Heeeeeyyyy!! It’s super late, but here it is! I hope 1143 words is enough of an apologize for making you wait. ;D
Prompt: 91: It’s in the past.
It was after some debating with himself that found Cullen knocking on the chamber doors to King Alistair’s temporary chambers. The charming monarch had been at Skyhold for a couple of days, but aside from formal meetings between him, his fellow advisors, the Inquisitor, and the King, Cullen had had no other interaction with him.
It didn’t help that he’d been doing his best to keep busy so that he wouldn’t have to. But here he was now, knocking on the door as if he had any right to see his King.
Thankfully, it didn’t take Alistair long to answer the knocking and when the door opened Cullen gave him a short bow. He normally didn’t bother playing nice with nobles, but this was...different. He was here for a reason, and he needed to make sure that it was said before he lost his nerve.
“Your Majesty, I apologize for interrupting your rest-”
“Cullen?” Alistair sounded surprised, and Cullen raised his head. Alistair looked perplexed, but he didn’t seem upset that Cullen was standing in front of him. “Umm, what are you doing here?”
At first, he didn’t reply. He just stared at Alistair, taking in the sight that he made. Tall, auburn hair a little darker than it was when they were younger, freckles running along his face like they always did. He was dressed in a loose tunic and breeches and… Maker, but he was gorgeous. The past decade had been kind to him and Cullen had to stomp down any feelings of attraction bubbling in his chest.
He startled, shaking himself out of his stupor, before taking a deep breath.
“Your Majesty, I was hoping I could have a moment of your time. If you’re too busy-”
“No! No, I’m not. You can come in.” Alistair interrupted, moving off to the side.
Cullen nodded and brushed past him, eyes darting around the room before settling on a couple of chairs. He sat down and Alistair did the same. They were both silent for a moment before Alistair spoke up.
“Alistair.” He interrupted again. Cullen blinked in surprise, but the other man continued without waiting for a response. “You can call me by my name. You of all people shouldn’t have to…” He waved his hand in the air, letting the gesture finish his thought.
“...I wasn’t sure if such familiarity would be welcome.” Cullen said after a moment. Alistair snorted.
“Cullen, we practically grew up together. I wouldn’t demand-”
“I know.” This time he interrupted Alistair. And he did. Alistair no doubt hated that people were constantly calling him by his title. Cullen could remember their past conversations about how Alistair had wished he was anyone’s bastard but the King’s. He’d never enjoyed the fact that he was royalty.
Not to mention how remarkably kind Alistair was. He wasn’t the type of person to demand formalities, especially towards people he cared about.
But that was a privilege Cullen had lost a long time ago. He couldn’t- wouldn’t assume that Alistair would give him the same leeway. Not anymore.
“But after...I wanted to apologize.” Cullen continued. “I was hoping I would get the chance to do so now.”
Alistair frowned at him, clearly confused by the sudden admission.
Cullen looked down at his hands. He could feel his cheeks started to flush in embarrassment, but he refused to let it stop him. He needed to say this before it was too late. He’d already avoided it for far too long as it was.
And that was how he spoke about the night Alistair left the Chantry. Staring down at his hands, speaking softly and avoiding Alistair’s gaze, as he apologized for losing his temper. For the things he had said, and for the black eye he’d given Alistair as a parting gift. He admitted that he had avoided Alistair right up until he and that Grey Warden rode away. How he’d spent the next few nights in Alistair’s bed, missing him fiercely and planning to leave the Chantry to find him. How he had cried bitterly because Alistair seemed to have left so easily, when Cullen would have done anything to keep him by his side. How he hated that he had still loved him so much, even though it had hurt so bad.
The room was silent by the time Cullen finished speaking. He had yet to look up, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to.
“Cullen,” Alistair laughed a little. It sounded a bit strained and uncertain. “That was so long ago. You don’t need to apologize for something like that. That’s in the past, water under the bridge, and stuff. I haven’t even thought about it in ages!”
Maybe not. But Cullen had. More times than he cared to admit. It was strange how that one act- that one day- weighed on him; maybe because in his mind that was when everything began to go wrong. The day Alistair left, his life was never the same. It became so much more painful and empty.
And now, here they were, King and Commander, talking about the actions of a hot-headed, heartbroken young man.
“All the same, I apologize.” Cullen replied softly. “I wanted you to know that.”
He expected Alistair to say something, maybe tell him he was an idiot to hang onto that for so long, but instead he found himself wrapped up in Alistair’s arms as the king hugged him. He could feel Alistair press his face into the crook of his neck. It was a surprise, but Cullen wrapped his own arms around Alistair and held him just as tightly.
“Alistair-” He gasped, a little surprised.
“I’m sorry too,” came the muffled response. “I lied and I’m so sorry. I thought about it all the damn time. I wanted to take you with us, but you loved the Order and I couldn’t take that from you. I thought it’d be better to leave and I planned to write to you and find you after you were reassigned to a Circle and-”
The King fell silent. He moved back just enough that his cheek was rubbing against Cullen’s as he spoke. “I missed you, you know. Things just aren’t the same without you.” He finally said. “Do you think we could...start over?”
“Please. I missed you so much,” Cullen whispered. He turned his head so that his lips were just barely brushing past Alistair’s as he spoke, but he didn’t dare to move in further.
Alistair made a noise- small and desperate- as he kissed Cullen hard. His hands were cupping his head, his fingers were wrapped around those curls Cullen kept so well hidden.
It was just a kiss, but was a start. And Cullen hadn’t felt so at ease in years.