it's your girl </3 apparently the system thinks editing tags on posts to make them easier to find in the archive is suspect and so far i've lost everything.
sent the report. waiting to see if i get a response.
i'll come back for real if i don't hear anything in a bit, but rn now i'm just mourning all. those. posts. i may never get back. [screams]
ty to nonnie for thinking of me and ty sav for always being one of the bright spots when i *am* allowed in 🤗
[and sorry to everyone who might have thought they finally pushed me to my breaking point. 😝 not gonna happen.]
LOVE YOU ALL. HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY/NIGHT/WEEKEND.
T!!!! <3 <3 <3
i'm sorry tumblr imploded you 😭 that's like my worst nightmare for that same exact reason ugh!! 😔
i hope they release your blog from the depths of tumblr hell and you get all your stuff back!!
youu are always a bright spot in my day and i knewww you didn't delete/deactivate ;)
People need to understand with Tim, he lies. A lot. Primarily to keep people off balance while he does what he wants. He said notright now. Which is beyond ambiguous. Not right now can literally be at any point. From the time he finished that interview to the time he wakes up the next day or next month. Do I personally believe it’ll be a hard full launch canon buddie this season? No. Think the seeds are and will continue to be planted for it and then season 8 hit the ground running. But it very well could be because again he lies. People seem to think unless it’s an instant gratification and buddie making out by the end of episode 5 then it’ll just never happen and I beg them to please google for some media literacy lessons.
Tina, is this you(?), and, if so, I will pull for you.
I have been rooting for the cliché "heat of the moment" confession from SOMEBODY for months. Eddie is my first choice only because I want to see him officially *break* and say what he's actually thinking. No more "using Christopher as a shield", you know? Buck needs to hear he's wanted and loved in a way that leaves zero doubts in his mind as to where he belongs (and with who). Also, I just think it'd be nice for Buck to see a different side to the guy he thinks is "tough as nails" ;)
Oh, no, for sure I want it to be Eddie.
It gets us that lovely double whammy of Eddie taking an action towards something he wants specifically for himself, and Buck being told explicitly that he's someone's first choice. It would be multiple levels of emotional payoff and I want it.
I know fandom is running with the idea that Eddie needs to take Buck back to Texas and teach him the proper way to dance at a honky-tonk bar, but please consider:
Eddie, still completely in the dark about Buck’s past as a cowboy, is left utterly speechless when Buck asks him to hit the dance floor and performs the routine with ease.
“I wish you had told me.”
“Why? My line dancing doing it for you or something?”
“Actually… yeah.”
OH MY GOD T YES
I love the idea of Buck absolutely thirsting over cowboy Eddie but oh my god, think of how flustered Eddie would get seeing Buck like that
Buck in a cowboy hat? 👏🏻 Eddie is having Feelings™ about it
That lil dick-first strut Buck did in the kitchen scene? Imagine that with a prominent belt buckle (Ha, buck-le fksjfs)
Imagine Buck in cowboy boots and flannel
Buck doing that lil smirk and tipping his hat as they dance fjdsklf
The amount of sexual tension on that dance floor 👀 Everyone else in the bar is just like jeez y'all need to get a room - which they do and the cowboy hats stay on 👀
☆ THE RYDERS
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For my beloved @outrunningthedark bc iight have a bit of a crush on her and bc she keeps me sane in this fandom. T, i want you know I've barely written anyhing beside the one sterek challenge with a group for the last 5 months so thank you for being my muse -- sorry it's not proofread or anything
Buddie • knuckle kiss • breakdown scene from the 5b promo • ~2k word count
He knew before he even opened the door. Maybe itbwas the subliminal space he just entered, proximity to Eddie had always had an anchoring effect on him. While the world whirled around him in stark colored monsoons, Eddie was the eye of the storm. Steady, calm, centered. Buck had clear view of him always- well, he does get torn back into the vicious currents every now and then, loses sight of up and down and everything important. Nonetheless he always finds his way back. To the Diaz house, Chris' room, Eddie's side. And the world was right again.
Might be that, that clued him in to the secondary storm that awaited within but it's probably the tone of the text he received from Eddie half an hour ago.
/ Could you pick up Christopher from abuelas tomorrow /
A question with just one obvious answer, (a simple /Of course!/) and therefore not a real question at all, but the missing punctuation was untypical. Eddie despised text speak. In fact, he always called about the important things, as for example anything about Christopher. It jump started his heart into overdrive, alarm in his veins before he could even reasonably explain it. But Buck knew.
Knew there was something at least. Not quite exactly what, because Eddie had hid panic attacks from him in the recent past. Hidden just because Buck hadn't been around as much, which only made sense if girlfriends were around, but still felt like someone had drilled a well of failure back in through his chest. He should have been there.
