Discussion + Hunter/Watcher spoilers below (spoilers will be marked)
Waiter, more experiments please!! I fed into the animation meme mentality with this one! Do not pay me to lip sync- I need to get better at it hhh but yes yes Slugbot yes
My favorite part about this was animating the rot with a pulse! Yayy yippee!!
vv Watcher/hunter discussion vv
my observation of how rot spreads! Rot itself is not contagious in the sense that it can not transfer from creature to creature. Rot is more so like a cancer, in fact, it is this worlds cancer. First, it begins with either an extreme karmic imbalance or malignant development in the body. There are two types of rot, Normal rot and Sentient rot. (I'm going to be talking about Normal Rot because Sentient Rot is a whole mess and that is the watcher's problem) The Rot we find in Five Pebbles begins just like cancer in the real world by a failed experimentation of modifying neural tissue. Rot spreads by consuming all available organic material. It first starts off immobile, but can grow to mobile cysts that consume other organisms by "eating" them. However, this is talking about the rot seen in a giant city-sized purposed organism. On the other hand, a smaller organism like a lizard or slugcat starts the same way with the rot devoloping and consuming them from the inside out. What my point of this is how it does it. It attacks the central nervous system near or on the spine to immobilize the host; working its way up and around the body before growing tendrils that it uses to seek out other organic material.
We see this on said creatures, but also in Five pebbles himself with Unfortunate Development harboring internal stability and functions via gravity stabilizers as well as being located under the Memory Conflux. Additionally, the internal sub-areas of Five Pebbles is very reminiscent of the parts of the brain. By this logic Unfortunate Development would represent a damaged/degrading Cerebellum which the Cerebellum is responsible for voluntary movement and balance. In UI's case it completely eats him out and replaces the organic walls and innards as seen in the grief arc!
Shame can feel heavy, quiet, and isolating. Many people carry memories, mistakes, or personal struggles that create deep emotional weight. These feelings can appear as self-blame, regret, embarrassment, or fear that others may judge harshly. When shame grows unchecked, it can damage relationships, lower confidence, and contribute to depression or anxiety. Many individuals feel trapped inside internal criticism and believe change is impossible. Understanding shame and learning how to address it can bring relief and restore emotional balance.
surroundedmedia.com gathered information about psychological research, mental health resources, recovery strategies, and personal development insights that help individuals understand shame and move toward healthier emotional well-being. This article explains common forms of shame and guilt, practical steps that reduce emotional burden, and national support resources available for anyone facing depression or suicidal thoughts. Readers will also learn how personal insight tools, such as Functional Madness (the book), can help one explore internal thought patterns and gain clarity during recovery.
Key Takeaways for Mental Health and Overcoming Shame
Shame thrives in silence and isolation. When a person hides mistakes, painful memories, or feelings of inadequacy, emotional weight grows stronger. One important step toward healing involves acknowledging shame rather than avoiding it. Honest reflection helps identify where guilt or embarrassment originates, allowing a person to confront internal criticism with compassion instead of judgment.
Another key step involves separating behavior from identity. Many people believe a mistake defines their character. In reality, behavior represents one moment within a complex life story. Learning this distinction helps reduce destructive self-labeling, such as “I am a failure” or “I am broken.” Reframing thoughts allows growth and change without losing dignity.
Connection also plays a powerful role in healing. Speaking with trusted friends, family members, counselors, or support groups creates emotional safety. Sharing experiences reduces loneliness and reveals that many people carry similar struggles. Professional therapy provides structured guidance for addressing trauma, guilt, and personal shame.
Education strengthens recovery as well. Books, counseling resources, and mental health programs help individuals understand their emotional patterns that influence decisions and reactions. When someone understands how shame forms within the brain and emotional systems, they gain tools to interrupt harmful thinking.
Self-compassion is another important element. Instead of punishing oneself for past mistakes, individuals can practice patience and acceptance. Personal growth rarely happens instantly. Healing involves small steps that gradually rebuild confidence and emotional resilience.
Healthy habits support mental recovery too. Exercise, adequate sleep, journaling, meditation, and time in nature all help regulate stress response and improve mood stability. These practices strengthen both body and mind.
Finally, professional support must never be overlooked when shame becomes overwhelming. Depression, hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts require immediate attention. National hotlines and trained counselors exist specifically to support individuals during a crisis. Seeking help is not a weakness - it is responsible self-care.
Common Shame and Guilt People Experience
Shame can develop through many life experiences. Recognizing different forms helps individuals identify what they may be carrying internally.
Moral Shame
Moral shame occurs when one believes they have violated their personal values or ethical beliefs. This may result from dishonesty, betrayal, addiction-related actions, or decisions that hurt others.
Overcoming moral shame requires accountability and repair. Acknowledging mistakes, offering sincere apologies, and making amends when possible can rebuild personal integrity. Personal growth often emerges through reflection and corrective action.
Social Shame
Social shame develops when one fears judgment from their peers or community. People may feel embarrassed about financial hardship, career setbacks, family conflict, or public mistakes.
Reducing social shame requires recognizing that every individual faces difficulties. Honest conversations and supportive relationships challenge unrealistic expectations about perfection.
Trauma-Based Shame
Trauma survivors frequently carry shame related to experiences that were never their fault. Abuse, assault, neglect, or bullying can cause a person to internalize blame.
Trauma therapy helps individuals reframe experiences and remove misplaced responsibility. Professional counseling provides structured healing tools that restore personal dignity.
Body Image Shame
Modern culture often promotes unrealistic beauty standards. Many people experience shame related to appearance, weight, aging, or physical differences.
Building body acceptance involves rejecting harmful comparison and focusing on health rather than perfection. Supportive communities and positive self-talk encourage healthier self-perception.
Family Related Shame
Family dynamics sometimes produce long-lasting guilt or emotional conflict. Cultural expectations, parental criticism, or unresolved disagreements can create internal pressure.
Healing can require boundary setting, forgiveness, and emotional independence. Therapy can help individuals develop communication skills and healthier relationship patterns.
Practical Steps for Overcoming Shame
Recognizing shame represents the first step. Awareness allows one to question internal thoughts rather than automatically believing them.
Second, challenge negative inner dialogue. Many people repeat harsh self-criticism learned earlier in life. Replacing statements like “I am worthless” with balanced thoughts helps reduce emotional damage.
Third, practice vulnerability. Opening conversations with trusted individuals allows emotional processing. Shared experience reminds people they are not alone.
Fourth, pursue personal education. Understanding mental health science builds emotional literacy. Books, counseling, and workshops provide insight into cognitive patterns and emotional responses.
Fifth, focus on future behavior rather than past mistakes. Personal identity should reflect growth and progress (rather than permanent punishment).
How the Book Functional Madness Can Help
Personal insight often begins with understanding inner mental patterns. The book Functional Madness explores the psychological complexities of human behavior and emotional responses. Rather than viewing personal struggles as permanent flaws, this perspective suggests that many behaviors stem from adaptive responses developed during stressful experiences.
Functional Madness encourages readers to examine internal motivations, emotional triggers, and subconscious coping strategies. When individuals recognize why certain reactions occur, shame often decreases. Instead of judging oneself harshly, a person begins to understand that many behaviors developed as survival mechanisms during earlier challenges.
This understanding creates space for transformation. By identifying patterns, readers can choose healthier responses and replace destructive habits with supportive ones. Emotional awareness becomes a foundation for personal responsibility without self-condemnation.
The book also emphasizes self-reflection. Journaling exercises, personal analysis, and thoughtful questioning that allow readers to uncover beliefs shaping their self-image. Many individuals discover that shame originates from outdated assumptions about worth or identity.
Through this process, Functional Madness becomes a tool for emotional growth. Rather than hiding personal struggles, readers learn to examine them with curiosity and compassion. That shift helps reduce guilt while strengthening resilience.
Mental Health Support and National Resources
Shame sometimes develops into depression, anxiety, or suicidal thoughts. Immediate support should always be available during an emotional crisis. Several national organizations provide confidential help and guidance.
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
Phone or text: 988
Website: 988lifeline.org
Available 24 hours each day with trained counselors.
Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741
Website: crisistextline.org
Free confidential support through text messaging.
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
Helpline: 1-800-950-NAMI (6264)
Website: nami.org
Education, peer support programs, and mental health resources.
These organizations provide compassionate assistance for anyone facing emotional distress, depression, fear, or thoughts related to suicide.
Overcoming Shame and Guilt
This article explored how shame develops, why it affects mental health, and how individuals can begin overcoming guilt and emotional burden. Readers learned about common forms of shame, including moral guilt, trauma-related shame, social pressure, body image struggles, and family conflict. Steps like self-compassion, honest communication, education, and professional support help restore emotional balance. Resources like Functional Madness offer insight that encourages deeper understanding and healthier mental patterns.
Applying these strategies can lead to greater emotional freedom, improved relationships, and stronger self-confidence. When individuals confront shame rather than hiding from it, healing becomes possible. Personal growth, self-respect, and renewed hope often follow.
Ignoring shame may allow negative thoughts to grow stronger. Suppressed guilt can contribute to depression, anxiety, and isolation that gradually affects every area of life. Without support or reflection, emotional pain may intensify rather than improve. Seeking help, education, and self-understanding can protect mental health while creating a path toward recovery.
"It didn't need to be this way, Surge. I would've drowned the world if you'd asked me to. Now? ... I'll just drown you along with it."
