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Late Sadurday!?
I'm back!!! Now here is who my late sadurday star is...Cipaclti!!!
As we all know Cipaclti died avenging Cabrakan her husband who died by the hands of lord mictlan.
She was awesome and we shall never forget her along with the other lost souls in MATT
Jaskier had one fear - being unwanted.
Beyond death, injury, monsters, ghosts, being unwanted was the worst most terrifying thing in the world.
It all started as a kid. His parents' love - if it could even be called that - and attention was always conditional. You had to 'prove yourself', make them proud, be the perfect son if you wanted so much as a smile and approving word. And he craved them, oh how he craved and worked at his music lessons till his fingers bled and read late into the night till his eyes went dry.
But it was never enough. His siblings were always praised at parties, his parents so proud of them, ignoring the blue eyed boy in the corner with tears in his eyes and a violin in his hand because he missed a note and his father immediately ordered him to stop. The shame burned into his soul and tained his cheeks with tears.
His mother had the help take him away. Crying in front of guests? How childish. Shameful.
He was never enough, or always too much. Too loud, too chatty, too friendly, not smart enough, not graceful enough, not obedient enough. So he was denied love, denied approval. He didn't deserve it. No matter how he pushed himself.
He was 15 when his father called him a disgrace and useless. It was his birthday celebration and instead of the piano Julian brought out a lute, and instead of the young lady Safine de la Coix, he sang to a shy classmate from a middle class family. A boy.
His father had everyone leave before he yelled at his son for the spectacle and shame he had caused his family. It was never Julian's intention, he hadn't thought-
He slap through his face he got for questioning his father shut him up. He was told he had an hour to collect his things then he should be off the premises.
Unwanted.
At Oxenfurt things finally changed. People liked him. He was admired for his talent, praised for his skills and knowledge, and charmed by his charm. But still the fear lingered.
He desperately clung to acceptance and affection. Went to bed with anyone who wanted him, wrote songs about anyone who was nice to him, gave everything he had - just so desperate to be liked by everyone - anyone.
"IF LIFE COULD GIVE ME ONE BLESSING IT WOULD BE TO TAKE YOU OFF MY HANDS!"
It has a cold darkness Jaskier hadn't felt in so long he had forgotten what it felt like. But suddenly he was back there.
The little boy with tears on his violin in the corner crying in his shame. The boy who picked his mother flowers only to have her scold him for ruining her gardens. Who would do anything in the world for his father's approval that he man withheld so cruelly.
He was unwanted.
He blindly followed his feet down the mountain, not caring where they led them. What did it matter anyway?
He had thought he would never be back to this black lonely cell again, had though himself appreciated and cared for. Even through the teasing insults and banter.
He was wrong.
He was unwanted. Had been for years it seemed. Just too stupid to see it. Too stupid to realise it, so desperate that he made himself a burden to a man too kind to tell him to fuck off. But even the kindest men had their limits.
He was unwanted. Had always been.
The realisation stole the breath from his lungs in a sharp burst of pain. He stumbled and dropped to his knees, a wail ripped from his chest as the agony gripped him.
Unwanted.
silent
Peter’s silent and when he talks he’s quiet. He holds himself tightly and flinches away from strangers. It’s clear to anyone who takes a moment to look that Peter’s been hurt.
“I love you,” Tony whispers.
There’s a worrying disbelief in Peter’s eyes. Like he truly can’t process the fact that someone loves him.
“I love you too,” Peter says.
Tony smiles and runs his fingers through Peter’s curly brunette hair. Peter is tense, though.
If Tony could, he’d take away all of Peter’s pain. He’ll do anything to ensure Peter’s happiness.
“Is something wrong, sweetheart?” Tony asks softly.
Peter shakes his head, ”I’m fine.”
Peter always says he’s fine. They both know he doesn’t mean it. Tony knows pushing the subject will make it worse. Peter thinks pretending he’s fine will make it better.
So, instead, they both sit in silence.
#slaburday turned in to #SADurday after the #suburbanelectricsawmill pooped out on me. I'm getting some deflection on the bar, which is causing an uneven cut, straining the motor and generally just not working. I'm hoping a new chain fixes the issue. Didn't even get one board cut properly. If that doesn't fix it, I'm guessing I've reached the limit of my mini electric mill. Maybe I can get a #binfordtools sticker to crank up the power. Next stop is a 550cc monster. On the plus side, check out the inside of this mimosa tree! Not a species you see too often at the lumber yard. Our neighbor cut this down in the spring and I swiped the biggest piece of trunk I could carry 😂 . . . . #wood #woodwork #woodworker #woodworking #slab #slabbing #mimosa #granberg #alaskanmill #alaskan #sawmill #handmade #handcrafted #maker #lumber #lumbermill #diy #doityourself #thejawnshop
Sadurday
oh come on did you really think I wouldn't have any time for our weekly sadurday???
Next topic....Picchu!!!
OK for some reason I had trouble finding the GIF of Picchu and his parents hugging when he died so pretend it's up there.
Picchu died a warrior's death just like he wanted. I'm gonna be honest right here but ummm well I kinda...didn't cry when he died cause at that point I only cared for Maya and Zatz!!! But he wanted a warrior's death as you all remember since he gave mercy to that bog warrior that bog warrior killed everyone but Picchu to make him feel horrible for what he did, and he did feel horrible about what he did until he learned that mercy is not something you do but something you give. He died by giving his friends time to get out of the underworld and went at it with the gods you then see Picchu pretty much in heaven with his parents and Zatz's skull puma, Collmillo. 😥
what he wants
Peter feels empty without Tony’s touch.
