Why I am Leaving the Christian Faith.
I feel like I need to put in writing why I have decided to leave the Catholic faith (save for the obvious reasons anyone might leave).
I was raised in what I call a lazy Catholic house, with very NOT lazy Catholic family ever looming. My mom’s side of the family is Protestant, mostly Lutheran or Baptist, while dad’s side is all Catholic. Because we interact more with dad’s side of the family, that’s the faith that had the most sway in my upbringing. I distinctly remember my first communion- white dress, tiara, veil and all. We didn’t even attend church weekly (save for when dad would get guilty about something). I never really believed any of the stories. Sure, some of the lessons are good, but you don’t need Jesus to tell you not to be a dick.
My feelings really began late middle-school, early high school. When I discovered the church’s backward attitude toward people I considered my friends. LBGBT+, Women, sex in general, even the poor. I remember one distinct day in mass, at the end. The priest mentioned that there were people outside the church on a street corner begging, usually as people exited the church. And he told the congregation not to give them anything. That if they really needed help, they would just walk into the church’s kitchen and ask. Something about that seemed off. A church shouldn’t be preaching to avoid the needy, whether they are truly in need of help or not. A church should be preaching generosity and caring. Not to immediately judge someone based on who they decide to ask for help.
At first, I thought my problem was with the Catholic church, and that maybe I just needed to look at Protestant churches, as some of them tend to be a lot more slack and inviting. And a lot of the churches I visited or researched WERE more inviting, safer, and caring toward my friends. But something still felt off every time I listened to a sermon or recited oaths. Then, I figured out that it wasn’t the churches or the congregations- it was the god.
Every church I went to preached of a god- Yahweh*- who was an omnipotent, all-powerful, perfect being. But if the church is to be believed and Yahweh created the universe and has a plan for everything, then why does evil exist? Supposedly the angels would have been a part of his plan, so why would he have ever allowed Lucifer to fall? The issue of free will, both for Celestials and humans, in and of itself is a paradox that requires at least one teaching to be a straight up lie. If Yahweh is all-powerful and omnipotent, as the church teaches, then Celestials and humans have no true free will, and his perfect plan predetermined that Lucifer would fall and that specific humans would turn away from his supposed perfection, therefore going to a hell that he wants no one to have to endure. But, if humans have true free will, and are able to turn from his path and choose hell without his consent (which is not there, as Yahweh supposedly doesn’t want people going to hell), then Yahweh cannot omnipotent or all-powerful. And while personally, I have no problem following a god who is not all-powerful, I do not enjoy that god falsifying the extent of his abilities.
I am leaving the church because I do not enjoy being lied to. If a god cannot make up a lie that doesn’t contradict itself, he has no reason for me to follow him.
This whole realization took a few years to take root, and I wasn’t really thinking like that until my senior year of high school, and I wasn’t truly able to put it into words until a few months ago.
*I’ve stopped capitalizing ‘god’ in my writing entries, as I personally believe Yahweh is one of many but that is a post for a different day. And I’ve started referring to the Christian god by name, as not many people know that he happens to have one. Most often I see him called Yahweh or Jehovah. So those are the names I tend to use.
