ꨄ︎ warnings: use of 'soob boob', reader bullying soobin (s okay he's into it), princess treatment (soobin rec obv), soobmissive (lots mentioned), mentiones of soobin getting fucked, whimpering n whining, cursing, teasing, degradation, praise, boners, mean! reader (but not rly)
i'm still alive and well🙏🏼 i haven't posted in like a week, because of exams and i'm just soo tired and don't have any ideas of what to post, so i need requests and ideas, because my brain is fried and i can't think of anything anymore (i'm begging btw)😣😣
⪼ When no one shows up to the grand opening of your photography club, you decide to take matters into your own hands. And what better candidate for your very first member is there, if not the tall and quiet guy who sits by himself in class. Anyone knew better than to approach Choi Soobin, anyone but you.
◞ grumpy!soobin x sunshine!reader (f)
[ wc: 27k ]
「 !! 」 colleague au, sunshine x grumpy, soobin is an asshole, reader does not give a gaf, soobin is lowk a nerd (wears glasses), kinda tense between them at times, eventual smut, protected sex, nipple play, he's a boobie man (what's new?), fingering, use of polaroid camera during the smut, soobin is a little rough at times, soobin is also bad at feelings,, this might be cringe, fuck it we ball
˗ˏˋ ꒰ ✉︎ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ I tore myself apart and stitched my limbs back together to get this done for his birthday,, because it's still the 5th somewhere in the world.... finally the trilogy is done holy fuck. to think that I wrote this in five days, I feel like I could cry. also this might not be as angsty as trocyj and ttocbg?? I'm sorry, I tried my best and I still like this plot a lot, it's very cute,, hope we can put these fics to rest now <3 I am obliged to add that this is barely proof read...
── 𝖬𝖠𝖨𝖭 𝖬𝖠𝖲𝖳𝖤𝖱𝖫𝖨𝖲𝖳 | 𝖲𝖮𝖮𝖡𝖨𝖭'𝖲 𝖬𝖠𝖲𝖳𝖤𝖱𝖫𝖨𝖲𝖳
This story is part of a trilogy, find the masterpost here to make sure you're reading in correct order!
The ticking sound of the clock as it hangs above the classroom door is all that can be heard on a late Wednesday afternoon. Tic, toc, tic, toc… It goes as the minute hand moves a step forward, then another and another. Minutes turn into half an hour, then an hour — then two. Finally the hour hand stops right above number six and you let out a sigh that leaves your chest deflating like a balloon.
Glancing around the empty classroom, your eyes linger on the unused cameras, all neatly polished for this day. Then to the polaroids that lay lined up in rows on the tables. You had taken the liberty of printing out some of your larger works, the ones you were especially proud of. Across the large white board you had plastered some, almost like an art exhibit.
You had spent so many hours making the sign over this past weekend. It included colorful and funky letters, all hand made as you had cut through paper with precision before glueing on flowers and butterflies, spelling out the words "Photography Club" with the 'C' being slightly wonky. Now it hangs crooked on one of the walls, staring out into the void.
This was supposed to be your big day, the one you had been preparing for for weeks on end. The opening of your very own school club, somewhere for you to share your passion with your peers. Only, no one came. Two hours had passed and there had been but a single appearance. "Perhaps they simply forgot, maybe they missed the announcement." But you know better.
The head of the school committee had been skeptical when you first approached. You still remember the stuffy air of his office, the wilted flowers on the windowsill and the unfinished cup of coffee from that morning sitting on his desk. "A photography club..?" Mr Yoon had asked as he leaned back in his chair, hands clasped over his chest like a man thoroughly entertained.
"Most students opt for something more… solidified. Take the maths- or language clubs for example." One of his fingers fiddled with the top button of his shirt mindlessly, "You would do better choosing something more academically tied."
More academically tied? Was that all he thought of you? Photography has been your biggest passion for as long as you could remember. The art of preserving a moment and transforming it into something timeless — that was what you burned for. How could he be so ignorant and look past your clear efforts at something you deemed important.
It wasn't rejection, at least not straight up. Mr Yoon still had an impassive look on his face as he reclined back in his chair, one which clearly said 'impress me'. That meant you still had a shot at convincing the head of the committee.
You had braced yourself, back straightened and knuckles clenched by your sides as you looked him dead in the eyes. "With all due respect sir, photography is my passion. Have you never truly burned for something in your life? If so, you would know why I'm standing in your office today." You inhaled as your expression softened back into the smile you always wore, "I'm sure those who decide to join my club might have similar feelings or at least an interest in the subject. Do you not think it prejudiced to deny me this opportunity when it is given to so many others?"
After that you held your tongue, waiting silently for your verdict. Mr Yoon appeared unfazed, his gaze had been fixed on his hands that still splayed across his chest. Finally after a long and agonizing moment of stillness — he'd looked up. "I'm not permitted to deny anyone who wishes to start their own club, as long as it's not of violent nature", he paused as his attention shifted to the pictures you'd brought to show, "I suppose photographing butterflies after school hours do not fall within said category."
He picked up the cup of coffee, like he'd suddenly remembered it was there in the first place. Then he'd taken a small sip, face scrunching at the bitter and cold taste. "Do not fault me if it promises more than it delivers." After that he had dismissed you with a simple wave, going back to whatever nonsense work he claimed to be so busy with.
Perhaps Mr Yoon had been right all along. The grand opening of your photography club had been a complete failure. Not as much as a single interested participant had shown. You should be disappointed, you should just give the idea up all together. Should. You hated that word more than anything.
"Oh well", you hum, clasping your hands together as you glance around the empty classroom, "No need to cry over spilled milk!" With that you grabbed your awkwardly big and worn out duffel bag as you began shoving cameras, polaroids and photos back inside. The large sign wasn't particularly heavy and you easily shoved it under your arm before heading out. Next time things would turn out differently, you thought as you gave yourself a smile.
The classroom is buzzing with life the very next morning. Outside frost bites into the grass, the February air is still chilly enough for you to have your scarf wrapped tightly around your neck. "Heaters must be out of order", you murmur to yourself as you walk past the board. Math was your first class of the day, and though there were not many things you disliked, math had to be one of the few. Numbers and symbols were not your strong suit, you much preferred art or literature.
Your eyes scan the room, lips pursed as you scour out an available seat. There was one up by the front, unclaimed since it sat so close to the teacher's desk. You scoff at the ridiculousness of your classmates as you approach. But just as your fingers grace the table's corner, you pause. There, in the far end of the room, just by the windows, sat a tall and lonesome figure.
Choi Soobin.
You didn't know Soobin per se… Barely anyone did, aside from Beomgyu and Yeonjun who he spent his days with. No one else seemed allowed the privilege of breathing the same air as they did. The Choi's had held quite the infamous reputation at your college for the past three years. Though things changed last fall when Yeonjun suddenly decided to settle down with one of the juniors. Now both him and Beomgyu were always seen with their girls on their arm, chatting away as though nothing else mattered.
Soobin kind of just… lingered. You would pass them in the halls every now and then, Beomgyu and Yeonjun walking in front with their girlfriends whilst Soobin's tall figure trailed behind them soundlessly. He still sat with them at lunch, hung out with them on breaks, and the few classes they shared would lead to Soobin occupying an empty bench behind the four.
It wasn't like you felt bad, that would be ridiculous. The Choi's had done nothing but cause dismay around everyone in your year — and though you had never been one of their targets, the solemn looks on your classmates' faces were enough to make something inside your chest twist.
But that was months ago, and now Soobin sits all by himself as he stares out the window with an almost sullen look on his face. His hands are folded across his chest, his jacket hung on the chair behind him despite the cold temperature inside the classroom. No one as much as glanced his way, despite the fact that he was the only person sitting alone. That might have to do with the unspoken set of rules that had accumulated around Soobin. They read as follows;
1. Do not sit beside Soobin.
2. Do not talk to Soobin.
3. Do not acknowledge Soobin.
People simply avoided the guy, and for good reason too. Soobin wasn't exactly the friendly type. Even back when The Choi's had ruled your school, he had always been the one people cowered before. Not because he was even half the punch Yeonjun was or even a semblance of Beomgyu's snide comments — but because he was nothing but presence. His tall figure loomed over everyone in the hallways, silence settling around each room he entered without him having to say a word.
And though things were different now, people still made sure to stay clear of Soobin's path. Well at least most people did. You never really understood what about him was so big and scary. Today he looks just as much the student as anyone else in your math class, albeit a little lonely.
As you regard him silently from where you stand, you take in the softness of his features. The slight furrow of his brows and the natural slope of his nose. Your immediate thought was that he looked oddly photogenic. Your mind is transported back to the opening of your photography club yesterday, which had been a total flop, to put it mildly. You desperately needed a new approach, that much was clear.
Shifting your weight from one leg to the other, your gaze flickers between the empty desk you stood by, and over to the tall figure sitting by the far end of the room. It is then that a thought crosses your mind… If you couldn't bring people to your photography club, then you would have to bring your photography club to them — and Choi Soobin could use a new friend, couldn't he?
