Summary: Too many feelings mixed with confusion force Wanda to take steps she will regret.
A/N: Okay, here we are. I know I was kinda mean for taking this long, but now I can present you something that I liked instead of that piece of crap I wrote before. Hope you guys like it. Feedbacks are always appreciated.
Pt1 Pt2 Pt3
Warnings: Angst, language, if there are any others, let me know.
“We’re bigger than we ever dreamed”
Monday morning arrived way too soon for Wanda’s taste. She had spent her whole weekend trying to figure out what all those feelings meant. She tried to understand what she felt for each sibling, and she was nowhere close to a satisfactory answer.
Despite being a jerk to almost everybody else, Jarvis was mostly kind to her and even though he’s used to her usually binding to his wishes, he treated her nice.
But then, there was you and that lopsided grin that always made her feel warm inside. There was that numbness whenever your skin touched hers which always made her stomach churn funnily. Truth be told, she was a mess and-.
“You got mail, honey.” Her mother’s soothing voice brought her out of her reverie, and she dropped her attention to the stash of mail in her hands. “One from Harvard and one from Berkeley.” She spoke proudly and Wanda smiled.
As if life wanted to play with her in every possible way, she had applied for a few colleges and those were the first replies so far. The ones that really mattered for her, actually. She’d love to go to NYU or others, but those two represented the edge of her heart.
As if mimicking her love life, if she could call it that way, her future was hanging between those two colleges. For Harvard was a glimpse away from MIT where Jarvis would study, and she knew this was the collage her parents wanted her to attend.
However, her heart always beat a little too fast for Berkeley and its possibilities, and she knew all too well that it was only few miles away from Stanford, college that you and Sam would be going to. But she knew her parents wouldn’t approve.
“So…” Her mother spoke expectantly after she read both letters, heart hammering in her chest. “I was accepted in Harvard!” She smiled, it wasn’t her first choice, but she wasn’t idiot, Harvard was renowned worldwide. Her mother hugged her tight and Wanda relished in that embrace, for she knew in a few months she wouldn’t have it at her will.
“And Berkeley?” Her mother inquired after releasing her hold, Wanda was visibly surprised by the question. She got what they wanted, and they wanted Harvard. “I was accepted too.” She spoke quietly and again, her mother enveloped her in a tight embrace.
“I am so proud of you, love.” Wanda closed her eyes and enjoyed every minute she had. “Well, this is it, then. Pietro chose UCLA. Which one will you attend?” Again, Wanda didn’t hide her surprise by her mother’s question. She never thought she had an option, or was this a test?
“I thought that you and Dad wanted me to go to Harvard.” She uttered after a moment trying and failing to make sense of her mother’s words.
“Harvard in one of the best schools in the country, plus we always thought you’d want to be near Jarvis.” She explained while taking a seat by Wanda’s side while she tenderly rested her hand on her daughter’s knee. “But this is your future, love. You’re the one who should and will decide.”
Her mother flashed her a smile and Wanda was sure she was gaping at the revelation. “We’re here to support and tell you that we love you and we’re going to miss you.” Wanda didn’t even know she was crying until her vision was blurred by the incoming tears and she embraced her mother one more time. “Thank you.” She whispered to her mother.
“Of course.” It was all that she replied, closing her arms tide against her daughter’s frame.
---
Wanda walked into the class slower than she used to, for she knew you’d be in your place already. As much as she wanted to delay this encounter, there was no turning back in time. A time where she was ignorant about her feelings or, as in Natasha’s words, oblivious. Oh how she wanted to remain like that.
She couldn’t help the small smile that made its way to her lips when she saw your head bowed, reading the book in front of you, but her heartbeat sped out of her control. She was having a little panic situation just like she had had when you confronted her about who she wanted to kiss when you were playing I-have-never.
When you asked, all her thoughts went blank, and she realized in fraction of seconds that she hadn’t the slightest clue as to how explain to you that she didn’t know why she drank from that cup on that round.
