I feel it necessary to warn y’all I’m on some bullshit?
I haven’t had a full-on hyperfixation in a while and I get two in one year?! I’m in on one right now, and it’s clogging up my likes and it’s driving me nuts so I’m just reblogging loads of it.
I’m so sorry. I’ve tried to like space it out, but there’s gonna be some like every day for a while.
If you use xkit feel free to blacklist ‘the old guard’ or ‘hyperfixation’ from me, I swear I’ll tag all of it. I just need it out of my likes-hole.
I’ve made a coupla sideblogs of late cos well... I wanted to focus on some things that don’t feel right on my main blog and I wanted to be more organised with myself. Feel free to follow them if they catch your eye, I just wanted to put them out there.
The Cage - This is a DnD/Cyberpunk/Shadowrun theme blog. I’m cataloging ideas for a campaign in the Planescape setting, fantasy future-punk bullshit. Lots of aesthetic, homebrew monsters and ideas. My MOST active. Please follow it! I need validationnnnnnnn T.T
Simblr - A big collection of DLC for The Sims, mostly Sims 4 but a bit of Sims 2 stuff as well. I try to Maxis Match. Intermittently Active.
Five Minute Fixations - A fandom hole. I don’t really want to post fandom bollocks on my main blog - shipping stuff and things I get stuck on for like 2 weeks cos I’m on a hyper-fixation bent. And I’m sick of them cluttering up my likes so I’m going to put them here. This is brand new. I dunno how active it’s going to be.
So I’ve been trying to put my finger on why I keep restarting Fallout 4 when I haven’t even finished it yet...
Restarting games isn’t odd for me, I do it a lot tbh. I haven’t finished a game without beginning again at LEAST 4 times. I get about 2/3rds of the way through and sort of... just want to avoid the end? But with Fallout 4, it’s different. I’m not restarting cos I think I’m getting too far along, and can’t go on.
I’m not playing cos I can’t get into my character - and I don’t know why?
Well, maybe I do...
I’ve been thinking about it.
I started the franchise with New Vegas, played 3, and the original. I’ve not had the brain/time to play 2, though it is on my list after ‘Finish Witcher 3′... Anyway, I think it’s with the way the character is framed in the introduction, and then how the game follows on from it that super duper bothers me. I always play a female, so in Fallout 4 that means I’m an ex-lawyer come-housewife and new mother. My husband was a soldier but I, myself, have never known war. So the Wasteland, by that premise should be horrifying and debilitating, but aside from a short-lived emotional catch-up with your House-Bot, the Sole Survivor never gets to... live out that shell shock?
I mean, think about it, the first thing you do (if you follow Codsworth’s suggestion and go to Concord) is gun down a bunch of Raiders. You don’t know what Raider’s are! You’ve just murdered 12 people! And then Preston thanks you, and you just... get on with it. Nothing happens. Aside from some overlarge cockroaches, and flying bugs, the Fem-SS has never taken a life. She is not her soldier-husband.
And then I compare this lack of reaction to the previous games, where I got INTO my character, the role-play... I got into who they were as people. In Fallout 1 you are sent up into the world warned of danger, you get to your first settlement and get warned again... your character gets to harden themselves, and since the game has a LOT of choice involved you can in fact solve a LOT of your human-related/person problems non-violently. In fact you can avoid a lot of combat, or by the time you get into some with people you could deal.
In 3 your first introduction to violence is within your home, the Vault. Your Dad leaves, everyone goes nuts, and you get to freak out about that! You have legit dialogue choices to be entirely ‘WTF IS GOING ON’ and then the immediate elements after the vault give you the impression of a lost child, but one who already may have blood on their hands.
Then in Vegas you’ve got amnesia sure, but you haven’t forgotten the world you live in. You’re ready, you KNOW the wastes and you KNOW what you need to do to survive in them. You don’t freak out because this world, this awful violent fantastically fucking weird world has never been anything different. You aren’t coming from the sanitary existence of a vault, nor are you coming out of a cryo-chamber with memories of a world that hasn’t existed for 200 years...
To bring this back round to my point... at least in the other games I could come up with a reason WHY my character would not react, and also had the option to behave in a mortified way if the feeling struck me. In Fallout 4, I can’t, and it’s hindering my capability to get into the character so badly that I sort of just... doss around zones I don’t need to be in looting junk cos I don’t care that she has a child out there, I don’t care cos she doesn’t seem to.
And now I’ve thought on it... it’s the fact they gave the Sole Survivor a voice that’s made this a problem for me. It’s changed the dynamic of the game in a completely unexpected way I didn’t know I would be hindered in my enjoyment by.
In the previous games your character is silent... and you know what that gave me the freedom to imagine? That she wasn’t! Because my Courier/LoneWanderer/VaultDweller never had a voice, I could think of her talking all the time. I, me, this one here, got to add the inflections, the mannerisms, the emotion to any dialogue option I chose. I got to create my hero within her silence.
With the Sole Survivor? If she is silent, she isn’t speaking. It’s that simple.
Because they gave the protagonist a voice... I somehow lost mine in creating her? Now I don’t get to pick how she meant it, I don’t get to imagine her wasting hours nattering away being a person from Texas on a long walk, or a kid with no experience. No, I’ve got the dulcet tones of my SS... and she isn’t who I wanted to role-play. And she’s not going to be a different person the next time I play, she’ll just be wearing a different meat-sock...
I’m listening to my brother watching Mad Max Fury Road for the first time, and I’m dying. Immortan Joe comes out, and gives his shit ass speech and he goes ‘he’s cool, I wonder who he is’. Then I hear the water turn on and he goes ‘Oh, that’s kind of him’ - WTF BROTHER WTF
Urghhhh, the more I realise how many places I want to get to and have to rely on public transport to get there... the more I realise I need to learn how to drive again. But it was soooo scarrrryyyyyyyy and I don’t like ittttt, but my life is seriously just hindered by the fact I’m relying on busses.
I never noticed before, probably cos I wasn’t an owner before, but MSD clothes are all really... kiddy? And I don’t really know where to look for more fashion/adult styled clothing for Uzo... It’s all a bit weird being a beginner xD
Just bought some wool; going to give wig making a try whilst I wait for the weather to change... in england.
I really like Uzo bald, she seems elegant and delicate without hair, but I do want to try and find something that suits her...
Also, as a personal side note, since I’ll be getting a DC Carol for basically free at some point next year (cos I bought an Elizabeth), I think I may use Carol as a ‘practice’ doll. I feel less utterly mortified about possibly getting something wrong on a doll that didn’t cost me much, over one that cost me a lot. Does that make sense?
