#probably oversharing

[xaliaver]

i have to go to dinner at my parents' friends house tonight, and i just remembered they also have kids. and one of them is my age. and i forgot her name but i think we're supposed to be friends? so. that's gonna be awkward.

[bunnyhun135]

I almost cried and went entirely nonverbal today explaining to someone that I’m trying new pronouns. Someone who I knew would absolutely support me, but even the idea of changing something that felt fundamental about myself was horrifying. Change is scary, and I think that’s why I want to be a floret so badly. I want to be able to change, to have some one change me, and not be afraid that somehow it will make everything fall apart. The fear and anxiety is optional but I don’t know how to do it any other way.

That and, hot giant plant mommy who wants to get absolutely freaky with my gay ass. That’s pretty cool too.

[kinkyrius]

I've been looking at it as if I have two separate sets of kinks, one for fantasies and one for real life, but I suspect now that this is the wrong way to think about it. It might be more accurate to say I just have one set of kinks, but in real life many of them get overpowered by my neuroses and anxieties.

One of my biggest neuroses I think is a deep seated fear of permanence, I am so fucking scared of making the “wrong” decision and then not being able to go back and undo it. This is also a major part of many kinks for obvious reasons, including many kinks I would say I have, even up to permanent bodily injury or death. Obviously I don't think most people would go for those sorts of things IRL, but even with the more minor ones I hate how much I debate over possibly regretting something.

I'm not really complaining about it or anything, it's just a part of who I am that I wanted to write about. I'm fine basically being just subby and a masochist in person and keeping the rest to fiction and fantasies. I guess on the upside it does mean I'm less likely to like, get a tattoo, or off myself.

[navybrat817]

Going on your blog is like having a warm cup of tea. I wish I was as cool as you. 🥺

Nonnie, you are too kind. I'm glad my blog brings you comfort. I can assure you I am nowhere near cool. To prove that, I'll give you an insight to my headspace from yesterday under the cut. Feel free to ignore.

I love being able to write and interact on my blog, but the mean voice in my head convinced me that everyone secretly hates me and doesn't want me here. As a military brat, I've had to move a lot and I often watched from the sidelines as people formed deep friendships before I had to move again. I see genuine connections on this site, and I have formed some as well, and it's easy to sometimes feel out of step or out of the loop.

I get the disconnect whether it's timing or interests in others fandoms. It's tough to put yourself out there and try something new. There are going to be dips or slow days. We're busy outside of the site and don't have enough spoons. I also know my energy doesn't vibe with some and that's okay.

"But, Navy, people interact with you. Why are you complaining?"

Logic doesn't always translate to the sensitive parts of our mind. I sometimes wait for the other shoe to drop because I can't always be here to give people support or a kind word because I don't have enough energy or hours in the day. I questioned if people genuinely want to talk to or hear from me. I began to question my worth. Not as a writer, just as ME. And that isn't right. My worth shouldn't be tied to me being here.

And because I didn't listen to the logical part of my brain yesterday, I had to step away.

You still think I'm cool, nonnie? 😂

It truly means a lot that you find comfort here. It makes the good days worth it and brings a smile to my face on the bad days. ❤️

Love and thanks. ❤️

[cellsshapedlikestars]

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

12) your weaknesses as an author

13) your strengths as an author

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?

15) why did you start writing?

16) are there any characters who haunt you?

11. grammar, maybe. getting control of my run-on sentences

12. being too hard on myself & putting a lot of pressure on myself. Like I stopped writing my current WIP cause the last chapter I posted got half the comments of the two prior and I went, oh, this must be horrible and everyone hates it, and I made myself so down about it I couldn't write it anymore.**** I'm sure I have other weaknesses, but I think this is the one that most effects my mental health, see above.

13. I enjoy it. I absolutely think this is one of the biggest strengths a writer can have - if they love and believe in what they're writing and they're not just doing it for clout or fame or whatever. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I write for myself, first and foremost. When I can keep that in mind is when I'm the happiest, and when I think my fics are the best (see, help me out of the shape i'm in. Extremely self indulgent and I think one of my favorites). This is always at war with #12

14. some. I think I mostly covered music in this ask and then gave some examples in this one.

15. couldn't tell you. I started writing when I was a child. I remember sitting my mom down and reading her something I wrote (I even cried while reading it to her and GOD how embarrassing is that. My poor mother). I wrote Sailor Moon fanfiction as a kid that I never posted. I had a whole fandom author career many moons ago. I stopped for quite a while, before picking it back up for Jonsa because it was mid-2020 and I was anxiety spiraling every single day and writing helped me get out of my head

16. To be honest, I don't get extremely into many fandoms, so I don't actually have a lot of characters that 'haunt' me, in the way I think you're implying. There are characters that have meant a lot to me and the media I have consumed shaped who I am, but I wouldn't say they haunt me. (except Jon Snow, goddamnit)

****please note that this is all in my head and the comments I did get were absolutely lovely I am just a mess of a human sometimes

[keeper-of-the-dragon-flame]

At this point I'm not even sure if I'm able to write at any time other than between midnight and 4 am

[gremlinbehaviour]

I keep thinking to myself. hey why do all my joints hurt. and then it's like. ah. my period is on its way and apparently my new birth control is not doing enough to dampen the havoc my hormones wreck on my body each month. and also. It was 80 degrees yesterday

[alllinkedup]

Self-talk

First original thing of art I put on here was silly and cute, so naturally, I shall follow it up with depressing personal shit for some balance.

Decided to do a mental health experiment today writing out all the negative things I tell myself that I am on any given day. They are bold, plentiful, and easily crowd up my mental space. Second part of the experiment was to write descriptors my friends might say about me. They shine brightly and help cut through the mess sometimes, but honestly, they’re harder to think up, fewer, and I’m pretty quick with the “Yes, but…” that covers them back up (though it’s helpful they’re there nonetheless). In the end, it’s important to remind myself that I am human, that I’m trying to live up to the brighter/better things, and that maybe that is enough.

Be kind to yourselves, friends, try to remind yourself of the bright things every so often. Even if they get covered up, it’s still important that they *are* there