I would always hear my mother’s voice in the back of my head “patience goes a long way.” My young self’s inner dialogue goes something like: “why do I have to endure a lot? Why do I always have to be the one to be understanding? Why can’t I have the same opportunities? Why do I have to work harder? Life is not fair. This is frustrating. This is bullshit.
I say to my young self – You are right. Life may have felt unfair at that moment but it’s up to us on what we do with it, how we maneuver through it, and how we can make the most out of it – to challenge our own perspectives and find ways to achieve enrichment for our soul. Reflecting on such an egocentric thinking of this young self, I feel a sense of gratitude to be surrounded by people in my life that willingly demonstrated patience, endurance, and sacrifice in this ride called life.
Being the impulsive, antsy, solution-focused, action-oriented person that I am, I find myself to always be on the go, tackle a project after another, whatever that may be. Working in the mental health field and facing vicarious trauma, I find myself in the loop of emotional burnout. Being a first-generation immigrant, I find myself balancing between the values and traditions I was taught and accustomed with while accommodating this new world and ideologies as I navigate and find a life for myself.
Sometimes I find myself in such a discomfort, riding this emotional rollercoaster and at the same time wanting to pick a fight. I don’t know how to deal with myself and the bubbling sensation within. These are when I listen especially to that same voice - “patience goes a long way.” This time, I feel a sense of relief, being able to practice compassion towards myself and to others. I would have conversations pretending to be my 15 year-old me talking to my current me and telling her how amazed she is of the accomplishments, of the strength I pulled to be able to sit with the discomfort, of enduring life’s curveballs, and practice gratitude with everything that comes her way.
I learned that tolerance is not a bad thing, to widen my perspective and stretch my understanding towards people, not to take things personally, smile off the frustration, to tame down my reactivity, that comparison is a havoc, recognize the feelings and what is coming up for me, share kindness and gratitude, to simply breathe it out, and sit with the discomfort just a little longer. It is still a continuous process – not an easy one - but I am learning from my old egocentric way of thinking that there is a pay-off, that there will be a time for everything, trusting the process, and patience indeed, goes a long way.