___
Been a hot minute since I've used Tumblr for posting, and since I've been focusing on Sonic a lot more lately, figured I'd share a bit about my new Chaosunami AU! Summary and bonus doodles beneath the cut!
Might make it a full fanfiction at some point, but for now, to sum up the AU, Kit ends up absorbing Chaos himself, gaining the near infinite strength and powers that goes with him, while also breaking free of his programming from Dr. Starline, no longer bound to the hypnotism and personality rewrites he'd gone through, and breaking the mental and emotional chains he'd been attached to Surge with.
But with that comes Chaos' emotional instability, and the easy corruption of what was meant to maintain balance. Kit's deeply buried anger and resentment at what had been done to them- done to him- rose to the surface, and seeing clearly for the first time in his rewritten life, he could see how Surge, his only friend in the world, essentially his sister had treated him just as much as a tool as their tormenter Dr. Starline had. Everything he had he gave to her, and everything he did he did for her, all to be useful to her, all to earn back a scrap of the love and devotion he gave to her, and even knowing how little of a choice he had in the matter, Surge took advantage of that, and even with their freedom, never saw him as a friend or even an equal. She certainly never showed it, never more than dangling the possibility of her caring about him in front of his face to use him as a weapon.
Through symbiotically merging with Chaos, Kit is changed, and he is pissed.
From there, it's a race to stop Kit from gathering the Chaos Emeralds for himself, to keep him from flooding and destroying the world that either abused or abandoned him. Sonic, Tails & Knuckles are certainly determined to stop him, as well as save him and Chaos both and see the Master Emerald and Angel Island restored. But in order to reach whatever reason that's left inside of Kit and Chaos both, they'll need help, both from the spirit of Tikal, and Surge.
But Kit's far beyond letting Surge, Starline or anyone dictate his life or make a fool out of him. Him and Chaos are one in the same now, and the past must be paid for. If he has to drown this world and put an end to the cycle that created him in order to finally know peace, he's prepared to do that...
... isn't he?
___
BONUS DOODLES BECAUSE I PROMISED THOSE!
In case it's hard to read!
S: "Kit, what the hell are you doing? This wasn't our plan-!"
K: "There is no our anymore, ma'am. I see now there never was an us. There's no use pretending you ever saw me as an equal."
Part of me wants to make either a whole comic or animatic based on these two in the AU, but for now, just made these doodles to show Kit's done relying on Surge for his strength, now bound to Chaos, and broken free from being programmed to her beck and call, and "Drippy" is no longer going to be Surge's designated punching bag.
Rough concept sketch I did of a Perfect Chaosunami idea, basically what happens if/when Kit gathers all the Emeralds. For context, he doesn't necessarily transform into this, but makes this form out of the ocean he's now in total control of, and pilots it from where Chaos' brain would normally be. Also didn't want to straight up recycle the original Perfect Chaos, and essentially wanted to make a manifestation of Kit's internal agony and sorrow. (The Kaiju from Ultraman Rising was a HUGE inspiration here, and wanted to give it more of an octopus/bird-esque appearance.
thinking abt (the great) war and disability and dion again.
was reading US surgeon-general/american red cross magazine called "carry on," which was published about and for the war disabled and esp ppl with new amputations. its view is p typical: a man doesnt need to be pitied or given money or he'll become wretched and depressed and a social parasite, so we're going to assure u that u can do all kinds of work, make ur own money, and do everything a normal man can do w some work arounds.
meanwhile hostels like st dunstan's for newly blind ppl chartered rehab programs thru donations by making stock appeals abt sacrifice, bravery, and the terror + misery of losing smth you thought was indelible to ur life once. and these two examples typify a lot of the attitudes that sassoon sums up in 'does it matter?' which, btw, im still pissed that the sass biopic didnt use at the end so that it could quote wilfred owen's 'disabled' instead??? in the end, both of their poetry still has a root in the fear of disability occuring to themselves that i think is more evident than in some fiction writers
jeno heltai's aviator w one arm had everything wrong w his head via hallucinations, alcoholism, distorted sense of time and value, that it was fairly easy to forget that karmel depicted a figure that was frightening to others bc of his amputation + not solely his mental condition. ernst weiss almost does the same thing in his short story abt the man who loses himself in rage and blame after he gets invalidated home bc his genitals got lobbed off in the war. the chara describes how he feels and looks feminized for a bit, and then it kind of gets lost in him ranting abt cows and rocks and killing his wife.
and like, if we take a step back from the stories, theyve created a character made more frightening by their physical disabilities, visible and not, which kind of makes them more and less of people at the same time. they escape the matyr figure and become psychological studies. i want to read more.
i think of how the US economy expected men to return capable of the same work they were doing before (or more), and how, like in larry barretto's writing, they didnt account for how many would be mentally and physically unable to do it. modeled after germany, disabled men were then shuffled through work programs modeled to give them independence through undervalued labor like on farms, which must have exacerbated all kinds of economic class things re: those who had to take care of themselves vs those who had family who could do it for them
anyway. i think back to this again bc i find that when i think of dion, i project this interest on him. ofc i have my right arm amputee dion, but i find myself thinking how any challenge to his relationship w his body, what parts he he has autonomy over, and so on make my brain brrrr. he has nothing of the societal vulnerability of the normal soldier, tho, but his temperament and the jist of the curse, bahamut, and his wider duty attract me to the idea
what if the boom after origin had damaged his hearing, or if he starts to betray symptoms of a concussion? how does he write when the curse stiffness his wrist, does the flying and jumping do anything to his lungs or balance, and do any of his medicines nauseate him? if his foot was twisted or his hip was weak, would he allow himself to walk less or until he couldnt? what narrative would he buy into abt his worth, purpose, and responsibility? i wanna see all kinds of dions
Summary: [Y/N] is still recovering from one of the worst migraines they’ve ever had and they have the scars to prove it… Wait. Those scars weren’t there before and they certainly weren’t from passing out on the sidewalk a few days prior!
Word count: 9,361
Warnings: Mentions of (not super graphic) death and mental illness. Also Reader being just a little horny on main, but what’s new; almost 9.5k words and they’re simping for most of them. Lots of dorky fluff and also talking about insecurities.
Tag list: @madamevirgo @ravennight41 @multifandomgirl16 @cyanide-mustard @badasspolygenderfriend
~~~
In the black void of otherwise dreamless sleep, voices were conversing.
“[Y/N] [L/N]…” one started.
[Y/N] [L/N]. Age twenty-five. Born to Killian and Alice [L/N] in [city, state] but Dad wasn’t in the picture. No siblings, no living relatives. They wanted to go to school for botany but Mom was diagnosed with early-onset dementia while they were still in high school, so they changed their career path to neurology in hopes of finding a way to help her. She still lives in their hometown.
“Oh, wait,” another voice chimed in, almost indistinguishable from the first, “I know this one. Oh, God.”
[Y/N] was an Honors student, at the top of all their classes. A degree in neurology with phytotoxicology on the side. They took an internship in Europe one year and somehow found themselves in Sokovia. HYDRA was still laying low at the time, caught wind of them.
“Wait,” a third voice, this one easier to differentiate from the other two. “They’re HYDRA?”
The second voice responded, “Former.”
[Y/N] had no idea what they were getting into. HYDRA, always good at hiding in the shadows; they brought [Y/N] in under the guise of an assistant job studying new forms of neural regeneration. A job that paid well enough to live comfortably and even send a little extra home, while developing something that just might solve all their mother’s problems? It was a dream come true.
Fortunately for HYDRA but unfortunately for [Y/N], they were very good at their job too. They helped HYDRA develop all kinds of nasty stuff. Nanobots that changed brain chemistry, near foolproof brainwashing tech— They even helped develop special toxins, one of the world’s deadliest poisons. All the while, thinking they were doing something good.
“How is that possible?” the original voice asked. “How could they have been so oblivious?”
“One-track mind?” the second voice offered, “Plus misinformation on HYDRA’s part and ‘routine health checks’ with something a little extra mixed in.”
“They were tested on?”
“A victim of almost everything they’d helped create, except the fatal stuff and anything that would disrupt business as usual. IVs and shots full of toxins, nanobots being released into their room while they slept.”
The third asked, “What changed?”
“Wanda.”
[Y/N] stumbled upon Wanda and her brother by pure accident. They’d been late that day and in their hurry, ran through a wrong door to where HYDRA was keeping Sokovian volunteers for testing. The twins were the youngest in their group, [Y/N] was only a couple of years older and the youngest in their division. It was a match made in heaven, really.
“Try hell,” the first voice suggested with a scoff.
The other voices offered their murmured agreements.
“So they knew each other,” the third voice said, “Before.”
That’s when [Y/N] started pulling at threads and HYDRA’s costume began to unravel; their one-track mind had switched gears. There was something too weird about the whole thing, these Sokovian civilians had stories that didn’t line up with [Y/N]’s own.
“And they believed them?”
They believed Wanda. She and her brother were just two more Sokovian citizens suffering at the hands of war and wanting to help their people. They had no reason to lie. They had more reason to be honest to [Y/N] than HYDRA ever did, actually. It was just a bonus that for Wanda and [Y/N], being around each other was like being a moth drawn to a flame.