She stared at her cup, and she decided that the strange feeling in her stomach meant that she should be drinking, however, she didn’t know who she would like to kiss. So when you asked her who was the luck one, there wasn’t a boy’s name that sufficed. It was a girl’s name surfacing her mind. Yours. She knew that now. But then? She just panicked and spat the first name that she could think of that didn’t belong to you.
She strolled to her seat next to yours and sat quietly, her heart missed a few beats when your face lit up the second you realized that Wanda had arrived. “Morning, soccer star.” The smile you shot her was stunning and she wondered if you smiled like that to everybody else, or if she’d get the special one.
“Good morning, Wanda.” There was something entrancing about the way you tend to speak her name that always captivated her and, even though before she had never understood why, she’d always loved it. It was almost overwhelming how things seemed to click into place, now everything made sense.
Wanda’s smile turned sour the moment Agatha stepped into the class and made her blood boil when she winked and blew you a kiss. For Wanda’s sake, Professor Hill didn’t take long to start her class and hopefully it would fly fast, and she wouldn’t have to interact with you or anyone.
“Well, we’ve been reading The Handmaid’s Tale for two weeks now.” Professor Hill started, and all eyes were on her. “I know some of you probably watched the series, but I want this debate to happen solely over the book’s point of view. Got it?” She asked and few students even nodded, just like Wanda.
“Ms. Jones.” She addressed to the girl siting in the far corner of the room. “What was your general impression from the theme of the book?” The girl straightened herself and replied.
“What can I say?” Jones started. “It’s offensive. Everything about it is offensive. Their world, country, I don’t know, is facing extinction due birth rate almost inexistent and though this is sad, I don’t agree with their solution to the problem. Actually, I despise it.” She crossed her arms, clearly distraught by the subject, just like you were.
“You know it’s just a dystopic trope, right?” Wade Wilson smirk was ridiculous as always.
“And you know that, if you look at it with the right angle, this happens every day?” Jane’s spoke what half of the class was probably thinking.
“Please, Jane, where do I get a wife or a maid? ‘Cause I can’t wait to replicate the Ceremony.” If sarcasm wasn’t so evident in his words and face, he’d probably be kicked out of the class. If not by Jane herself, then by any other girl in the class.
“Could you elaborate, Ms. Foster?” Professor Hill guided the discussion towards a constructive line of thought.
She promptly did. To your opinion, Jane nailed the idea of the book, which is, by using some shocking facts, to bring to light how women were perceived and treated by society as a whole. Or how politics always create laws or decided the fate of women.
Satisfied with Jane’s and other colleague’s answer, Professor Hill turned to you and asked you to express your opinion about Serena Joy, the Commander’s wife. ‘Oh, great.’ You muttered to yourself, not in the mood to speak, to debate, to argue. Being by Wanda’s side took all the strength you had.
You shift uncomfortable on your chair and started to speak what was on your head. Serena was an intelligent woman and more than capable of thinking by herself, so, from your point of view, she was just a bitch asking for people to make sacrifices that she couldn’t.
Then Wanda disagreed with your opinion, the way she sees things, Serena was a woman focused on solving their society’s problem, who truly believed in the system she helped to create. Which you countered by saying that if Serena believed that concentrating power within few people, few men, was a good solution then she was a fool.
Now, to have different opinions from Wanda was never a problem and you liked to listen to her views. However, today was not a day to do such thing. There was this strange, almost awkward, air between the two of you and it was clear that she wasn’t her usual self.
The tenseness on the room was one breath away from being tangible and if Agatha felt it you didn’t know. But the second she agreed with you, taking your side, Wanda snapped and turned her face away from you. When you tried to ask if she was okay, Wanda stormed out of the room the second Professor Hill dismissed the class.
Wanda arrived at her locker on the verge of spitting fire. ‘Who does she think she is?’ Wanda wondered angrily and much to her dismay, she didn’t know why she was so upset about your argument. It was a simple class exchange about a book, and you had different point of views all the time.
Never had she felt so bothered by disagreeing with you, she always loved that there were a lot of things that your thoughts diverted, but today seemed different. And realization downed on her like a wave when she understood that her problem wasn’t the book at all.
