I had a really good conversation last night with another student in my PhD cohort. This person is another student of color—there are very few of us in the program—and they are finishing their first year in the program, which puts them at a very similar position to where I was just a year ago. The student asked me for some tips about being in the PhD program, about writing and graduate school and academia, and I guess as someone who is about to finish their coursework and has been working with grad students for 5 years, I have /some/ insight.
So if you’re going to get your PhD
First, you need to learn to advocate for yourself. This can mean a lot of different things. Sometimes it will mean needing to ask your instructor for deadline extensions because you’re sick and overwhelmed. Sometimes it means double-emailing your advisor because you need their signature to get into a certain class. And sometimes it will mean asking other students for help, asking for another explanation, telling other people that you need something that you are not being provided. Asking if a class is going to be offered soon. Asking if a class can be substituted. Doing things to help yourself get ahead. I have an especially hard time with this because I hate being perceived as a pest. I come from an environment where my emotions were not prioritized, and it makes it hard for me to speak up. But I do it. Sometimes while struggling to send the email or make the call, and with acid in my throat, but I do it.
Second, the biggest obstacle to student success is usually not the rigor of classes—it is usually an external obstacle that can’t be solved because of lack of student support. You get in a car crash. You have a medical emergency. You have an unexpected layoff at work. Something outside of the academic setting, outside of your control, happens. And you can only plan for this so much. But I have seen then again and again—it is the number one reason why students don’t complete. It’s something personal. The best you can do in these instances is make a plan—a plan to pause, a plan to return, a plan to slow down, if that’s what you need.
Third, you need to have support. This can come from a lot of places. Friends, family, instructors, other students, other places. Sometimes it’s a person who will remind you to eat. Sometimes it’s someone who will tell you you are doing a good job. Sometimes it’s just people who remind you why you’re on this path, for whatever reason that is. You CAN do this without support, and a lot of the time, you will be…alone. That’s part of the nature of this work, how solitary and isolating it is. But you SHOULDNT make it harder for yourself if you know there are people who want to support you. Join an org, join a club, take up some hobby that gets you outside of the academic space 1 day a week. Something positive to help you emotionally.
Next, trust your skills. They have carried you this far. You know enough of what you are doing to continue forward. Believe in yourself. Even when you aren’t doing it perfectly, you must believe that there is someone else out there doing it worse than you and not worrying about it. So you deserve to finish it too.
Accept that there will be times when your best isn’t enough. Tragically, you can’t always do it all. There will be times when you have to walk away from something. Many grad students are also spouses and professionals and parents, and those things are important to them, personally. If you can’t give 100% to grad school, THATS TOTALLY NORMAL. No one gives 100% to the institution—no one has THAT much of themselves to give. Now, if you are sometimes having to prioritize school above other things, that’s okay. Just remember that sometimes a crappy job is okay as long as you get to advance.
Don’t compare your progress to anyone else’s. Everyone has their own journey. This is the one that I think is the worst piece of advice on this list because I can’t always make myself do this. I wish I could put on emotional horse-blinders and ignore the students who are breezing through their programs so fucking quickly. If it makes you feel better, I got through my program as quickly as they would let me (max credits since I got here, no summers off), and I struggled VERY much. So. Other people are also struggling. It’s not just you. And if you’re not struggling, then be gracious. Offer support and don’t be so smug. There isn’t an award for suffering or not suffering.
And finally, do what works for you. I have been saying all this shit, but I don’t know everything. No one knows everything. I wouldn’t want you to try to do everything exactly like I’ve done it. There are things I would go back and change if I could.
And that’s it. I’m sure there are other things. More technical things. Things other people would prioritize in my advice. You probably know some or all of these things. But I know sometimes it’s different hearing it from someone else.
You’ll finish. I will finish. Someday, all this stress will feel foreign to you and you’ll hardly remember why it felt so all-consuming. I can say that for sure.











