POSSIBILITIES FOR IMMORTAL!JASKIER, PART THE SECOND (part 1)
his parents are actual gods and they literally grounded him and cut him off for shenanigans; it did not go how they expected, they thought he’d come whining back, not find himself a sexy little meal ticket
his parents are regular humans, but they had trouble conceiving; they find a djinn and make a wish for a healthy baby that will outlive his loved ones; everyone he has truly loved died in freak accidents, and he told himself he’d just stop loving people, but now he’s got his little found family to worry about oh god
clones? sure, fuck it, something with clones
he somehow got accidentally bonded to yen and became her familiar after the bottled appetites debacle, it takes them awhile to figure that one out
yennefer keeps complaining to tissaia about a certain bard, so tiss slips him a little something something so he sticks around and keeps yen humble
gets his power from breaking hearts and the only way to kill him is to break his :(
he’s constantly surrounded by these other banging long-lifers, his body takes one look at this gucci cullen family and just forgets he’s not Like That too
everyone knows about witcher schools, but there is a very secret place called xavier’s school for gifted bards; jask went through the trial of band camp and got some sweet mutations of his own
he uses the same moisturizer as sharon stone’s character in that awful 2004 catwoman movie that reverses the affects of aging; maybe he’s born with it maybe it’s beau-line
apparently, witcher semen has some.....unforeseen side effects with extensive and repeated use 😏
he’s actually a mage’s escaped experiment, well, i say mage, but victor never even finished his doctor mage training, he was a dropout with a god complex ugh
jask took one look at thicc thighs heart of tarnished gold and pretty eyes determination of forged steel and went, huh, how long do they live again? like, forever? cool cool cool. and then told melitele of his plight, who was like ‘oh yeah, sure sure, i get it’, and they made a deal: he gets a longer life if he spreads her name across the continent - she didn’t think it would be in the form of a curse, but he technically fulfilled his end of the bargain, melitele’s tits he’s crafty
died once, didn’t like it, decided not to do that again
this is jaskiers fantasy world we’re all just living in it (medieval matrix)
somehow acquired a cult following whose worship of him and his talents elevated him to god-like status
literal ray of sunshine - he’s old but still bright and hot like burning and if you look directly at him for an extended period of time your eyes start to hurt
struck by lightning in his mid-twenties and stopped aging
he’s a crossroads demon that tried to get geralt to make a deal, but geralt just thought he was a thirsty tagalong (which is not entirely incorrect) and jaskier is in too deep now, it’s a matter of pride and also feelings, yes he has everything under control please don’t send management up to check
time traveler that was booted from the flow of time for time crimes
roach is actually a magical being and jaskier became a favorite after all the treats and songs of her glory; one day while he’s braiding her mane, a silver apple appears on her saddle and he just. fuckin eats it, no questions. he’s been feeling great ever since
too much swag for the bodybag
he was a lute before a bored fae turned him into a Real Boy; whenever he lies you can hear the faint twang of lute strings - he’s gotten very good at speaking the truth at an angle
geralt says he’s not allowed to die
