Jaune’s Father: “Walk the walk Jaune and talking the talk will come natural”
Jaune: *Stunned by Pyrrha kissing him*
Pyrrha: *About to shove Jaune in the rocket locker*
Jaune: *Feels Pyrrha’s hands on his chest, misinterprets and shoves his tongue down Pyrrha’s throat*
Pyrrha: *Eyes open in shock* MMMMPPPHHH!!!!! *Flustered by her naughtiest dreams coming true*
Jaune: *Enjoying the kiss, grabs and squeezes Pyrrha’s asscheeks*
Pyrrha: *Squeals, tries to push Jaune off*
Jaune: *Thinking Pyrrha’s about to push him into the locker and run off to die, panics*
Pyrrha: *Pyrrha’s brain shuts down as Jaune’s thigh rubs against her core, loses the ability to stand upright*
Jaune: *Spins, pushes a dazed Pyrrha in the locker and sets it off*
Pyrrha: *Already three hundred feet from Jaune* W-what, no! No! NOOOO!!! *Incredibly angry* Gosh flipping darnit girl, you l-let him get you all riled up and now he’s going to get himself killed!
Jaune: *In an elevator* This is officially the stupidest idea you’ve ever had! Even worse than the stuff with Cardin, worse than the Deathstalker, worse than the time you took the blame for Coral breaking the window and somehow, someway, worse than the time you let Saphron put you in a dress, do your makeup and practice kissing a ‘girl’!
Elevator: *Shakes ominously*
Jaune: *Pale* I mean you just had your first real kiss with a girl, you felt her ass up and holy gods does Pyrrha have a nice, tight, big one, you’re still hard as diamonds and instead of running from the school that literally had a hole burnt through it by some kind of fucking firebreathing Grimm abomination, you go in! *Elevator goes into freefall*
Elevator: *Jaune’s screams replace screeching metal, crashes*
Jaune: *Climbs out, unharmed but aura has shattered* There’s got to be a limit, Jaune! Sure I turned Pyrrha to putty in my hands but that should not translate into running headfirst into certain death! Stupid Dad and his stupid advice! *Is hit in the head by a cane* Fucking ow! What the shit!?
*Witnesses Ozpin firing a gout of emerald fire that clashes with two huge streams of fire from the hot Haven girls hands*
Jaune: Oh what the fuck. And here I thought walking the walk was gonna be cool. Stupid Pyrrha. *Ducks underneath a scintillating jade orb thrown by Ozpin which vaporizes the elevator leaving nothing behind, in a falsetto* ‘Oh I’ll just kiss him and he’ll be so surprised and then I’ll shove him in a locker and go do something that’ll probably get myself killed. Teehee!’ *Breathes out* Not that I’m doing any better. The hot but apparently crazy Haven chick can fucking fly and - is that a tornado, ohhhh I’m gonna die - and Ozpin’s...
Jaune: Is going to go to prison because this is a sex dungeon. Okay, Okay, you’re cool. Sure it was unanimously decided Pyrrha was going into the singles portion of the tournament and you nearly broke your neck twice getting down here, but something tells me sad Pyrrha has something to do with this. *Pauses* Which makes me wanna punch Ozpin, but question the pedo headmaster after you help!
*Sees Ozpin get a glass spear through the left lung*
Jaune: *Quickly* Or not. Okay, she’s monologuing, that’s good. Sneak, sneak, sneak-sneak-sneak. Blah, blah, magic? Really lady? Add delusional on top of crazy. Just get in closer, give her a nice kick to the ass and Ozpin will use his weird green themed semblance to obliterate her. *Hears Pyrrha mentioned* Ignore the urge to kick the dying sicko in the nuts, just focus on hurting the crazy chick who was apparently gonna kill my sorta-kinda-maybe girlfriend. Just nice, slowly, easily, quietleee-- *trips over his shoelace* --EEEEEEYYYOOOOPPPP!!!
Cinder: *Coughs wetly, stares at the sword sticking through her chest* H-how...?
*Cinder falls on top of Ozpin, her body crushed between the Headmasters and the shellshocked Jaune’s*
Ozpin: *Confused and dying* Mr. Arc?