Your heavy duffel bag slams against the table when you drop it down next to Soobin. He startles at the sound, pulled from whatever trance he had been under as his attention is ripped from the pale trees outside the window. His eyes are dark and narrowed when they seize you, his expression carrying a hint of both confusion and apprehension — none of which you pay any particular mind to as you flash him a smile.
"Hi." You extend your hand, an open invitation for something beyond just fleeting conversation, "Nice to meet you." But Soobin doesn't appear interested in the slightest. He regards your outstretched fingers with disdain, his brows scrunching together yet betraying nothing short of what he thought.
Not one to give up, you try again. "Is this seat taken?" You ask, gesturing to where you had just thrown your belongings. Of course it wasn't, everyone knew that, he knew that you knew that too. Soobin doesn't respond, his posture lazy enough to mask any unease as he watches you quietly. Well, at least he made no direct move to stop you.
Pulling the chair out, you slump down on it with a sigh, garnering stares from your classmates as quiet whispers pass along the desks. It had become custom to avoid the seat you currently occupied with all your might. It was safe to say that your impulsive decision would become the new hot topic of today. But you hardly mind it, instead focusing on getting set up for the class.
Soobin's gaze is heavy on you when you undo the zipper of your bag, pulling out a small pencil case and a notebook covered in doodles and stickers. Methodically you begin lining up your work material, from colorful highlighters to erasers in funky shapes and sizes. He continues to study your every move like he was solving a Rubik's cube. For a moment it felt almost like he was about to say something, you could hear the subtle shift in his breath — like something else was lingering just beneath the surface.
You peek at him through the corner of your eye, catching his gaze for a brief second. His face twists into something you can't quite place. Then he turns his attention back to the window without as much as a word. Oh well, you thought to yourself with a shrug, perhaps he was just shy around new people.
A minute later the classroom door swings open as Mr Hwang strides inside, the heel of his shoes clacking against the floor as he approaches the board. Your professor was a tall and lanky man, with dark hair that fell in uneven sections down the sides of his face and glasses that sat crooked on his nose. Placing his briefcase on the teacher's desk, he clears his throat before turning to address the room.
He pauses to look out over the class, his greeting stuck in his throat for a moment uncharacteristically long. Perhaps it had been nothing but a flicker of your imagination, but you could have sworn that his eyes lingered a fraction on your desk, his brow arching slightly before commencing his lecture.
"Good morning students." He starts off by grabbing a pen, twisting the cap open with the help of his teeth, "Why don't we start by opening our books on page two hundred and forty nine." The sound of books being pulled open and the flipping of pages fills the room as everyone prepares for the long hour ahead.
You quickly found out that Soobin was a mathematical genius. He hardly paid any attention to the professor's lecture and yet he was able to solve each problem in his book with surprising ease. You found yourself watching him without even meaning to. The pencil in his hand looked comically small between his long fingers, the flick of his wrist sharp and efficient as he jotted down numbers without hesitation.
How did he get it without even glancing at the board? He must've studied beforehand, you thought to yourself as you twirled your own pencil in your hand. You, on the other hand, were struggling significantly in comparison to your new desk mate. Each one of Mr. Hwang's equations added yet another set of confused scribbles to your notebook. Having given up on the colorful highlighters, your page was now a mess of question marks and crossed out rows of numbers.
By the end of class Soobin had finished all of his work and it appeared he'd gotten a decent amount done on tomorrow's section as well. Now he was just mindlessly tapping the butt of his pen against his book, his thoughts seemingly elsewhere. You were nowhere near done, having been stuck on the same question for the past twenty minutes. With a barely audible sigh you finally gave up, instead turning in your seat as your attention fell on Soobin.
"You seem really good at this", you nod toward his solved equations with a small hum. Soobin responds only with a grunt, his eyes still not meeting yours as he continues to fiddle with his pencil. "Are you in the math club by any chance?" It would be ridiculous for someone like him to waste his talent on just exams and graded papers. But he only scoffs, giving the tiniest shake of his head.
"Clubs aren't for me."
Not for him? How would he know if he wasn't even in any of them? Pursing your lips, your gaze drifts back to your own notebook. The failed attempts stare back at you mockingly and you nearly stick your tongue out at the scribbled numbers. Then you catch the sight of the small butterfly you had doodled onto the corner of the page. Bringing your pen to the drawing, you line a square around it — framing the butterfly like you would a picture.
"Have you ever tried photography?" Your question is lighthearted, and you don't even bother looking at him as you continue to refine the edges of the doodle.
Somewhere beside you Soobin makes a small disgruntled noise, "Photography?" The response was short and almost snappy but there was an undeniable hint of curiosity behind his words that you weren't late to pick up on.
"Yeah", you hum between scribbles, "You know, taking pictures and stuff." With a hopeful smile you turn back to him, "It's a great deal of fun, and we could use more members." You did not mention the fact that your club had opened less than two days ago or that you currently had a grand total of zero participants.
Around you the once quiet murmur of your classmates grew louder as the last few minutes of the lesson ticked by. People were pushing their chairs back and shoving books into their bags as they prepared their leave. You don't spare them as much as a glance, your gaze still fixed on Soobin as you try your hardest to advertise your photography club. "There's a lot to learn, I think it would be a fun opportunity to—"
The sound of Soobin's chair scraping against the floor cuts you short as he rises to his feet. You hadn't even noticed him gathering his stuff and before you knew it he had his bag flung over his shoulder. When standing up, he towers over you, his tall figure casting shadows beneath him as he peers down at you with dark and narrowed eyes. His face is set into stone, his expression unreadable as he scoffs.
"I'm not interested."
It's the last thing he says before brushing past you forcefully and heading for the door. You're left still sitting by your joint table, markers scattered across its surface and nothing but defeat staring you back in the face.
Okay, you would admit that Soobin was a tough nut to crack. You had learned that a friendly smile and the right mindset would get you just about anywhere in life. Only Choi Soobin did not seem to follow that code. Your morning class keeps replaying in your head as you make your way down the busy halls, arms folded across your chest, you wander deeply lost in thought.
Bumping into people from both left to right, you give out apologies and polite nods as you make your way to the cafeteria. Maybe approaching him when he was clearly in a sour mood had been a bad idea. Or perhaps you just needed to be consistent?
You keep mulling over different ways to interact with him as you wait in line with a tray in your hand. School lunch wasn't exactly a luxury but it did its job at keeping you full until dinner. Today everyone seemed to be crowding the rather small cafeteria, likely having run out of money to splurge on nearby supermarkets and fast foods. Standing behind a couple of girls that chat away excitedly, you can't help but listen in on their conversation just a little.
They're talking with deliberate hand gestures, giggling between sentences and nodding ecstatically. They seem to be having a great deal of fun despite doing something as mundane as waiting in line for lunch. Deep down you knew that one of the reasons you had wanted to start your own club had been in a desperate attempt at making friends. It wasn't like you were completely alone… You talked to your teachers after and before class, the lunch lady and sometimes the janitor during late evenings or that one time when you'd had a water leakage in your dorm. And yet you couldn't help but envy the girls who sat together during lunch, who had someone to listen to their day and to ask about your life.
You don't know why it has been so difficult to make friends in college. It wasn't like you were that shy of a person, quite the contrary. Still, every time you had tried to approach someone, you had been met with polite smiles and brief conversation. Nothing was ever permanent, everyone already had their own circle and few were looking for additions to that.
Gripping your empty tray a little harder, you swallow as you force yourself to tear your gaze away. The right people will come along, you tell yourself as you let your eyes wander across the crowded cafeteria. Nearly every table was taken, students cramming together as they fought for a seat. You pause when you spot a familiar face among the many.
Soobin was sitting on a round table not far from where you were standing. His tray was filled with untouched food as he twisted a red apple between his large hands. Opposite him sat his friends, both Yeonjun and Beomgyu seemed to be in deep conversation about something with the girls seated on their table — neither paying Soobin much thought. Your stomach twists a little at the sight, a flicker of recognition sparking inside of you as you regard the way he seemingly just exists in the presence of the others.
He doesn't try to grab their attention, nor does he look up from the fruit he grasped in his hands. There was something around him that felt almost like grudging acceptance, as though this was just how things were for him and he had come to terms with that. To feel empathy for him would probably be a ridiculous thought if you asked your classmates, but you can't help the way your brows tug into a frown as you regard him quietly.
Beomgyu says something, his hands moving quickly in front of him as he speaks. Suddenly the table erupts into laughter — at least almost the entire table. Everyone but Soobin seems to be taking part in the joke, giggling and snorting loudly. Soobin on the other hand, glances up for only a brief second, then his attention returns to the apple without as much as a twitch of his jaw.
You had probably been staring at them for a good while when someone behind you gave you a light push. Blinking rapidly, you apologize as you continue to move forward with the line, your eyes momentarily shifting from The Choi's table and back to those in front of you as you stumble to catch up. There were still a handful of students left until it was your turn to get food, you hum to yourself as your finger taps against the edge of your tray.
