#obsessive compulsions

[n1shannonlynchfan]

me on insta checking the group chat i'm in and my reposts every 10 minutes just to make sure i didn't magically send something i didn't mean to or repost something horrible bc if i don't check then those things most likely happened and my life is going to be ruined

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

Younger Me: taking 84701 quizzes online called 'Are you evil?' 'Are you a psychopath?' 'How likely are you to be an axe murderer?'

Present Me: ... honey, that was OCD

[tswatch]

I think I might have OCD and I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t afford therapy, medicine, or even just getting diagnosed, but whatever this is is really affecting my life.

Hey beautiful,

First I want to say thank you for writing into tswatch. It is very brave to open up about what you are struggling with. It sounds like these symptoms are getting in the way of your life... while personally I am an advocate of self-diagnosis I will for the sake of answering here not be using the term “OCD” to refer to your symptoms.

Personally I have OCPD and some OCD tendencies though not officially diagnosed with OCD myself. Having symptoms such as those can be very disruptive in day to day activities as well as mental and physical health.

If you are having symptoms of bodily harm I would suggest the use of stimming or other types of sensory toys. Personally when I get an urge to hit myself or pull my hair I spin one of my three rings round and round on my finger, or I squeeze onto a sutffed animal or corner of a blanket/sheet. It does not help with the psychiatric impulsive and intrusive thoughts (at first) but it at least gives your hands something to do while you try to refocus your mind on something else.

It is tough to have mental disorders and unable to afford healthcare, which I believe is becoming more and more a common thing. Does your local area offer any type of support or compensation? Or are you part of something that will help pay for at least one or two sessions? For example where I live my community college would pay for 5 therapy sessions per year at a nearby therapy office if attending part time, and the 4-year college offered 2 school counselor sessions for free.

Would journaling help you track your triggers? There are wonderful Bullet Journal spreads for tracking symptoms and such. You can also look onto youtube for things like “Spoonie Binder” and adapt it to these symptoms that you are experiencing.

I really hope this was of some help to you, keep us updated on how things are going!

~Mads

[how-do-you-life]

Dermatillomania (draft 2)

What you may see is

The scabs on my face, concealed with layers of expensive makeup, my feeble attempt to cover the shame of my disorder

The flip of my hair, not a flirtation technique, but a carefully choreographed curtain pull, distracting eyes from the dancers making their way off stage

My roots greased down by the weave of my fingers, forever searching the loom for unwanted debris pulled into the wool

My fingers wrapped in medical tape as a last desperate attempt to avoid the gravity of my obsessions like the sea against a full moon

What you don’t see is

My scalp, cratered like the surface of Mercury, a messenger to my anxiety

The field of wounds across my chest, blooming forever like rolling hills of poppies, pollinated and thriving

My upper back, littered with stars, red giants, a vast universe ever expanding

The look of terror on my face as I scream at the top of my lungs in my mind to stop, just fucking stop, as I continue to remove every flaw like weeds woven through a garden

My trashcan full to the brim with blood covered tissues and toilet paper, the leftover waste of a trauma survivor in the ER

Me, in my car at lunch, applying more layers of paint, an artist creating a landscape of the sea, soft sandy beaches, no litter in sight

The tears carrying away my freshly laid veil, when the creams and powders won’t stick to a new wound, a stigmata self inflicted

What you see is the tip of an iceberg in an ocean of OCD

So when you see my adhesions break through all the efforts of deception,

Please don’t judge me.

[drewchial]

On Writer's Block and Maladaptive Daydreaming

On Writer's Block and Maladaptive Daydreaming #AmWriting #WriteTip

Like most writers, I have a fantasy prone personality. This proves useful when I’m visualizing the layout of a haunted hotel, filling the art deco décor with pipe organ chandeliers, gargoyles, and mirrored elevators. It proves troublesome when I feel an urge to sit in total silence for several hours imagining what it would’ve been like had I become the rock star my high school self was certain I…

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[ming-how-are-you-so-cute]

My OCD is getting worse. I don’t want to breath, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to be around people. I’ll become a bad, disgusting, person if I do. 

I just want to be healthy again.

[xerospaced]

I am a creature of habit and it’s consuming me Today there was a fire drill mid morning (it’s usually 4pm and we ignore it - had to go out in the rain) I’d already cut out smoke breaks and was adjusting, the last thing I needed was more disruption Then we got back and the air conditioning decides to be on low the ONE day I needed it at the usual blitz I have to endure daily I was so off all day after that, way more sensitive and on edge