I remember you mentioned how wrists are sometimes strapped away for CT scans, and I was surprised cuz I didn’t know much about restraints in a medical setting. But I’ve learned a bit about them in the past two weeks through experience ✨
And I thought I’d tell you
so I had a HIDA scan two weeks ago, and in that they strap your ankles, thighs, and waist down. Then your legs go in a tube of sorts, and a square shaped scanning thing gets lowered over your midsection. So only your chest, shoulders, and head are really free. The scan took two and a half hours. I tried moving my legs up a tiny bit, but they were really stuck The waist strap was pretty loose, but the leg ones were tight… I hated it.
And then I had an endoscopy on Monday and the wildest thing happened. I was laying there while the nurses were connecting some wires and stuff to me. I was supposed to be asleep but the anesthesia was taking forever to kick in. And I was told that I was gonna get a device in to keep me from biting the tube, so I assume I’m gonna get a mouth guard in. So the nurses have me open my mouth, and they put in some sort of large plastic thing between my teeth, like a big plastic ring. And there was an outer layer that went over my lips. And then this other nurse grabs my head and lifts it so the one who put the plastic thing in could start strapping it to my face and around the back of my head. Then I made a sort of “mmph” sound cuz I naturally panicked a little. But they kept tightening it and the ring went deeper. And then I realized I was being gagged. They tightened it more and I tried asking them something but all that came out were muffled garbles.
I’ve always had an intense fear of being restrained so this was a wild experience. I was only awake for two or three minutes with the gag on before the anesthesia kicked in, but my heart was literally slamming in my chest. I never knew that you could get gagged in a healthcare setting 🤷♂️
I guess I have firsthand experience on the fear of being restrained without your consent. I’m gonna use this for my characters’ trauma
Damn, Mayhem!!! I hope those procedures were able to help you get some clarity and diagnoses at least!
Step aside MRI, there's apparently something worse where you can't move even if you want to :(!!! The tubes sound useful for whump purposes, but not for putting irl humans in...
I always knew some dental procedures required mouthpieces, but you really got the Declan experience with your endoscopy!! As a natural ginger I've always crossed my fingers against having to get surgery because gingers are known to be resistant to anesthetics, eek! When someday the holy grail of top surgery comes upon me, I'm gonna make sure that anesthesiologist knows how to knock me out well lol.
I trust you'll make very good use of this character trauma fuel, soldier! Have at them!!!
The pause in movement is immediate, the god halting in their tracks as Alex grabs their hand and, in a frustrated tone, directs their attention to the sign. Please don’t touch. How very dull.
“Murklork?” Loki frowns, leaning forward to peer at the thing. It leans forward too, giving the impression of peering at them in turn. A moment of silence passes; it’s clear from the trickster’s face that they’re searching their memory for any mention of a murklork.
With a blink, they come to a decision: “Never heard of it.” So saying, they disregard the witch’s advice and pluck the jar from its shelf with their bare hands. “Besides, you know there isn’t much that can keep me restrained if I don’t want to be.” Their tone is flippant, fingers blithely holding the jar close enough to examine.
Snap.
“Wh–” Oh shit, that was the seal? “Did it break the seal? What’s the purpose of putting it in a jar if it can just escape?” They squint at it. “...okay, point taken, I’ll put it back.” Except the thing isn’t having it, and has already slithered out to wrap around their wrists. Um. They may have just possibly made a really tiny error.