But there would be no stopping him now. No /it's not my place, i shouldn't intrude/ or /I'm not needed/. Eddie never called for help for himself. He made sure Christopher was taken care of if he couldn't and he didn't like making waves, being obvious. That's why he was asking Buck to take the boy, not asking abuela for another day. And he'd accepted Buck's persistence, asked him to step in if he couldn't, thinly veiled by the premise of /just in case he died on the job/ and here he had gone and quit it - possibly signaling that he didn't need Buck anymore - but Buck had promised he would never not be there again. Since the stupid lawsuit, since the shooting, always, always, no matter the circumstances. As long as Eddie would have him.
And here Eddie was, asking for him. Buck was immediately canceling on his plans for the next day with a quick text to Taylor and jumping into his car. On his way and enduring traffic without much of a bother because he had only one thought.
Eddie was in trouble. He would never willingly give his kid off to someone else unless there was something he could do about it. Something was very wrong. At the very least, a panic attack. At the worst... Only heaven knew because he wasn't answering Buck's calls or texting back. Eddie never ghosted Buck so suddenly, again, without good reason. He could be in hospital again, who knew. The universe seemed hell bent on hurting Eddie, and well, Buck barely saw him anymore, not during his shifts, only when they were both off duty and Eddie invited him over. As good as never if you asked the anxiety that made Buck's skin crawl s all hours of the day and night, even when Eddie was sleeping (because what he wasn't? what if he was also having nightmares like Buck had?)
As Buck turned the key in the Diaz's front door and stepped through, he embarked into a known front flooded by a chaos he didn't know how to confront, much less control. Yet, there was no hesitation. He followed the invisible tether straight in, shoes toed off behind a door that may or may not have closed behind him, keys possibly dropped off on the counter, possibly in his jacket pocket. It didn't matter. He found himself sinking right at Eddie's side, knees hitting the carpet between couch and coffee table.
Everything about the scene was new, Eddie -sobbing, desparate for breath as he shook his head, bloody knuckles weakly wrapped around a baseball bat, looking more lost than Buck had ever seen him. More than that split second where Buck had told him he lost Christopher in a tsunami wave, more than the time when he'd been shot and bleeding out beneath Buck's hands, than the fight in the supermarket, than Shannon's death, more than bruised up ribs and how Eddie had clung to Buck's easy emotional facade when Buck saw right through his struggles in therapy. There was a weight to the way his shoulders hung, chin shuddering and eyes unfocused, red and streaming, a helplessness that was gut wrenching, and Buck didn't know where to start.
"I can't. I-I can't, it's all jus'... I can't," came the wet pleas from Eddie's bitten, tortured lips.
"Hey," Buck tried to alert his friend to his presence but his own voice broke, barely a scared whisper, foam atop a ripple, useless amongst the raging waves that were beating relentleasly against the ship wreck. He had to get it together, blink away his teary fear and be the anchor for Eddie this time around. He wasn't a powerless 10 year old watching his sister be stolen away without any attempt of rescue from his parents. Hadn't been that person for a long time. He had his flaws, but rock bottom and misery were a setting he had mastered, had practiced his escapes and if anything he could make himself comfortable in the darkness alongside him.
"Hey! Hey, Eddie," Buck tried louder, this time pouring his resolve into every syllable. The same way he'd crawled under that fire truck, single handedly pulling Eddie out and into it, kept him holding on until the hospital. Buck knew well enought that there were many things he didn't know and couldn't predict. It's why he liked to memorize facts he could rely on to navigate his way out.
He didn't know where the blood came from yet, nor the wet smears on Eddie's shirt. Nor what had triggered the crash, if Eddie was in physical pain or if it was 'just' another panic attack, one strong enought to barrel over the strongest man Buck knew.
But he knew the strength Eddie poured into him with every small acknowledgement and touch, the way Eddie could steady his soul with a few direct words, sealing them with a warm brown gaze that felt like home. Buck remembered every grip of his hand, palm in palm or on the crook of his neck, bracing his shoulder- just, holding.
Buck knew Eddie relied on him too.
"Eddie, look at me. I'm here. I'm right here." Buck leaned forward, searched to find the man he knew in flooded eyes but was met by a shield, left to hover a mere inch away, his target unreachable. His hands itched but he didn't dare reach out, not yet, for fear of escalating Eddie's occurring nightmare.
Still, Eddie quivered, head shaking /no/ repeatedly, mouthing incoherently except for the quietly sobbed 'I cant's, rough like they'd been torn straight from the fabric of Eddie's core by jagged claws. He moved, just barely, but in abrupt quakes, the bat tilting, alerting Buck once again to its presence and to the solution. Buck grabbed the middle of it, right above Eddie's knees, breathing just a little easier at the conbection, albeit through a conduit.
"I got you."
And Eddie's eyes still scrounged the air before him for purchase blindly. Buck just wanted to grab his face and make him see.
"I'm here now. I got you. It's okay. You hear me, Eddie?"