Today you were agreeing with Agatha, your girl Agatha, as her friend made sure everybody on the class knew. You feigned shock when she announced to the whole class that you were dating, uh the nerve of you. Wanda was mad and she hated the influence you had over her.
The moment Agatha stopped on the locker by her side and turned to her, she didn’t even try to hide how bothered she was and hoped that her friend would get the hint and try not to force her patience anymore for the day.
Lucky wasn’t on her side because Agatha opened her mouth and spoke. “I used to wonder why you kept it a secret, Wanda.” Alarmed, she turned to look at the girl. ‘Is it possible that she knows I am jealous? Is it possible that she knows how I feel about-? Wanda’s mind was invaded with so many thoughts so fast that she missed the last of Agatha’s sentence.
“What?” She asked lowly, fearing to get caught by the gossipers.
“I said: not anymore.” Agatha repeated and amused by Wanda’s confused face, she clarified. “You never said anything about kissing Jarvis’ sister, and I always wondered your reasons, but after kissing her myself, well, those lips are heaven. I wouldn’t want Jarvis jealous about it either.”
Wanda gapped at Agatha’s assumption. The two of you were great friends but, even though she realized she wanted, she had never kissed you. Then, anger flared on her chest and felt jealous burning like a wildfire due Agatha’s opinion about your kiss, your lips.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. We’re friends and I have a boyfriend.” Wanda hated that Agatha had the chance to do what she never could. However, she spoke as firmly as possible, as though to remind herself of her own place. Agatha was your girlfriend, not her.
Agatha cut her thoughts and lifting her cellphone to Wanda see what’s on the screen, she said simply. “Sure about that?”
Wanda’s eyes surveyed the video playing on the device. She took a full moment to realize what it was: a video of two girls kissing on the kissing booth, one of them was blindfolded and she recognized that hair, those clothes.
Wanda used her hand to cover her gapping mouth. ‘How could this be possible?’ She thought. Just like before, her mind ran thousands of thoughts per second, and she felt dizzy. You. You were the one she kissed that night and the taste of your lips… God! Wanda didn’t even know what to think right now. That kiss still plagued Wanda’s memory.
“How?” She managed after a while, after her mind calmed down, for her heart was still running miles per hour.
“‘How’ what, darling?” Agatha’s venom seeped through her words. “How I have a video from you kissing your sister-in-law or how you didn’t know?” She crossed her arms in front of Wanda and plastered a smirk on her lips.
Seeing that her friend was still lost after the revelation, Agatha answered herself. “Well, I had to tell your boyfriend what you were doing while he was at Steve’s playing video games that night. And how you didn’t know?” She shrugged. “I’m impressed, really, with all this people talking about you and her sudden friendship and all their conspiracy theory about you dating in secret…”
“What?” Wanda’s distress was visible through her tone. “We’re not dating.” She didn’t know why, but she felt an urge to explain. “We’re just friends.” She was dumbfounded by such revelation. She had been wondering who she had kissed, Pepper said she didn’t see who the person was, and Jarvis was livid the days following, not to mention how overjealous he became after that. Now everything made sense, but she didn’t know what to think or feel.
One thought hammered on her mind, though. ‘You never said anything about it.’ Her thoughts were sliced by Agatha’s voice once more.
“I know. But you don’t want that, do you?” Agatha used the tone she uses when she drops the latest gossip. Before Wanda could recover from her stupor, she saw Agatha’s face morphing into that sick smile and heard her speaking. “Turn the fans on because the hottest stuff just arrived.”
Wanda turned to see who she was talking about and clenched her jaw when she saw your figure approaching them. Much to Wanda’s consternation, Agatha leaned on you when you stopped by their lockers, clinging on your shoulders and landed a kiss on the corner of your mouth. At that she looked away, trying to take deep breaths, trying to swallow back her jealousy. It wasn’t her place.
