#ratblood

[traumacoreratboy]

People who feel the need to clarify they see me the same as a fully abled person make me wonder if they actually do, or they just think they have to say it. Because it’s all “we accept you as you are! You’re doing well! You’re inspiring! Im here if you need anything!” Until I show symptoms that aren’t considered cute or quirky, then shit hits the fan and everybody suddenly doesn’t want to hear it and I’m bullshitting. It’s exhausting.

I don’t want to be an inspiration, I’m not a great influence. I admit it, I don’t sugarcoat it. I’m tired of being held on some pedastol when it’s convienent and then reminded I’ll never be “normal” five seconds later.

[traumacoreratboy]

A little bit of gatekeeping is good in some communities. Fucking fight me.

Before you come at me with guns blazing let me explain my stance here. I believe some gatekeeping in some communities is not just beneficial, but needed. Specifically in mental health spaces, and some identity-specific spaces.

In the DID/OSDD-1/”Plural” community ,Which I am technically a part of, I’m not a singlet but I prefer fuctioning as one singular person, if I can, I see terms like “gatekeeping” and “sysmed” thrown around a lot, and I have very mixed opinions on this. While one may never know if another person is faking for sure, gatekeeping can be beneficial to keep the wrong people out. If you dont have trauma you don’t belong in traumagenic system’s spaces, period fucking dot. Get the fuck out. Nobody cares that you feel excluded, its an exclusive space for a reason, to get away from people who fake, romanticize and otherwise shit all over the disorder. Its also just so people will get to talk to others with same or similar experiences, people they can relate to. 

In trans communities, if its a dysphoric only space, don’t fucking whine and scream transmedicalism just because people want an exclusive space to talk about their fucking experiences, not everybody who disagrees with you is out to get you, and even if some people are hateful, not all are. If people want an exclusive space they can have it. 

Gatekeeping isnt always bad because it 

1.keeps the nasties out

2. lets people have exclusive spaces

3. keeps communities safe

[traumacoreratboy]

vent

I kinda feel like my blog is dying because I’m too nervous to put anything solid out there but I’ve been upset and sad lately and despite the fact I made this to use as partially a vent account originally im afraid of doing it anymore because when I have I’ve gotten some unkind anons. I’m trying to seek help with my mental state but I feel like I’m getting nowhere fast with it. I’ve mentioned my health issues vaguely in the past, but my anxiety with medical settings and procedures is only worsening, and I’m worried some day I’ll get really sick mentally and physically and never get better because I won’t be able to accept help. I’m really scared of that.  I feel like I’m constantly wearing a mask to cover up my pain and anger towards the world as I know it. People always say I have wasted potential, but I don’t think it was there in the first place.  I’m so easily upset. I’m so fucking stupid. I feel so uncreative lately. I just feel tired. I just feel done. I’m so sick and tired of myself at this point that it’s not funny anymore. There’s too much going on and I feel like just giving up. 

[traumacoreratboy]

Rant ig

I will now commence to say something that sounds mildly transphobic because that’s what I do constantly,, why is everybody suddenly transmasc like why is it cool now I’ve been bullied my whole life for being different and literally cancelled for identifying as lgbt as the past, and now that it’s a “trend” to be any of it makes me really upset honestly. I’m tired of being called rude for genuinely not understanding because a lot of it doesn’t click right in my head. I have a hard time switching up pronouns and names often for people, and those close to me know this.

The issue with now multiple aspects of my idenity being considered on trend now is nobody. fucking. believes. me. anymore. I’m now questioned and ridiculed to no end so somebody can “prove” my validity. My own family doesn’t even believe me, and think it’s alright to be blatantly transphobic when they’re upset with me. 

I want to go back to when I had to live closeted in fear of people knowing and thinking im gross instead of living in the hellscape we do now.

[traumacoreratboy]

Y’all I

Tw r slur)

Am I the only one that noticed that the moment people started reclaiming the r slur for disabled and neurodivergent people suddenly everybody is self diagnosing themselves with every mental and physical disorder on planet earth so they can say the slur?? Ableism much?

I don’t think self DX is invalid, I just think that people who Self DX with no intention of seeking professional help are scummy.

[traumacoreratboy]

I think the fact that I’m severely mentally ill is why I’m funny. I’m the only person who can make a joke about me wanting to die, the whole room bursts out in laughter thinking it’s 100% a joke, meanwhile I know it’s nowhere near a joke.

[traumacoreratboy]

You ever just look at something and instantly sense ✨literal bullshit✨ because same

Deadass just like can yall quit it I mean people specifically on other websites and apps because holy shit yall will go to any lengths for attention including faking serious mental disorders and pretending to be a POC for some clout and attention like seriously you need fucking help. That example was just some of what one person I’ve known who was a literal child has done. Faking shit like anxiety, depression, tourettes, DID, ADHD, ADD, etc is sadly really common online, and it sucks.

Little kids having access to the internet was a mistake, goodbye and goodnight.

[traumacoreratboy]

vent

To everybody here I’m just a name on a screen and the moment my “fame” is over everybody will forget about me. What the fuck is the point. I’ll be found to be a problematic piece of shit eventually.