Trust | James & Molly | 4/2/18
Tagging: @jamie-beiste & @molly-abrams Location: Performing Arts Center Date: April 2, 2018 Summary: Presentation, focused on communication and trust.
Jamie still felt confident that this was a meaningful and important presentation. He was not someone to believe in taking offense at apparent slights to his disability. But when the administration put Molly and him together again he had to at least consider that they did so purposely. He didn’t think there were any bad intentions behind it. It might have even been done unconsciously. However they needed to take a stand and show the Headmasters that they were both more than capable of being successful at everything the school required of them. All of that was still true and all still important, but as he stood at the edge of the stage waiting for them to begin the nerves began. He’d never given up this much control. He breathed in and out preparing his mind and body for the presentation, leaning in toward Molly’s body heat.
Molly wrapped one arm around James’s waist when she sensed him leaning in towards her. She was more nervous about this presentation than she’d been last month with her sister, and that was because she felt like there was a lot more riding on this. Submitting had been hard for Tilly, yes, but she knew she had it in her. She knew James had it in him, too, but she wanted them to prove to everyone that they were just as capable as everyone else, no matter what preconceived notions they had. “I believe in you,” she said firmly. She noticed the heads waving them in, and she slid her arm away from his waist and found his hand instead. “There’s a straight path to the center of the room. When we get that, take off your shoes and socks and kneel like we practiced, okay?” She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, then began to walk forward.
Nodding his head, James took one more deep, quick, cleansing breath before heading out onto the presentation stage. There was a part of him that wanted to just prove he could get out there and didn’t need any help. But that was not what this was about. It wasn’t about his abilities or about Molly’s abilities despite their physical disabilities. It was about how they could function within the system regardless of their disability. He needed to show that he could submit just as well as anyone; that he could surrender control to a Dominant. So he didn’t just walk out the center of the stage. He let Molly guide him and when she signaled that they had arrived removed his shoes and socks before he sank down to his knees, ready to receive his next order.
“Good boy,” Molly said with a pleased smile when James knelt down on the floor next to her. She let her hand make its way into his hair, her fingers running through it almost absently while she turned her attention to the heads. “This room is set up in a way that James is familiar with, and he would be perfectly capable of doing basic tasks without any assistance. In a few moments, I will rearrange some of the objects you see, and I will guide him through the basic tasks that have suddenly become much more challenging. This presentation is designed to showcase his obedience, our communication, and his trust in me.” She let her hand fall out of his hair and took a slight step back. “James, please demonstrate your safe gesture for us. After that, raise your right hand if you have any questions, and I will come in front of you. Otherwise, we’ll get started.”
Jamie smiled as Molly came to the ground with him and caressed his scalp with her strong fingers as she spoke to the Heads. It was good to have that contact. It kept him grounded. When asked he displayed his safety sign. It was crossed fingers of the left hand waved over his head. Obvious enough for her to see, easy enough for him to do even in distressed, but not simple enough that he might make it accidentally. He smiled and nodded his head, indicating that he was ready.
Molly watched him demonstrate his safe gesture. She was familiar with it already, but she wanted the heads to see it as well. “Thank you,” she said, once she was certain he didn’t have any questions for her. “Stay there while I make the adjustments, and I will let you know when I’m ready for you.” She ran her fingers lightly along his hairline as she turned around and moved over into the room. She made a few small adjustments that would make this difficult for him. “Okay,” she said once she was done, and she stepped to the edge of the room. “I want you to stand up and walk over here, following the sound of my voice. There are no obstacles in your way. I’m holding my hand out for you and will take your hand when you’re close enough. Do not stop walking until you feel me grab you.”
“Yes, Miss.” James continued to kneel. From the sounds in the room and the direction Molly had directed her explanation, he knew that he was for the most part facing the headmasters at the moment. It was a vulnerable feeling to know that he was facing them, while listening to Molly adjust the room. Then is was time to begin. He stood up and turned toward her voice. “Yes, Miss. I trust you.” And he did. He trusted Molly completely. He had known of course that he trusted her, but knowing something and experiencing it were completely different. When they’d practiced, every time he had to walk in the adjusted environment without his cane he’d fallen into a shuffling sort of gate that clearly expressed that he was afraid he might knock into something at any moment. But this time something had shifted. Molly’s voice calling to him from the edge of the stage wasn’t just a voice. It was a dominant… his dominant. He couldn’t get through his tasks without her. He was dependent on her and that was okay. It was more than okay, it was good. He made his way over hand out in front seeking out the touch of her hand. When he made contact he stopped.
Molly smiled to herself as she watched James walk towards her, continuing to speak while he moved so that he could follow the sound of her voice. She reached out for his hand and took it when he was close enough. “Very well done,” she said, her pleasure obvious in her voice. She squeezed his hand in hers for a few seconds. “I’ve got you, and I know you can do this. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you.” She let go of his hand but kept connected to him, her hands going up to his shoulders, and she spun them around so that they were both facing the set-up room, him standing in front of her. “I’m going to stay right here the whole time, and if you need to speak to me, you need to turn to face me first. Now, I want you to walk directly forward until I tell you to stop. When I do, reach out to your right and grab the feather duster that is on the counter. You will then turn to your left and dust the bookshelf. There is one knickknack on it, and it’s now on the left of the top shelf.”
