#processing thoughts

[balluprojects]

Changing Lights, 2024

early mornings in autumn, the city is high voltage beneath beautiful colourful dawn and cloudy skies

a ligh wednesday*

[lonely-soul-02]

31 May 2023

Call me

He tells me: “I’m busy for the next year and a half with my album but anyway, Liam is full of s**t.

“He knows as well as I do that he doesn’t want it either. What he does like doing is making me look a c**t.

“He’s being ingenuine (sic) to his beloved Oasis fans who put him where he is today. “Go fing call me then. I’ve said it to him, ‘Call me directly or indirectly. Get your people to call. You don’t even have to speak to me’

“But unless he’s called during this interview, my phone is still silent,” adds Noel, looking at his phone.

“And I’ll tell you why. Because if he calls and I say, ‘Let’s do it’, then he’s got to stand in the same room as me, right? And then it’s on him.

“And he doesn’t want that. He won’t stand in the same room as me because then he’s got to pull it off, and he can’t pull it off. And you can quote me on all of that.”

His good friend Damon Albarn, of Britpop “rivals” Blur, has placed a bet that Oasis will reform following Blur, who play Wembley Stadium next month.

But Noel says with a laugh: “So he’s put money on it. But he’s got enough money to waste.”

Last year Liam and Noel were urged to patch up their relationship as an 80th birthday present to their mum Peggy.

But Noel is having none of it, and says: “I get strangers coming up to me, saying, ‘Be nice to your mum and get back together for her’.

“It’s got nothing to do with my mum. I’m 56, not 17. She has never mentioned anything to me about it.

"She knows not to get involved. I wouldn’t say to my mum, ‘It’s time you and Dad got back together’.”

https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/22538962/noel-gallagher-liam-oasis-reunion-full-of-it/

Liam is full of s**t... he doesn't want Oasis reunion, says Noel Gallagher

AS Noel Gallagher gets ready to release a new High Flying Birds album, he has revealed how writing his new record helped him get through the

Thanks for the heads up!

The stand out quotes to me:

“He knows as well as I do that he doesn’t want it either. What he does like doing is making me look a c**t.

"...my phone is still silent"

“And he doesn’t want that. He won’t stand in the same room as me because then he’s got to pull it off, and he can’t pull it off. And you can quote me on all of that.”

"She knows not to get involved. I wouldn’t say to my mum, ‘It’s time you and Dad got back together’.”

Pull it off = pretend he likes me and can stand to be in the same room as me.

Noel's had it in his head for years and years that Liam doesn't like him. It's even reflected in some of his lyrics 'you put me up like a fly on the wall'. The notion of being ignored, feeling rejected or trying to reach someone who can't be reached is a recurring theme in his solo work. But why does he believe this? It clear as day to the rest of us that Liam adores him.

Noel gives out desperate to reconnect vibes but why won't he call Liam? As big as their egos are, I can't help feeling there is something more to it than mere stubbornness...unless this latest is all about throwing everyone off the scent.

That last quote though...still getting my head around that one...lots to unpick there...

update:

Sounds a bit kinky?? lol His mind immediately goes there. And he is ALL OVER this article first thing in the morning. Showbiz?? Or obsession?

[sanddollarpoems]

Motherhood is mourning

The constant loss of yesterday

And who they used to be

The slow act of letting go

Motherhood is acceptance

That they will need and want less

Each year pulling away

Growing into independence

Motherhood is a small moment

Of being relevant again

But always being the safe space

Always having their back

Motherhood is the act of love

[loveyourlovelysoul]

When there's too much noise around (inside and outside) and you try to keep pushing, things may just get heavier. Try taking a break instead, sitting with the noise and taking your time to turn it into some kind of music just for you.

[unwelcome-ozian]

[md3artjournal]

I've come to the *horrifying* conclusion that when my family and I go on our trip to Japan, I'll have to switch from ink to pencils. BUM-bum-BUUUUUUUUUUM! lol

I heard Copic markers leak on planes, fountain pens explode, and if I bring a whole bottle of ink for my dip pens, it might get confiscated by TSA. (I haven't been on a plane before.) The only ink I'll be able to bring seems like a ballpoint pens, and there are _reasons_ why I switched to brushpens, fountain pens, and dip pens! Ballpoint pens and gel pens just skip too much for me! ;o; Whether it's because of my tiny writing or drawing. Yesterday I had to switch from ballpoint to dip pen just for writing on Post-it Notes! Because I couldn't stand the skipping and unreliable lines anymore. x_x; And the pressure required for ballpoint pens just hurts my hand/wrist/arm now. x_x; But that's enough venting. ^.^;;;;

I've had some practice trying to return to pencils, just a few months ago. And those color pencil flower drawings turned out fine. And by "fine", I mean, it worked with how I think. No psychological blocks about being too afraid to "ruin" good paper or expensive materials, like how I get with watercolor paper or expensive paints. I'd rather get daily drawing practice with cheap materials, than have psychological blocks about "wasting" materials and "ruining" supplies, stopping me from making anything at all.

