Ohh don't know when this happened but apparently they're now calling "school refusal" Emotionally Based School Avoidance instead. Which okay my response may also be "emotionally based" because I can barely read anything on that topic without getting angry anyway, but sarcasm incoming: Yay you came up with a new term that doesn't sound like it's blaming kids for doing a deliberate thing, and instead sounds clinical and detached! Woo you updated your pathologising method for kids dealing with an awful environment! Whoop-de-fucking-do to you now tell me what are you doing to change the schools? The schools, not the kids. Please tell me you're not still teaching the kids that it's them who need to change. What are you doing to provide accommodations and prevent bullying? Answer quickly.
nobody cares that I can barely gey out of bed and get to school in the mornings and it's only because I get so anxious about not being in and so I have almost perfect attendance.
Biggggg post about my kiddo and his troubles with school
Okay my kiddo is home today (school refusal) 😭
(Oh I wanna say a little about it, apparently. )
My kid has been struggling with school refusal, being unable to get in to school or having panic attacks when there, for a few years now. It's getting to the point I'm close to pulling him out to homeschool him. School refusal is very misunderstood. I used to have days as a kid where I didn't want to go to school and chucked a sickie. But with school refusal it's way more than not wanting to go to school, it's like a huge dread, like anxiety or panic attacks I think maybe, and it's very complex.
Here's a link to a great doco about it which mirrors my experiences:
(More words under the cut)
Later in the week I'll be going in to have a chat with the school and see what help they can offer, apparently they do have things they can do e.g. counseling/psychology sessions? The old inclusion support teacher has moved on to another school and the new one is actually really proactive and communicating with me and my kids dad and trying to help find a solution, for which I am VERY grateful because yes I will homeschool if needed but gosh it would be better for my child in SO many ways if we could make school work for him! Let's at least try something before throwing in the towel, and the old inclusion teacher seemed to just kinda... shrug and then the other teachers said I needed to be more positive and made out everything was my fault like no, my child is curled up a ball on the floor whimpering and repeating 'I hate school, I hate this, I hate everything, I can't, I can't do this anymore, I can't do this anymore,' that's not a me thing, that's an autistic and struggling kid thing.
I loved school as a kid (it was my refuge from an abusive childhood) despite being bullied as a kid, so it hurts that the school staff sometimes are trying to treat me like an enemy rather than work together as a team for the good of my kid. This new inclusion teacher seems great so I'm holding hope out. My kids classroom teacher this year is also amazing, but obviously my child needs extra help that currently he's just not getting. She's a great teacher though, she mentioned to me her main goal is improving his confidence which I was thinking YES this is the way. She gets it.
My kid is incredibly bright, is autistic, is extremely gifted in mathematics, has an IQ of 146, struggles a LOT with spelling and low confidence and perfectionism. He just needs to be extended in maths/engineering/science areas (which he does himself via YouTube but I'd ideally like to get a tutor in) and needs to be supported with his spelling to get over the issues he's having so he can communicate and participate in the classroom! He knows I love him, and he loves feeling 'safe' and staying home with me is his comfort zone. He's an only child (that wasn't how I planned it 😭 but it's how it wound up) and he doesn't socialize much with other kids, they like him but he's aloof, not in a mean way just in an autistic 'I don't really wanna socialise the way the other kids want to' way. I need to get him hooked up with more autistic peers. He's got a couple of school buddies with ADHD and as always the ADHD + Autism friendship trope proves true (me being ADHD and having MANY autistic buddies). His kindergarten teacher used to fondly call him her 'little engineer'.
He's the absolute light of my life and my favourite human in the galaxy. He and I have this amazing bond, we giggle together, 'thick as thieves', are creative together, give hugs often, and just straight up love each other. So please don't read this post and think I'm saying my autistic kid is a burden. He's not at all a burden he's my ultimate blessing and he is my reason I don't give up and keep fighting my own battles, and fight his too when needed. One time he said 'You're my samurai, Mummy,' and that's awesome and that's what motherhood is.
I'm gonna fight for him to have a school environment he can learn in, and do everything I can to get him the help he deserves. If after that school still doesn't work, I will home school him, but I want to try for school to work for him first, it'd be so great if we could. And on the days he's home with me I will help him with his spelling, his confidence, let him to follow his special interests and make his complex puzzles and maths problems. He's my everything.
please tell me i'm not alone in this. does anyone else have scolionophobia? does anyone else experience intense school refusal? it's been a problem all my life. the strangest thing is that i don't even have any reason for it, it just happens - though i guess that's what makes it an irrational fear. luckily, i've been doing online school for a couple years, so it hasn't really affected me much recently, but i think back to my elementary & middle school years and realize how fucked up it was, to the point where i couldn't even step one foot inside the building without having a meltdown or panic attack. hell, just a year and a half ago i tried going back to in-person school, but dropped out after 4 days. it's always made me feel very lonely, so i'd love it if anyone else shares those experiences.
Does anybody have any tips for school refusal?? It’s been something I’ve been dealing with since I was 5 but since I’ve started high school it’s just flared up and become even worse. I’m tired of fighting 5 days a week to go somewhere where I don’t even learn anything because by the time I actually get into my seat I’m exhausted.