Through the corner of your eye you could see that people were slowly filing out of the cafeteria, likely heading to their afternoon classes as they'd had an earlier lunch. Without even meaning to, you find your attention back at the table where Soobin and his friends had been sitting only a minute earlier. To your surprise, you find it empty. Craning your neck, you just about manage to catch the sight of his tall frame as Soobin slips out through the entrance.
You don't know what exactly came over you, but next thing you knew, you were moving. Tray discarded and your bag still heavy on your shoulder, you walk past the line you had been waiting so patiently in for well over ten minutes.
The hallway is quieter now, almost vacant save for a few stragglers that made their way to the busy cafeteria. And then there is Soobin. He's walking a few feet behind both Beomgyu and Yeonjun, who seemed far too engrossed in whatever their girlfriends had to say at the moment. He holds his bag in one hand, letting it sway back and forth with each slow step he takes.
With a newfound sense of determination, you quicken your pace. It was easy to catch up to him, and without thinking through your next move twice, your reach for him.
"Wait up!" You call out. Soobin freezes when your fingers curl around his wrist, halting his movements abruptly. He turns to you, his expression reflecting stoicism. At first he doesn't say anything as he lets his dark gaze wander between your face and where your hand holds onto him tightly. "I… Sorry!" You apologize with a sheepish smile, clearing your throat rather awkwardly when you let go of him again.
Soobin doesn't respond as his attention diverts to his friends that were progressing down the hall. None of them seemed to have noticed the absence of their third part. He watches after them for a moment longer, like he was making sure they were out of earshot before he exhaled sharply through his nose. "What?" He barks as he turns back to you, his face sending you a look that clearly says 'You better have a good explanation for stopping me like this.'
You actually didn't know why you had chased him all the way out here, it wasn't like you knew him at all. But then again, there was always time to change that. So you straighten up, giving him your most convincing smile as you adjust your bag over your shoulder. "Hey, about the photography club…" You slowly begin to, treading carefully like the thin ice you stood on could break at any moment, "You sure you don't want to join?"
The scoff Soobin emits echoes down the hall, he looked personally offended by your question. "And why on earth would I do that?" He retorts as he watches you with a scrutinizing stare.
His words were meant to discourage you, possibly even scare you away — but if anything, it made you all the more stubborn about having him in your club. "Well it would be fun and I think you'd be a great addition to the team. Plus… I thought you could use a friend." The last part was half a lie, half truth. While Soobin did indeed look like he needed a new friend, you desperately needed one even more.
For a moment he doesn't say anything at all, only watching you with those same dark and distant eyes — almost like he was evaluating the worth of this entire conversation. Then he makes a low sound at the back of his throat, somewhere between a scoff and a menacing laugh. "I think you're the one in need of a friend, sunshine." The nickname sounds bitter on his tongue, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand.
He takes a step back, shifting his bag from one hand to the other. It looks like he might say something else, his lips parted as he regards you wordlessly. Then he tsks and turns on his heel, descending down the hall where his friends had disappeared.
You watch after him as he leaves, your lips pursed into a disappointed pout. A tough nut to crack indeed.
The desk chair creaks under your weight as you lean back a fraction, reminding you that you were due to buy a new one, sooner rather than later. Your small dorm is silent, save for the ticking of the clock on the wall and the sounds of students chatting down the hall, their voices easily slipping through the crack beneath your door. Sat by your desk, you were making preparations for the day tomorrow — when your second attempt at getting participants for your club would take place.
Outside the sun had early begun to set, despite it being well before dinner time. You were catching the last rays as you organized the recent pictures you had printed out in the library. They had been taken just outside campus, by one of the large oak trees. A little squirrel family inhabited its long and sturdy branches. You had waited out in the cold for nearly two hours in the hopes of catching a glimpse of them. It had all been worth it in the end, and you let out a pleased sigh as your finger trails along one of the pictures showcasing a tiny squirrel holding a small acorn.
You were especially proud of how close you had managed to get, capturing even the tiny details on the rodent's brown fur. Photography wasn't as easy as it looked. It required both patience and skill, and that you were very silent at times. It had never been a problem — you knew that all good things took time, you just had to give them a chance.
Your attention shifts to your camera where it sits on your desk. It was an older model, but you held onto it dearly. It was the first one you had ever gotten, gifted to you by your parents on your fifteenth birthday. You had been begging them for that exact one for months, boasting about all its cool features and the quality of the pictures it produced. They had been skeptical at first.
"What if it's just a phase, honey?" You had overheard your mother asking your father one evening in the kitchen when they cleaned up after dinner.
Your dad had scoffed, "Kids go through phases every week. Spending that much money on a camera she will never use is irrational."
Hearing that should have been enough to make you drop the idea entirely, but you had always been stubborn. So the very next day at breakfast, the first thing to leave your lips was your undying desire for said camera. You had kept pestering them about it until eventually they caved. And when you unwrapped your present on the morning of your birthday — the world had felt complete.
Now it was worn out, battered around the edges after its long lifespan of constant use. But it was well loved.
As you flip through the other pictures, preparing for the day to come, your mind keeps wandering back to Soobin. Somewhere beneath the avoidant exterior you knew that there was a calm, gentleness to him. You had seen it in the way he'd been sitting quietly in class that morning, his face ungraded as he peered out through the window.
Picking up one of the other pictures, you regard it fondly. It was a shot of the oak tree itself, without the squirrels. You wondered what it would look like if you got to photograph Soobin in front of it. You imagine his face as the sun hits his skin, your mind already playing around with different angels and camera settings. He would be a natural muse, you think.
If only you had a way to approach him.
You arrive to class earlier than you usually would the next morning. The halls were almost vacant as you descended past the lockers. Normally you would use the extra time in the mornings to work on your recent photos — perhaps even take some new ones.
Today you had woken at your first alarm, rolled out of bed and packed your bag without as much as even glancing at the pictures splayed across your desk. Math was your first scheduled class today as well, and after yesterday's failure you knew that you needed to turn up early and get some work done.
The sound of your footsteps echo against the floors as you make your way to the door, and to your surprise you find it already ajar. When pushing it open, you step inside the familiar classroom, taking a moment to adjust to the bright morning light that streamed through the windows. The board was empty, the teacher's desk vacant as were the other tables, except for…
A frown finds its way to your face when your gaze lands on Soobin's figure. He was seated in his unofficially claimed seat, his math book already opened on today's page as he wrote quietly in his notes. To say that you were surprised to see him here out of all people would be an understatement. Never would you think that any of The Choi's, regardless of their seemingly changed ways, took school this seriously. But here he was, and it was clear that he hadn't expected company.
Soobin's eyes meet yours almost instantly as he lifts his head, his expression undoubtedly mimicking your own as the hand around his pencil stills. Hesitating for only a moment, you glance toward the ocean of available spots, each one of them up for grabs as no one else has arrived. Your gaze betrays you in the end, finding its way back to the tall figure in the very corner as your feet start moving in his direction.
Noticing your approach, Soobin lets out a small huff before his attention returns to the numbers in front of him. You come to a halt by his desk, placing your bag on the table as you unzip it. Neither of you speak, you know that you should probably greet him, try with a friendly 'good morning' or even ask about his day. Instead you just watch him, letting your eyes wander across his relaxed frame as he works quietly.
The soft light of the morning sun makes his dark hair glow and his skin almost seems to sparkle. In the most dignified sense possible, Soobin looked gorgeous.
Your finger brushes against something cool and hard rather than the math book you had been searching for. Glancing down, you spot the polaroid camera you always kept on you, purely out of habit really. A thought crosses your mind as your gaze darts between the small device and Soobin who was sitting only three feet away. Not thinking your next course of action through twice, or even once for that matter, you reach for the camera.
Soobin doesn't react as you bring it up, seemingly caught up in his work as his brows furrow slightly in concentration. You position it to your face, closing one eye as you peer at him through the lens. It's such a mundane moment, aided only by the rising sun outside and the pale trees as winter clung to nature. Your finger presses down on the button, and a loud snap follows. The sound echoes through the classroom, a small flash illuminating the already bright room for a moment before it fades again. Pleased with yourself, you lower the polaroid camera once more as you wait for the picture to be printed.
Somewhere in front of you, the rustling sound of someone shifting can be heard. You glance up just in time to catch Soobin watching you with a sharp glare. "Did you just take my fucking picture?" He asks, his voice harsh and accusing.
Ah, you hadn't really thought about how he would react to that part… With a soft hum, you nod. "Yeah", you say as you pull out the chair next to him and slump down on it. "Do you want to see?" Shaking the polaroid in your hand, you wait patiently for the photo to develop.
Soobin sits stiffly next to you, his work long forgotten about as he watches you with a tense expression. He doesn't say anything as he just exists next to you, the way he so often would. You avoid his intense gaze as you flick the polaroid back and forth lazily, watching intently as the photo slowly develops. It was perfect — he looked completely unguarded in it, hunched over his desk in his school uniform as he studied. You notice too that his lips were jutted out into a small, barely noticeable pout.
"See?" You hold the small polaroid out for him to see, hoping that he didn't notice the way your breath hitched as he leaned closer. "You're a natural!" You beam as you point to him in the picture. He studies the photo, and for a moment you think he might actually crack a smile. Then the mask falls back into place, the frown returning and his gaze narrowing as he clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth.
