Can I rant about partners who say they "don't have the energy to reply to our thread", but somehow have the energy to make lots of new muses and start lots of new threads, and to add insult to injury, keep saying they've "queued all drafts" and "finished all replies", but your thread with them still never ends up being included? (Angry face)
Thankfully, I very rarely get this anymore, but is really frustrating and insulting, right? I think we can all admit that there is no fully comfortable way to tell someone that we're no longer interested, but making someone else uncomfortable because we cannot force ourselves to behave like adults isn't alright.
Though there are many ways muns fail to handle this properly, I think this one is right up there as the worst. In the past, I've really wanted to ask, "did you think I would forget or?" Because that's kind of what it feels like. The hope that if you're told there is (presently and temporarily) no energy to reply to your thread, that can be silently extended indefinitely because it is now perceived as inappropriate for you to ask about it. Ever. Ever again. You're not supposed to check in six months later so you can archive or drop it, you're supposed to never mention it while hoping, like them, that this problem solves itself somehow.
I genuinely do not believe that most people who do this are doing so maliciously or with full realization of exactly what they're doing to someone else. Which is putting them in a weird position they are frozen in - checking in isn't right, dropping them isn't right either, however, because they've left the door open for continuing, but being on your dash and seeing that they do have energy for everything and everyone except yourself is upsetting after a while.
Of course, of course, no one is obligated to keep a thread they're no longer capable of continuing for any reason. They, quite clearly, don't have the requisite drive to keep this one going. That happens, it can happen even when we are invested in the other muse and plot, it's frustrating and can really defy explanation. We can end up experiencing growth with our muses that take them away from the aspects of a thread that were once enjoyable, or can end up with a new muse, thread, or ship that makes things preceding it pale in comparison. None of that is ever going to feel 100% unhurtful to a writing partner, and I absolutely do feel like we should be tactful and kind when handling it...but we need to handle it. There needs to be honesty and clarity.
Leaving people indefinitely hanging is rude. Once it is clear to you that you will not be capable of returning to the interaction(s), you really do need to speak up. The person on the other end of this doesn't deserve to have false ideas, keeping your space open, and potentially at cost to the time and energy they could be spending with other muns who are interested. Time is valuable, it is the most valuable of intangible commodities, and it isn't alright to waste someone's time like this. That is what's happening when we're strung along, be it because the other mun is terrified of what they feel is confrontation or because that mun feels like they have to keep the door cracked on all past interactions just in case.
After a while of you doing exactly what you're supposed to do - not bothering them about it, respecting their decision - while only being able to infer the truth from what is on your dash, it's definitely insulting. I know that I've had muns that I wasn't especially thrilled to be writing with, but was happy to give a chance, and even when they did this sort of thing it was insulting. Because it truly does feel like the message is "I have energy to for the huge undertaking of new muses and blogs and threads, but not ours" and "I've finished and queued all my owed drafts, but not ours because I don't even see it as existing anymore." You know, again, while not simply dropping in to say that in the interest of fairness, they don't foresee being able to continue the thread after all, the muse for it isn't coming back. It feels like being told that someone doesn't wish you to leave the room, but also, does not wish you to participate in the game they're playing with four other people. And wondering every time they update about queuing all drafts whether yours will be included or not makes it worse.
I don't know how long this has been going on, but if it's been two months or more, it is my opinion that you're totally in your rights to make a choice. This isn't making you happy, I imagine it feels upsetting to be on your dash sometimes even, and that's not sustainable. You shouldn't feel angry, insulted, or hurt consistently in what is supposed to be your fun place as well.
So, if I were you, I would do one of the following:
Again, if it has been a bit, ask them about it yourself. Be the self-possessed adult RPer they're not being. Politely ask them if they're still interested in hanging onto the thread because you feel uncertain about dropping it, but would like to be sure either way. Nothing pressuring, guilting, or accusatory. Just a simple, "I just wanted to touch base with you about our thread. It's alright if you don't want to continue it, I just need to know for sure."