Jaune: *High pitched* IswearIonlymeanttokickherintheasssoyoucouldfinishhereoff!
Ozpin: *Coughs* I believe you. Unfortunately it was not to be. You pierced her straight through the heart.
Ozpin: And in doing so you’ve saved miss Nikos from a terribly cruel fate.
Jaune: Oh. That’s good. I’m pretty sure that if she hadn’t tried to shove me in that stupid rocket locker there’s at least a 50% chance Pyrrha would’ve jumped my bones, Grimm invasion or not.
Ozpin: *Groans in dismay* Only to quite possibly doom yourself to one.
Jaune: *Suddenly at full attention* You say what now?
Ozpin: You’ve stabbed me as well. *Sees Jaune about to speak* You’ve stabbed my other lung, young man.
Ozpin: Not yet you aren’t. Usually when I reincarnate it’s some unlucky, random bastard. But you’ve imprinted on me.
Ozpin: I’m an immortal wizard who, when he dies, his soul and consciousness along with all his memories are transferred into a new man’s preexisting body.
Jaune: *Panicking* I don’t want you in my head, headmaster! On the off chance you’re not just a nasty pedophile, I really don’t want you in my head! I don’t think you wanna be there either! *Ozpin doesn’t respond* Professor? *Still nothing* Headmaster! *Ozpin is dead, Jaune* Ozpin you old fuck, don’t you dare, I don’t wanna hear your voice when I’m deep dicking my hot redheaded partner!
Ozpin: *Body explodes into green motes of light which Jaune inhales*
Jaune: AAAHHH, I DON’T CONSET, I DON’T CONSENT!
Pyrrha: *Bringing dat ass back, clapping his groin* Oh Jaune, oh gods yes I love it, I love your cock so-s-s-so much! *Twists and twirls her booty on his cock* Oh f-fuck, I’m gonna cum agaaaaaiiinn!!
Jaune: *Going hard, closing in*
Pyrrha: Oh yes, please, harder, I’m gonna cum all over that delicious Arc meat again and o-o-oh shit, fuck yes Jaune, fill your slutty Nikos bitch up with your hot jizz!
Ozpin: *Mentally* She’d be cumming harder if you did what I suggested.
Jaune: *Mentally, trying to focus on Pyrrha’s voice and the image of her* Shut up. This is me time you parasite and I don’t care how long you’ve lived, I don’t need advice from the guy who’s ex is out to end the world.
Ozpin: *Mentally* I’m just saying, miss Nikos is a natural born sub. Placing your foot on her head and giving her what I’m telling you she absolutely wants by degrading her, lambasting her the way she does herself and I guarantee you the rewards will be worth it. I know you’ve been eying her anus for quite some time now, give her what she wants--
Jaune: *Mentally, pushes in deeper which makes Pyrrha wail* I knew I couldn’t trust you to shut up! ‘Oh no, the time you spend with miss Nikos will be your own, I’m just an old soul here to help you fight my batshit crazy ex’ and now you’re trying to live vicariously through me! *Eyes widen as Pyrrha spreads her cheeks, lying facefirst on the bed and moaning*
Ozpin: *Mentally, smugly* Oh of course. You certainly don’t want advice from a man who has slept with literally thousands of women. She’s cumming, by the way.
Pyrrha: Ooooohhhh gods, yesyesyesyesyesyesyes I’m fucking cummiiiiiinnnngggg!!!!!!!!! Fuck, fuck, fuuuu~uuuck you’re so fucking gooooood!!!!!
Jaune: *Cumming his brains out*
Ozpin: *Mentally* Good to see you plan on following my advice next round, Jaune. If you feel like paying me back, you could always just tell Pyrrha that you’ve gone through my memories and developed a taste for hardcore, mistress of pain BDSM.
Jaune: *Mentally, lying on Pyrrha’s pronebone body, still inside as they both recover* This is all Dad’s fault. No amount of badass magic is worth this.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wanted one of these to have the advice backfire while still working and while I thought about it being an eventual Raven Jaune’s Father, I realized Pyrrha offered the best opportunity ever in the form of Ozpin, the unwanted and overly friendly brain ghost.
Hopefully any hardcore Arkos fans reading this don’t mind this one being the lewder, screwier one.