"Tch. Throw that shit away", he grunts as he turns back to his book. There was an unmistakable tension to his shoulders now, like he was holding something else back too. Pursing your lips, you glance down at the polaroid in your palm, clutching it a little tighter before stuffing it back into the outer compartment of your bag. Well, there was that, you think to yourself with a small sigh.
Another minute passes in a rather uncomfortable silence. You occupy yourself with pulling out your math book along with your pencil case, lining things up just the way you liked them. Part of you wants to ask what he was doing here so early, another part of you already knows that you won't get any answer of satisfaction from him. So you remain quiet.
It's not until you've flipped your notebook open and grabbed a pen that Soobin finally speaks up. His voice is a low murmur, and had it not been for the fact that the classroom was painfully desolate, you probably wouldn't have heard him. "Why are you even sitting here anyway?" The question comes off more as an accusation than an inquiry, but you hardly mind it.
With a casual shrug of your shoulders, you hum. "I suppose I needed a friend."
Soobin doesn't respond to that and you don't turn to look at him. Still you were able to feel his gaze on you as it lingered for just a moment too long to be comfortable. He goes back to solving his equations after that, not bothering to pry for further information, your guess was that he simply did not care enough.
Students begin rolling in ten minutes later, their excited chatter filling the once silent air as everyone settles in for the lecture. Soobin doesn't speak to you for the rest of the class, doesn't even glance at you. Though you never attempted to start a conversation with him again, you couldn't help your gaze from wandering back to the sealed pocket of your bag, knowing that the polaroid lay safely tucked inside.
That afternoon you made a second attempt at garnering some traction for your photography club. After lunch you had taken the liberty of putting up posters along the walls, pointing students of all years in the direction of your grand opening. At least a few were bound to see the notice this time around.
The empty classroom you had borrowed was on the first floor, not far from the entrances. You had put your self-made sign above the open door, stuck pictures to the board and laid out cameras on one of the tables. Everything was set and in order — now all that was left was to wait for any willing participants. Crossing your fingers, you anxiously pace back and forth as you glance toward the clock.
It's barely ten minutes after four when the first few heads peek through the door. A couple of curious juniors had made their way here and now they were all watching you with sheepish smiles. The feeling blossoming in your chest at the sight was truly unmatched and you eagerly welcome them inside as you instruct them to leave their belongings on one of the empty desks. "Here, come along and I'll show you some of the recent photos I've taken", you say as you walk them up to the board where you had put up a variety of pictures.
One of the girls, a little bolder than the rest, reaches for the one of the photos of the squirrel you had taken only a few days prior. "This is just outside campus right?" She asks as she turns the picture in her hands. "I didn't know we had squirrels living in the trees here, that's so cool!" The other students are quick to gather around her as they peer over her shoulder.
"How did you manage to get so close?" A younger guy asks without taking his eyes off of the photo.
You just shrug, watching them with a fond smile. "Patience, it took a lot of waiting", pointing to the second picture of the squirrel with her children, you hum, "But it's worth it in the end."
After that the handful of students continue to scour the board for another moment, lingering on different photos of all shapes and sizes. Some, you found out, were more into nature and animals, whereas others wanted to take abstract pictures and play around with inanimate objects.
There's a sudden light tap to your shoulder, and the action startles you. Turning around, you find one of the juniors standing just behind you with a nervous expression on his face. He was tall, his uniform fitting awkwardly around his slender frame. Brushing a few of his soft brown curls from his forehead, he clears his throat. "Hi", he shifts his weight almost nervously from one foot to the other, "I'm Ji-ho."
You blink, caught off guard by his sudden introduction, though quickly recovering as you introduce yourself. Ji-ho only chuckles, "I already know your name", he says to which you frown. When he notices your confusion he nods toward the board where you had written your name in the center.
"O-Oh", you exhale, shaking your head at your own short memory. "Of course, makes sense."
Ji-ho smiles, enough to make his left cheek dent into a cute dimple. "Your work is really fascinating", he compliments as he gestures to the pictures everyone else were currently studying. "Have you been doing photography long?" He then wonders, and you notice him fiddling with his hands nervously. He had this boyish appearance that made your heart immediately swell.
"A few years now, yeah." You reply as you let your gaze wander across a few photos of some flowers. "It's really fun, full of endless opportunities, especially when you figure out how to use the camera correctly. It's not like you need a fancy one either, there's plenty of cheap ones at local stores, secondhand works just as well, and I personally—" You trail off once you realize that you had begun rambling, a terrible habit that seemed to follow you.
To your surprise, you find Ji-ho watching you with keen interest, the smile on his lips still present. In fact he didn't seem to be even looking at the photos at all, his focus solely on you. Swallowing awkwardly, you clear your throat as you hastily turn back to the others in an attempt to hide how flustered you were getting under his attention, "Who wants to look at some cameras?"
Everyone quickly nods excitedly as they put back whatever picture they were currently holding. "I'll show you the equipment we have", you wave them over to the table where you had lined up the varieties of cameras, explaining the features of each one. "This one is an action camera, perfect for getting wider shots, especially of large sceneries like a sunset." You pass the heavy tool around, letting everyone feel it and peer through the lens to see for themselves as murmurs of 'woah' and 'this is sick' echoed through the classroom.
Picking up a smaller one, you turn it in your hands for a moment before presenting it to the others. "This is a film camera. You probably recognize it, it's been popular for decades now."
There was a film strip laid on the table to accompany it. The girl who had made the comment about the squirrel is quick to point in its direction. "Is that also for the film camera then?" She wonders as everyone leans closer to have a look.
You nod, "Precisely. Film cameras are traditional in the sense that they don't save your footage onto memory cards, rather film strips like these. You'll have to find a place to get them developed properly — lucky for you, I know a shop not far from campus." Everyone nods at this, seemingly fascinated by such an antique item as they fiddle with the film strips and the camera.
Taking a small step back, you admire them silently for a moment. It felt almost surreal seeing others enjoy the thing you had so passionately devoted yourself to for years. The students here seemed genuinely interested in the art of photography and that thought warmed you more than anything. They all talked excitedly among themselves, taking turns with passing cameras around, even asking for permission to snap a photo of each other which you happily granted.
It wasn't until a chilly breeze blew through the classroom that the serene moment was broken for you. Thinking that it must have come through the entrance being opened, you cast a glance over your shoulder. But instead of being greeted with the sight of doors swinging back and forth in the afternoon wind, you find… Soobin?
He stands just a couple of feet outside the door, bag slung over his shoulder and his dark hair falling in uneven sections down his forehead. It felt almost like he'd been watching you, but when your eyes met his they immediately narrowed. It lasted only a second, but it felt like a small eternity as the two of you stood there — silently regarding each other. His fingers curl around the strap of his bag, the small twitch of his jaw not passing you unnoticed.
You almost called out to him, your hand halfway raised in a wave. Before you can actually do it, someone grabs your arm. Whipping your head around, you find Ji-ho standing less than a foot away. "Will you take a picture with us?" He asks with big and bright eyes, still wearing that same smile.
Nodding stiffly, you let him guide you away from the door and back to the others as you line up along the board with you in the center. You let your arms rest over their shoulders, basking in the small moment of success as you refrain from grinning like a fool. Ji-ho stands next to you, his arm wrapped over your shoulder as well as he gazes ahead.
The girl from before stands ready with a polaroid camera in her hand, holding it up to her face as she squints through the lens. "Everyone say cheese!" She instructs to which the students around you erupt into a fit of giggles.
The picture is taken with the flash of the camera, and the others immediately scramble to see the results. You're left standing awkwardly by the whiteboard, still smiling to yourself as you watch them. Then your gaze instinctively returns to the door, searching for any sign of Soobin.
You find nothing, only the cold February breeze as it slips through the entrance doors that swung back and forth.
The cold winter breeze sends shivers down your spine as it yanks on your scarf. Tugging the piece of fabric a little tighter around yourself, you suppress another shudder as you grip the camera a little tighter in your hands. Crouched on your heels, you sit on the rock solid patch of dirt. The hour was early, with the morning sun just barely peeking over the tall campus building. But before you was something truly remarkable.
Squinting through the lens, you guide the camera a little lower, then a little to the left. Soon the tiny flower was in view, its white petals hanging down the stem, mimicking a lantern. It was a small winter miracle — the first snowdrop of the season. You lean a little closer, snapping a picture, then another and another.
It wasn't unusual for you to find yourself out in the cold, no matter the hour in order to pursue your passion. This flower, though tiny and lonesome, resembled something truly beautiful. Life, blooming during even the coldest and harshest of months. The pale sun rays hit the white petals a moment later, making them glow under the lens of your camera and you bite back a smile. It was beautiful.
You're so engrossed in the flower that you don't register the sound of branches snapping behind you. The sound of someone's approach passes you by unnoticed and it isn't until the light you had been using to take your photos becomes engulfed in shadows, that you pause.
You don't have to turn around to know who it was. Soobin's tall and looming figure is reflected through the shadow that cast itself over the solid dirt. "Really?" He huffs, his voice low and almost mocking when he speaks, "There's hardly anything out here to photograph."