You smiled at Agatha’s compliment in appreciation, but you were solely focused on the redhead girl in front of you. “Hm Wanda, can I talk to you for a second?” Your answer was a curt nod, but she walked to an empty classroom, trying to get some privacy and you followed her.
But you wish you hadn’t. She was fuming and the second her eyes landed on you, you regret the day you ever walked through the school’s doors. If possible, you saw red flashing on her green orbs and you winced in advance. She was upset, that much you knew, but what have you done? You barely talked after her party, and you doubted it was due your different ideas on class.
“You never bothered in tell me we kissed. Why?” Her voice was cold, and you were taken aback, especially because you didn’t even know what she was talking about.
“Kiss?” You asked dumbly, to what she narrowed her eyes and you felt yourself internally shrinking under such intensity.
“Don’t play smart ass now.” She hissed and took one step closer. “The kissing booth.” She completed and her tone portrayed her disgust, and your eyes widened when it clicked in your head what she was talking about.
“I thought you knew.” Your voice was low, the way she referred to your kiss with such repulse hurt more than a stab in the guts.
“And?” She snorted in disbelief, putting her hands on her hips. If this was any other situation, you’d find her adorable, but right now she was speaking as if accusing you of something and you couldn’t let your feelings for her to cloud your thoughts right now.
“And what, Wanda?” You crossed your arms, brows furrowed as if this was a puzzle you couldn’t solve. Certainly, it felt like one.
“All this time, you were talking to me, befriending me but never told me what happened. You kissed me and you kept this from me. Never mind telling me that you dated Nebula. Honestly, I don’t know who you are anymore.”
‘I don’t know who you are anymore.’ You started to feel anger boiling in your stomach. You hated that she spoke as if you had used her, even though she went to that booth willingly, even though you were just a random person attending the booth where she volunteered to kiss a stranger. It could’ve been anyone, but you were the one with luck, or bad luck as it seems.
It stung more than it should that she reacted like that. You were in love with her, but that was your problem to deal, now, she could be a little more understanding, or little bitchless.
“What do you think was going to happen when you climbed that booth, Wanda?” You asked her, tamper showing but you didn’t care. If she thought she could speak with you the way she wanted, she was wrong. “I’m sorry I bought a ticket to kiss a girl and you were the one who showed up. You should’ve thought about it before, don’t you think?”
Something else flashed in Wanda’s eyes, but you couldn’t decipher what it was. To be honest, you were so mad at her that you didn’t care. “I never dated Nebula and what’s the deal, huh?” You let your arms to fall on your sides and took one step towards her, not really thinking about what you were doing.
“If I dated her or not, what’s the matter? And, if we kissed, what’s the matter, Wanda?” You locked eyes with her. “It meant nothing.” Your last words were a blatant lie. The feel of Wanda’s lips on yours still haunted you before sleep, but that was something that you kept to yourself. If a simple kiss created such a fuss, imagine if she learned about your feelings?
“Of course it meant nothing.” She spat and you took a deep breath, for that sentence felt like a punch on your face. Her words cut you like a knife, and she was using you to sharpen it. “Why are you being such a jerk?” She asked, anger oozing in her eyes and words.
“Me?” You breathed out and pointed to yourself as if to emphasize. “You’re acting like a bitch because of a stupid kiss.” You spat back at her. Suddenly, all the pain of loving her in secret and the hurt she was causing you right now was a bit too much and you were having problem in keep it in check.
It wasn’t her fault that you loved her, but she didn’t have to act like that because you kissed. And why was she being such an ass, when-
“Excuse me?” She replied angrily once more. “You’re the one keeping things from me and now you’re lying, and I am the bitch?” Her hair moved in sync with her head bobbing with the way she spoke and Gods, how could she be so damn beautiful that mad?
You shook your head, trying hard to keep focus. You were upset with her, why couldn’t you stop loving her even for a second? “Lying? What the hell are you talking about?” Her expression was so dark, so dangerous that you felt the need to cross your arms again, as if this could protect your heart from the menace dancing in her eyes.
