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I take myself out for dinner to my favourite vegetarian restaurant once a month. I get an AF beer and almost always get dessert. It’s nothing but it’s something. 4.5 years of soberish. Remember that Things that are hard now you’ll do effortlessly in years. Enjoy these ~un-aesthetic~ photos
I’m working on not pouring a glass of wine after a tough day so instead I’m drinking ginger beer with every flipping calming herb in my garden in it and spinning how to build an ocean: instructions
liz phair was so fucking real when she wrote soberish. the whole album front to back is nothing but non stop bangers and she deserves so much more for writing it
Today was such a great day.
Don’t forget to talk about your good days too. My therapist says she’s breaking up with me in October because she feels I’m doing really well in life. I’m okay with this. It’s been about two and a half years consistently seeing her at least once a month. I feel better equipped for life and it’s bullshit and good shit. It’s so interesting how you don’t realize your growth and accomplishments because we are with ourselves everyday. ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. EVERY. DAY.
I shared how during a recent event, I stood up for myself and made the event all about me instead of letting my parents make it about them. And boy did I get some push back about not allowing my parents to be more involved in the event. That’s fine- it’s about me. I kept it about me. My therapist was soooo happy when I told her how I handled the situation. She almost cried. She encouraged me to recognize the growth I’ve done in the past two years. I was broken when I started therapy. I wouldn’t talk (even though I felt I was sharing; I was not sharing), I wouldn’t cry (I stay crying now), I couldn’t articulate the things that were hurting me I couldn’t convey my feelings (now I have ALL the feelings and you will listen to all of them). I was moving through things in life because I ‘thought’ that’s how it’s supposed to be. I was consistently living in what I thought my parents wanted/would want/expect (and Ive been out of their house for 7 years) instead of living for me. What are my standards. What are my morals. What is my ‘why’?
We touched on my parenting and how I am parenting the way I wanted/needed growing up. Equipping my child with the emotional tools for life. Allowing feelings to be shared creating a safe space for dialogue/questions/expression. My therapist praised me today (she also drags me when needed). She asked me to mediatate on how far I’ve come. Wow. It’s powerful to see the results of this hard work and dedication to ME. IT DID NOT COME EASY. I wanted better and I kept pushing - especially mentally. I’m basking in my current results.
The past few days have been unrealistically wonderful- but I’m accepting it and looking forward to more days like this. I’m happy. Life is good. I’m feeling more fulfilled and purposeful in my day to day.
Depression has been my norm for so long it doesn’t feel ‘right’ to be happy. However, I have a right to be happy and I will stop returning to a place of darkness just because it feels ‘normal’. I will embrace my happiness and work to maintain this happiness while understanding and accepting life will be life.
I’m not sober, but I have reduced my alcohol intake SIGNIFICANTLY. The last two months I feel so many things have fallen into place that will support a more sober lifestyle. Sobriety is an entire lifestyle change and I’m finally moving in the right direction.
Change does not happen overnight. I am so glad I never gave up.
Day 1.
Not saying anything to anyone. Would rather not disappoint them. I’ve been binge drinking for far too long now and at my age, it’s starting to take its toll. I’m not saying that i’m gonna stop all together, but i’m definitely going to try and pump the brakes real hard. My last drink was somewhere in the early morning of March 4, 2019. So today, the 5th makes the first full 24hrs without a drink. Also having reintroduced myself to the church i’m going to hope that using this moment to give up beer for lent will help me keep my goal and hopefully heal my body a bit, and maybe my soul. 43 more days to go.
Lately: 50 km of backcountry hiking, campfire banana bread, meditations by the ocean, creating instead of consuming and trying to notice the fullness of each moment.
I realized that since I broke up with my ex (over 2 months ago !) I don't think I've had alcohol or weed. I have had the opportunity to, both in owning the materials and in being in social situations that had weed/alcohol. But I have not had the urge to, like, at all. I went to a concert yesterday and they checked IDs so you could get a wristband if you were over 21 and I thought for a second that I should get a wristband just in case I felt like drinking... but I knew I didn't want to do that. I feel so powerful. I feel so peaceful and happy with where my life is at right now and I do not need those things right now. yay :3
