So I was on spring break for the last two weeks, and wrote a lot. But I only had my stinking iPad during that time, so I couldn’t post any of my stuff on here. Prepare for an influx of it...
Also, I promised more Elsbert multiple times forever ago. I apologize a million times over for the delay, although this isn’t exactly my best work.
By all means, Elsa should've been happy. Today was a beautiful day to be at sea: the sun high and warm, the wind sharp, the salt of the waves spraying playfully at the deck of the ship. Seagulls cried, the crew of the ship sang and joked with each other, a certain princess had scaled up to the crow's nest to look around while her lover stood on the deck and watched her with one hand over his eyes.
But while all of this was going on, the queen lay on her berth and tried to control her seasickness.
Don't throw up, don't throw up, nothing exits a queen's body except sophistication and dignity, oh God how big was that last wave!?
Elsa swallowed back another retch and buried her face in her pillows. She was fully sick -- literally and metaphorically -- of having to travel by sea for what felt like forever just to see the man she loved.
To be fair, it wasn't Albert's fault that his kingdom was so far away. But while Elsa was heaving into a bucket in a cramped cabin, it was kind of hard to feel generous towards anything to do with the Southern Isles.
"Hey Elsa -- oh my God, it smells awful in here!"
Elsa wiped the back of her mouth with a handkerchief and gave Anna a very sour look.
"Sorry. Are you sure that there's nothing you can do about your seasickness?"
"Maybe you should've listened to that trader from China and bought some ginger from him to help. Ooh, or maybe some of those saltine crackers!"
"Well, you don't need to shout, I'm right here," her sister huffed.
Elsa fought the urge to roll her eyes. "Why did you come down here anyway?"
"Oh yeah." Anna brightened again. "I was going to tell you that they've spotted the islands up ahead."
"Thank God." Elsa staggered to her feet. "I really hate ships."
Anna wrapped her arms around her sister's shoulders and helped her walk up to the deck. The captain and crew had already assembled on board, and Kristoff was waiting for the two women up by the bow. He nodded to them as they arrived.
"Just in time." He pointed to the horizon.
Even though the three of them had seen this sight many many times at this point, it always made them crowd to the side of the ship and gawk. The Southern Isles was rapidly growing from a dark mass on the horizon to an actual landmass; complete with the port, city, and even the tiny dots that were the kingdom's citizens.
Even through her nausea, Elsa smiled.
"I can't believe I let a few asshole princes--" A few members of the crew smirked at their princess's profanity "--ruin this place for me," Anna remarked thoughtfully. "It's really not so bad once you get to know it."
"Speak for yourself." Kristoff made a face. "I'm still not used to the food. What is with their obsession with sandwiches?"
At the mention of food, Elsa heaved violently over the side of the ship. So much for sophistication and dignity.
Albert fidgeted in his seat, reflecting on the days when he was just the twelfth prince. Unlike now, he'd been mostly ignored and hadn't had to deal with the rest of his brothers all at once.
Currently, Stefan was nursing a hangover and quoting lines from Shakespearian tragedies; Lukas was making sly comments about Fredrik's new betrothed; Josef and Rupert were bickering about the relevance of a new type of rifle; Marcel was going on to thin air about hunting; and Felix was ignoring all of them and carving something on the mahogany table.
To put this in perspective, they were supposed to be discussing sailing routes to America. Unfortunately for their productivity levels, all of them shared the same attitude about America.
Albert sighed and sat up straight. "Alright, may I have your attention please? Yes, even you, Stefan!"
"'The fault, dear brothers, is not in our stars, but in absinthe,'" Stefan said by means of reply.
"You got that right," Lukas muttered far too loudly.
"Meeting adjourned for today," Albert continued. "I suppose we're not going to get anything done right now, so...take the rest of the day off."
Immediately, nearly all of the Southern Isles princes made a direct line
for the door. Only Felix stayed, sheathing his knife and giving his brother a sideways look.
"Felix, I told you you didn't have to come right now. Your wife -- I mean captain -- needs you on the Spanish Main."
"Are you kidding me?" Felix grinned rakishly. His years as a pirate had not been wasted on him. "Queen Elsa's dropping by on another one of her visits. I'd stick around just for that, but considering what you have planned for her..."
Albert shushed him hurriedly. "I told you not to discuss that. I want to surprise her."
