a sign that we are comparing ourselves with a standard we have set for ourselves, or worse, to a standard someone else (or the society) has.

It often begins in our teenage when we are figuring out who we are. The only way we had to fit in was to emulate someone near us. We didn’t yet know that people are different. We assumed we must be the same. “If he or she can do it, why can’t I?”, and that’s how it begins - the cycle of ‘living up’ to something.

The result is a chronic feeling of lack. Many such experiences over a period of time reinforce this notion that we aren’t enough. We aren’t what we are ‘supposed’ to be.

I’m a computer engineer by training. I realized early that I am bad at math. And I’m bad at software programming. These words ‘bad at’ kept me trapped for a long time. I wasn’t being what I was supposed to be. One day I realized I didn’t have to be those things at all.

It was only my expectation from myself to fulfill a self-created image of who I should be. It wasn’t aligned with my interest anyway.

I am what I am, and I’m enough. These things which I wanted, weren’t aligned with my drifts anyway. Drifts are where you are naturally going, your natural talents, leans, tendencies. Drifts are where you heart is telling you to go. Your deep love of something (your calling) emerges from one of your drifts.

We are often ‘not enough’ for a long time in our desire to be the person we didn’t need to be in the first place. If we let go of that, then are we ‘enough’ or ‘lacking’ anymore?

We then arrive where we had begun, with who we are, with what we have, with what we’re born with. We become the person we always were, fully integrated into their own selves, who begins not from lack, but from fulfillment in whatever they desire.

— FindngAwareness

[silenceerased]

Rank

The best isn't enough

Your touch of gold begins to rust

The sparkle dims from your eyes

The moment you start to realize

Watching those that surpass you

Effortless in what they do

What's the point of trying to compete

Can't get higher than the soles of their feet

Your powerless voice is stolen away

There's nothing more you can say

The lesson's spat on your face

Growing up is learning your place