Lowering your camera, you rise awkwardly to your feet, dusting some of the loosened soil from your uniform pants before turning to face him. His words had probably been meant as an insult or to belittle, but you can only smile when your gaze falls on the red tip of his nose — even the coldest of people weren't immune to the chilly air.
He's wearing a black coat, its buttons done all the way to just under his chin. His dark hair is tousled from the wind, and Soobin runs a hand through it in a futile attempt to get it under control. He's regarding you with a scrutinizing stare, like he was already anticipating for you to blurt out some stupid, cheesy line in response. But all you can think about is the fact that he'd actually paused to talk to you, just like that.
Glancing around the courtyard, you find it vacant aside from the two of you. The low temperatures and the early hour kept students away as they huddled inside their dorms or an empty classroom. Soobin and you were all alone, it was the first time you had ever seen him outside of class or without his friends, except for that one time you had caught him in the hall two days prior.
Tilting your head to the side, you send him a smile far too warm for such a cold morning. "I wouldn't say that." Stepping aside, you gesture toward the small snowdrop you had been snapping pictures of just a moment prior.
Soobin's eyes narrow further as he takes a step forward, hands buried deep in his pockets as he leans down to peer at the flower. "What a stupid thing to take pictures of." He tsks as he straightens back up, though you don't miss the way his attention lingers on the white petals where the sun hits them.
"I don't think so. In fact I think it's quite beautiful." You shrug, fingers curling slightly around your camera.
"Beautiful?" He echoes, a hint of disbelief in his tone.
"Yeah. Beautiful." You give him another smile, pausing as your eyes linger on the rosy tint to his cheeks. "There's beauty in most things, you just have to know where to look."
There's a brief moment of silence as the two of you just stand awkwardly. Neither of you say a word as the morning breeze continues its assault against your coats. Soobin looks like he might retort with a snide comment but before he gets the chance to, an idea flickers in your mind.
Crouching back down, you grab a hold of the snowdrop, pulling it from the frozen ground in one tug. It's light in your palm, weighing no more than a feather. Turning back to Soobin, you extend the small winter miracle to him. "Here, let me take a picture of you."
He regards the tiny flower you had presented with something close to disdain, his eyes flickering back and forth between you and the little white-petaled plant in your open palm. "Come on, just one picture. I promise it'll be quick!" You prod, already reaching for his hand as you shove the snowdrop into his palm.
Soobin stands frozen, his gaze dropping to the flower as his fingers instinctively close around the delicate structure. For a while he just looks at it, his expression unreadable as he studies the plant. Finally he gives a small and curt nod, exhaling sharply through his nose, "How do you want it?"
"A little to the left. No— my left!"
You had been trying to get Soobin to pose for the last five minutes, redirecting angles and playing around with where the sun would hit. Finally you had gotten somewhere decent, with him standing half turned toward the warm, golden rays, just enough for them to hit his cheekbone. Now he was squinting toward you, clutching the flower in his hand like a crucifix.
He was photogenic there was no doubt about that. The sharp line of his jaw and the curve of his lips distracted you a lot more than you'd like to admit. But photography was more than just looks — it was feeling, emotion. And right now, Soobin looked like he'd rather be anywhere else. His shoulders were stiff, his posture awkward and his expression tense.
Sighing, you lower your camera for the fifth time. "No, not like that." You wave your hand dismissively as you shake your head, to which Soobin only grunts, muttering something about this being 'stupid and a waste of time' under his breath.
"You need to relax, and smile!" You try to encourage, giving him a small grin.
If anything his expression only soured further and you were beginning to think that this guy had never once smiled in his entire life. Finally having had enough, you let the camera dangle by your front, hanging on from its leather straps as you approach.
"Like this", you murmur, reaching up to run your hands across his bicep through his coat. Pushing his shoulders down, you ignore his small huff of protest. Soobin reluctantly lets his posture sag, his chest rising and falling slowly when you fiddle with his coat. "Maybe undo the top one as well, you look too formal." Your fingers reach for the first button, undoing it gently as you mess with his collar.
It's not until you finally tear your gaze from your work, that your eyes meet his. Soobin is watching you with an almost bashful look on his face, and if it wasn't for the cold air — you could have easily assumed that the rosy tint to his cheeks might have been something else. It was then you realized how close you were standing, your faces only inches away, even if he did have to crane his neck to peer down at you.
"Uh…" You clear your throat, hands flattening out the collar which you had been working so diligently on just a second earlier. "It looks better like this…" The words come out a mumbled mess as you avoid his gaze, taking a small step back, you create some much needed distance between the two of you.
Soobin doesn't say anything when you retreat, only watching you with intense and dark eyes. His grip around the flower is still tight, his knuckles pink from the chilly air, a clear signal for you to hurry up before either of you caught a cold.
"Your hands too", you quietly say as you point to the snowdrop he was clutching. A little more hesitantly this time, you reach out to loosen his grip on the green stem. His fingers are freezing when they brush against yours, but he doesn't protest when you unfold them with gentle touches. "Think of it as if it was made out of glass", you murmur whilst placing the flower between his thumb and index, "It will help."
He nods silently, intense gaze never leaving you as you step back to where you had previously been standing. With a shaky exhale you bring the camera back to your face, shutting one eye as you peer through the lens. Your breath hitches in your throat when you find Soobin looking at you, his expression still unreadable, albeit more relaxed now. The flower rests lightly between his fingers, its white petals a stark contrast against his black coat.
The first photo is snapped a second later, then another and another. Soobin's gaze never leaves you, and at some point you had to tell him that it was okay to look elsewhere. "Glance toward the sun, but be careful with your eyes!"
He obliges, turning just enough for the rays to caress his smooth skin. You see him squinting just slightly, his grip on the flower tightening before relaxing again — like he'd remembered what you'd told him.
Your finger hovers over the button, pausing as you watch him through the lens, he looks breathtaking, stunning in a way you had never thought you would view the Choi Soobin. He stands perfectly still, waiting for you to take the photo — and you knew that if you wanted to, you could prolong the moment just a little longer.
At last you press down, snapping a couple of pictures of him where he stands, sun caressing his face and the tiny snowdrop in his hand.
When you're done you lower the camera, smiling at him as you give a thumbs up. Soobin huffs out a short breath, rolling his shoulders once as he makes his way back to you over the frozen ground.
"I can't develop the photos until I get home tonight, but I—"
"It's fine." He cuts you off, shoving the flower back into your hand before stuffing his own in his pockets. Dark eyes bore into yours as he regards you silently. His hair shields parts of his face but he doesn't bother to push it back, instead he lets his attention fall on the camera in your hand one last time before he brushes past you as though nothing had happened.
You're left standing on the patch of dirt, looking down at the snowdrop in your palm with a frown. Perhaps you should question his reasoning for this, why he had even agreed to the photos in the first place. But you don't. Whatever stubborn flower Choi Soobin was, you were sure he would bloom on his own, as long as you gave him time.
That evening you hovered by the library printer, even as the librarian threatened to kick you out because it was past closing time. With some pleading and dramatic begging you were allowed inside, if only for a brief fifteen minutes. So you stood close by the machine, watching intently as it worked, pushing the pictures out slowly one by one. You gather them in your hands as they come, still warm to the touch.
Soobin's face stares back at you when you bring them up for closer inspection. The snowdrop in his hand seemed to almost glow, looking comically tiny in his large hand. Your finger caresses the edge of the photo, committing it to memory. You had brought along a small envelope, there you gently tucked the photos before closing it up, ready to give to him tomorrow morning.
Though one of them, where he was staring right back at the camera, the ghost of a smile on his lips that you hadn't even noticed before… That one you stuffed in your own bag, just for the memory's sake, you told yourself. Then you headed out through the library doors to avoid another complaint from the librarian.
Fridays were inconvenient in the sense that you did not take math. Which ultimately meant you wouldn't get to see Soobin, unless you resorted to plan B, which consisted of trying to "conveniently" bump into him in the halls somewhere. Only that seemed nearly impossible. The corridors were absolutely jammed with students, all headed for their individual classes and paying no mind to whoever they bulldozed in their path.
You searched everywhere for him without success, bumping into people and slamming your shoulders against opened lockers. When a snarky junior shoved his bag against your chest in his haste, you finally found yourself at your wits end. Finding Soobin like this would not work, you would have to wait for an opportunity — lucky for you, a window was about to open itself as lunch rolled around.
The cafeteria had opened less than twenty minutes ago, but if there was one thing you had learned during your three years here, then it was that everybody used to avoid an early lunch — because that's when The Choi's would eat.
Bursting through the doors, you don't bother to stop and grab a tray, instead you head straight for the ocean of tables in search of the one that held the person you were looking for. It didn't take you long to find him, Soobin's tall frame wasn't exactly discreet nor was it hard to spot. Even when sitting down he seemed to take up half the room.
He's got his back turned on you, his friends seated across from him on the round table as they talked with one another. Yeonjun had an arm wrapped around his girlfriend's waist, Beomgyu scrolling on his phone as the girl beside him leaned her head on his shoulder. They looked perfectly at peace, and Soobin was just there, like he always seemed to be as of late.