[Y/N] may have been naive but they were far from stupid. When they figured out what was going on, they wriggled their way deeper into HYDRA’s ranks under their own disguise of loyalty. They became a full-fledged HYDRA agent, tasked with assisting in neural and poisonous weaponry. They weren’t able to protect Pietro and Wanda from testing, obviously—not that Wanda would have let them; she and her brother still believed they were being tested on for the greater good—but they did their best to stay nearby and keep the Maximoffs’ sanity intact for as long as they could. They even managed to save a couple of the other test victims by injecting them with temporary poisons that lowered their heart rate to the point of appearing dead. When the bodies were dropped off, the poison wore off not long after and some of the victims were able to escape. No side effects to be seen.
“I have a question,” Original voice said abruptly. “Why do we know this much information on one person? Like, this is some in-depth, intimate stuff. Why do we know that [Y/N] and Wanda had the hots for each other since day one?”
Second voice answered, “We’ve done extensive research on [Y/N]. The result of an investigation on the person who caused the apprehension of an entire faction of HYDRA after successfully poisoning them.”
The tests that were done on [Y/N] were not without their outcomes. They gained the ability to transform almost any matter into almost any other form.
“Huh,” Third voice hummed, “That reminds me of a series of disappearances a few years back. One house was replaced by rose bushes and another—get this—burned down because the roof had been turned to lava. Whoever it was, they either stopped on their own or died. What were they called?”
“The Alchemist,” Second stated simply, much to Third’s dismay. “And those were incognito HYDRA agents.”
After Pietro died and Wanda disappeared—not really disappeared, just left with the Avengers—[Y/N] had a choice to make. They were far too deep into HYDRA’s work now, the awful things that they had done were beginning to weigh on them, as Wanda and her brother had been just as grounding for [Y/N] as [Y/N] had been for her. After she was gone, they had a hard time dealing with the horrible business going on around them. So they did what they knew how to do; they mixed up a combination of poison and nanobots.
[Y/N] had fully committed to perishing with the rest of their coworkers but apparently, the poison hadn’t been quite strong enough. They’d made a miscalculation in a time of poor mental state and woke up the next day to hear that not all of the HYDRA agents had died either. At least the survivors had been taken in for the time being but that just wasn’t enough for them; they’d had a right to be concerned too because HYDRA had a habit of getting themselves out of sticky situations. This case was no different.
[Y/N] most likely felt responsible for having a hand in HYDRA’s dirty work, for not doing more, and they must have felt even more responsible when they learned that HYDRA was a much bigger problem than they could have ever imagined.
First blurted, “Well, what happened next?”
Second answered, “They went after agents until they got caught, the only way they knew how.”
The second miscalculation that they’d ever made got them caught. The agent put a gun to [Y/N]’s head and pulled the trigger.
“So are they dead too?” First asked. The voice seemed to quiver.
The third voice hemmed and hawed a bit before saying, “They must have, with the way all this weirdness had been going. Oh my god, poor Wanda, not one dead partner but two—”
Second spoke over the other two voices’ rambling, forcing them to calm down and listen. “They didn’t die, though, they—”
The voices started cutting out like the dream was a TV program being interfered by a poor connection and static.
“—Found by—Barely alive—Hospital—Braindead—Westview—Find a doct—”
Suddenly gunshots sounded, one followed by several more, and the darkness cracked and shattered, revealing blinding light behind it. A silhouette walked silently through the wall of light; it was Geraldine—no, Monica—poised with a gun in the outfit she helped deliver Maximoff twins in. As she walked forward, crossing from a plane of burning white to one of void black, the image of her warped and distorted until it changed. Monica, looking much more modern, in a uniform that included a bulletproof vest and a lanyard with S.W.O.R.D. printed at the top, moving carefully towards a broken and bleeding body on the ground with another in a heap behind her. The image distorted and changed again, and the first body was sitting on their knees and looking up defiant defeat. The person they were looking at was no longer Monica but a bulky figure in a dark outfit with straps in the form of an H across their chest, the body that had been laying in a battered pile behind Monica just a moment earlier. The H-adorned assailant held a still-raised gun to the kneeling person’s forehead.
[Y/N] could only spit at their feet before another gunshot sounded and the image disappeared to black.
You woke up sweating and choking on your breath. Your brain, throbbing with a pain that shot through it like a bullet, didn’t register fast enough that you were standing instead of laying down so when you flailed, you threw yourself off balance and fell forward. Catching a quick glimpse of your surroundings on your way down told you that you were somewhere outside and that it was the dead of night. You tried last minute to brace yourself for a concrete-laden impact.
You were instead greeted with soft fabric and arms wrapping tightly around you.
“Goodness, [Y/N], are you quite alright?”
You squinted at the striped sleepwear for a moment before looking up where Vision’s worried gaze and whirling irises were waiting for you; it took your eyes a moment to fully focus as the pain in your head faded but left a faint ringing behind. Then you looked around at your surroundings; not only were you outside but you were standing in Vision and Wanda’s driveway. Your gaze settled on a particular section of the house’s exterior where you vividly remembered a vaguely human shape exploding out of its walls.
You were standing in the exact same place you had been when it happened.
“[Y/N]?” Vision said again, drawing your attention back to him.
“Oh, cosmo, I’m sorry,” you said but your throat was too dry and you had to stop and clear your throat halfway through. Being in Vision’s arms, you were keenly aware of the fact that you were both in your bedwear and that yours had been sweated through. You slumped against him, partially to hide your embarrassed face but also because you felt like you hadn’t slept at all.
“Vis?”
“Yes, my favorite teacup?”
You snorted softly at that. “You don’t even drink tea.”
“Oh, I know,” Vision lilted back. Then he nuzzled his face into your hair. “I do like the patterns and the daintiness of them though.”
That time you laughed a bit. Feeling his warm breath against your scalp and his strong arms holding you safely in place against him, you almost instantly melted into the embrace. You wrapped your own arms around him and pressed your face into his chest. “What are we doing outside?”
“Ah, yes, about that. You appeared to be sleepwalking again.”
You groaned. “Again? This is a nightmare.”
One of Vision’s hands moved to run itself through your hair and down your neck. “That accident you had the other day certainly did a number on you.”
The accident. In other words, that time where you walked off in the middle of a conversation with Vision, Agnes, and Herb to mumble at a wall and then faceplant onto the sidewalk. Not only was your nose still recovering but your mind and dignity as well.
“The only time I’ve slept well since is when I fell asleep on your couch,” you whined. Then you lowered your voice and grumbled into Vision’s chest.
Vision chuckled. “What was that?”
You looked up at him and scowled. “The four of you are over here in your stupid, big, warm, cozy house. Meanwhile, I’m across the way, alone and uncomfortable, with only Bernard to keep me company. Bernard’s terrible company.”
“Truly,” Vision agreed, grinning slightly. He loved your strange, cute, not at all challenging struggles.
The both of you turned to give the lawn ornament in question a pointed look. Bernard seemed to glower back.
“Well,” Vision said as he pulled away from you a bit, “why don’t you come inside then? Wanda’s up with the babies anyway. You might as well join us, especially if it means you’ll be able to sleep better.” Not taking no for an answer, the synthezoid was already tugging you towards the lit-up porch.
You were too tired to argue and, quite frankly, you didn’t want to, so you allowed yourself to be pulled along as you admired the soft cotton of Vision’s matching pajama set.
“Oh, my.”
“What?” You looked at Vision’s face again only to catch him staring at a spot above your eyes. The porch light glinted off the gem embedded in his own. “What, do I have something on my face?”
“No,” Vision responded slowly, “but you must have done something to it. You have quite the scar.”
Your eyebrows raised. You moved away from him to look at your reflection in one of the windows and surely enough, you had a raised scar on your forehead, near your hairline. You gingerly pressed your fingers against it; it certainly wasn’t new.
A seemingly random thought popped into your head. Is that… a scar from a bullet?
“What on earth did you do to yourself?” Vision asked. Him walking up to stand directly behind you and press his hands to your neck, under the collar of your shirt no less, was more than a little distracting. “You’ve got one back here too.”
You reached back to where Vision was touching and when he removed his fingers, you could feel a similar scar at the base of your neck.
You thought again, Bullet… exit wound…?
Something about the dream you were having earlier called out to you but you couldn’t remember anything about it. When you tried to think about it further, the excruciating pain came back in waves and you had to steady yourself on the windowsill to prevent yourself from collapsing.
“No, I don’t think so. They don’t hurt at all, though.” To make a point, you pressed down hard on the raised scar on your forehead, watched the skin turn a few shades lighter before releasing the pressure and dropping your hand again. Under the thick, stiff tissue, you barely felt the pressure at all.
Vision thoughtfully hummed, placing his hands back on the curves of your neck; you prayed to whatever deities existed that you didn’t make any sounds you’d regret.
“Well,” your partner said, “I suppose that’s better than nothing.”
A pause. Your eyes stayed trained on the window’s reflection, specifically where you could see Vision’s fingers gently cupping your neck.
Then he abruptly leaned down and pressed a kiss on the scar tissue, missing a pulse point by a hair. “We should head inside then.”
You had to take a solid minute to recover from the shockwave of tingles that briefly made your veins turn into lightning. Then you shuffled after Vision into the ever so inviting house.
