I've been thinking for the last day about performance in Half Man, specifically in relation to Niall and Ruben.
How much Niall is performing is one of the biggest things that we notice about him in the show, but I would like to propose that it goes both ways. While Niall is trying to act more dangerous to mirror Ruben, Ruben is performing his version of a happy family and domestic bliss.
And why not? He seems to never have had a brother, but also have a lot of ideas of how he would treat one, vis-à-vis keeping Niall safe from both his dad and anyone else who might take advantage of him. And why not? Niall has everything that Ruben wishes he had: a mother who cares deeply for him (even if Ruben finds it difficult to repay the favor--let us not forget that Ruben's affection for his mum started after the health decline that meant she was now helpless) and complete and total virginity.
Of course Niall always wanted to be Ruben.
But Ruben also always wanted to be Niall from the very first moment they met, and that's why their relationship worked until Niall crossed the one line Ruben couldn't deal with and got Mona pregnant.
That is also part of why Ruben couldn't deal with Niall getting Mona pregnant: because it shattered the fantasy that Niall was someone worth emulating.
In Ruben's mind, Niall became just like his dad in that moment. If he can't trust Niall to not unman him, there's nothing and no one left. All roads point to death because there are no dreams left worth having--his one source of endless inspiration is now tied in with the parts of himself he can't live with.