If you feel like they're likely to give the same sort of response to you this time as they did before, you can nicely nudge in the direction that it really is okay if they want to drop. Say you've noticed they seem to be interested in different things, moving to different things, and so on. That is true, they are, and it is something that does happen in RP fairly often. You just want them to be clear that it is not something they're going to be interested in again, it's all good.
OR you can make the decision they're not. Someone needs to, and regardless of how fair to you it is, it's possible that they're waiting and hoping you'll do something about it. It's wrong, but the RPC is really messed up about communicating even under the most positive of scenarios, the phobic behavior over directly coming to someone and telling them an interaction is no longer viable can be pretty extreme. While that isn't always unreasonable to want to avoid, as I don't think you can RP longer than a month on tumblr without someone coming unglued on you for turning them down, it's still not acceptable. It's still not mature, it's still not fair, and you're still going to be the one to have to deal with it even so.
It would be the best thing to tell them that you're dropping the thread, then to drop it and unfollow them. Do you owe this person decency that they haven't shown you? No, of course not, but this is actually what being the bigger/better person is supposed to mean, not being a doormat or passive aggressive. Still, if that's not something you can do because you've got such angry face at this point that it's going to come out (totally understandable, zero judgement, Anon), just softblock. You don't need to keep seeing this going on, you deserve a decision to be made and to enjoy yourself without this hanging around over your head.
Their behavior hasn't been very nice, and again, this might truly be the outcome they want. They could be someone who has a hard time making choices, feeling attached to something about the thread or your muse/yourself while knowing they're not going to write with you anymore. They could be worried about backlash, having experienced negative things in the past, or simply be very bad at communication on a core level. Maybe the message you're getting is the correct one - they want you to know passively that they're no longer interested and you should go. In that case, they're going to be relieved by your choice to do that as well.
All of us, no matter how hard we try, do something at some point to someone here that is kind of shitty in ways we didn't realize. I'm sure it isn't malicious what they're doing, they're just obliviously pursuing what they enjoy. As I say quite a lot, we all have the right to enjoy the hobby how we see fit so long as we're being respectful of others, and that isn't happening.
Sometimes, muns do need a few weeks or a few months to get back on track with a thread, that isn't the issue here. Neither is having preferred partners, a thing literally every mun has no matter how well they are hiding it in order to be fair and polite. We cannot all be the favorite or always be the favorite, and there will be times when every one of us will feel like we're no one's favorite for upsetting stretches of time. The issue is the lack of communication that becomes more extreme the longer this goes on, especially with that whole "finished all replies" thing. Not gonna lie, Anon, that made me cringe a little for you. That's a little bit hurtful right there!
Assess how much time it has been and whether you, honestly, will be able to forgo this patch in the future with this mun on the off chance that they eventually want to pick the thread back up. Time is a bit variable when it comes to what is "enough." For one person with one style of RP, three weeks of this might be enough, while for another, six months might be it. I'd say that if you are interested still and think you can forgive and forget, you should try to have a real conversation with the mun as to that before you write together again. Express how it came across to you, this might not have occurred to them at all and could be a helpful, learning experience about how our actions must be relied upon for inference when we're not clearly communicating with others. After this experience, not talking about it is likely to make you a bit worried about what they'll do in the future, and that is not a good way to go forward if you choose to do so (and they will allow it).
If you cannot let it go, that is quite valid and you should not be expected to let it go. The only thing that is reasonable to expect from you as this other mun is that you won't go off harassing them or something extreme. And if, upon consideration, you feel like some anger or worry would always be present? That is your guide as to what to do - they need to go.
Sorry that this has happened, Anon! If it is a consolation, your feelings are valid, this is honestly not okay of them, and this is an experience a lot of RPers share with you. I hope that, no matter how you handle it, you'll have a less upsetting experience again soon. Allowing others to enjoy themselves in RP absolutely does not have to mean allowing them to treat you in a way that makes you angry.