My only problem is returning to pencil for my linework. Many years ago, I got so fed up with my inked lines losing all the life of my underdrawings, that I started drawing directly with ink instead. And I've been doing that for literal decades now. A little while ago, I tried to return to return to pencil line drawings, and my drawing was so over-worked, that it was ruined even before it was halfway finished. o~o; This must be another psychological block of mine. x_x;;;;;;; Since pencils give me the freedom to re-work lines and my brain has grown accustomed to making each line count, I think my brain no longer knows how to function with a utensil that allows me to re-work lines. I just end up in an endless process of re-doing every line and form, over and over again. x________x;;;;;;;;; It was such a mess last time I used a graphite pencil for linework.

Strangely though, my color pencil sketches don't have that problem, even though I am technically also using pencils for linework. I can only presume that since color pencils are higher than graphite mechanical pencils, on the hierarchy of limited materials that I'm afraid to waste, my brain probably switches back to disallowing over-worked lines.

Maybe I should just do all my linework with color pencils. o.o? Still, I should probably bring a graphite mechanical pencil anyway, just in case.

[finns-poe]

Star wars culture is C-3PO being with the canon couple for the whole movie so Prequels Anakin/Padme, Original trilogy Han/Leia, Sequels..Finn/Poe?

[mysticdragon3md3]

I've seen multiple posts tonight about Jayvik size difference, and it makes me suspect there's been some discourse lately about JayVik "size difference". It reminded me that I've had some aversion to this trope. But the funny thing is, I'm fine with this trope in JayVik.

I think it has to do with how I come to know a couple. When I give a new BL title a try, I don't know them. The only thing I know about them, is their character design, what is symbolized by their character design, and that the narrative will get them together, because it's a Romance genre.

Mangaka have admitted multiple times, that they have to rely on tropes as shortcuts in their industry, to try to convey the most information, as fast as possible, to someone flipping thru their book, with a zillion other choices. A manga only as a few seconds to get a potential buyer's attention. It's why something eyecatching is usually in the panel on the page and part of the page that is most easily seen while flipping pages, quickly skimming thru a manga. It's also why a lot of BL starts with smut, to grab the reader's attention (even if often at the cost of a narrative that prioritizes consent). Mangaka have to use shortcuts.

Unfortunately, that means, that after years of exposure to the conventions of BL (and frankly, also true of Shoujo manga), I've come to recognize the most likely tropes represented by character design. "The younger, more fem-looking character is the uke." "The shorter character is the uke." (In Shoujo manga: "The short girl is infantilized, while the guy is made to look too much older...and maybe often treat her like a child/dependent.") "The shorter, more bishounen character will act passive, or fill stereotypically 'feminine" roles from heterosexual Romance genre relationship dynamics, or they will get the short end of a power imbalance, often including dub-con." Tropes like that, keep happening, connected to character design, and often accompanying the shorter and/or smaller character. Tropes are used as shortcuts to represent and symbolize certain character traits and relationship dynamics' roles. It's a shortcut. The problem is that sometimes, I get tired of these character designs, because they repeatedly hint at certain expectations and tropes, that I don't like much.

If going into a Romance genre story, I see a size difference, I can often expect (and dread) a power imbalance. Personally, I don't prefer a power imbalance. But often, when I get into these new stories that I haven't read before, the character designs are my only introduction to the characters. It may take a while for the story to portray their characterizations. But often, the character design does most of the heavy lifting, up front. Maybe because most BL are short stories. Maybe using character design, physical appearance of a character, to directly correlate to their personalities and their roles within their relationships, is just good, functional character design. But that does mean I've been conditioned to recognize a pattern of power imbalance when the couple has a size difference. And that's not my preference. (Which is why I often prefer couples of similar heights, in the BL manga, and relatedly, M/M ships, that I get into.)

It colors my expectations for how the characters and their relationship will be portrayed. When I have nothing to go by but their character design, before the story gives me enough, to learn about the characters, then I'm going to use the symbolism provided by such character design to anticipate the tropes, that I have been repeatedly conditioned to expect.

Which brings me to a theory for why I'm okay with Jayvik's size difference: I got to know them, before I was subjected to a narrative, that was racing to couple them up. Firstly, a lot of purely Romance genre stories, and especially BL/yaoi, move VERY quickly to pair up a couple, or to at least get them in bed together. Meanwhile, I am a "slow burn" preferer. I like couples with such ambiguous love, that they spend most of the story being friends, growing feelings, and postponing love confessions and officially becoming a romantic couple, until very late in the game. Because Jayvik's romance is subtext in the canon, because they are technically a non-canon ship, I felt like they had more of a "slow burn" than a rushed relationship. It gave me time to know them and understand their relationship, for a long time, before even mentioning romance. I wasn't stuck with a rushed narrative, relying on the symbolism within their character designs, to foreshadow tropes (that I disliked).

When I see JayVik, yes, I see Viktor is fairly short and slim, while Jayce is very tall and broad-shouldered. But I don't see them as the immediate representation of the "passive uke in a power imbalance with a dominant seme". I see them as Jayce and Viktor. They happen to have a noticeable size difference, but I also don't fixate on it much. I see them as individual characters, that I got to know. I see their relationship that grew slowly (in terms of romance). I don't see their character designs as foreshadowing the expected dub-con trope from a pushy seme. Instead, I see Viktor and Jayce, who have dreams as individuals, who sync up so well together, and admire and care for each other so much. To me, their size differences are incidental. Honestly, I often don't think about it.