it's fucked up that whenever I warn medical professionals I'm going to see for procedures involving needles about my needle phobia I also have to beg them to not use physical restraints on me without my consent. Doctors are way too comfortable responding to "I might not be able to do this procedure because of my mental health issues" with "well we'll just force you to then, no issue :)". Physical restraints almost always cause trauma, likely PTSD, and come with a significant risk of bodily harm or death even when used completely correctly (which they often aren't). I legitimately still have panic attacks every time a doctor uses terms like "we might need" or "we might have to" surrounding needles because of being physically restrained in a hospital well over 5 years ago. Doctors love to use their position to exert force and control over patients who deny them for any reason, regardless of how legitimate the reason is. They get away with it because they're assumed by the public to have the patient's best interest at heart. I know a lot of people don't really understand what we go through but severely phobic people deal with all the dismissal of something like anxiety. Conversely, as soon as people realize how serious it is and how irrational we are we get treated with the level of fear, ignorance, and dehumanization of something like delusions. There's no middle ground, I've never had a doctor or non-doctor immediately approach my condition with understanding or compassion. It's either dismissal or being treated like a rabid animal, and neither of those result in getting your needs met in a way that doesn't traumatize you.
The lock clicked open, her hand turning the knob and pushing the door inward. Silver stepped inside her apartment, expelling an exhausted breath. Slinging her pack off and tossing it on the floor, she kicked the door closed behind her with a heel. Dancing her fingers along the wall she reached blindly for the light switch. What a stupid setup this place was. Who installs a light switch so far from the front door? Finally her fingers grazed the switch, flicking it upwards.
The entry way remained dark.
“What the hell?” Silver flipped the toggle up and down to test it wasn’t just faulty wiring. The damn light was out. Groaning with annoyance, the Nephil felt her way along the wall as she strode for the next switch in the living room. The dark curtains of her apartment windows were drawn, only the edges haloed by a thin light. Finding the standing lamp, Silver felt for the turn switch, but no light was produced. Her entire apartment was without power.
“Damn it, this is not my day!” Producing a silvery flame in the palm of her hand, it produced enough glow, much like a candle stick. The glow and flickering of the flame danced light upon her brunette hair and blue-grey eyes. Sure she could produce her own light source, but it was not ideal by any means. If it’s a fuse that’s blown, she’d have to call the landlord-
“You always like to play with fire.”
The deep, husky voice of a man alarmed Silver, spinning around as the flame in her palm exploded into a small inferno. It was swiftly snuffed out by a cold, deliberate gust, the sound of a large wing sweeping the air and then folding once more. Cast into darkness, Silver could only see his eyes glowing across the room. A honey golden hue that stared unblinking, unemotional back at her. The Nephil felt a rise of anger, balling her fists as she shouted at the intruder.
“Damnit Faller! I told you not to sneak up on me like that! Did you kill my power? Again?! Jesus, man, you did this at the last place. I had to pay out of my own pocket for the repairs.”
The pair of glowing eyes slowly blinked before the sound of Faller’s body rising from the couch could be heard. The furniture creaked and groaned, as if crying out in relief the large man had finally gotten off of it. His eyes now stared down at Silver from across the room, his form barely silhouetted in the dark. He stood a hulking 6’10”, a towering man compared to the 5’6” woman. In three strides Faller stood before Silver, the heat of his body radiating so close against her own that she knew he must be inches apart.
“I see you took a trip,” he spoke smoothly, ignoring her quips about the power. The female Nephil’s eyes darted quickly to the bag in the hall she’d slung off, then quickly back to her flock leader. It was pointless to lie.
“Y-yes. Just a short one. I-I was only gone several days.”
“I know. You’d packed essential things. It was obvious you had no plans to come back from a short excursion.” There was no malice in his tone, simply observant and stating the facts. Reaching a hand out, his long fingers brushed past her cheek to glide through her brunette locks. His radiant eyes narrowed and Silver thought she could make out a grin in the darkness of his face.
“I was worried about you. You’d left the safety of your hiding grounds without consulting me. Why is that, my dearest?”
Her fingers smoothed over the fabric of Faller’s shirt as he pressed himself against her. They’d been intimate like this a few times. The gentle caresses and feeling of his hot breath upon her skin fed a deep hunger in Silver. The need to be touched, to be held, to feel loved more than just another flock member. A yearning for a partner. Faller never went far with his physical endearment, but his words always dripped with honey and lavender. A sweet calm that made the rest of the world disappear if only for a couple breathes.