You approach their table without hesitation, ignoring the few glances cast your way by other students. When you reach them you give Soobin's shoulder a gentle tap. His body locks up under your touch, tensing as he carefully turns around to see who had disrupted him. Beomgyu glances up from his phone as well, a noticeable frown on his face — meanwhile Yeonjun pauses mid sentence.
It felt oddly exposing to have all of their eyes on you, watching you expectantly like they were waiting for some kind of talent show to take place. That was not the case, of course. You clear your throat, turning your attention back to Soobin as you hold out the envelope you had prepared for him. "I have something for you." Smiling, you wait eagerly for his response.
His dark eyes narrow as they flicker between your face and the small envelope in your hand. It takes him a moment but then it seems as though realization dawns upon him. "What's that?" Beomgyu asks between a bite of his chips, leaning across the table to get a better look —- only to be harshly pulled back by the girl beside him.
Soobin doesn't bother replying to his friend, nor does he meet Yeonjun's questioning gaze as he instead rises abruptly to his feet. Caught off guard, you take a step back as you peer up at him. He practically towers over the entire cafeteria, radiating something close to annoyance where he stands. Then, before you know it he's grabbed hold of your wrist and is tugging you through the crowded room as he makes for the entrance.
You stumble after him, gripping the envelope tightly as you cast a confused glance over your shoulder to where his friends still sat with perplexed expressions. Students curse and complain when you accidentally bump into them but they always seem to fall short when they realize who they were talking to. Soobin ignores them all, and he doesn't stop until he reaches an empty classroom down the hall.
Shoving the door open with his shoulder, he barges inside as he yanks you in after him. The door is slammed shut behind you, his large palm braced against the wood as he exhales a rough breath. You stand utterly dumbfounded in the middle of the room, still holding onto the envelope as your lips part and close like a fish on land.
Soobin runs a hand through his hair, straightening up as he pushes off the door. "You don't just approach me like that." He suddenly bites out, his voice low and accusing as he continues to advance.
Blinking in confusion, you take a small step back, then another — until your thighs hit one of the empty desks behind you. Frozen in place you hold your breath when Soobin comes to a halt in front of you, his chest so close that it nearly brushes yours. Without words he pinned you to the spot, his dark eyes searing into your soul like he was condemning you of everything that had ever gone wrong in his life.
Snapping out of your momentary shock, you quickly shake your head. "I don't understand what's so wrong", you frown, "I was just trying to be friendly. Besides—" Dusting off the small envelope in your hand, you hold it out for him to take, or rather, you shove it against his chest and pray he takes it, "I was going to give you these."
This makes him pause, if only for a second. His brow twitches and Soobin glances down at the flat piece of paper pushed to his chest. You suppress a shudder when his much larger hand brushes against yours, taking the envelope from your grasp as he gives you another wary look. Then he unfolds it with surprising care, tucking the opening down as two of his fingers dip inside.
He brings up one of the photos, a muscle in his jaw ticking as he regards himself on the printed picture. Aside from that his expression betrays no hint of further irritation, merely a begrudging acceptance.
Soobin huffs, then he shoves the photos back into the envelope and seals it up again. Part of you had thought, almost expected him, to throw them away again — which was only one of the reasons you had kept one copy for yourself. But to your surprise, Soobin neatly places the letter containing his photos inside the chest pocket of his uniform. He gives a small almost unnoticeable nod. Then without as much as another word he turns on his heel as he makes for the door.
Your celebration was short lived as he just prepared to leave without even saying anything, and for the first time in a long while, you felt slightly put. "Hey?" You call out, your voice a little louder than you had intended for it to be. It makes Soobin stop nonetheless, his shoulders flexing as he continues to stare ahead. "Are you just going to leave like that? Not even a thank you?"
When he doesn't respond you fold your arms across your chest, tapping your foot impatiently against the floor. "I'm not asking for grand gestures but it wouldn't hurt for you to show me at least a drop of gratitude." Your words echo through the empty classroom, swiveling around the two of you before ebbing out into nothing.
You regard Soobin's back for a long while, counting the slow and steady breaths he takes as he debates silently with himself. His hand curls into a loose fist by his side, the other one dropping from where it had been resting on the door handle. You hear him exhale, and a moment later he's turned back around and is charging right toward you.
It takes him three strides to be back in front of you, this time even closer than before. His dark eyes find yours, flashing briefly with something you didn't quite recognize. The next thing you feel is his large hands as they engulf the sides of your face, thumbs brushing over your cheeks with a little too much force for it to be considered romantic, though you know that's not what he intended for.
Soobin kisses you then, his lips crashing down on yours without an ounce of hesitation from his side. It feels stiff, somewhat forced — like he was doing this out of obligation rather than want. You don't kiss him back, in fact you barely have the time to register what was happening before he pulled back with such force that you would think something had burned him.
He licks his bottom lip, meeting your gaze one final time as he inhales sharply through his nose. "Is that what you wanted?" He sneers, head tilted a fraction to the side like he was expecting you to throw yourself at him at any moment now. You don't, and when he understands that, he turns away once more.
You don't stop him as he leaves through the door this time, only watching after him with a perplexed frown. Glancing down at the floor, then back to the door that still swung back and forth, you reach a hand up to touch your lips, wondering what had just happened.
The weekend passed in a blur. You were caught up in both school work and preparations for your new photography club. Slouched over your desk for the bigger part of the days, your marker moved along text books and your eyes across pages upon pages of complex words. And yet between revisions and organizing of photos and cameras — Soobin still seemed to crawl his way back in. You kept thinking of the kiss, though brief and more so an action of what you supposed to be pent up frustration, it still seemed to linger in the back of your mind.
Your hands found their way to your lips more often than you would like to admit. The pads of your fingers pressing against where you could still feel a slight tingle that he'd left behind. You wonder if he had meant anything with it other than what he had already made so abundantly clear. Probably not. Soobin was, in a way, like a stubborn plant, one that refused to grow no matter the amount of water and sunshine you poured into it. Instead his petals stayed firmly closed, like he was shrinking back into the shadows where he deemed himself to belong.
So it should have been clear that the kiss had meant short of nothing to him — it was an act of simply showcasing your desperation in your attempts at befriending him. At least, that's what you would have thought, had Soobin actually showed up for school that next week. But on Monday morning he was nowhere to be seen. His chair sat empty during math class, and you found yourself staring at the desolate space of his desk with a small sigh.
Was he sick? Did something happen? Or was he absent because of what had transpired between the two of you last Friday? Curiosity gnawed away at you as the long hour of math class dragged on. When the bell finally rang, you were one of the first out of your seat for once, heading out into the endless hallway with hurried steps. Maybe he had just overslept? Then he should be arriving any minute now. The only problem was, you had no clue what class he was taking next. Literature? Art?
Walking down the corridor, you watched as people headed inside for their lectures. Time was running out and with an exasperated sigh, you finally allowed yourself to accept defeat. Letting your eyes drift shut for a second, your feet continue to lazily drag forward on the floor. You've been walking for just about a minute when the hushed voices of someone else breaks the silence.
"Hey, isn't that the chick from last week?" A voice somewhere to your left murmurs. You pay whoever it is no mind, gripping your bag a little tighter as your half-lidded gaze drops to the floor.
"Hey, you!"
When he actually calls out, you freeze in your tracks. Cracking an eye open, you turn to find Beomgyu leaning against the red lockers, his arms folded across his chest. He's wearing an all too familiar smirk, the kind that you would've taken as mocking, had it not been for Yeonjun beside him who looked to be fed up with his friend.
You tilt your head to the side, glancing up and down the hall once more, as if to make sure that they were in fact talking to you. Beomgyu just snorts, lifting one hand to beckon you over. "You're the girl who gave Soobin that weird letter, yeah?"
Weird letter? There was nothing weird about it, just a couple of photos— Ah. You guess he hadn't told the others about that. Clasping your hands together, you send Beomgyu a tight lipped smile as you nod, "Yeah, that was me."
"What was it anyway?" Yeonjun suddenly asks, his hands buried deep in his uniform pockets as he, too, leans against the lockers. At first you had thought they called you over to poke fun at you — it wasn't exactly something you would put past any of The Choi's, even if things were different now. But both Yeonjun and Beomgyu look… genuinely curious. Like they were trying to wrap their head around what had made their friend storm out of the cafeteria so suddenly.
You clear your throat, shifting your weight awkwardly from one foot to the other. "Well… It was just some math homework. Soobin let me copy his earlier last week, I was just giving it back."
Yeonjun cocks a brow, "Soobin letting people copy off of him? That's unheard of." To which Beomgyu gives a small nod, seemingly thinking about something intently.
"Um, you don't happen to know where he is?" You quietly ask, not knowing if the question would be a dead giveaway or not.
Beomgyu and Yeonjun give each other a small glance, their eyes meeting for only a brief second — like they were passing along a secret message of some kind. When they turn back to you, it is Beomgyu who speaks up. "Soobin is not here today", he says with a small shrug, "Got family business to handle."