"Good luck with that, baby brother. The tongues in this kingdom flap more than sails during a high wind."
"You're the only one I've told about it."
"I guarantee you, someone else's overheard us by now."
"Well, anyway," Albert said, blushing, "I still want to surprise Elsa, even if it turns out that she was the only one that didn't know."
"Which is probably going to happen."
"Will you stop saying that!?"
The dockmaster burst into the meeting room, red-faced and out of breath.
"You Highness -- Your Majesty," he gasped. "Ship -- in the harbor. Flies the Arendelle flag."
Albert shot to his feet. His heart began hammering excitedly in his chest.
"Thank you Pontus," he stammered. "Felix, you coming?"
The two brothers raced down to the port. It was even more crowded than usual, with people swarming down to the harbor to stare at the Arendelle ship. It was certainly lovely, small and sleek with crisp sails and the green-and-purple flag flapping proudly in the breeze. But it wasn't the ship itself that the citizens of the Southern Isles or Albert had come to see.
Sure enough, she soon appeared over the side, a little paler than usual to be sure, but still beautiful. Her hair shone like fresh snow, and he could see the blue of her eyes even from where he stood. She looked like a goddess of old, Skadi incarnate, back to grace the people with her presence.
Felix glanced up at her and snorted with derision. "Landlubber."
Albert elbowed his brother.
Two more familiar faces joined Elsa's: her sister the princess, and her future brother-in-law. Arendelle's royal family.
On their way off the ship, Anna snagged her dress and tripped into the rest of her family. They tumbled down the walkway; with Anna and Elsa landing on top of each other in a mess of skirts. Kristoff wasn't so lucky as the women: he fell right in the water, spluttering and swearing.
A lot of people started laughing. Several of them pointed at the two sisters and muttered something about illicit affairs and Greek mythology.
"You're kicking me," Anna whined.
"Well, you landed on me," Elsa retorted.
"Hey!" Kristoff yelled from the harbor. "A little help?"
"All hail the monarchy," somebody yelled, which prompted Anna to make a very unladylike hand gesture at the crowd. Elsa smacked her.
Albert decided that now would be the time to be a gentleman, and ran over to help Elsa and Anna.
"Here you go," he said, taking each of them by the hand and pulling them to their feet. Elsa carefully brushed dust off her bodice and straightened her skirts, her cheeks on fire. Anna by contrast, simply blew her bangs out of her eyes and gave the crowd a challenging stare.
"That really wasn't necessary," Elsa told him, still embarrassed.
"Well, I couldn't just let them stare at your underskirts, um, could I?"
"Okay, then...thank you." She fiddled with her fingernails and cast her eyes down. Her cheeks were now nearly the color of ripe cherries.
Albert decided that this was really not how he'd wanted to meet the woman he loved, especially not with what he had planned for her.
Their moment was interrupted by Anna running over to the end of the harbor and yelling, "Kristoff you big oaf, how the hell did you end up in the ocean?"
"You pushed me in, you crazy woman!"
"Well, there's no need to be rude. Here, grab my hand, I'll pull you out -- OH NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!"
"WHAT I DID? THIS WAS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT!"
"True love," Elsa commented dryly as the two of them floundered in the harbor and continued to holler at each other.
"Who's going to get them out before they drink half the North Sea?"
Both of them turned and looked at Felix, who up until then had been greatly amused by the scene. Faced with his brother the king as well as the Snow Queen, his amusement turned into horror.
"Oh no. I am not getting them out. Does it look like I have a death wish?"
Elsa yawned, and extended her hand. A miniature blizzard began swirling around her fingers.
"Fine, fine! I get it, I get it!"
The fearsome pirate scampered down the docks and reached into the water to try and pull out the furious Kristoff and Anna. After watching him try for a few moments, Albert and Elsa turned to each other. Her gorgeous blue eyes crinkled up as she smiled, and he felt his heart swell.
"So, um..." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Do you want to head up to the castle? I'll have the servants get your bags."
"Hang on one second." She darted down to the end of the harbor, where Felix had just rescued Kristoff and Anna. "Anna, are you okay?"
"Do I look okay to you? I am soaked to the skin, and I'm also seriously reconsidering my relationship with this idiot."
Kristoff scowled at her, but he looked considerably less menacing when he resembled a drowned cat.
"You're okay," Elsa decided. "Your things are being taken up to the castle. And if you're considering where you want your relationship with Kristoff to go, just know that weddings cost a lot of money and I don't want to raise taxes again."