Stepping out of chilly darkness and into a home of cozy furniture and warm light that turned the entire place a golden brown felt like walking into another world. An extra added layer of comfort to the usually perfect home was the slight disarray of baby equipment almost everywhere that wasn’t the floor itself, most of which you had gone out and bought during the babies’ day of birth and all of which Vision and Wanda appreciated; somehow, you had prepared for the babies’ accelerated growing on a panicked whim better than the Maximoffs. Tiny baby blankets and stuffed animals were strewn about and each visible part of the house—the living room, the dining area, and the kitchen, although the kitchen was partially blocked off by a drying rack of baby clothes and swaddles of various patterns and sizes—had a designated Baby Tray. These trays, perched on whatever flat surface had been previously free of decor or clutter, held bottles, nonperishable treats, diaper-changing equipment, teething toys, a mini first aid kit for each, and other useful trinkets; the new parents had apparently completely forgotten that almost all their house’s rooms were openly attached to each other and that, if one singular Baby Tray was designated to the dining area, it would take the same amount of about five steps to get to it from either the living area or the kitchen. It was almost comedic, the number of baby care items that were laying anywhere but the floor or in proper storage because, according to Vision, god forbid something gets a speck of dust on it and have to be washed or, according to Wanda, one of the babies be without their favorite toys easily accessible at every given moment. The only thing allowed to touch the ground, aside from feet, was a playpen that now replaced the usual coffee table in the living room area and a play mat in the babies’ room with its attached toys for the twins to play with. A final touch to the hominess was the soft light that you could see streaming out of the baby room’s open door, and the gentle voice of Wanda, singing a Sokovian lullaby, fluttering out of it.
It felt like coming home.
Vision stepped away from your side to clean up somewhat, picking up a few toys and folding baby blankets and onesies to move them aside in case you wanted to make yourself comfortable on the couch. Standing inside now, you could much better make out Vision’s dark blue terry robe over a pair of bright yellow pajama pants that no doubt had a shirt to match hidden beneath dark blue fabric. The yellow of his pants matched the yellow gem that was embedded in his forehead, glittering with an unused power that you had yet to experience and that felt warm whenever you went to place a kiss on it. Poking out from the hems of his robe and pants were perfectly human hands and feet, despite their deep red color that matched the rest of his body; you found the continued presence of fingernails when not in his human disguise—absolutely unnecessary to his design, he’d pointed out when you initially asked about them—weirdly cute and continuously felt the urge to grab nail polish and paint them to match either the color of the gem or the same silver as the plating that started at his scalp and trailed down beneath the collar of his shirt. You briefly wondered how far that plating traveled across his body before mentally kicking yourself.
The greatest thing about this still-fresh reveal of Vision’s inhuman identity—aside from the fact that he was no longer hiding something important from you, obviously—was that you now knew that he wasn’t just difficult to make blush but rather he quite literally couldn’t blush. You wondered what else he could and couldn’t do, only to mentally kick yourself again.
I can’t tell if I’ve gotten worse or better since I’ve started dating them, you thought.
Oh, your brain responded on its own accord, so much worse.
Shhh!
Vision was still puttering why while you stared and inwardly argued with yourself. At this point, he’d cleaned up most of the chaos and moved the stuffed animals and now-folded blankies to sit neatly on the dining area table.
“Vis,” you said.
Before you could continue, the man perked up and looked in your direction. “Yes, duck?”
You blinked. “You make my heart go rainbow-colored. Anyway—” You broke off into a laugh when Vision went flustered, his hands flapping about while he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. “Did I win this round?”
Sometimes Vision got into the habit of ending all of his sentences around you and Wanda with a pet name. When you had first noticed this feat, you’d decided to start doing the same, just to see what would happen. He noticed and began purposely doing it back, where he had previously done it unintentionally, and now doing the occasional back-and-forth conversation that ended in pet names more than punctuation was somewhat of a competition between you two.
Vision scoffed at you, picked up a plushie, and tossed it at you. “Not fair!”
Being in the house that was beginning to feel more like home than your own, around your partners and their sweet baby boys, seemed to shield and reenergize you from the exhaustion you felt after first waking up that night. You caught the stuffed animal, a plushie of a wizard, grinned and tossed it back at him.
“Oh,” Vision chirped, catching the plush wizard again, “I see how it is.” He puffed out his chest and gave you a warning, albeit amused, glare, then picked up a couple more plushes. In a lower, sort of growling voice that made your heart leap out of your chest and into your stomach, he continued, “If it’s a war you want, it’s a war you shall get.”
You yelped as he started in your direction and dived across the front of the couch to get some stuffed animal ammo of your own. He nailed you in the foot with a cream-colored bunny and you returned the favor with a plushie of a witch in a red dress after taking cover behind the playpen. Now each of you was standing where the other had previously been, with you poking your head over the playpen’s sheer wall and Vision slowly pacing around the back of the couch for his second lap. You pulled the playpen with you with one hand as you moved away from him and the two of you began circling each other.
Oh, if Wanda could see her partners now.
“Oh, Wanda—” you started to stand, only to get smacked in the face with a blue teddy bear; luckily, it was of the very soft variety. You stared at Vision in disbelief.
Vision stared back, eyes bulging, unsure of whether he should apologize or prepare for an attack. He was too torn to do either, though, and had to scramble back to avoid an onslaught of stuffed bullets flying his way.
Still aware that it was very late at night, your war-cry was softened, “Revenge!”
Then your attack quickly diminished, partially because you were running out of ammo and Vision wasn’t throwing anything back and partially because Vision was now floating off the ground and heading towards you, arms full of said ammo.
Wow, didn’t know it did that, you thought randomly, eyes fixed Vision floating in general, before specifically fixating on the devilish grin he wore while doing so. He looked like a very handsome, well, vision.
A handsome Vision, if you will, your brain offered. You almost snorted before remembering you had not yet moved to avoid Vision’s floating plushie attack. You stumbled backward and scrambled out of the living room just as Vision started throwing.
“No no no no no nonononono—” You were choking between laughter and squawking as you got up and began running down the hallway to save yourself. “Not fair, not fair not fair, not fair—!”
You ran past the baby room and caught Wanda mid-turnaround, saying, “What on earth is going on out there?” You reeled back to pause in the doorway, caught a glimpse of the babies in their one large crib, smiled, went to pant out an answer—
Only to feel arms wrap around you and drag you back down the hallway. You started to shriek, then forced it into a startled laugh as to not disturb the babies, and flailed around in Vision’s arms as he lifted you off the ground. It was brief, though, because then your struggling caught Vision off balance and the two you tumbled to the ground. There, you both harmlessly pummeled each other until you both were out of breath and snickering, and you somehow ended up with his top half under you but his legs pinning down your own.
“You can fly?” you bubbled. You grabbed his face and squished his cheeks in your hands. “What the hell?”
He laughed and nodded, and one of his hands caught your own. He glanced up at you as he kissed your palm and replied, “Yes, just a little.”
“Just a little—”
“And his wife can move things with her mind, like the crib she just finished rocking to put the boys back to sleep, and if she has to do it again because of her partners’ roughhousing…”
You and Vision quickly disentangled yourselves from each other and looked up at Wanda, whose face said serious but whose eyes twinkled with amusement and who looked no less terrifying in a pale pink, puff-sleeved nightgown.
You got up and straightened your clothes, with Vision following closely behind. “I will very happily take over the next shift because I started it and I’m very sorry.”
“What? Nonsense, [Y/N], I threw the first stuffed animal.”
“I threw it back,” you pointed out.
“Neither of you better have thrown and hit something,” Wanda warned.
You glanced at Vision for confirmation; you didn’t exactly see much when you were chucking plushies aplenty and then running from your flying boyfriend.
Vision nodded. “Nothing at all, although I did make the evaluation that we do have a plethora of plushies and baby blankets.”
“I thought I was the one who pointed that out when you first gave me the shopping list, but okay,” you huffed under your breath, then grinned with Vision lightly bumped you with his hip. “So, the babies having a bad night?”
“Actually, they were apparently worried about you,” Wanda said.
That made your head do a confused tilt. “Me?”
“Ah, yes,” Vision nodded, “We fell asleep with them in the living room and Billy started crying. We woke up to figure out what was wrong and Wanda saw you standing outside.”
Wanda added, “Tommy started crying shortly after I walked to the door with him like he wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Aww,” you cooed, peering over Wanda’s shoulder to see the babies. She stepped to the side so you could walk in and shuffle over to the crib, and she and Vision stood nearby as you crouched down to brush a hand over their little sleeping heads. You continued, much softer this time, “Were the boys trying to make sure I was safe? Are they my little protectors? My little superheroes?”
Tommy gurgled happily in his sleep. Billy remained quiet but his head leaned into your hand.
You looked up at their parents with big, awestruck eyes to see them leaning comfortably into each other, watching you with the same level of affection you felt for them and their babies.
“Heroes indeed,” Vision said. He walked over as you stood up again and lightly rocked the crib; Wanda strolled over to join the group. He continued to the twins in baby-talk, “But no hero-ing until after college, my little honeydews. For now, leave the protecting to your parents.”
“Especially this one,” Wanda chirped, making her way over to your side and slipping her arm around your back. “They’re a handful.”
You faked a gasp, “I’m a treasure.”
“You’re a putz,” Wanda said simply, with a smirk and a light pinch to your hip.
You gasped harder and stared at her with utter betrayal.
“A goof,” Vision chimed in. He slipped his own arm around you, the final piece of your three-person puzzle.
You gasped harder still— and almost choked on air. Then you looked to the babies. “Bullies! Bullies, both of them! Billy, Tommy, you must protect me!”
