#publicdiary

[heathergraves]

I really need to figure out how to realize that other people’s problems are not my responsibility to fix

Not even my responsibility to help/assist them in any way

I need to put that energy into figuring out how to fix my own problems and stop putting my own life on hold

I need to realize it’s okay to say No to people

And that that doesn’t make me a bad person/shitty friend

And doesn’t automatically mean that person will like me less if I say No to them

[sheknewnothing]

(Venting)Loneliness Can't Be Why You Stay Or Get Into A Relationship...

Understanding why you want a relationship while single will prevent you from remaining in a relationship that doesn't fulfill you. I'll be honest the idea of being with someone who understands me and allows me to be myself without judgement is a gorgeous idea, but what happens when the other things that scare you about relationships begin to surface. Will you be willing to let go of that attachment? I find myself in a dynamic where I feel a bit trapped, because emotions are heavy. I am a firm believer in practicality. I need things to make sense. I'll be honest none of the things I'm doing make sense. I'm distracted and focused on the wrong things. What happens internally always has its way of manifesting in physical realm. Being validated in the courtship has been so intoxicating that I feel like I might be leading someone on, because I'm not sure about what I want or need.

So I struggle with wanting to avoid confrontation so I don't feel abandonment or rejection. Its something I am currently seeing as a problem and blockage for my growth. I can even see this accruing unnecessary karma. Learning to be comfortable with being alone is something I really need to discover. I wish I could do the whole sexual relationship with no connection, but I can't. I also wish I could do the multiple dating thing, but I can't. At this point I'm just a bit lost. I've been single for a solid 2 years now and I want to date, but I don't want to rush being with someone. I suck at dating because I commit too early. I also have really distorted ideas about sex and men in general.

I guess its good that I get these feelings out now. I wish I knew the proper way of getting what you want out of a dynamic without hurting yourself or others, but each day I jump into the realm of dating someone gets hurt. I'm leaving so much out, but I feel a little better since I at least know what my problem is.

Until next time its SKNDeep and I'm out.

[sheknewnothing]

May was a great time for healing and mending friendships with transparency.

I woke up and decided to confront some of the lies and hidden truths I harbored. It wasn’t easy, because there were so many things to confess. I had to stop being afraid of losing people. I realized when I try to hold on to people I overcompensate with lies and politeness. I never wanted to ruffle feathers. I hated when I felt ignored or insignificant. So I would lie. Fabricate things to be more understandable, significant, and loved. It was my coping mechanism. There has been this destructive need to be valued. I needed to be valued. It wasn’t until I realized you can’t be valued if it’s not authentic. I got to this point in my life where my personal truth was better than any lie I could have told. My truth finally gave me the love and embrace I’ve always wanted...shit craved for. I am still learning how to live in my truth fearlessly. To my amazing friends who encourage and embrace me for who I am and not what I want them to see I thank you. You give me courage to live my best and most authentic life. I’ve been blessed to have experiences that have humbled me. I have a couple of things I’m still working on like my isolation issues, binge eating, and finding a proper creative space. I still need to learn how to block out some of the voices in my head, but one voice I can never block out is the voice that keeps telling me to be better by doing better. I am grateful for the opportunities God provides for me to learn and encourage myself. I am nowhere near perfect in fact i’m flawed AF, but I’m still worthy of love and I’m excited to pursue my happiness and self love. I can’t say this has been easy, but it has been rewarding. I’m grateful. It’s SKNDEEP and I’m OUT! 

[pray4miniaturemoon]

Havent used this account in a while hm.... welll tomorrow is my birthday yay

[pray4miniaturemoon]

Okay so some time ago I drew this as some sort of idea for a coord or something? I think there would be alot of offwhites, beige and gold colors in this coord but of course alot of other accent colors so it wont look boring and monochrome,, I'd love to make this once im good enough at sewing

[pray4miniaturemoon]

There is an antique store around 7 minutes away from me that i'd like to go to on my birthday, I forgot if there were any clothes there but there were lots of pretty items!!

[pray4miniaturemoon]

I GOT A SEWING MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll finally be able to start making dresses!! (Im sosososososososos happy)

Happy new years eve, by the way!! (To anyone who may see this)

[littlesweeties]

7:52am | 𝐹𝑒𝑒𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒪𝒻𝒻

⸝⸝ 🎀 ୭ ─ Just having one of those mornings. Feeling unloved and vulnerable. I really want my bf but he's at work and doesn't finish for a few more hours. I've been awake speaking with my online friends all night, but it doesn't feel like enough to fill that hole right now. I'm too tired to talk to anyone aside from my best friend. However, as of writing this I think she's AFK or busy. She hasn't responded to me in a while.

I should sleep but my brain won't let me. My body really wants to. I can't sleep without him beside me. It doesn't feel right. I love it when we cuddle and when he holds me. He's so sweet and kind. He helps make all my worries and troubles go away . . most of the time. Of course, like most relationships he also makes me stress. I won't get into that though; not to people on a random site who I don't even know are reading this. 🧸