Both their mouths dropped open.
"I'm kidding! I'm kidding! See you later." She spun neatly on her heel and walked back to Albert, who'd been watching the whole thing in amazement.
He took her hand as the two of them walked up through the streets to the castle.
"You know," he told her, "I can't decide whether you're an amazing woman or a terrifying one."
Elsa dumped her bags on her bed without looking around the room. She knew it by heart...the stark stone walls that made up the Southern Isles' castle, the huge windows, the rich red bedspread, the austere dark wood furniture, the landscape paintings on the wall. The castle's guest rooms were all mostly the same.
Albert sat down on the armchair in the corner and patiently took out a collection of Tennyson's poetry from inside his jacket. Elsa took a look at the cover and smiled to herself.
"So," she began, hanging her dresses up in the wardrobe, "how's been ruling?"
He lowered his book. "About the same as usual."
"Me too." She inspected her makeup boxes for dust before setting them on the chest of drawers. "Any chance of sneaking out tonight after dinner?"
"I've trained you well," he teased. "We'll see if we can get past my brothers and your sister."
"Really?" She advanced on him, leaning over his book. A smirk grew across her face. "You think we can't get past them? There's two of us and only eight of them."
"Yeah, I do. I mean, queens are supposed to be silent and graceful."
Elsa pressed a hand to her chest, pretending to be offended. Both of them knew perfectly well that she could walk like a deer in the woods when she wanted to.
"Oh honestly, Albert." She drew herself up. "I'm not sure I should grace you with my presence anymore after that affront."
"Considering how little I care about your presence, I don't think that'll kill me." He grinned at her over the top of the book.
Elsa rolled her eyes and took the last of her belongings out of her bag. She stowed them away neatly in the chest of drawers.
"Don't lie," she said offhandedly. "We both know that you're crazy about me."
Albert got up and came up behind her, resting his chin on her shoulder and gently hugging her. She couldn't help letting herself smile again, leaning her head against his.
"You got me there," he murmured softly.
Elsa took his hands from around her shoulders and turned him around before kissing him. Albert let out a soft noise of surprise, but cupped her face in both hands and kissed her back anyway.
The two of them stumbled back, until they were seated on her bed with her in his lap. Elsa felt the familiar soft touch on her shoulders and waist, and she in turn clutched his hair. They pressed close, their kisses growing bolder the longer they sat together, until his lips began tracing her jawline. She sighed in pleasure, leaning her head back...
"Hey Elsa, it's dinnertime! I think they're having fish or something, I wasn't really paying attention. By the way, do you know what Felix is acting so secretive about, because I have absolutely no clue -- oh. Oh. Am I interrupting something?"
Elsa gave Anna a dirty look; Albert a pained one.
"Rhetorical question. By the way, if the two of you don't want people to know what you've been up to, you might want to brush your hair. I should know; I learned that lesson the hard way."
Anna dashed back down the hallway, but she left the door wide open. Albert sighed deeply.
"I adore your sister, but she's kind of, um...how do I put this politely? A pain in the--?"
"Yeah, I know," Elsa grumbled, getting up to check her hair. "Let's go to dinner."
Dinner was as noisy as ever. Over the plates of kogt torsk and glasses of akvavit, the two families kept constantly trying to talk over each other.
"Your kingdom has such a steady supply of ice and timber, why don't you ship them out more often?"
"People are saying that she has snow-bees now. Snow-bees! I guess they misheard 'snowgies' or something..."
"I think this akvavit is the perfect thing for hangovers, don't you?"
"Your cure for drinking too much alcohol is to drink more alcohol?"
"Mira says she's stealing -- um, I mean sending money for us to go to the Caribbean."
"...and I don't think they had a very good honeymoon what with the eternal winter and all."
"Remind me to not go on my honeymoon to any other relation's kingdoms."
Albert was used to this kind of chatter. He finished up his fish and took a small sip of akvavit, watching all the others.
At first, watching all of them was almost relaxing. Then his regular checking of his pocket watch grew more and more panicked. Was he ever going to have a private moment with Elsa? If he didn't do this soon, he knew perfectly well that there would never be another decent moment.
The hands of the clock kept ticking on. The sun disappeared and was replaced by the dark and the scattered light of the stars.
Lukas looked out at the sky before glancing down at his own pocket watch.
