Pseudo-pathological culture
Gods, what an era we live in…
Today I wanted to talk about toxic people ‘healing’ our world. Yes, there are so many of them. I thought I’d challenge them here, because, well, fck them.
*If you believed in one of the narratives below, do not feel foolish, okay? Culture is like that, it almost forces you to participate, and making your own stand is not easy at all. This is not a shaming post, it’s a wake-the-fuck-up post.
• “Everyone brainrots/doomscrolls nowadays. It’s normal.”
No, it really is not true. I rarely do that and when I do it, it’s very intentional and limited. Thinking your brain rots, will make it rot. Do you want a rotten brain? Instead of ‘brain rotting’ go ‘satisfy your curiosity’.
*Tumblr is actually one of the few social media platforms where there is substance beyond the aesthetic.
• “You crossed my boundary so I’m cutting you off.”
First of all, most do not set a clear boundary. It’s more or less “I don’t like this right now, you’re not doing exactly what I want, so I’ll say you crossed my boundary”. Doesn’t work like that. Then, you just are controlling.
Also, most have this forest of boundaries, that often contradict each other, and are not reciprocal — you can’t have a 1000 boundaries while doing the exact same thing that hurt you to others.
Furthermore, some things are just common sense: it’s not because I did not explicitly state “lying is a personal boundary” that you can lie to me and say “but you never said lying was a personal boundary”.
• “No answer is also an answer”
The favourite adage of ghosters. Well let me break it down to you: “No answer is no fucking answer”. It’s a weak stance for cowards that want to justify their own incapacity to communicate clearly.
• “If they wanted to, they would have done so.”
Well, this one should take the prize for ignoring basic human psychology. Sometimes, people have a little bit more going on that what you see on the surface.
• “Ew, they’re love bombing! Cut them off asap!”
If declaring your feelings has become a sickness, what world are we living in? Just respect the other! If you’re not feeling the same thing, just fucking tell them that? It really is not that hard.
• “Ew, they’re trauma dumping! Cut them off asap!”
If people choose to share a vulnerability, be respectful! It’s not because you are incapable of showing your pains, that others are not allowed to be vulnerable!
• “They’re so codependent, it’s unhealthy.”
Stfu. You’re maybe just jealous of their intimate bond? If you think they’re too into each other, just look the other way? Often said by lonely bitter people.
• “Jealousy is a form of control.”
Nope, jealousy is a healthy feeling when you’re in an intimate relationship and there is a real risk of damage or loss. Excessive jealousy exists — but it is often found in the people who deny their own healthy jealousy.
• “Polyamory is a more evolved form of being in relationships.”
Ah, yes, monogamy, the great evil of our times. Except there are many many advantages to monogamy that polyamory could never fulfill. A simple thought experiment: take 2 random points — they will always form a stable line. Take 3 random points — they will always form a triangle, most likely very unstable. It’s already difficult enough to align with 1 person. You need to have some great human insight to be able to hold that same bond with 2 (or more) people.
• “Your partner shouldn’t trigger you.”
That’s an impossible folly: everything in Life will trigger you. Ideally, your partner does trigger you; that’s how you evolve together. However, you need to be aware of the what and the how. If they trigger negative feelings and are incapable of showing self-reflection, instead blaming you — then yes, they are being toxic. If they trigger you, and then you talk about it, and you come out stronger, very normal and actually good for a relationship.
• “If they don’t serve you, cut them off!”
Well aren’t you lonely in your world? Maybe try to talk and use your words before ghosting and cutting off everyone who doesn’t do exactly what you want?
• “Eww they always send such long messages! Do they think I’m gonna read that?”
You probably do read it and then you realise you are not capable of using your words… It is impossible to express deep, true, complex feelings or thoughts in just a single line, baby. That’s why up until 50 years ago, people wrote letters. You know, the long kind of letters with pages of words? You’re just being allergic to reality.
• “I’m not being judgemental, but…”
You are being judgemental. And there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you understand your judgement is just your personal opinion you are allowed to express. Was never gonna be a Universal Truth.
• “Why do you have to be so negative? That’s really mean.”
Well, sometimes Life is not just flowers and Beauty. Some shit is messed up. Saying that stuff, as an opinion, should not be a problem. It becomes a problem when there is no balance and everything is always negative and worse than you. Like this post is negative, but I do offer roads to positivity. And I hope some people will be happy to finally see a counter to all the toxic pseudo-psychology out there ;)
Obviously, sometimes, the above really does apply. However, nowadays these things are just carelessly throw into the discussion without any form of self-reflection. It more likely tells more about you, than about the ones you are talking about.