Very enthusiastically, neither baby did anything.
“I’ve been betrayed yet again,” you cried, not too loudly, though. You slumped against Vision and Wanda’s waiting arms. “Betrayed by my own brood!”
“Your brood?” Wanda questioned, quirking a brow. Vision was giggling softly at your other side.
“Yes,” you whispered, looking at her with wide, distraught eyes, “My brood. My pack. My murder.”
“Your what?” Vision said.
“It’s a group of crows,” you explained under your breath, before slumping down farther and continuing your distraught monologue. “I’m all alone! Oh, the horror—”
“Well,” Wanda said, “We’re supporting you very well a family that has completely abandoned you.”
You flopped your head back in her direction. You were so far to the ground now that you were practically on your knees, only your arms and shoulders being held by Wanda and Vision. You traced fingers lamely across each of their arms. “So strong, those who once held me…”
The married couple exchanged an amused but mysterious look.
“Wanda, darling,” Vision said, “They seem to have gone delusional.”
Wanda nodded sagely in response. “Clearly lost their mind.”
You squinted, glancing between them. What were they up to?
“To the ward with you,” Wanda suddenly announced.
Then you caught a red glow by your feet, but not fast enough before you were swept up into the air on a cloud of red mist. You burst into startled laughter but quickly slapped a hand over your mouth so you didn’t wake up the children. Once you relaxed—enough to stop laughing anyway, not enough to not be freaking out about being magically escorted out of the nursery—you waved your hands through the red; it felt like waving your hands through the open air. The only thing actually felt was the pressure on the back of your body that was holding you afloat and carrying you out of the room, but when you tried to balance on it and move to a different position, all you did was squirm and twist awkwardly in the air before flopping back down. You craned your neck, mostly to make sure Tommy and Billy hadn’t woken up from your outburst, but you only caught Wanda, hands glowing red, following you out of the room and Vision trailing after wishing his babies a goodnight.
You looked back at the ceiling for a moment. After you heard the nursery door shut, you asked at a normal volume, “I’m not gonna fall, right?”
“Not unless I let you,” Wanda reassured you. You couldn’t see her but the teasing tone of her voice made you imagine her with a smirk. A smirk, narrowed eyes, her pretty nightgown floating around her, magical powers that she could definitely use to crush you if she wanted to and you’d probably thank her if she did.
Wow, okay, I either need to confess my sins or go to sleep.
“Why?” Wanda asked suddenly.
“Why what?” you choked back, heat rushing to your face. Surely, she couldn’t read your thoughts…
“Why ask if you would fall?”
Oh.
“Oh.” You started flopping around in the cloud of magic, testing the proverbial waters; you were being taken to the living area now. You heard both Wanda and her husband laughing from beneath and behind you when you settled again.
Vision asked through chuckling, “What could you possibly be doing?”
You suddenly flung yourself to one of the magic surrounding you, thinking maybe you would fall through, but the magic held. You huffed and laid back again but not before you caught a glimpse of the couch that you now hovered over. You grasped at the magic again, watching it wisp through your fingers but feeling nothing at all. “This is so cool.”
Wanda’s voice was softer when she spoke this time. “You think?”
You couldn’t hold back the disbelieving laughter that bubbled up. Suddenly breathless out of sheer excitement of learning more about the people you cared for most, you sighed, “Wanda, baby, you must know that you’re amazing.”
Then you squawked as the magic suddenly disappeared around you, but instead of falling straight to the couch below, Vision flew up to catch you. He held you bridal style as he gently dropped back to his feet next to the couch, grinning—he very rarely just smiled, it was always a big, happy grin when it was directed at you or Wanda or the babies—and giving you a peck on the forehead when you stared up at him, doe-eyed.
“Got my own Superman, too,” you said, “Damn.”
Vision plopped you down on the couch. “Who?”
“Comic book character,” you responded with a wave of your hand, “Doesn’t matter. You’re far better looking than him anyway.”
You shifted a bit to get more comfortable and watched as glowing red magic started swirling all around you. The magic was misty, red around the edges and glowing orange-white in the center, picking up the scattered toys from your and Vision’s scuffle and tossing them into the playpen, pulling said playpen out of the way and sliding the original coffee table back from its place against the wall, picking up any other stray blankets or baby items and placing them neatly out of the way; it also straightened out Vision’s robe and ruffled your hair. Part of the magic moved out of your line of vision, so you twisted to follow it and saw it taking the baby clothes off the drying rack to fold and put on the counter next to it, then continued watching as it folded the rack itself and moved it out of the way.
Wanda was now in your sight again too; she was standing still, palms up with magic flowing outward from the red clouds around them, and looking around to see if there was anything else she needed to put away. She was also blushing, from you calling her baby or saying she’s amazing, you couldn’t tell. After staring for probably way too long, probably looking at her with the same starry-eyed, dopey look that a teenager had at their first concert or after a first kiss, her gaze flitted to yours and made a nose-scrunching face at you before finishing her magical cleanup and making her way over to the couch as well.
You slumped back in the pile of throw pillows behind you, covered your face with your hands, and flutter-kicked your feet few times. “This is so cool!”
You felt a nudge at your feet and you raised your legs so he could sit, then did the same with your head when you felt Wanda’s hand brush across your forehead. When they were both seated, you laid your legs and head on their respective laps and the three of you settled into the comfortable position that had been adopted long after your relationship had started.
That is until you quickly sat up again. “Is that how you unpacked your house so quickly?”
Wanda smiled and nodded. She rested a cheek in the palm of her hand, endeared by your wonderment towards her powers.
“Is that you unpacked my house?”
Another nod.
“And the magic show was real— Wait.” You scowled. “But all the pulleys and stuff.”
“That was, ah, my bad,” Vision offered with a raised hand.
“Covering for him actually using his powers,” Wanda explained.
“I knew the mirrors didn’t make sense with you putting your hat through your body!” you exclaimed. “So flight, super strong, and… not sure what to call that last one. What was with you that day, by the way? You acted drunk, but you can’t get drunk!”
“I swallowed some gum,” Vision muttered, glancing away and rubbing the side of his neck. His other hand waved towards his torso as he continued, “It got all… stuck. Gummed up my gears, if you will.”
Wanda rolled her eyes at the pun. You snickered at it.
“I had to magic it out of him,” she added.
Your gaze flitted back and forth between your two superhuman partners multiple times as you took in the information. Because you were sitting between the two, this involved the turning of your head various times, which made your head swim a bit. You almost wished that they were both sitting to one side of you.
Instead of suggesting this, you settled your gaze to stare aimlessly ahead and said simply, “I’m dating two of the weirdest, coolest, most stellar people in the world. How the hell did I manage that?”
“Charisma,” Vision offered, even though you and him both knew at this point how you’d weirdly creeped on him at the office the first day the two of you met.
“Sheer force of will,” Wanda suggested, but you guaranteed she was remembering how, for the few dates you went on with them, you’d had to be reminded that you were actually on dates and that they weren’t just casual friendly hangouts.
You looked between them once more and then you wished you had suggested they sit to one side of you. Despite their steady, comfortable voices, Wanda was in the process of hiding her flustered face behind the curtain of her hair and Vision was chewing on his lip and couldn’t seem to keep his hands and feet from tapping away.
“Okay,” you said after a moment, patting your thighs to do something with your hands. “I’m grasping that you guys don’t agree with me here. Wanda, go sit by him so I don’t get whiplash from trying to look at you both.”
You and Wanda quickly switched places. You sat cross-legged on the couch to face them and Wanda and Vision shifted around to sit in a way that allowed them to face you without one blocking the other. After a moment, you waved your hands at them; the cheery air has since faded into something more somber. “What is it? Tell me why you get all quiet like that when I tell you, with evidence, why you’re the actual grooviest people I’ve ever met.”
There were a few more moments of silence before Vision went to speak first, which surprised Wanda. She looked at him, eyebrows raised high on her forehead, and lightly grasped his wrist.
“Vis?” she murmured.
He sighed softly and placed his other hand over hers. “Oh, it’s really nothing dear, I promise. It’s just… Well, you’ve heard how the people of the cul-de-sac talk about us sometimes.”
“Mean girls,” you grumbled under your breath with a nod, “the lot of them sometimes.”
Wanda seemed to suddenly sag with sadness and both you and Vision reached over quickly to hold her.
“Oh, darling,” Vision said, “It’s not your fault—”
“That’s not true,” Wanda whispered.
“It is true,” Vision said, and this time he said it with a fierceness that was familiar to you, whenever Wanda was being treated poorly by people like the Queen of the Cul-de-Sac, Dotty, or when Wanda decided to get down on herself. He grasped her shoulders tightly, squeezed them until she looked up at him. “Wanda, darling, love, I didn’t exist before I meant you. I mean, I did, of course, I did, but I was just this strange, non-human, non-machine thing that was just… kind of… there. It was you that gave me an existence, Wanda. You made me human.”
Both you and Wanda stared at him, surprised. Wanda stared because she obviously didn’t fully agree with his opinion of her. You stared because of course, you were dating two of the weirdest, coolest, most stellar, and most romantic people ever.
Get yourself a man like that, you thought. Then after a moment, Wait, that is in fact also my man.
“And you—” Vision said, turning his head in your direction.
“Oh, I’m next?” you stammered. “I thought it was Wanda’s turn.”