“I didn’t want to bother you. It was just a short excursion. Trust me, I won’t do it again.”
“Oh you never bother me with your honesty, my shining light. And you’ll always be honest with me, won’t you?”
Words caught in her throat as Faller dipped his head, pressing his forehead against hers. Silver stared deeply back into his eyes, her own wide and vulnerable. Between her legs she him move his knee, keeping them pinned in place. She was utterly at his mercy now. Her heart thudded rapidly, the flow of adrenaline fueling this new excitement. Silver craved this, and yet had the nagging doubt she didn’t deserve him. Faller was far superior and better than her in every way. Stronger, faster, skilled beyond his age, a leader that lead his flock with confidence. She was a mere songbird and he was the eagle.
“Our flock may be apart for now, until the threat of the angels has passed. But we are always going to be your family.”
“I-I know. I miss my family so much-“
A flicker of light flashed in Faller’s eyes, like distant lightning of an impending storm. His mouth parted into a grin, expression empathetic to her longing. The fingers in her hair remained, entangling further to support her at the back of her head. His free hand rubbed gently up her arm, past her shoulder and came to rest at the nape of neck. A finger lifted to trace the tattoo on the side of her neck, where the concealed lightning like scars hid beneath the ink. Silver gasped softly, feeling the familiar hot tingling of his “gift”, the spot hypersensitive now after his bite and magic transfer.
The leader chuckled deeply, amused with her reaction.
“I felt such pride the day I shared my gift with you. My belief it will make you stronger, to excel your powers potential. I chose you, and no one else. Our flock has only grown stronger since we welcomed you in. Embraced you without merit and loved you fiercely.”
His large hand lifted from the mark to lift her chin until their lips remained inches apart. In a low, whispered voice, he spoke.
“And you repay us with treason.”
Silver’s brow furrowed, confused by his accusation.
“What? No. No I haven’t-“
“Oh but you have, Arianell. You disobeyed our flocks rule.”
Excitement quickly melted into anxiousness and embarrassment. Faller never used her true name, not after she renamed herself as the right to leave her past behind. He knew she went back to her home? To see her mother?
“Faller, I-”
“When we took you in we made it clear that we are your family now. All that was would remain in the past. You made your choice. You agreed to the flocks terms. And now, you have risked everyone’s lives with your selfishness.”
“No! That’s not true!”
His large hand swiftly gripped her jaw, the honey golden hues glowing fiercely. In them she say a storm swiftly building. Silver was frozen with fear. There was no escaping from Faller, never. The songbird was in the eagles claws now.
“I ask for your honesty and you cannot even offer that? Something so simple, and yet you use your silver tongue to spin lies and deceit. You deceived the flock, Silver. You turned your back on us all not once, not twice, but three times!”
The female Nephil yelped as she felt Faller’s sharp claw like nails dig into her scalp, hair gripped painfully tight. Shaking her head only increased the pain, forcing her to remain still and unable to avoid his venomous stare. Her hands feebly pushed against his chest, pulled at the hand that gripped her jaw. It was like fighting a marble statue. Tears began to roll down Silver’s face, her eyes terrified and words pleading.
“I’m sorry! I-I didn’t mean to endanger anyone. I never intended to cause potential harm! I-I just wanted to see my mother again.”
Dark wings flared behind Faller, rippling with electricity, the air in the room dropping dangerously cold. The sparks rolled over his feathers like a thundercloud, casting him and Silver into a ominous flickering glow. The lightning scars upon her neck took on the same glow, sending out electric shocks painfully into her body.
“You refuse to sever the ties of your past to rise to a future, Silver. And in doing so you take your whole flocks lives into your hands. A traitor, a liar, and a deceiver to us all. The angels could have found you. Followed you back to our flock. And all you have to say for it is “sorry?”
“Faller stop! Y-you’re hurting me! It hurts!”