The praise was more fulfilling than he would have expected. The pleasure in her voice was a reward he’d never sought in all of this and yet it was deeply satisfying and he could see wanting to get more of it. “I understand Miss. I know you won’t let anything happen to me.” He listened closely to the instructions. They had practiced with her adjusting the setting differently each time. There was no point doing this if it was just some play that they put on for the Heads. It had to be real, for them and for the headmasters so that everyone would know they were as capable as any other student at the school. He walked forward, completely trusting. When she told him to stop, he was able to reach out completely sure that he would find the duster. He set about his task careful around the top left of the shelf, knowing that there was something there to be cautious of. He continued to work, waiting for her approval and agreement that he was finished. At one point he almost stopped, feeling certain that he was finished, but in that moment realized that it wasn’t his job to worry about being finished or not. Normally that would be upsetting, but in that moment was aware of the weight that came off of his shoulders, not having to worry about it. He only had to follow orders.
Molly watched carefully while James followed her orders to the T. She was paying close attention, ready to stop or correct him if necessary, but he did everything perfectly. “That’s very good,” she said, once he had dusted all of the shelves off. “Lift your hands to the top of the bookshelf and move them about three inches to the right of the top shelf. I’ve added a command hook there where you can hang the duster. Once you’ve done that, I want you to turn in place, so that you’re facing the opposite direction.”
He smiled and nodded. One task down. This was feeling good. Jamie lay his hand on the top shelf and then moved it to find the hook. He hung the duster on it and carefully turned around 180 degrees. Turning was a tricky proposition. It was so easy to turn just a bit too much or a bit too little and everything else would be off. He came to a stand still feeling that tug of needing to take control in a moment of uncertainty. He realized how difficult true submission was. Sexual play was one thing, but when you took sex out of it you realized what the core of submission was. It wasn’t about just letting a person penetrate your body. It was about giving your absolute trust to another person without reservation. He took a breath and let that tug of control seeking slip away and waited for Molly. If he had not turned the right direction she would let him know and would adjust him.
Molly had known that the instruction to turn would prove difficult, and it was why she had paused after it. “You overrotated just a little bit,” she said. “Slowly twist back around to your left and I’ll tell you when to stop.” She watched him move, and it was easy to get him to stop in the right position. “Good boy. Now, I want you to walk forward slowly and stop as soon as I tell you to.” The legos scattered on the floor in front of him would be very painful to step on if he kept going one step too many.
Nodding, James started to rotate very slowly to the left waiting for her instruction to stop. When she did he felt completely assured that he was the right direction. He started to walk and the firmness of her voice told him that he needed to take her instructions seriously. So settled one bare foot in front of the other. There were worries trying to enter his mind, but he breathed in and out and kept himself centered on the one and only person that he needed to depend on, his Mistress. He lifted his chin and kept walking.
“Stop right there,” Molly said the instant she wanted him to stop so that he didn’t end up hurting himself on the children’s toys. “There are twelve legos scattered on the floor in front of you. I want you to get down onto your hands and knees and find them all. Once you’ve collected them all, you can crawl directly forward from where you are now and add them to the toy bin against the wall. After they’re in the bin, I want you to stand up again.”
Oh, well that made sense. There was nothing quite as painful as stepping on a Lego in bare feet. He’d done it plenty of times as a kid. Elijah had been brilliant as a kid, dealing with having a sibling who was blind, but he had been forever leaving his Legos around. No one in the family was spared from stepping on them. He stopped and went down to his knees. It wasn’t too hard to collect them. By sweeping his hand back and forth slowly he was able to find them. The problem was that he had lost count and then when he started to recount realized he couldn’t remember how many Lego’s she’d said there were. He thought for a moment about guessing hoping to save himself embarrassment, but that was not what this was about. He didn’t have to be embarrassed to need help. From her voice she was just a bit to the side of him. He turned his whole body and lifted his head so that she would be able to see his mouth from the ground. “Miss. I’ve forgotten how many pieces I’m looking for. I’m sorry.” Once he got the answer he breathed a sigh of relief knowing he now would be able to complete the task thanks to trusting in his Mistress. He crawled to the toy box and put them in and then stood up.
Molly continued to watch James carefully while he worked, wanting to make sure he didn’t accidentally hurt himself somehow, despite how simple the task was. She could sense that there was something going on in his head that she wasn’t privy to, and she smiled when she saw him turn to her and ask his question. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” she told him. “I gave you instructions for how to ask questions when we started, and I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t expect you to do it. I’m very proud of you for asking, sweetheart. There are twelve legos.”
James had already collected all twelve pieces, and it was easy enough for him to count them all and bring them directly forward to the toy bin. Once he stood up, Molly directed him to turn to his left, take two steps, and find the lid for the toy bin leaning against the wall on the right. She got him to replace it on top of the bin, and then she instructed him to move toward the final corner of the room to get his shoes. She had him sit in an armchair to put them back on, and then walk directly back over to kneel at her feet when he was done.
“I’m so proud of you,” she told him, and she reached down to pet his hair again as she turned around to face the heads. “Thank you both for your time, Miss, Sir.” She turned her attention back to James. “Thank them as well, and then you can stand up and we’ll be on our way back to my room.”
After passing the hurdle of becoming confused and relying on Molly as his Dominant to guide him out of that, the rest of the presentation was a piece of cake. He felt free and nearly floaty as they finished up. Using Molly’s voice to determine the direction of the audience, James turned and nodded. “Thank Miss, Sir.” He was all smiles as they exited and instead of his usual itch to be alone after an exam of any sort, he looked forward to giving and receiving aftercare. He looked forward to just being with his friend. Regardless of their grade he felt they had achieved all they set out to do.