Nodding slowly, you let out an 'oh.. right'.
Yeonjun shifts against the locker, his dark eyes narrowing down on you just slightly. "Why do you ask? More math homework to exchange?" He muses.
You can't help but nervously chuckle, readjusting your grip on your bag just slightly. "Something like that…"
The other two remain silent after that, their expressions betraying nothing of what they thought of the situation. When almost a whole minute had passed you finally coughed into your first, "Alright then! Thank you for letting me know, I'll be off now." You take your leave without a single glance over your shoulder, scurrying down the hall as you leave Soobin's friends behind.
Family emergency? You supposed that did make sense… What a coincidence though, that it happened only three days after he had kissed you like that. He wasn't avoiding you was he? No, that would be crazy — Choi Soobin would never avoid anyone, especially not for a stupid little kiss that he hadn't even meant in the first place. No, you were thinking too much about this.
You were thinking about it too much indeed. The next morning you find Soobin seated in his usual spot as math class commenced. He was clad in his uniform, jacket hung up on his chair behind him and his hands stuffed into his pockets. He doesn't as much as glance your way when you pull out your own chair, slumping down with a quiet sigh. Keeping his gaze fixed far ahead, it seemed he was intent on making as little conversation as possible.
Mr. Hwang is up by the board, a pencil in his hand and a book in the other as he jots down numbers and equations, filling the board to the brim with x's and y's. You follow along as best as you can, pen moving idly across your notebook as you try your hardest to copy down what your professor was putting up before you. But even then, your mind can't help but wander just across the table, a little to your left…
What was Soobin thinking about? He didn't appear to be listening in on Mr. Hwang's lecture as his eyes lingered on something far outside the window. Was he also thinking about the kiss? Did he regret it, did he not want to talk about it? Was that why he hadn't brought it up yet? Would he be upset with you if you brought it up? A million questions swirl in your mind — none getting you any closer to solving the math problems in your book, or the mystery of Choi Soobin.
Finally, the loud screech of Mr. Hwangs's pencil sounds through the classroom. He marks the last equation with a harsh line, gesturing toward it as he clears his throat. "There we are students. Now, open your books on page two hundred and sixty three."
With that everyone turned their focus back to the work on their desks, and you turned your attention back to Soobin. "Where were you yesterday?" You ask as you twirl your pencil between your fingers, teeth nervously biting down on your tongue as you waited to see if Beomgyu's and Yeonjun's words would hold up.
Soobin visibly tenses at your question, his jaw clenching as his pen freezes on his paper. He doesn't look up from the numbers he'd been scribbling down, only exhaling slowly through his nose. "Family emergency", he grunts under his breath, not giving more than whatever that could entail.
"Oh", you nod slowly, glancing down at the pencil between your fingers as you press your thumb against the pointy end, "I see. Well I hope everything is resolved." You say, giving him an encouraging smile. It sounded much like the lie it probably was, the way he avoided your gaze and the almost defensive edge to his voice said it all, but you didn't push him for answers. If there was one thing you had learned from your years of photography, then it was that beautiful works require patience and many different shots, you rarely get it on the first try.
Another few minutes pass in a rather comfortable silence. You hum along to a few songs stuck in your mind, struggling your way through the next two equations in your book. Mr. Hwang walks around the classroom, stopping to answer questions and give opinions — though when he passes your table he says nothing. You frown, tapping the dull edge of your pencil against your notebook as you lean your cheek against your knuckled fist. Time was going by torturously slow.
You dare a small peek at Soobin through the corner of your eye. He's still working diligently on whatever problem in his own math book. The assigned pages were two hundred and sixty three to sixty seven, but he was already on seventy. How did he do that? It didn't even look like he was struggling at all, not even in the slightest. Perhaps you could ask him, perhaps you two could talk more somehow…
Turning in your seat, you put your pen down on the table as you face him with a small smile. Soobin doesn't look up at first, but when he catches you staring he gives a reluctant huff as he straightens up. He sends you a look that screams 'What?', his eyes narrowing slightly.
Your smile only widens, "Do you want to have lunch with me today? I could really use your help with this homework…?"
The question seems to catch him off guard, his expression easing up for a second as his brows raise a little higher on his forehead. "Lunch?" He echoes, and it sounds almost like he can't believe what you're proposing. Nodding eagerly, you lean forward just a fraction.
When he catches the look on your face, he immediately schools his features back into the stoic and unreadable mask he always seemed to wear. His tongue clicks once against the roof of his mouth, his tone dismissive as he turns back to his book. "I already have plans", he mutters gruffly, picking up his pen as he resumes working.
You purse your lips, fiddling with your hands as you nod to yourself. "Another time then", you murmur quietly. He doesn't answer you but you can see the way his shoulders relax just slightly. Now you were definitely not bringing up the kiss, with a quick shake of your head you, too, try to steer your focus back onto the assigned homework, and not the way his lips had felt on yours.
After yesterday's defeat you were sure that the day ahead would have something better in store for you. So when your alarm went off at 6:30 am that very next morning, you thought you'd be ready to tackle the day. But when sitting up, your hand immediately goes to your head, fingers curling against your skull as you let out a hiss. "Ouch", you moan in agony as you rub your hand across your sweaty forehead.
The headache currently pounding against your temple was heavier than the DJs bass at a rave. Your vision was blurry as you blinked slowly, a familiar soreness settling deep inside your throat that scratched and burned whenever you swallowed or coughed. "Why today of all days?" You mutter, wallowing in self pity as you tug the blankets off and wobble over to the bathroom.
A warm shower did not help soothe the ache in your muscles, nor did it dampen your headache. No class today it seemed — and no photography club… With a defeated sigh you turn off the water, stepping out and tugging a towel around yourself. Your reflection in the foggy bathroom mirror resembled very much the person you felt like at the moment, a walking zombie of some kind. An imposter.
That day was spent entirely in bed, huddled up under the warm covers as you sipped on cheap tea and binge watched romcoms in an attempt to not think about all the stuff you were missing out on in class. Outside the cold February temperatures frosted up the windows, making you give up on the idea of letting some fresh air in. And as the evening hours rolled around, your mind kept wandering back to Soobin. What was he doing? Who was he with? Had he wondered where you were today? Had he asked anyone like you had asked for him?
The longer you thought about it the worse your headache got. So at last you willed those ideas away, instead burying your face into the pillows as you waited for sleep to take you.
That next morning you awoke with a groan, and though you felt a fraction better than you had the day before, you were still far from good. With a tired sigh you reached for your phone, calling in sick yet again before letting your head hit the pillow once more.
It was long past noon when the knock to your door woke you from your sleep. Three sharp knocks rolling in one after the other managed to rouse you from your slumber. "Who is it..?" You croak as you push yourself into your hands. That was weird, you weren't exactly expecting company. But when the knocking returns a moment later you give in as you roll out of bed, "Coming, I'm coming."
Unlocking the door to your dorm, you swing it open only to be met with the last person you had expected to see.
"Ji-ho?"
The junior stands on your doorstop, a sheepish look on his face and a bag in his hand. "Hi… I heard you were sick, so I thought I'd bring you some soup and medicine." He says with a smile that caused one dimple to dig into his cheek. Then he clears his throat as his gaze flickers to a point behind your shoulder, as though he was avoiding looking at you. You frown, not knowing what had gotten into him until you realized that you weren't wearing anything but the shorts and tank top you had gone to bed in last night.
"Oh— Right, that's so kind of you!" You beam, welcoming him inside as you shut the door behind him. Ji-ho steps over the threshold, moving carefully like he was exploring uncharted and possibly dangerous territory, it was almost a little endearing. He sets the bag down on your desk, pausing as he shifts awkwardly on the spot.
"You can relax, sit down on my bed or something— Uh, it's not made yet, I'm sorry about that.." You mumble as you head for the bathroom, "I just need to freshen up, I'll be ten minutes."
Ji-ho nods as he takes a seat on the edge of your bed, testing the mattress under his weight as his hands trace the pink bedsheets. "It's alright", he hums with a lopsided grin. You nod, one hand on the door, but just as you were about to close it behind you, his voice stops you in your tracks.
"Um…" Ji-ho rubs the back of his neck, a bashful expression on his face when his gaze meets yours, "Would it be okay if I called you, noona?" He timidly asks, his cheeks dusting a light pink when he finally manages to splutter the words out.
Taken aback by the blunt request, you can only blink confoundedly as your grip tightens and relaxes on the door. "I… Yeah, sure I don't see why not." You give him as warm of a smile as you can muster, watching as his face lights up in an instant.
"Thank you, noona!" He practically beams as he sits back a little on your mattress. With that you turn to close the bathroom door behind you, leaving him on his own inside your room.
Ji-ho stayed throughout the entire afternoon. He had not only brought you warm soup and some medicine to help with your headaches and sore throat, but also a set of games which he hooked up to your dorm TV. "Is this even safe?" You asked as you leaned back against the headboard. "What if I get a virus or something?" To which Ji-ho had only laughed, throwing his head back as he plugged in another game.
