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Anime Levi #1062

Episode 46 - 壁の王 (Ruler of the Walls)

#shingeki no kyojin #levi ackerman #snk #levi #every levi #anime #anime gif #anime uprising arc #season 3 #episode 46 #s3e9 #anime 1062 #close up levi #worried levi #pity levi #sad levi #grief levi #idek

The tea in his cup is already cold, the book he’d been reading lays abandoned on the table and, honestly, if it were completely up to him Levi would already be doing something else by now. The thought of having to get on his wheelchair and out of the house with it is the only thing stopping him, it’s still difficult to believe that such mundane tasks can take so much energy out of him- even after all these years. He can’t help but remember how his body used to feel, how he felt every single muscle, how he could control every inch of it and do it well.

It seems that’s most of what he does lately, think about the past. He finds himself lost in some old memory at least a few times a day- sometimes they’re happy and he has to wipe the stupid smile off his face before Gabbie starts thinking he’s having a stroke, other times they’re dark and full of death, and he can’t do anything but let the grief flare up inside him once again. Either way he’s grateful for memories, he’d rather revive the pain of loss a million times than forget about any of the people he lost- forget about her.

So he just decides to indulge, to lay back on his kitchen chair, push the start of the day back and close his eyes to allow a memory to play out in his head. He thinks about this moment very often, too much maybe, but it’s only thanks to the constant repetition that he’s able to remember every detail so vividly- almost like he’s still there.

They’re sitting in bed with nothing but silence and the cool night breeze filling the space between them. They just recovered wall Maria and stepped closer to the truth about humanity, but the weight of grief and death lays too heavy on their shoulders for any celebration. Instead of their usual side by side, they are facing each other, both of them almost too scared to let the other out of their sight.

Levi has his back to the headboard, sitting cross legged, and Hange is in front of him hugging herself with both of her legs pressed tightly against their chest, her chin resting on top of them so she can intensely watch the man in front of her. He can tell they’re thinking something, he can recognize the look of concentration even when half of Hange’s face is covered by bandages- his chest tightens, he almost lost them today.

“Please don’t die” His thoughts are interrupted by the words, the few seconds of silence that follow them are charged with tension.

“I’m not going to die”

“I guess you’re right… Humanity’s strongest soldier and all of that huh?” He uncrosses his legs just to kick her, very lightly- they both have more than enough bruises to heal. Hange just takes it as an opportunity to move and place their head against Levi’s chest, sitting comfortably between his legs. “But really, please don’t die, okay?”

He can’t help but laugh, as he wraps his arm around them. “I won’t die”

“Why are you laughing? It's not funny!” She hits him on the arm, hard enough for it to hurt a little more than necessary, she’s never known how to control her strength.

“It’s just that I was thinking the same thing.” He squeezes once more “It would be a pain in the ass if you died”

“Well, if it’s such an inconvenience for you then I’ll promise I won’t die if you promise too. And then we can both go to sleep, cause I’m exhausted”

“Deal”

“Deal, then” They place a soft, quick kiss on Levi’s jaw before untangling from him and settling in their own side of bed. “Goodnight”

He opens his eyes and the silence is overwhelming, he lets a shaky breath out and tilts his head back to stop the tears forming from falling down. He always kept his promises to others, but to keep living like this was really proving itself to be the most challenging one to date. If only he’d tried a little harder to convince Hange not to leave back then, maybe they’d be here right now. She’d push his chair around when he didn’t have the will to do it himself, they’d reach the taller shelves and tease him about it. He can almost hear her laughter, her voice telling him “You really found a way to become ever shorter”, he knows they would never walk on eggshells around him.

The idea of that easy, familiar company brings a warm feeling to his chest, and he knows he has to stop. If there’s one thing he’s learned is that getting stuck on what could’ve been is much more dangerous than memories.