#savingmyself

[grace-naomi]

you loved me first...

the shift was so complete this time it knocked all my senses out of line. when,  where have you been all my life? turns into where have been all night? bloodshot eyes betray all your lies  and I still can’t decide which is worse  when you actually tried to put me first, but just couldn’t seem to follow through... or when you just quit even trying,  saying I deserve more than you can do. You used to love me... couldn’t get enough and somehow everything I can give. would give, have given... just doesn’t compare to a substance that just keeps stealing from you. Each time, leaving you with less and less... leaving you looking such a mess... It a few moments of pleasure, but a lifetime of distress. I saw you the other day. You were trying to walk  but could only manage a sway. I remembered how once you looked into my eyes. And I held in my breath as you promised the moon. I used to step lightly, but I now drag my feet, passing you ask for a dollar with and the echo of, “ill see you soon...”

[foreverjenfoo]

The starting point....

I know no one here. I like that. I need a place to spill my guts and figure things out. I need to journal but in a way that makes me accountable. It will be both embarassing and motivating.....I hope.

I'm fat. I used to say I was voluptuous, or pleasantly plump. But I'm not I'm fat and it's time for change. At 44, I look to my future and see my mother. I lover her dearly butttt shes a victim of herself. At the ripe young age of 68 and battling with obesity, diabetes, hypertension and many other ugly disease processes. Many PREVENTABLE disease processes (and some not). She wasn't like this at 44.......she was like ME. Obese but working and living, never thinking it woud be her in ths situation. As I watch my mom deteriorate, barely mobile due to leg wounds and pain, and wishing life were different, I myself battle with my own health struggles-obesity, hypertension, back pain, joint pain, carpal tunnel and I think to myself why am I letting myself follow this path. So I decided its time to try again, to break the cycle. To show my kids it doesn't have to be like thi and save them the heartache and stress I feel watching my once beautiful, active, fun mom fall deeper and deeper into despair and depression.

And thats why I'm here. To change.

[bloodorchid411]

All these realities clamoring to be heard. I am no different. 7 pictures for attention that I seek because these hot flashes are making me weak. 😅 🤪 What can I say? I'm a poet and didn't know it. #savingmyself #strongblackwoman is too tired for this shit. https://www.instagram.com/p/CFngE1-gUHe/?igshid=1a4gi4sueplfy

[kalikillsthedemon]

The neglect changes you. The abuse hardens you. The suffering breaks you. The ignorance angers you. The indifference disturbs you. The injustice destroys you. On a daily basis…your faith will be tested. Your heart will be wounded.... Your soul will be altered. On a weekly basis…you’ll question yourself. You’ll question your strength. You’ll question the world. On a monthly basis…you’ll fall down. You’ll get up. You’ll go on… On a yearly basis…you’ll look back… You’ll see faces… You couldn’t save them. You’ll learn to mourn. To grieve. To sob. You’ll learn to trust a little less. To do a little more. To fight a little harder. You’ll learn to try. To hope. To pray. You’ll learn to fail. To succeed. To accept. You’ll learn when to hold on. When to give up. When to let go. You’ll learn who you are. What you stand for. Why that matters. Then… at times… you’ll forget why you matter. You’ll question what you’re doing. You’ll wonder if it’s worth it. But…here’s the good news… When you forget… When you question… When you wonder… All you have to do… Is take a look around… And you’ll see them. You’ll see their faces. You’ll see their smiles. You’ll feel their love. In their eyes, you’ll see their journeys… You’ll remember their beginnings… You’ll know how far they’ve come… You’ll remember when they didn’t know you… When they didn’t trust you… When they’d given up. You’ll remember how you healed them… How you loved them… How they loved you, too. And as you look back… You’ll want to move forward… For them… and because of them. In your darkest hours, you’ll look around… To find the differences made…the hope given…and the lives saved… Because you existed. In those moments, when you look into their eyes…every doubt will be erased. Every question will be answered. Every worry will subside. Because in that instant…in each of your hearts… You both share the very same thought: “Every bit of pain was worth it…for this moment here with you.” And honestly…no matter what else happens… Those moments hold all the strength you need… To keep going. - Ashley Owen Hill #empath #surviving2020 #savingothers #savingmyself #strength https://www.instagram.com/p/CDm7SV8Dtec/?igshid=qcd39tyh3bch

[bloodorchid411]

I just heard the most atrocious financial shit today. ART is truly my only therapy. Where would I be without it? #savingmyself #wipart https://www.instagram.com/p/B9r7052gVUP/?igshid=pnd9syn9xq69

[sennettmedia-blog]

⛓BOUNDARIES...⛓ Now I'm making more loving choices for myself, it might feel unloving to you, but I can assure you it's not. I still love you... just from over here. 😍❤ Word by Donna Lancaster, Co-founder of The Bridge Retreat ℹ️Join Donna in London on June 12th for The Bridge Information Evening. Starts at 7pm. We're also in Amsterdam on the 17th June - See website for full details.  These events are Free to attend and all are welcome - thebridgeretreat.com/retreats-events/ #boundaries #selfloverevolution #savingmyself #Loveis #shine #love #thebridgeretreat #donnalancs #retreats #instagood #instadaily #liveinspired #mindbodyspirit #mentalhealth https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx4ezpunwX7/?igshid=1m3j2wp87oxr7

[elegantecstasi]

I’m just here talking to myself,

Rocking myself like a mother does her new born babe.

Hushing my cries, hushing my cries until I come alive again..

[rhaegal-archived-again]

need to close some doors behind us in order to open the doors in front of us. #savingmyself https://www.instagram.com/p/Brfggp1BFNjRKU48BxFCDsssZQsE8V9OiZ3uts0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13lmno6ftq2qh