Buck tugged a little at the bat, hoping both to remove it and to slowly inch his way into Eddie's space, make his presence physically known.
"I'm here now. You can let go. I got you."
"I can't, Buck," Eddie coughed out, strangled and heavy, like a whale beached and heaving. And yet Buck had never been happier to hear his name spoken. "It's all... I just- i mean, look."
He gestured all around them, spread his fingers to present his damaged hand, shrugged as he held up the bat, and returned into the former position, elbows locking into place.
"I try and try and I," Eddie wept on, the dam at least leaking a bit now. "And I can't. I can't do it. I always fuck up. I'm, I'm a mess."
Buck kept a firm grip on the bat, angling it away from Eddie as he let him talk. Words could be a miraculous thing, the end of the world or the only remaining tether, and he hated how dry his throat felt.
"You're not. Trust me, you-"
"Look at me! I'm a mess. I can't get it right. I just can't."
"Eddie, I promise you. You... Might be a mess. But who isn't? You're doing so good. You're doing everything right, okay?"
But he was shaking his head vehemently, knuckles only tightening on the handle. Buck had to persist.
"No, Eddie, listen to me. Listen. You're doing everything right. You just, you have to take care of yourself, too. Even Bobby has to ask for help sometimes." Buck carefullt slid his hand up, just half an inch under Eddie's, holding his breath.
"You might be a mess but that's okay. I'm right here with you. We'll figure it out, okay? I got your back, remember?"
And the tears still pearled down reddened cheeks, soft whimpers falling every time Eddie's lips quivered open for breath, but the winds seemed to lessen. Just a tiny bit.
"You just have to let me," Buck said.
Eddie breathed in deep once, and coughed wetly.
"I got you. You can let go."
Buck dared to make contact now, sliding his fingers over Eddie's lightly, coaxing them patiently from the wooden weapon, until he freed it frok his grasp and stowed it away beneath the table, while never letting go of the shaking hand.
"I'm not going anywhere. Promised that to the both of you."
He held on to Eddie's hand, finding the blood on his knuckles to have already dried, and tried not to worry too much about it until he'd stabilized Eddie emotionally, although he was already recounting the steps from here to the bathroom counter where rhe rirst aid kit sat and if they actually had everything they needed inside it. Eddie had minutely sunken back into the couch cushions, still sniffling and crying, now starting to shake from exhaistion probably, but slowly finding solid ground again. He breathed a long shuddering sigh, throat rasping like he was looking for something to say, unease marking his features as if he was about to apologize and this time it was Buck who shook his head.
To make his point clear, he lifted the so carefully cradled knuckles in his palm and pressed his lips to the cracked skin. Finally Eddie met his eyes with a bewildered gasp and Buck waited patiently for the turmoil within the other man to settle, thumb brushing over his tired fingers and just repeating, "I got you."
If canon!Buddie doesn’t include Eddie telling Buck he needs to think of his family before doing something reckless Tim is dumber than I thought.
Tbh, their story needs Eddie to make the first move because Buck won’t allow himself to believe there’s someone out there who loves him in the “I want to spend my life with you” way. Until Eddie speaks up, Buck will keep on assuming he’s destined to be alone.
The universe gotta start screaming again. Eddie can’t ignore it forever.
Eddie has to make the first move!!! It has to be Eddie!! I don’t know if I’ve said that on this blog yet, but I believe it wholeheartedly.
I completely agree about Buck. He doesn’t believe there’s someone out there who will love in a forever way, least of all his best friend. He thinks so highly of Eddie and so lowly of himself. He won’t believe Eddie loves him, that Christopher loves him, that he’s really and truly a part of their family, until Eddie explicitly says so. Until that time, the little voice in Buck’s head is gonna be whispering “you’re exhausting” on a loop. (Which isn’t to say that I hold that against Eddie at all, or that I think Buck would, just that it’s exactly the type of thing that someone as insecure as Buck would dwell on)
He’s not going to risk losing Eddie just because he has romantic feelings for him. He’d sooner swallow his feelings and watch Eddie be with Ana than potentially ruin their friendship. Especially when you take Christopher into consideration. Buck losing Eddie wouldn’t just mean losing Eddie, it would also mean losing Christopher. And Buck won’t risk that, not again, not after the lawsuit. He promised Christopher he’s not going anywhere, and he is going to keep that promise for as long as he can.
On top of all of that, Buck knows Eddie. He knows that Eddie prioritizes his son. He knows how long it took Eddie to reintroduce Shannon to Chris, and she’s his mother. And he knows that Eddie knows how important Buck is to Christopher, and that Eddie wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. Which means, Eddie won’t make a move unless he’s really, really sure it’s what he wants. So, even if Buck’s aware of Eddie having feelings for him, even if he knew Eddie wanted to be with him, he would still wait for Eddie to be completely sure.
