Nov 21, 2017
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Today I'm Thankful
As a retail employee of the South, I am thankful for college football for keeping all the entitled, rude, ornery, bitchy customers home to scream at the tv instead of me 😌😌😌
"I Don't Have My Receipt"...
...is the retail equivalent of "The dog ate my homework." "Can I just get store credit!" is the same as "What can I do for extra credit?" I'M NOT GONNA KEEP GIVING YOU CHANCES, BILLY!! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! 😠
You don't go to a mechanic and ask how many cups of sugar go in your cake. You don't go to a doctor and ask what the weather will be tomorrow. STOP GOING TO CASHIERS ASKING THEM PRODUCT-SPECIFIC QUESTIONS AND GETTING MAD WHEN THEY DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER. My name tag says "Front End Associate", meaning that I DO NOT LEAVE THIS REGISTER AND I HAVE NO IDEA WTF YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
Manage Your Ass Outta My Face!
This has been on my mind for over 24 hours and I think I finally know how to word it. My store manager is an asshole. I didn't always feel this way. When I started, he was very nice to me, giving me tips on how to do better and praising me on stuff I did right. I even played pool with the guy once. He was an okay dude. The older I got as an employee, the less nice he seemed to be, not just towards me, but towards anyone. He would still give tips, but they don't come off as helpful. They come off as micromanaging and that's on the list of things I hate when I'm at work. Go find something else to do, Mr. Manager... I hate my manager's approach to customer service. If we call him to assist a customer, he's super hesitant, in that "I just found out I have a baby, what do I do with it?" sort of way. It's awkward and embarrassing to witness, like he's disgusted by the customers in his own fucking store. HOWEVER, if we're dealing with a customer on our own, not needing his assistance at all, he'll try and take over, like a fucking pit bull. He'll be like "What's going on, everything okay?" Perfect example, and literally happens to me every time... I get a customer to walk over to self-checkout where I am. They tell me they're waiting on an appliance. I ask them to pull their vehicle up to the front door, then I'll verify the appliance on their receipt once it comes up, and I'll get them some help to load it up. Usually the customer is prepared and already has the vehicle pulled up, so there's literally nothing else we can do but wait for the 5-10 minutes it takes for the appliance to get brought up. This is where the customer and I usually spark up a pleasant conversation. Cue Mr. Manager. He vaporizes in out of fucking nowhere and sees a customer standing around and me with a receipt in my hand. Mngr.: "What's going on, what are we waiting on?!" Me: *sighs* "An appliance." Mngr.: "Have we called back there to Appliances to see where it is?" Me: "...no, it just got paid for a minute ago. I'm giving them time to pull it up." Mngr.: "I'll go back there and see what the hold up is. They need to get on the ball!" So now everyone is riled up. The manager is pulling random people away from their duties in their department to help locate a tiny ass dishwasher that was probably already on the way up... The customer turns into a demon, claiming they been waiting for an hour... My coworkers are pissed off, some of them at me because they think I snitched... I'm pissed because everything was fine a whole minute ago!! So I do my best to keep all my customer interactions out of his line of sight. BUT YESTERDAY... I'm helping a customer with an order he was waiting to pick up. It was a bunch of lumber, so I call the department to confirm it had been pulled. It had. I walk over with the customer so I could verify the items. I get there and see about 5 different carts with stuff on it. So me and a coworker start trying to verify everything. All of the carts have the customer's name on it, with different parts of the order. All except one. It has a different customer's name, but the stuff goes with the order. Coworker: "Hmm, I thought this was his order." Me: "Yeah, but I don't wanna give away someone else's stuff." Mr. Manager was nearby with an Assistant Manager working on some other task. He overheard us and before I could offer a solution, he decided to chime in. Mngr.: "I coulda gone and pulled the rest of the order while y'all are standing tryna figure it out. YOU'RE WASTING TIME!" He just berated us in front of a customer. Me, my coworker, AND the customer just chuckled and shook our heads in disbelief. The funny thing was, NEITHER manager offered any assistance. We eventually figured everything out and the customer left HAPPY. Shit is crazy. This manager is a man who is constantly preaching about customer service, but he does NOT have any people skills at all. I suggest he finds a new line of work, cuz this ain't it, bruh.