She felt a sharp pain in the side of her jaw as Faller’s sharp thumb claw like nail pierced her skin. The blood drawn was crimson, running down his thumb and over his hand.
“Will you endanger our flock again?”
“NO!”
“Will you continue to be a liar and dishonest to us?”
“I WON’T!”
“Will you sever the ties to your past that you’ve so foolishly held onto?”
“I…”
Fallers thumb slide down and under her jaw, stopping at her throat. Blood seeped and dripped freely down her neck and spattered on her clothing. Silver sobbed, unable to struggle away. Crying for help would do no good either. A human was nothing more than a meat sack to a Nephil’s strength and power.
“I WILL SEVER THE TIES! I-I WON’T SEE HER AGAIN! I WON’T GO BACK TO MY OLD LIFE!”
“Swear it. Swear it on your LIFE. Swear it to ME. To your FLOCK. To the FAMILY YOU CHOSE!
“I SWEAR! I S-SWEAR ON MY LIFE! IT BELONGS ONLY TO THE FLOCK. TO YOU. I SWEAR I WILL NEVER BREAK THE RULES AGAIN!”
He leaned in close until he could whisper in her ear, his words coiled with a lethal edge.
“You will uphold this promise. If not, I will defend this flock by all means necessary. May this mark serve as a reminder.”
Silver felt his hands and body leave her, allowing the woman to collapse to the floor. On her knees, she clutched at the blood that poured freely from the long gaping wound. She looked up fearfully at Faller as he loomed over her, his eyes narrowed and body standing stoically.
“I will come for you when it is safe again for our flock to reconvene. You will remain here and not leave the safety of this town again. Understood?”
“Y-yes flock leader…”
The rolling lightning over his wings began to brighten and intensify, snapping and crackling in the air of the room. The light fixtures flickered wildly around them.
“Fair flight and may Heaven never see you, Arianell.”
In a flash and rumble of thunder that shook the building, Faller was gone. All the lights in the apartment complex burst, the distant shouts of tenants filling the quiet building. Silver remained on the floor, clutching the open wound as she sobbed. Wracked with guilt and fear, the Nephil knew she could never see her mother again. This was the one and only warning she would receive. Her leader had given her a merciful second chance. She would not betray her flock again. The only family she had now…
Still not over this even though it happened months ago. I'm autistic and had a person through a company who'll help me find jobs because his job is to help disabled people find jobs (sorry I can't really think of how to word better)
I also have very severe Trypanophobia (needle fear). This came up in conversation when he asked if I was vaccinated, I'm not, but I'm working on it. I told him I went to the place and tried but couldn't have the vaccine due to how bad my fear was. He proceeded to talk to me like I'm the bad kid in the headmaster's office, shaming me over and over about how important it is to get vaccinated.. Despite me telling him I tried
I explained a little about how I'd tried so many ways to get jabs in the past, including medication and my mum (mostly tiredly joking) offering to sit on me and pin me down, but since being told how that's dangerous and traumatising, she'd never offer that again.
The man responsible for advocating for me for work because I'm autistic, who should know how to treat autistic people when having meltdowns and the like, does something that made a chill run down my spine
He responded with all seriousness "she could have pinned you down as a child, but now you're older, it's illegal"
That's where the line was??? Legality?? He seriously thought it was better for a fully grown woman to sit on a young teenager and potentially risk severe emotional and physical harm.
Long story short. Despite continuing to see him for a little while afterwards, I got so shaken up I've literally ignored him for weeks and no longer want anything to do with him. Everyone, including my support worker for autism agrees that I'm not overreacting for feeling nervous... But I don't know if ignoring him and possibly bringing up that situation to his boss is too far... He just said something.. Its not like he tried to restrain me himself
Sorry this is so long.. But I gotta add... Why is it people who actually work with disabled people have the worst takes on how to treat them?
Same reason that high school bullies become nurses and abusers become cops.
Fucked up people like to have power over the weak and vulnerable. And then they outnumber anyone who goes into a profession like that to actually help.
