Work of Art [J.JH] - ninety-eight | pull the trigger, piglet
[Warning: mention of suicide and suicidal thoughts]
You and a guy who sort of looked like Jaehyun but not really watched as the alien walked around in front of the large picture window, looking like a sheepdog - the sheepdog you had owned for years - but if a sheepdog had weirdly long limbs.
"What do we do?!" You asked, almost crying as you hid behind the kitchen counter and peeked around the side.
"If we show it the dog, it'll know that we know it's an alien!" The guy who sort of looked like Jaehyun but not really yelled.
You nodded frantically.
The guy who sort of looked like Jaehyun but not really picked up the sheepdog you had owned for years and brought him over to the large picture window to show the alien. The sheepdog you had owned for years looked the way most large dogs do when they’re being carried: confused and not used to it. It stuck its neck out so far you thought it looked like it wanted to be a giraffe. The dog-alien outside looked at this angrily and walked away into the dark of the night.
"It worked!" You said from the spot you were hiding. "You're so smart!"
The guy who sort of looked like Jaehyun but not really put the sheepdog you had owned for years down and smiled at you. "I knew it would!"
The sheepdog you had owned for years walked away, embarrassed.
You smiled back at the guy who sort of looked like Jaehyun but not really. But your face dropped when you saw what loomed outside the window. "Watch out!!!"
The alien, now impersonating a plant that was made of gigantic palm fronds, smashed through the large picture window. The guy guy who sort of looked like Jaehyun but not really dropped to the floor to avoid it. The alien reached its fronds into the kitchen, where you were hiding and moves the fronds around like limp fingers as it tried to find where you were.
"What do we do now?!!" You screamed.
The guy who sort of looked like Jaehyun but not really scrambled across the floor to safety next to you. "I don't know!"
The palm-frond-alien stretched its leaves back and forth as it looked for the two of you and made the strangest sound.
"It-- It's laughing!" You yelled over the orchestra as it emphasized the terror of the situation with frenzied strings.
"What?" The guy who sort of looked like Jaehyun but not really asked as he looked over at you. Maybe he couldn’t hear you over the orchestra.
"It's laughing!!"
.
.
.
Your eyes opened slowly and you realized you heard a woman's voice laughing in the next room.
Disoriented, you went to pick your phone up from your nightstand and slammed your hand against the wall. You groaned and remembered you were in Jaehyun's bed and reached toward his nightstand, on the other side. You looked at your phone for the time and were pleased for a moment that you had slept exactly three hours. At least he wouldn't be mad at you.
You put your arm over your face and laughed at the thought. As if he would actually get mad, he'd probably just give you some more tea and tell you to go back to sleep. You lay there for a few moments until you heard laughing again.
You stood and went over to the mirror. You raked your fingers through your hair and tried to fix the bedhead you now had-- and heard the laughter again. Eyes still heavy with sleep, you looked towards the door.
Whatever it was had better be funny.
You opened the door to see Taeyong and Luna sitting at the table in the common room.
Taeyong turned to you and looked apologetic before turning back to Luna. "I told you you were going to wake her up." He turned back to you. "Did you sleep? I'm sorry--"
"Don't apologize. You weren't the one making noise."
"Sorry~~" Luna sing-songed with a smile on her face.
You didn't believe her. You smiled back.
"Do you want something to drink?" Taeyong stood.
"Water?"
He nodded and got you a glass. "I'm glad you slept. Jaehyun said you were bordering on incomprehensible when Eunji brought you over.
You took a sip of the water and nodded. "I vaguely remember dancing Orange Justice to WAP."
"You played WAP?"
You squinted as you looked into the middle distance. "I think I was singing it."
Taeyong laughed and covered his face.
You smiled. "We'll have to ask Jaehyun when he gets back."
"He and my boyfriend just went to the convenience store to get some food." Luna said.
You nodded.
"It was my idea."
"Okay."
The three of you sat in silence for a moment as you coped with not feeling nearly as tired as before. You figured you’d at least be able to make it to bedtime without having to sleep again, so you were probably okay. You yawned as you looked at Taeyong, who appeared to be somewhat uncomfortable. You weren’t sure why.
“Umm--” Taeyong started.
“You look tired.” Luna said to you.
“Thank you.”
“Why are you so tired lately, y/n?”
‘I got a grant to make a bunch of paintings for a gallery and I’m trying to finish all of them as fast as possible.”
“Wow, a grant.”
You nodded.
“Y/n, has a bunch of scholarships too.” Taeyong added.
“Wow, really?” Luna asked.
You nodded. You thought she sounded more condescending than usual, probably because Johnny wasn’t around.
“Wow, I would have never thought you had any money, much less a grant. The way you’re overcoming your poverty is so inspiring.”
You nodded, too tired to do anything, and yawned.
“You’re so honest.” Luna said.
You turned to her. “Excuse me?”
She smiled. “You don’t even cover your mouth or anything when you yawn.”
“I wasn’t aware we were in ‘polite company.’”
“Oh no, I think it’s great. I love how you just don’t care what others think. That takes a lot of confidence!”
You stared blankly at her for a moment. “Well, do let me know when the queen arrives so that I might use the correct fork.”
Luna smiled at Taeyong who looked away. You sipped your water.
“You’re really going to drink all that?” She chuckled.
“Well, I was hoping to osmosis some of it, but I felt that would be a little off putting since you didn’t like my yawning.”
She smiled. “I love how you don’t care how you come across.”
You looked at her.
“You didn’t even freshen up before you came out here.”
You straightened up in your seat. Was this becoming a fight?
