Death is such a strange abstract concept. Your heart can flatline in a second and kill you. Your brain can turn to mush for all kinds of reasons. But the worst kind of death, is the death of a dream, the death of hope. The one your body goes through the motions but you just don't care anymore. I've been dead since 12/1/2014. That's when the brazilian government denied my Scholarship for the Science Without Borders program on the grounds that I needed more experience. Even with an offer letter from King's College London. Offer they gave me based on my curriculum, my experience, my letters and interview. The denial? Based only on my curriculum. Which is quite funny, because I was awarded a Scholarship by the same government while I was a dental student, and I do have a paper published. The irony, if you can say that, is that they awarded a Scholarship to this other guy (that also goes to King's) and he doesn't even have a published paper, no scholarship while an undergrad, and a whole lot less experience than me. What cuts even deeper, is when friends tell you that maybe it wasn't meant to be, that "God" thinks I should stay in Brazil. Even if I believed in God, that's such bullshit, because if that'd be the case I wouldn't even been accepted by King's. I'm pretty sure if I stay in Brazil I'll waste away, I'll leave science behind and work minimum wage. But I'll be dead, not living, merely existimg as a shadow of myself.