Purity
Today I had some time to kill before my movie started, so I wandered over to a competitor's store just to see how shit was run. Walking around for a few minutes, I got bored with the mission because I realized I really didn't give too many fucks. But I was thirsty, so I went to self checkout to get a drink. The attendant was there watching people trickle in (there was, like, 3 customers in the whole store, it felt like). I noticed her main terminal was turned backwards to where everyone could see the computer screen. I found that odd. So after I paid for my stuff, I walked up to her and said "I got a question." With dead customer service eyes, she said "Yes, how can I help you?" "Do you get less people coming up to you wanting to checkout here with your terminal backwards?" I watched her soul re-enter her body, as she finally had someone, ME, who understood her plight. We bonded for a few minutes over dumb customers and dumb management rules. A line was beginning to form, so I left her to tackle the rest of her day, but the look on her face made my visit worth it. Bonding with someone like that in person was so pure, I think I wanna do that everywhere I go ❤️❤️❤️
Assistance at Self Checkout
Hello readers. If you are fluent at self checkout, please pass this along to your non-fluent friends/cohorts. If I offer you assistance at self checkout with some of your larger items, please accept it as just that: ASSISTANCE. It is literally me, recognizing that you are too lazy to walk to a regular register a mere few feet away, and scanning or keying in your larger items for you. That's it. You are still at SELF checkout, so as a paying adult, you can presumably scan the rest of your shit yourself. So don't act surprised when I check your receipt and note that you haven't scanned your other 67 smaller items. You knew what the fuck you picked up and you knew it was gonna cost you more than $30, gotdammit!
"This is Ridiculous!"
It's a phrase as old as time. For as long as "the customer is always right" has haunted service workers, the phrase "this is ridiculous" has sailed through the lips of entitled humans. This story, however, has a somewhat satisfying twist. Meet Jay. Jay has been a cashier for nearly a year and a half and has moved up the ranks to Head Cashier. While she doesn't know everything (because she has yet to be properly trained!!!!), she knows enough to help customers with some of their most common issues. Enter Bart. Bart is a big sweaty man who is picking up an order for his sister who is not present. The order consists of roughly 20 bundles of insulation and an insulation blower. Bart claims the items have all been paid for. Coworkers nearby at the time inform Jay that orders such as that would not be something found in the system, that usually customers take the items with them upon the time of payment. Nevertheless, Jay searches the system anyway, and the interaction goes as follows: Jay: What's the last name on the order? Bart: Williams. Jay: *searching diligently* Yeah, I'm not finding it. What telephone number would it be under? Bart: Oh hell, I don't know the number. My phone is in my car and I don't feel like going to get it. *to coworker* Hey, do me a favor... Go out to that truck out there and get my phone off the dash! Coworker: *fucking does it!!!* Jay: *to coworker* ...you're a good person. Bart: *starts to read off phone number, but phone rings; answers phone; starts sneezing uncontrollably all over the desk, then catches a break* Here, this her on the phone, talk to her! Jay: *sees The Plague crawling all over the phone; is undoubtedly hesitant* Bart: Take the phone, that's her! Jay: *cries in Spanish and takes the phone, holding it at a safe distance from face* Hello, this is Jay with [store]. Sister: Yes, is there a problem with my order? Jay: We're not able to find it in the system, ma'am. Sister: NOT ABLE TO FIND IT IN THE SYSTEM?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!! Jay: So sorry about that. *is not actually sorry* Sister: No, I came in and spoke to Brian-- Jay: Wait, you spoke to who??? Sister: Brian in [some department]. Jay: We don't have a Brian here, ma'am. Sister: Is this [completely different store]? Jay: No ma'am, this is [this store]. Sister: Oh my god, TELL HIM TO GO TO THE OTHER STORE PLEASE!! Jay: *hands phone back to germy, sweaty man who now realizes his mistake and feels extremely stupid* Bart: I'm so sorry ma'am, I'm so used to coming to this store, I'm sorry! Jay: *smiles politely while screaming "GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY STORE" in her head; waits for Bart to leave so she can douse the area in Lysol and GermX*