“Nebula told me she dated you and you didn’t even bother in feed me the latest news about you dating Agatha. I thought we were friends, but now you just showed up with a new girlfriend.” There was something burning inside Wanda, and she sworn she wanted to stop this fight.
She wanted to touch your face and make you unfrown your brows, but she couldn’t. Her jealousy felt like a venom trying to suffocate her, unless she spat everything hurting in her.
“How could I?” You used your fingers to try and easy the headache assaulting your brain already. “You went radio silence for the whole weekend, Wanda. I kinda couldn’t tell you that I hooked up with your friend on your party, but she’s not my girlfriend.”
Your voice was flat, but still too high for your liking since the start of the discussion, and you were already too tired to keep fighting. “And I already told you, If I ever exchanged two words with this Nebula that’s a lot. Why don’t you believe me?”
The redhead opened her mouth to speak and, for a whole second, it looked like she wasn’t going to say anything else, but she did. Her next words flew out of her lips in a form of blow. “Because I don’t trust you.” It hit you hard and this time, you couldn’t hide your pain. Despite your feelings for Wanda, you thought you were friends, but this broke your heart to the point there wasn’t fight in you anymore.
“Ouch.” You spoke sincerely with a grimace. “Look, I don’t know what’s wrong with you today. But if you need a bad guy, then I’ll be the bad guy so you can blame it on me, Wanda.” Again, your tone was even, but there was no hiding the pain in your eyes, and you knew, you just didn’t care.
The idea of dating her was so far fetch that you couldn’t even fathom, but you developed a nice friendship, or so you thought it did. You were too tired and too bruised to keep this argument. “Want to hate me because whatever? Go ahead, be like everybody else. Agatha said you had moods; guess I’m seeing it now.”
Wanda was about to apologize, but the mere mention of Agatha’s name lit up that sick flame of jealousy. So, she took one step forward and inches away from your face, she had trouble in thinking clearly, but the words that scaped her lips went on their own accord.
“Why don’t you go back to your girlfriend, huh? She’s awesome and perfect. Leave me alone.” Her cold eyes fixed you in place, then came the final blow. “You know what? You’re so full of yourself, so full of shit. Now I understand what Jarvis always said about you and he was right.”
Now, this strike poked a throbbing wound in you. It hit you harder seeing her lips curled downwards making it clear to you how upset, how bothered she was, and you knew that she meant what she said.
You were taken aback, blinking at the jab in form of words and the meaning it carried. He was right. This sentence rang in your ear like an echo from a faraway world where there’s no air. You tried, you tried really hard to keep yourself together at least in front of her, but your façade wasn’t that strong, not around her.
“Perhaps you are not who I thought you were either.” A sole, single tear managed to fall against your will and your voice was heavy, dripping hurt. But if Wanda saw anything else past her anger, it was unknown, for you turned your back to her immediately and walked to the lockers room.
With a bit of luck, you’d be alone while everybody else was on the class and you could try to process what had just happened. Maybe you could start by grabbing your feelings from the floor along with the pieces of your heart.
Wanda tried to call you, but to no avail. She saw your retreating form while she held onto her books as if to keep herself sane. She glanced at you one more time before you disappeared on the corner and her heart tightened, there was so much agony in your eyes, so much hurt and she hated herself, because she knew she was the sole cause of it.
For the entirety of your friendship, Wanda always admired your sense of humor and how you dealt with the bad things life had throwed your way, even more so, she admired your heart and how it confided in her your aspirations and your fears.
And she used it. She didn’t mean it, but she did. The second she said she agreed with Jarvis idiotic opinion, she regrated, for she knew that one of your biggest fears was to, one day, find out that Jarvis was right the whole time.
That you were nothing but a lost child who no one wanted, a kid who grew up without understand what was wrong with her and a young woman who didn’t know her own place. Oh if Wanda could only go back in time and take back those hateful words, their odious meaning, she would.
She doesn’t agree with Jarvis, quite the contrary. But she was so, so mad at you for dating Agatha. She was so mad at herself for being blind this whole time and she was so mad at her heart for falling in love with you.
