wow can you really believe 2020 is almost over? cause I certainly can't. despite living only 3 months out of 12 this year felt the longest and the shortest all together I have no idea why.
the last two months especially were rough for me: I spent them crying myself to sleep, pmsing really hard and leaving social media (which really they're toxic af and idk why I've never realized that) I'm not sure if what happened has something to do with me coming to terms with my asexuality but feeling so touch starved really did a number on me! and I'm not even one that says "I love you" to people or hug them or anything like that and yet I needed it so badly and got depressed cause I didn't have that.
that's something I really need to work on 2021, as much as my attachment issues towards people who apparently don't care as much as I do (which is a pattern with me) I just want you all to know that if you ever sent me a message this year - and I probably haven't even replied to that cause I'm bad 😅 - I read them all and they were the highlights of my days. to know that someone out there thought of me helped me immensely and I'm so very grateful for each and everyone of you.
I hope 2021 is the year of rebirth, for me especially. I mean pandemic aside my year hadn't been so different from other ones, I'm still struggling in uni and with depression full on it's even more difficult. I'm overweight to the point where I can't even look at myself in the mirror, I have no self esteem left and ultimately I feel like I'm an awful friend for wanting people to care about me (which in itself is a dumb thing) so yeah. I'm already taking a break from twitter, cause that triggered my anxiety big time (especially reading about people having sex with strangers that just was a no go for me) so after 11 years of being over there I decided to take a break possibly for good. I haven't been much on Tumblr as well, with the reblogs being what they are I don't even have the urge to ma inke GIFs and such (which I hope I'll get back to it somehow cause I kinda miss that)
I'm so bad with new year's propositions really so I wish you all an happy new year and I hope you and your families are safe ❤️