Vision still held Wanda but also reached over to tightly grasp your hand and bring it to his mouth. “I just wished we could have confessed to you sooner. I just hate, hate, hated lying to you and now you’re involved with all this too—”
The synthezoid with the English accent looked up at you with eyes begging forgiveness as if he’d committed one of the worst sins imaginable. You let out a hoarse laugh and ran your thumb across the side of his hand.
“I’m sorry,” you said, still chuckling as you wriggled closer to your couple, “but as much as you might like to think you’ve subjected me to something I didn’t sign up for, I’d like to point out that I’ve been about a month ahead of you. I was here before you.” You felt a nagging urge to look at Wanda and repeat the last sentence, and there was something extra special about saying it that second time like there was a double and then a triple meaning behind it, but the way you both furrowed your brows afterward made it clear that neither of you really knew what those meanings were.
Not yet, anyway.
You cleared your throat and removed your hand from Vision’s grasp to place it on the back of the couch. “I moved into this town with no husband or wife, no family, nothing but a pile of letters and a new deed to a new house that happened to be the smallest in the neighborhood. My first week here I told one man in front of the entire night watch that I thought the joke he made about his wife was distasteful, and then the week after I tripped and spilled wine all over his wife. Agnes brought because she thought I’d be a form of entertainment and we somehow ended up becoming friends over a flask that she hid in a pocket sewed into the inside of her skirt.” You offered a look to Wanda again while you mentioned that Agnes never thought your “for the children” jokes were all that funny, though. “I’ve dealt with the comments and the rumors and the ‘what’s wrong with them, they don’t have no kids!’ People are weird and they’re mean and they’re fun and they suck. You want human, dude? You got it. If I was still bothered by comments that are nothing but a bummer, I think I’d be trying a little bit more than wearing clothes that I enjoy over the clothes that are expected of me, telling Dotty she needs to stop being awful before she gets frown lines, or, you know, pining over two people—a married couple nonetheless—until I somehow seduced them with my staring at them from around corners and just generally horrible, awful attempts at eye contact.”
The married couple in question chortled at that.
You used your hand on the back of the couch to hoist yourself up on your knees so you towered over Vision just slightly.
“Here’s the thing, sunshine,” you continued, “I’m not in your boat on this one, you dorks, you’re in mine. I was here first and I don’t give a fuck.”
Wanda gave a sudden laugh. “What language.”
“Has he not told you about the time I said ‘Fuck you’ to a plastic bird in my garden?” you asked. “Multiple times? His name is Bernard and he’s plotting to kill me, I swear.”
Wanda’s troubled expression was split by a wobbly smile.
You threw up your arms in the dramatic fashion that you knew the two people in front of you loved and hollered—then quickly quieted back down to not disturb Billy and Tommy in the other room—“All this for my rambling putz ass to say, who cares about what’s outside this house! You two, and your kids, and I are the only people that matter here. Here being the house, Westview, whatever! Everyone else? Nonexistent.
“Also, just to clarify,” you paused to wave your arms around, gesturing at the entire house, “Love it here. Love this shit.”
You suddenly caught Vision’s slacked jaw in your hand and gave him a peck on the cheek. “This face? Love it.” You moved to peck a spot of silver on his skull. “Love this too.” You pecked the gem on his forehead and swore it glowed brighter in response. “Love this.” You pecked one of his ear plates. “Love these goofy things.” You pecked the tip of his nose. “Love this and the fact that you have it even though you don’t technically even need to breathe. Oh, speaking of which!”
You lifted one of his hands with one of your own and tapped on his red fingernails with your other. You caught a glimpse of his face now that yours wasn’t directly in front of it and noticed him trying to hold back a giddy smile—and failing—while he watched you from underneath red lashes; your whole body would have tried to twist itself in knots under that look if you weren’t too busy swearing to kiss those eyelids and lashes too, at another time. Instead, you pecked each fingertip of the hand you were holding. “Love these ‘useless to my design’ things too. You know what, just speaking of hands—” You dropped Vision’s hand, which made itself to your waist as you went to grab Wanda’s; you were vaguely aware that you were practically leaning into their laps at that point but that could be dealt with when you weren’t trying to make a point.
When you went to touch her, she let you hold her wrist but quickly squeezed her hand into firsts before you could hold it like you had with Vision’s. She was looking away.
You pressed a kiss to her whitening knuckles. “Wanda.”
She looked at you, her perfect face distorted by a deep sadness that almost shattered your heart on the spot. She tightened her first further. The deep emotion appeared to make her slip back into her natural Sokovian accent when she spoke again. “You don’t know the pain it’s caused.”
“I’ve done my fair share,” you affirmed even though you weren’t quite sure why. Then you kissed her knuckles again. “And maybe I don’t, but I know what good it’s caused, that you have.”
Her face twisted into an ugly grimace. She asked hoarsely, “Like what?”
“The first time I saw your face, I wanted to go to space, grab the moon, shrink it down—so it looked like one of those cool little lava rocks, you know? But prettier—and get it put on a ring,” you offered, then kissed the back of her hand and whispered, “and that’s after I found out you were married to a very attractive man too…”
Vision snorted. Wanda cracked the smallest of smiles.
You whispered lower, “And I may or may not have even been interested in marriage before that…”
That time Wanda rolled her eyes; you smiled and grabbed her other clenched hand to share the attention with. You continued, “You’re also so nice, like so nice. You are so kind and care about what people think so much, it’s almost buggy—and bordering on self-destructive but that’s not what we’re talking about— And I sort of get it now, you know, but wow, making your magic show worse for the sake of people’s sanity? Wouldn’t even be on my radar.”
Another little smile.
“I’d be like, ‘Who wants to see me turn this entire table into a rosebush! Dotty’s rosebush specifically; Dotty, I stole your rosebush.’ I actually did steal a rose from her bush that day.”
Wanda blinked and you noticed the lines of her expression weren’t as deeply etched into her face anymore.
“That was Dotty’s?”
You grinned and nodded, then kissed both of her hands. “Also, I love your hair and the way it perfectly frames your perfect face, and I love your little nose scrunches, and I love your eyelashes and the way you look at me from under them sometimes, and I’d kiss all those things but I’m not going to because I gotta get these stubborn, always-working, never-wanna-take-a-break, always-somehow-perfect-nails-having hands to relax before they hurt themselves even though it’s very clearly hard enough to make who woman who owns them do the same. Oh, I did I mention that smile—hoo, Wanda, that foxy smile…”
Wanda was blushing now and bringing up her smile made it happen again, just slightly. You took advantage of the moment anyway and flung yourself back onto the couch with a hand over your heart. “Be still, my pounding heart!”
Vision, who was watching by your and Wanda’s sides, laughed a bit. Wanda herself rolled her eyes again; the smile didn’t disappear afterward.
You sat up again and pointed at Vision, now that he’d brought attention to himself again. “And I don’t know whether you heard any of the stuff this guy said! You made him exist? You made him human? What? You two also do this thing where you just look at each other and have a whole conversation, I don’t know if you guys know you do that or not. You do, though, and I don’t know if either or both of you are psychic but if you are and still love me? With my unhinged brain? Migraines and all? I wouldn’t understand, even if you explained it to me.”
Vision offered, “Neither of us is psychic but anyway, please continue.”
“Have anything to add?”
“You’re doing wonderfully.”
“Thank you.” You looked back and Wanda, noting that her face had almost completely softened now, as she was too busy being flustered to be sad at this point. You quickly scooped her hands before they could curl into fists again placed kissed on each of the crescent moon-shaped marks now dug into their palms. “Your magic rocked your babies to sleep. Your magic cleaned up all their and put it all in one nice, neat place. You floated me around the house with your magic and even protected me from falling when I was wriggling around up there; bet that was fun for both of you to watch. Vision said earlier that that was your job, to protect me, and while I don’t fully agree because I consider it the other way around, is that not what you did?”
“I thought it was cute,” Wanda replied softly to the second to last sentence you said. She watched as you gave her hands a few more pecks.
“So, you agree then,” you said, “that your magic protected me and also made me cuter?”
She laughed and the sound made your heart soared, performing an aerial performance in your chest. She tried to wriggle her hands free from you but then you scowled and tucked them protectively under your chin.
“Gotta say it. Gotta say your magic made me cute.”
“I’m not saying that.”
You shrugged and got comfy, laying your head in her lap with her hands still hidden. “Have to. Otherwise, no hands for you. Oh, did I not mention how good you are to your kids yet? You’re so good—”
“Okay, okay, okay,” Wanda forfeited through a wet laugh. Hearing said laugh, your head shot up in concern, but the woman was smiling as she snagged your hands back; what she chose to do with them next was grab your face and place a kiss directly on your mouth.
It was quick and soft and sweet and absolutely none of that prevented the fireworks that went off in your skull and your chest and your stomach and your veins that made tingles shoot all the way down to your toes. She pulled away as quickly as she had moved in and you blinked; your brain was still short-circuiting, like a robot—like a Vision with his gears all gummed up, and your dazed brain thought that was a very funny connection, so it repeated the joke verbally.
Luckily, Vision was close enough to the level of dork that you were and he laughed at it with you.
It took a deep breath and a head shake to de-gum your brain—if only Wanda could magic that—but after the excitement wore off, you felt sleepiness start creeping in and decided to make your final push. You curled a hand around both of your partners’ necks and brought their faces closer to nuzzle your noses together; they responded by each of them wrapping an arm around your waist and returning the affectionate action.