“I wish I could be like that, but like, I would be so afraid of looking bad.” She smiled. “You Americans really are so outgoing all the time.”
Okay, it was a fight.
“Luna, I’ve been wondering... do you have a problem with me?”
“What? Oh, it’s a complement. Don’t get me wrong.”
“It didn’t sound like a compliment.” You said flatly.
“Oh, well, it’s just that I wish I could be as brave as you are. You don’t care how you’re dressed, you’re constantly covered in paint, and you don’t even wear any makeup.”
You watched her silently.
“You’re so… independent. It’s no wonder you're single. I could never be like that, I just have to be in a relationship, you know?”
“Unfortunately.” You said as you sipped your water again.
You thought she glared at you for a second before continuing. “I mean, you don’t care what anyone thinks about you.”
You put the glass down and looked at her.
“You just slept in someone else’s bed in someone else’s dorm. I wish I could just not give a shit and do something like that.”
It finally dawned on you. “Is that it?”
“What?”
“Is that what this is about?”
She smiled. “I don’t get your meaning.”
“You-- you hate me because Jaehyun’s nice to me?”
Her eyes widened.
You laughed. “Is that what this is?”
“I don’t--”
“No, because for someone who’s dating his friend, you seem to want to hang around him an awful lot: you tried to convince me to get him to show up at Johnny’s DJ event, you asked him to go to the mall with just you, and you got mad when I showed you the charm he bought me--”
She stared at you. It was all making sense now in your slightly less sleep deprived but still not 100% functioning brain. And maybe that was what finally made it click.
A smile crept across your face as you realized what was going on.
“...You like Jaehyun.”
“No--”
“No, that’s fucking it, isn’t it!”
Luna stood like she might leave and turned back. “You’re still tired.”
You stood and put yourself between her and the door. You didn’t want her to run away. “No I’m fucking not! You’re dating Johnny to get to Jaehyun! It all fucking makes sense now! No, wait-- That’s why you fucking hate me: Jae’s nice to me and that makes me in your way! If I weren’t around you might be able to get to him!”
She laughed angrily. “Y/n you’re really tired and you’re confused, you should go back to sleep.”
You laughed, the way any number of movie characters do when they were right about what had been happening in the movie all along: the dissociated knowledge of everything that had happened over the past few months had finally congealed into the terrifying reality of why you were experiencing what you were experiencing, and the revelation made you feel like you were going completely mad. In fact, every single interaction with Luna suddenly made sense to you now and the fact that you were so busy with your own shit and so determined not to think about it long enough to be able to figure it out earlier made you want to make the clear and conscious decision to go absolutely fucking apeshit.
“And there’s no way you could be in my way, because Jaehyun would never go for someone like you.”
You stopped. “Excuse you?”
“You’re just some dumb poor girl who follows him around looking for scraps. He does things for you because he feels bad for you. You’re just a charity case.”
You turned around, totally ready to walk away. You were facing the door of the dorm and even thought about leaving the whole place-- barefoot and without your phone or keys. You didn’t want to start a fight, a fight was the last thing you wanted. You especially didn’t want to start a fight with your friend’s girlfriend; you didn’t care about her, but you wanted to stay friends with Johnny.
But suddenly you had spun back around and were already speaking.
“You want to call poor and a piece of shit and someone Jaehyun is only nice to out of pity?? You want to call me ugly and fat and stupid and useless and tell me my major ‘Isn’t a real major’? Fucking...”
You breathed. There was no turning back.
“Be my guest you dumb cunt! You have the gun pointed at my head right now with your finger on the trigger, but you just won’t fucking pull it-- well pull the fucking trigger piglet! You want to get rid of me that badly? All this shit you’ve been saying to me for months like the backhanded, noncommittal little bitch you are isn’t going to fucking work!! Make me want to fucking kill myself! You’re so pathetic: there were tons of kids in junior high and high school who bullied me so hard I wanted to fucking die - I tried to die - and you can’t even do that! Huh? Make me put the fucking noose around my neck and kick the chair out from under myself!! If you want to get rid of me, make me want to end it! But you can’t! You can’t because you’re the kind of backhanded piece of shit who dates someone to get to their friend! You can’t because you barely even like yourself, because someone who actually values themself would never do something like this!! You can’t because you only know how to use people! You can’t because you’re a loser! You’re just a pussy little bitch! You’re just a stupid little girl! You dumb bitch!!"
The speed and volume at which you had been yelling made it sound like your vocal chords were giving up on you by the end of your rant, as the last bit of breath you had wheezed out of you as you hurled insults. Your throat felt raw; you had never yelled yourself hoarse before. You inhaled deeply, the adrenaline of screaming at her - of finally giving her a piece of your mind - made your blood feel like it was freezing and on fire at the same time. Your hands were shaking. You couldn't remember the last time you actually yelled at someone in anger. You hated how it felt. Your lungs out of oxygen, you inhaled again and your throat felt like sandpaper. You didn’t know what to say after yelling all that.
Luna stared at you, mouth agape, in shock.
You really didn’t know what to say next. You heard the door close behind you. You spun around.
Jaehyun and Johnny were staring at you, completely dumbfounded. You didn't know how much they heard.
You rushed to Jaehyun's room and closed the door behind you.
(alternate title: the moment when you go absolutely apeshit)
‘After The End!’ part 96
‘After The End!’ part 97
‘After The End!’ part 98
‘After The End!’ part 99
‘After The End!’ part 100
‘After The End!’ part 101
‘After The End!’ part 102
‘After The End!’ part 103
‘After The End!’ part 104