The older man rarely indulges Peter’s need for affection, but Peter keeps crawling back like an idiot. He just can’t help himself.
Tony is like a God among men. He’s smart and sexy and sarcastic and everything about him turns Peter on.
Tony said, in the beginning of their relationship, that it was just casual sex. While that would sound like a good deal to most people, Peter found himself uncomfortable with the idea. His feelings for Tony go deeper than just friends with benefits. But Tony made it explicitly clear that there would be no feelings involved and Peter - figuring that this was the only way to get close to Tony - agreed despite his reservations.
Tony isn’t a bad man, Peter thinks, he just knows what he wants. And he doesn’t want a relationship with a dorky, annoying kid. It’s reasonable. If a little painful.
Peter’s sitting on the shower floor. The lukewarm spray of the water is unsatisfying, but tolerable. He’s just passively sitting there, hoping for things to get better. Maybe one day they will, but it seems unlikely.
He sighs. He wonders if there’s a world in which he and Tony end up together. Where they’re a happily married couple who live together and call each other cute pet names. Where Peter doesn’t feel like a sex toy made solely for Tony’s pleasure.
It’s not like Tony knows that this hurts Peter. That the afterglow of sex just isn’t worth the pain Peter feels when he returns home.
Peter won’t ever tell him either. It would break the no feelings rule. It could, and probably would, ruin everything. And, as much as it hurts Peter, he can’t bring himself to leave Tony.
It feels too good when Tony calls him sweetheart - even if it’s just in the heat of the moment. And it feels even better when Tony holds Peter close to his chest and they stay like that for a brief moment, just taking in each other's presence.
It feels too good to give up.
But it hurts too much to continue.
Maybe one day Peter will become brave enough to say his feelings aloud. But for now he must be content with silently tracing Tony's body in bed, wishing for more than the man is willing to give.
this is bad
Peter breaks up with Tony.
There’s a distant look in Peter’s eye. There’s an absent aura that surrounds him, replacing his once happy go lucky nature.
“Peter,” Tony says softly.
Peter doesn’t respond.
Tony repeats - just as softly, but a little firmer, “Peter?”
Peter blinks. He takes a deep inhale and then says: “I don’t love you anymore.”
An icy shock freezes Tony mid-step. His heart plummets through his chest onto the floor and his eyes widen. There’s a heavy dread that weighs in his chest like a bag of bricks. Denial screams loudly in his head, chanting: No, no, no, no, no!
“What?” Tony asks, his brain failing to catch up.
Peter sighs, “I’m sorry, Tony, I just don’t love you anymore.”
“No,” Tony says before he can think, “you don’t mean that. Peter, baby, you don’t mean that. We can work this out-”
“No,” Peter shakes his head, “this isn’t something we can work out. I’m sorry, I really wanted this to work, but I just… can’t.”
Tony chokes on his sob, “Baby, please. I love you so much. Is there something I can do? Anything? I’d do anything for you.”
“It’s over,” Peter says, he looks so pitiful with his puppy-dog eyes failing to meet Tony’s own. “I’m sorry. I wish things could’ve been different,” Peter whispers like it’s hurting him just as much, “but I think our time together is over.”
Tony reaches out toward Peter. But, Peter walks right past him with forlorn eyes, like if he let himself be stopped by Tony then he’d never leave.
“I’m sorry, Tony,” Peter whispers one last time before turning away and disappearing into the midnight air.
your broken toy
| Sad Ending |
“What’s the point, Tony? The second she dumps you, you’re going to come crawling back to me again,” Peter said, “I can’t stand it anymore. Pepper leaves you then you come to me, but then you go right back to her.”
“You don’t understand,” said Tony, “we’re working things out.”
“Right,” Peter rolled his eyes.
Tony said, “We’re both going through some things.”
“And you decided that dragging me into this was a good idea? Huh? I thought I meant something to you, but apparently I’m nothing more than a fuck doll to you,” Peter said.
Peter gave Tony a hard stare and continued: “I’ve spent months of my life supporting you, being there for you, and helping you while she did what, Tony? What does she have that I don’t?”
“I don’t-” Tony faltered.
“Exactly,” Peter said, “I’m done with these games, Stark, I’m done with the lies and the hiding and everything. I’m done with it all.”
Tony sighed, “I never meant for things to go this far.”
Peter looked into Tony’s guilt-soaked eyes. If he hadn’t been thoroughly exhausted, Peter might’ve felt bad for chewing the man out.
“Okay,” said Peter, “if you get back together with her, Tony, I’m never doing this again. We’ll hardly even be colleagues after this. I’ve given you everything I could. I’ve tried to talk with you, but you always leave me. So, I’m done. Make your choice, Tony.”
There was a moment of silence.
At least he has to think about it first, Peter thought bitterly.
“I love her,” Tony whispered.
Peter closed his eyes and let out a shaky exhale, “Okay.”
“I just love her too much to... “ Tony trailed off.
“It’s okay,” lied Peter, “you’ll figure it out with her, I’m sure, and I’ll sort my own issues out.”
Tony looked at Peter.
Peter looked away. The man was pitying him. The last person’s pity Peter wanted was Tony’s.
“I hope you have a wonderful life with your loyal girlfriend,” Peter said with a hiss. He knew it was petty bringing up Pepper’s unfaithfulness - and he did feel bad the second the words left his mouth - but he just couldn’t stop himself.
And as the door closed on Tony, encasing him in darkness, he couldn’t help but wonder if he made the wrong decision.
block the tag ‘sadurday’ if you wouldn’t like to see a sad drabble every sadurday :>