“So, in conclusion,” you stated, which caused Vision to laugh lightly and Wanda to grin just slightly, “I love both of these perfect faces.” You kissed each of their noses. “And these funky, magical brains.” You kissed Wanda at the base of her hairline, then Vision just below his forehead gem. “And these equally funky, magical hands.” You grabbed the hands not looped around your waist and kissed the back of them. “And both of those babies, and this house, and y—”
You sucked in a sudden breath to stop yourself so hard that you almost choked and you reeled back to the other side of the couch only to drag Vision and Wanda with you. The three of you tumbled into a flustered heap on the couch and over their shoulders, you could see early morning light filtering through the windows. This barely registered, though, as you were too busy focusing on the fact that you almost L-worded them on a silly, tired whim.
Despite the awkwardness of the moment and the unspoken words, no one made a move to remove themselves from the warm, cozy entanglement. One of both Wanda and Vision’s arms was pinned under your back, keeping them solid in place against you while simultaneously and successfully enveloping you in between them; your own arms, which had instinctively wrapped protectively around their shoulders in the tumble, kept them in a similar state. Wanda’s hair fanned found and covered the three of you like a blanket, and you were keenly aware of her breath softly wafting over the exposed skin of your neck from where her head now rested on your shoulder. Vision’s rested slightly lower, on your chest, and you felt a quickened pulse where his gem pressed into your neck, but you couldn’t be sure whether it was yours or his.
You stared past their shoulders and watched as sunlight shone through the curtains and dappled the ceiling. You tried to figure out whether you were stupider for stopping yourself from finishing that sentence or for not saying it at all.
Then you felt a kiss being pressed to your clothed shoulder.
“You’ve said so many things that you’ve loved tonight [Y/N],” Wanda murmured, her hot breath causing goosebumps to rise on your skin. “What’s two more?”
“I—” you started, then bit your tongue again. There was something about saying that phrase that made you worried; you felt like if you said it now, the happy little world you lived in would begin to crumble, like it would all end far too soon. You sighed softly and said instead, “I don’t know how I would live without you.”
There were a few moments of silence where you watched more sunlight filter in and wished you could take it back because what a way to talk a big game and then not follow through—
Then Vision’s head appeared above you and he pressed a dizziness-inducing kiss to your lips. When he pulled away, he nuzzled your nose with his own as he murmured, “I love you too.”
In almost the same moment, Wanda was mumbling the same phrase against your jawline.
Sleepy and hazy-brained you couldn’t do much else but stare at Vision like a lovesick puppy that struggled to say that L-word, then snuggle back down with both him and Wanda when they relaxed against you again. That seemed to be the last of what needed to be said, though, because everything was cozy and warm and golden brown in your home again and, one by one, the three of you fell into a deep, comfortable sleep.
In the black void of otherwise dreamless sleep, you heard the vaguely familiar First Voice finish chewing something and then go, “Aww…”
In the late '70s, while he was extracting gold from his land, David Hudson, a farmer from Arizona, noticed some materials of strange composition and coloring and precisely in correspondence with their presence, the vegetation was significantly robust and lush. David invested several million dollars in the following decade to understand how to obtain and use with these materials but it was only in 1989 that he managed to obtain more patents on these materials and on the methods to extract them.
Although other researchers had made similar discoveries in the same period and earlier, Hudson was the first to inform the public about it so during the early 1990s, he traveled around the United States holding several seminars and conferences on his findings.
The elements discovered by him are in close connection with objects and substances present in history and reading such as the Biblical Manna, the Egyptian MFKZT, the Mesopotamian Shem-an-na, the Philosopher's Stone, the Elixir of Youth, Orgone energy, Prana, Chi, the Holy Grail and the Ark of the Covenant, and to the concepts of modern physics such as superconductivity, Quantum coherence and Bose-Einstein condensate (BEC), a new state of matter discovered thanks the velocity distribution of the atoms and their condensation state.
These elements have been called ORME (Orbitally Rearranged Monatomic Elements) and also Elements in the M state, m-state, Monoatomic Gold, White Gold Powder, ORMUS, AuM, Microcluster and have a fundamental feature that distinguishes them from all the other elements: the orbitals with an electron available for rearrangement, therefore capable of changing shape according to the magnetic field with which they come into contact, a behavior similar to a stem cell.
Currently the most controversial is the so-called MONOATOMIC GOLD which was already known to some of the great civilizations of the past: the Jews called it "Manna" or "The bread of God", the Egyptians "Tear from the eye of Horus", the Indians "Vibhuti or Bhasma of gold".
It is said that there is Monoatomic Gold in the legendary Atlantis: it is also called a metal of flames, it is a substance with a mysterious property of emitting unique energy, better known as "Orichalcum".
Monoatomic Gold and Alchemy
In alchemy, this substance is the "Golden Chalice" which helps transform the lead of the human mind (the ego, with its negative and closed structures) into gold. It is essential to emphasize that alchemists were not looking for the gold we all know, but the white powder or projection powder that we now call Monoatomic Gold, a transformation of the three-dimensional structure of common gold into two-dimensional gold, to which, already in antiquity, extraordinary powers of levitation, transmutation and teleportation were recognized.
In ancient Egypt, during the gold melting process, there were always small amounts of melted gold in the oven. These remains suffered continuously a process of melting and solidifying from cold to hot, since they were not removed from the oven.
Over time, artisans discovered small quantities of white dust where gold waste had previously accumulated.
Through this constant alternation of heat and cold, the common gold had become white powder that some of the craftsmen ended up tasting by discovering the most powerful substance capable of altering human consciousness and physiology.
Its effects remained for several days to those who had consumed it: also mummies were found in possession of this white powder.
Even in ancient India we find the formula to make the alchemical gold that Hindu alchemists called "Puttah". The most eminent members of some ancient families were used to ingest it regularly in small quantities.
The famous alchemist who made the "Philosopher's Stone" (Stone of Sage), Nicolas Flamel (1330) in his alchemy thesis, writes that mercury and sulfur, various metals are melted in the furnace fire and distilled to proceed with work then the substance changed to black, gray white, green, white, orange and finally became rosy purple stone like poppy flower. And after all, the philosopher's stone was completed: he said that three times in all he converted mercury to gold with the Philosopher's stone.
A mysterious metal appears in the "Takeuchi documents" which Takeuchi Sukune, a Takeuchi family who served the Emperor has been told as an oral message. It is similar to the flickering of the flames but vermillion, never rusting metal. His specific gravity is lighter than gold, its pure substance is softer than iron, a legendary metal that becomes harder than platinum when alloyed. It is said to be "Hihiirokane" which was mined at Mt.Kakakono.
Monoatomic Gold and the Anunnaki
Zecharia Sitchin claimed that an alien race from the planet Nibiru, the Anunnaki, came to Earth in search of gold, and that man was created to serve as a worker in the extraction of this metal.
Some scholars have suggested that perhaps the substance capable of saving their world and making them physically healthy and immortal was actually Monoatomic Gold and not common gold: the surprising result of combining the theories of Anunnaki and ORME leads to the almost inevitable conclusion that the purpose of the Anunnaki to arrive on Earth was to acquire the monoatomic elements in order to ingest them and therefore to be able to lead a long life.
David Hudson himself argue that the primary form in which gold is found in seawater is in its monoatomic state therefore the first attempt by the Anunnaki to obtain gold would have been to extract it from seawater, in especially the upper part of the Persian Gulf where the Tigris and Euphrates rivers meet.
Sitchin and numerous researchers, including British essayist Laurence Gardner, reached the following conclusions:
The inhabitants of the planet Nibiru came to Earth with the main purpose was to extract gold and precious elements and to have a workforce capable of satisfying their needs they created humanity to which they provided the rudiments of civilization.
They would also have provided the organic and natural equivalent of ORME, the knowledge of its importance and the method by which it could be made and brought internally by the individual to selected individuals (such as kings and patriarchs ..): thus justifying their extraordinarily long life and the reason for their presence in leadership roles.
Monoatomic gold today: the discovery of extraordinary properties
Even today, monoatomic gold, due to its surprising characteristics, is being studied more and more, as it has a completely different atomic structure than the original metallic condition.
Traces of monoatomic gold are also found in nature, but metallic gold can be transformed into monoatomic gold only through an alchemical process. These are the very particular physical and energy characteristics of monoatomic gold: It is a superconductor at room temperature and it seems to behave like an energy producer by being able to give, accumulate and receive light / information / energy without any loss.
Its electrons merge with antielectrons and form opposite beams of light that rotate around the oval core and, at the same time, it produces an etheric prana vortex, which flows along a double helix through the nucleus of the atom which corresponds to the Kundalini energy.
It produces a zero magnetic field (Meissner field, that is, it has the ability to "move" the magnetic field away from itself) around itself, which corresponds to man's MER-KA-BA. Merkaba is the light body of man, which includes spirit, life energy and soul.
When they merge they form a unit that produces beams of light in counter rotation and able to overcome space and time.
Monoatomic gold exists only on 5/9 on the physical plane.
Pure monoatomic gold rises on the earth's magnetic field.
It does not wear out and its function and longevity are eternal.