"It has gotten late, hasn't it?" he observed. "Perhaps we should go off to bed now."
Among the murmurs of assent, Albert's heart sank. But Felix came to the rescue.
"Baby brother, I know that Queen Elsa's visited many times by now, but I wonder...have you taken her up on the top floor of the castle yet?"
"The top floor?" Anna asked.
"Oh yes." Felix leaned back in his seat and brushed a lock of dyed-blond hair out of his eyes. "It's very romantic, what with the seclusion and the view over the harbor and whatnot. I think she'd like it."
Elsa shot Felix a curious look, but he'd assumed a flawless poker face.
"Well, I don't see why not," she said slowly.
Lukas rolled his eyes, like he was king and not his brother. "Fine. Albert, since I obviously can't stop you, go ahead."
Feeling considerably better about his surprise, Albert stood and took Elsa's hand. The two of them left the others behind in the dining room and headed towards the stairs.
Elsa lifted her skirts on the tall stairs, following her lover up on what felt like an endless march. She silently cursed her high heels all the way up and made a mental note to ice Felix's backside later.
Finally, the two of them arrived on the top floor. There didn't appear to be an attic or anything particularly out of the ordinary. Just another hallway and set of rooms. Only the benches along the tall windows and the almost invisible layer of dust made it seem different than any other floor in the castle.
Albert turned to face her with an excited gleam in his eyes and a high tilt of his chin. However, his expression swiftly became one of concern and embarrassment.
"Oh, sorry. I keep forgetting...most people aren't used to that many flights of stairs."
He guided Elsa over to one of the benches and let her catch her breath. As she did, she turned to look out the window.
Like Felix had said, it was a beautiful view, even at night. The lights from the city around the castle looked like fireflies, their reflections glimmering on the dark ocean. High up in the velvety sky, the stars shone, reminding Elsa of the early days of hers and Albert's relationship. Back when she'd still been prickly, and he still tongue-tied.
Speaking of Albert...he had sat down next to her. He kept his confidant posture, but Elsa knew enough about him and about acting to know how nervous he actually was.
"Are you alright?" It was a stupid question, but she didn't know what else to say.
"Oh, of course, um, yes I'm alright," he replied far too quickly. He nervously patted his pockets.
"I'm sure your pants are still there."
"No, Elsa, it's not that, it's just -- wait, I'm not doing this right." He pulled a small object out of his pocket, and began holding it out to her.
Unfortunately, at the same time she leaned forward to see it better, and their foreheads knocked together. The small box went flying off into the darkness.
"I think it fell down the front of my dress."
"I'm not laughing. Good of you to keep me abreast of the situation."
"King Albert Westergard of the Southern Isles, was that a fucking pun?"
"I should freeze you for that."
"Maybe you should try getting that box out first. It's kind of important."
"Hang on a moment...um, damn it...okay got it."
Elsa fished the little box out from her cleavage and handed it back to him. He smiled a little.
"So, apparently I'm not going to do this right. Oh well." Albert cleared his throat and opened the little box.
Elsa's throat constricted. In the light from the stars, the gold and diamonds winked at her almost knowingly.
"Elsa, my queen...will you marry me?"
"Yes," she replied in little more than a whisper. She slid the ring onto her own finger, and they bent towards each other again.
As they kissed, everything seemed perfect.
Then there was a loud sneeze from the direction of the stairwell. Both of them froze.
Loud whispers started coming from the stairs:
"Well, I tried to hold it in."
"Maybe next time you could try a little harder."
"Whose stupid idea was this anyway?"
"Everybody shush! They'll hear us."
Elsa and Albert looked at each other. Elsa rolled her eyes while her fiancé looked like he was trying not to laugh.
"Actual children." She raised her voice. "All of you have ten seconds to get lost, or I'll turn you into royalty-flavored ice cubes. UNDERSTAND?"
There was a feminine shriek coupled with several masculine yells, and the sulky thump of feet on the stairwell that took a long time to fade out of earshot.
"You could have handled that with a little more diplomacy."
"I'm a queen. 'Diplomacy' is my middle name."
Albert chuckled. "Alright, Queen Elsa Diplomacy, do you want to spend the night in my quarters? Purely because your guest room's a little small."
They dashed down the stairs again, ready for a good night ahead. As well as ready to deal with the teasing and innuendoes from their siblings the next morning.