I've always considered myself an introvert, but I'm pretty self-assertive and when I read your post about tips towards being an extrovert, I answered yes to most of them. However, I still feel tired when I get home each day, and I have to recharge after spending a lot of time with people, which seems like it's the "base" defining factor of introversion/extroversion. Basically, I seem to fit the extrovert personality type but people still drain me. What does this mean? Thanks for the help!
It’s confusing, isn’t it?
Based on the information you’ve provided, you strike me as someone who is highly self-driven, self-directed and confident. Even if your self-esteem fluctuates, you still believe that your opinions are worth hearing and your needs must be respected. You might also be good with people but ultimately feel drained by interaction if it doesn’t serve a purpose or meet some of your needs. (That is, if I got it right.)
As such, it doesn’t surprise me that you’re on the fence.
If you’ve always considered yourself an introvert and my post made you doubt yourself, it could mean three things: either you’re an introvert with strong use of extroverted functions, or an extrovert who is not thriving, or perhaps my post was simply misleading and needs reworking.
Extroversion is simply energy direction to the outside world. It means initiating projects and interaction, voicing many of your thoughts, controlling the environment, or caring a lot about external results and rewards. Constantly.
It also means that extroverts are more responsive and prefer to have the constant stream of feedback because it’s energising. They also are much more attuned to what’s going on in the world right now, and they will probably react to most of it via commenting or letting it change the course of their action(s).
Introverts, on the other hand, can exhibit all of these behaviours, but more often than not, they will have much weaker attachment to the external world, which can manifest as passivity. This is because introverts don’t care about external rewards as much, which is why they are less motivated to get outside input or external rewards. They can be, of course, and all healthy individuals do to some extent, but you’ll see in them how they naturally gravitate towards stubbornly prioritising their own idiosyncratic way of being in the world.
Not to say that extroverts cannot be individualistic. Everyone has unique traits, especially if your introverted functions are developed. But extroverts will be quick to prioritise new information over their own personal experience, either wilfully or not, simply by virtue of being attuned to the external world. This can manifest as struggle to understand their inner world because they always get distracted from it.
Actually, this is what inspired me to write that post. I’ve seen some extroverts become chronically withdrawn because there is an overwhelming inner part of them that they somehow cannot reconcile with the world around them. As such, it gets exhausting to constantly extrovert.
For example, I know of a few ENFPs who exhibit a lot of introverted behaviours because they have so many emotional problems that they cannot help but remain withdrawn. They get quickly exhausted by social interaction because their unresolved emotions weigh on them so much. And yet they are still ENFPs because of very clear NeFi use.
There are many examples of how some people don’t fit the stereotypes. At some point, I believe, it becomes a waste of time to try to force yourself into a category and eradicate all doubt.
A more interesting question to ask, I think, is why you might be so quick to doubt your introversion, and why are you drawn to this ‘problem’ so much? You clearly want to understand yourself, but you also want to know where you belong in this world. I believe that once you begin to overthink these categories, you should be exploring your identity in ways that go beyond MBTI. (If I am not overstepping.)
But otherwise, I totally relate to you, and thanks for the great question. Apologies if my answer wasn’t very helpful.