According to the testimony of a group of alchemists, who have taken Monoatomic Gold for years, they have been able to observe the following physiological and energetic reactions (which coincide with ancient Egyptian texts, the Bible and the Vedas):
Regeneration of damaged cells including also brain neuronal cells
Strong activation of the endocrine glandular system especially as regards the pituitary gland, thymus and pineal gland
Significant increase in the flow of light and photons in both the meridian and nervous systems
Strengthening the immune system and increasing self-healing capacity
Increase in superconducting capacity and DNA energy flow
Reversal of the aging process which is significantly slowed down thanks to the energetic repair of the wrong programs in our DNA
Rebalancing and harmonious elevation of the frequencies of the chakras, of the body and of the Kundalini energy
Induction of an emotional balance
Expansion of the level of intelligence
Increase in stress management capacity
Strengthening the ability to manifest one's thoughts
Increased inner peace
Acquisition of greater clarity in the vision of external situations and consequent problem solving skills
Awakening of dormant potential
General improvement of the quality of life at all levels, both physical, emotional, mental and spiritual
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An extract from "Politics of Chaos: A deep look into Human governing bodies", by Argvarg Palantorn.
One of the most common mistakes of galactic civilizations regarding humanity is the assumption that humanity is a single united body when in reality they have subdivided themselves the further and further they have extended past their home star system.
By last estimate there were some 29 individual human galactic governing bodies spread out from the sol system to the Hyperion Way Nebula. These numbers include the likes of the Terran Confederation, the Mobaran Protectorate, the Commonwealth of Farbon, the Order of the Silver Gear, and the Consortium of Free Worlds. Each of these entities holding varying degrees of territory ranging from a single planet to entire star systems under their control; and that is not even counting the far more numerous criminal elements that maintain territory between systems such as the Hand of Galvan crime syndicate or the ever illusive ghost pirate fleets of the Nine Captains of Creeg.
Each entity operates independently of the others pursuing their own goals, ambitions, and political intrigues which have often come to opposition from the other human interests sometimes devolving into outright open conflict.
From a galactic standpoint it is rather unusual if not unheard of for a space fairing species to diverge and splinter so rapidly as it expands into the stars. Most governing bodies that are not human, while having experienced their own form of turbulence now and then it their respective histories, have remained under a single system of governing bodies for their entire lifespan. So what is it that makes humans so fractious?
It is true that when threatened from an outside source, such as an invasion from a non-human species or galactic natural event like a star imploding or meteor storm, that humanity shows an impressive united front and diverts massive amounts of resources towards the members of their respective population at the problem until it has been resolved. Yet when now external threat is present they resume their divisional mentality.
The first human government to expand to the stars was the United Terran Alliance which was comprised of the various nations of their homeworld which had united to step out into the stars. For several generations the governing body was able to expand and at it's height ruled over no less than fifty star systems under the centralized government based on their homeworld. Yet it is here that humanities greatest strength, their indomitable will and independence, turned against them.
Being lightyears away from their homeworld, some individual planets and entire star systems began to feel as if they were neglected in favor of other human worlds. Aid shipments for local planetary natural disasters were sometime diverted from worlds in need to others who were more profitable in nature, while corporations had taken the distance from the main overview of the UTA government to enact questionable policies of their own turning their workers more into slaves than citizens.
Eventually the cracks of such a massive domain began showing and increasing minor outbreaks of rebellion and the heavy handed reprisals of the UTA government only encouraged further dissention to the point of outright secession. Citizens, while still considering themselves human, regarded themselves less and less as citizens of the UTA and more of their new respective homeworlds.
The first major breakaway was the world of Mobaria; an industrial world famed for their massive orbital dockyards near the edge of human controlled space. Under near constant threat of attack by alien species and human corsairs all the while their ships were sent to other worlds within the alliance the ruling council of Mobaria, comprised of leaders from both corporate and military sectors, declared their independence from the UTA siting the lack of requested resources needed to protect their own world. When UTA officials on terra learned of this several weeks later via the slow interstellar communication they ordered the garrison on Mobaria to take into custody the ringleaders and place the planet under martial law. Little did the UTA know that by the time their order had returned to Mobaria that in the interim the garrison had either been wiped out or defected to the other side.
Soon surrounding worlds took to the inspiration of Mobaria and declared their own independence until twelve system had broken away before the UTA retaliation fleet had been sent. Once again the UTA's response was harsh and uncompromising resulting in these worlds to form around Mobaria which had the largest fleet in the region as well as the capability to produce additional ships.
While the UTA and Mobaran Protectorate were locked in deadly galactic combat worlds on the western edge of the UTA domain revolted out of the blue. On the world of Krepsis, known for its harsh environment and slave like working conditions, a fringe religious sect known as the Order of the Silver Gear arose.
In the dark corners of the world a young technoist had been experimenting with implanting AI programs into the human body to enhance their durability on the harsh world, establishing a balance between the technological and the organic. These implants greatly enhanced the users strength, brain capacity, reflex speed, and cognitive function to near superhuman abilities and in short order the young technoist had gathered a substantial following of the downtrodden with the promise of a better future.
Over the span of three years the order migrated world to world around Krepsis establishing local cells until finally they had the numbers to overthrow their oppressors.
Without warning at the same hour across a dozen worlds the order's forces attacked and in the confusion toppled the various governments in the region. However, the new regime established was stained with a darker origin as over those three years the order had begun to regard those without augmentation as lesser creatures to be upgraded and brought into the light of their silver gears. Massed implantations were carried out across their new worlds and those that refused were either banished, locked away, or killed to ensure the order's complete control.
The once young technoist declared himself the "Eternal Key" or ruler of the regime and announced that through his actions the silver gears would forever turn towards the betterment of all.
The UTA attempted to retake the regions lost from the order, but with the war with the Mobaran's draining their manpower they could only send token forces which were easily overpowered by the super human followers of the order and in turn added to their ranks.
With the UTA's military power now hamstrung and their political control all but shattered countless systems began breaking away and forming their own pocket empires. Within ten years the UTA had all but collapsed and was replaced with the Terran Confederation.
From the etymology dictionary, the word intuition comes from mid-15c, intuicioun, "insight, direct or immediate cognition, spiritual perception," originally theological, from Late Latin intuitionem (nominative intuitio) "a looking at, consideration".
Intuition can be defined as the ability to understand, feel or know information immediately – without any conscious reasoning, evidence, precedent or palpable proof. It is common for witchcraft practitioners to encounter intuition being mentioned constantly or to have close encounters with their own intuition – thought of “Did I really feel that?” are common, and it is a constant topic as to whether something is indeed intuition or if it is a biological or psychological process. So, how does one know when their intuition is trying to tell them something?
Identifying Intuition
I think one of the biggest struggles in this aspect is trying to identify what is intuition and what is subconscious programming or thought patterns. This is a theme that afflicts a lot of witchcraft practitioners, whether they are beginners or experienced in their crafts. Because the human brain is something complex and layered – thought patterns and mental health matters happen to us all. Due to that, it sometimes can be hard to tell if we are genuinely receiving a signal from our higher self or just listening to our material functions. So how do we identify intuition? Well, as intuition is an extremely personal feeling and message, there is no easy answer to that. What can be done though is to try and gain knowledge about the processes that can pass as intuition and understand how they work on yourself – through exclusion if nothing else, one can make that distinction.
Cognitive Distortions • A concept in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy that explains the existence of thought patterns that normally distort our perception of reality. These are present in mental disorders as well as part of our daily thinking – becoming habitual and almost unconscious.
Some examples of cognitive distortions that could pass as intuition.
Mind Reading: a projection of your feelings, and normally insecurities, onto others while you assume what they’re thinking. Can pass as sensations of clairvoyance and empathy.
Overgeneralization: assuming something based on a single experience then applying a conclusion to a whole group of people or things. Can lead to prejudice and stereotyping.
Catastrophizing: assuming the worst in every situation; turning everyday worries into major catastrophes. Can lead and be found in anxiety.
Exercises to Improve your Intuition
Now that we took a brief look at what isn’t Intuition, it’s time to talk about ways to improve and sharpen your intuition – think of it like a balance: the stronger your intuition gets, the less(but it won’t be 100% clean, we’re humans after all) difficulty to identify it. There are a variety of ways through which one can improve their intuition – normally each one varies with purpose, after all intuition can be applied in a multitude of areas within witchcraft. The list I’ll pass you is quite a generalised one, through which you can take a look and perhaps pick what works better for you. In the references I’ll link my fonts and some other people that also talked about this!
Pay attention to your senses and sensations you have, when meeting other people, when practicing divination, when going through your day.
Star journaling – both the observations you made about what you can observe within yourself and your relation to the World but also to keep track of your dreams – dreams are a great window to intuition.
Practice through trying to identify objects – got a deck of cards? Mix it and try to see if you can Feel which card it is before you see the image. Make it become fun so that you don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Ellen Dougan, in her book, passes along some great exercises to improve your intuition - one of them is my absolute favorite, it takes a little longer than a moment and it requires your mind to be set in this for four days while you journal your progress. It’s as follows in images – in case you want to screenshot and have them on your phone:
That’s it for now on intuition - hope this was a good read and both up some ideas on how to improve in that area. See you and Blessed be.
References
In depth cognitive behavioral therapy on psychcentral (site)
8 simple ways to boost your clairvoyant abilities on consciouslifenews (site)
15 common cognitive distortions on psychcentral (site)
Dougan, Ellen “The Natural Psychic” (book)
•You can check out more texts like this and more in depth research on occultism and spirituality at my Patreon (linked in fixed post)•