"I wouldn't be doing it if I knew it would give you a virus, noona." He says as he plugs in another cable. The screen immediately lights up with the game's logo and you grab your console tightly. It was a car racing one, and though you had very little knowledge of cars and racing, you still had a great time playing with him.
Ji-ho showed you how to hold the console, his hands brushing against yours when he adjusted your grip on the buttons. "Like this, noona." He murmured as he instructed you on how to take out opponents. You still hadn't gotten used to the nickname, the formality which he used to address you —- it felt far too important for someone like you. Still you let him, because it was nice to have someone who showed up, who noticed your absence and who wanted to make a difference.
"Hey…" You ask over the loud noise of cars crashing into one another and engines breaking, "How did you find out I was feeling unwell?" It was just now that it hit you that you hadn't actually told anyone, apart from calling in sick that is.
Ji-ho hums next to you, his fingers moving quickly over the console as he swerves his car past the finish line, landing himself first place. "Oh, I just asked down at the reception." He says with a small grin, "Mrs. Oh said you had called in sick two days in a row now, so I figured I should stop by." Then he pauses for a moment, his eyes flitting back to the screen as he swallows, "You don't mind right? I know you weren't exactly expecting visitors…"
He sounds almost bashful, and it reminded you of a puppy with its ears pinned down. Smiling widely, you shake your head, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "No, I don't mind at all. It's nice to have someone over. I just hope I don't give you whatever it is I'm carrying." You say, this time was a slight warning laced within your words.
"Nah", Ji-ho says as he picks up his console again, "I wouldn't mind it."
The hours passed by in a blur, you played game after game — cursing loudly when you failed and cheering even louder when you won. To your surprise, you were getting better, with each round you improved, much to your delight. It wasn't until seven pm crept around that Ji-ho announced that he should get going soon. "We have an English exam tomorrow", he whines as he crouches by the door, fingers working on his shoelaces.
Leaning against the wall with your arms folded across your chest, you regard him with a small smile of gratitude. "English exam huh? I remember Ms. Jang, she always had a stick up her ass."
"Had? She still does!" Ji-ho shakes his head, "It's all nonsense coming from her." When he finally finishes tying his shoes, he stands back up.
There's a slight flush to his face, like he'd eaten something spicy or been in the sun a little too long. His eyes are wide and filled with something that looks almost like adoration. Ji-ho grins from ear to ear, like the simple act of staying in your dorm together had been everything to him. You find yourself mimicking the action, "Thank you for coming by today."
Your hand twists the door handle, opening it to say farewell to your new friend when suddenly your breath is knocked from your lungs. Just outside, standing but a mere few inches away, is Soobin. He wasn't in school uniform, wearing only a loose t-shirt and washed out jeans under his jacket. His bag is flung over his shoulder, dark hair falling in messy and uneven sections, which it appeared he hadn't bothered to correct. His chest was rising and falling a little too erratically for it to be brushed off as normal. From where he stands, he towers over both you and Ji-ho, the junior who was now looking pale as a ghost.
"I…" At a loss for words you let your gaze shift between the two of them for a long and painfully awkward moment.
Finally Ji-ho becomes the one to break the silence as he manages another cheesy grin. "Well, thank you for having me over, noona. I had a good time." He looks almost as though he wants to say something else, lips slightly parted but he never gets it out.
Holding the door open a little wider for him, you give him a tiny wave. "Thank you for keeping me company, I had a good time as well."
The younger boy quickly nods, almost tripping over his feet as he stumbles over the threshold, squeezing himself between the small gap that Soobin provided. You listen to the sound of his retreating footsteps as they carry down the hall, and when they finally fade out into the distance, you turn to Soobin with an uncertain frown.
He had yet to speak as he merely watched you with an indifferent look on his face. Why was he here? Better yet, how did he know where your dorm was? It wasn't like you had ever told him. Finally after what feels like an eternity he clears his throat. "Hi", he grunts, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.
You frown, "Hi..?"
Soobin gives a small bow of his head, then without another word he crosses over the threshold and walks inside your dorm like it was his own. Confused, you watch after him — quickly shutting the door behind you before going after him, stopping abruptly when the sound of his bag slamming against your desk echoes through the room.
He stands with his back to you, gaze fixed on something in front of him as his hand rests on his discarded bag. "Who was that?" He asks, his voice no louder than a quiet murmur.
You pause, brows furrowing as you regard his stiff shoulders. "Ji-ho?" You echo, recalling the way Soobin's eyes had met with the junior’s for a brief moment. "He's a member of my photography club, he came to check on me." Shrugging, you bite the inside of your cheek, wondering what else he could have to say about the guy.
Soobin exhales, fingers tracing along the edge of his bag as he nods mutely. "You haven't been to class in two days", he comments. Then he casts a glance over his shoulder, dark gaze falling on you for a second, "Are you feeling any better?"
At first you don't respond at all. What was he even trying to attempt right now? First he had pushed you away, then he'd kissed you only to push you away again — and now he's asking about your health? Sure you had told yourself that you would be patient, that you would give him time. But this was becoming ridiculous. One day he was cold and distant as he lied about his whereabouts, the next he was showing up on your doorstep asking about who you were hanging out with in your free time.
"I'm fine." Your tone is short, almost snappy. Your fingers curl into fists by your sides, "Why are you even here anyway?" If there was one thing Soobin owed you then it was answers. Folding your arms across your chest, you wait for him to fumble forward with an excuse of some sort, or at least a half-assed explanation.
He turns to face you now, hands resting on the back for your chair behind him. "Math." Is all he says, like that was supposed to just magically make all the pieces in the puzzle come together.
"Math?" You repeat, the crease between your brows deepening.
Soobin nods, humming under his breath as he reaches behind him to tug his math book from his bag. "You said you needed help with the homework", he pauses, eyes flickering between the book in his hand and you, "Besides you've missed another two lectures. You're behind."
Well, suppose that was true. You had asked him for help, blurted out the request in class two days ago as you hoped for the best. "You said you already had plans." Tilting your head to the side, you watch as Soobin's tongue swipes across his bottom lip.
"Yeah", he grunts, "I did." His fingers flex around the book in his hand. "But I'm free right now. I can help you." He doesn't word it like a question, more a command, like he was expecting you to agree just like that. But there was also an undeniable hint of uncertainty in his stance, the way he kept shifting, if only slightly — eyes just barely locked onto yours, like he was dying to look away.
With a sigh you nod, even if there were a lot of questions left unanswered there was still no denying the fact that you did need his help. Math was far from your best subject and at this rate you wouldn't pass the finals coming up in May. "Okay, let's do it."
Since you had only one desk chair, you had suggested studying on your bed instead. It was big enough for the two of you, barely at least. Soobin's knee kept bumping against your thigh whenever either of you shifted. He would murmur an apology the first few times it had happened, but now neither of you mentioned it. Open math books and notes were scattered between you, a couple of discarded markers and an eraser thrown in the mix.
You were gripping a pencil in your hand, listening to the oddly soothing sound of Soobin's voice as he explained the equations you had struggled with for weeks now. "If you divide both sides with 4 you can remove the number easily." Drawing a line beneath the current equation, Soobin jots down the new numbers just as he had explained. You find yourself watching his hands more than the actual math problems, there was something oddly enticing about the way faint veins you could see move under his skin, or the bend of his middle and index finger as he twirled the pencil.
He pauses for a moment, waiting for you to ask any questions you might have. When you only shake your head and smile he nods quietly before continuing. It was a lot nicer than you had imagined, sitting like this with Soobin, doing something as dreadful as studying math. He was still awfully silent, making you fill in any awkward silences with random facts as you rambled on about a recent photo you had taken or a new camera you wanted.
Soobin chuckled quietly under his breath, gaze fixed to the paper in front of him as he continued to solve equations. "You really like photography huh?" He wonders, and it's more an observation than a question.
You nod anyway, grinning from ear to ear as you sigh. "Yeah", leaning back on your hands, you glance up at the pictures that adorned the larger part of the wall opposite you, "I do." Turning your head to look at him, your gaze lingers for a moment on the soft slope of his nose and the unconscious pout of his lips. "It's my passion", you murmur under your breath, barely noticing him when Soobin turns to look at you, pen pausing on the paper.
When your eyes finally meet you startle from your trance, blinking hastily as you clear your throat. Soobin lip twitches, and for a second you could have sworn he was concealing a smile. Then his attention promptly returns to the homework in front of you, flipping a page as he reads through the next problems. "We'll need a ruler for this one", he says as he begins scanning the crowded bed.
"I'll be honest— I think I lost my ruler a while back", you sheepishly admit as you rub the back of your neck.
Soobin only shakes his head, like the revelation didn't surprise him. Then he nods toward his bag, still discarded on your desk, "I should have one in the first compartment." He doesn't even get to finish his sentence before you're on your feet, already padding over to the bag as you peer inside.
His bag was just like you had imagined, neatly organized without as much as a speck of dust out of place. He kept a few books which surprised you, you didn't exactly peg him for a book worm. There was a small pencil case in the compartment close to you, presumably where the ruler would be — but before you can reach for it, something else catches your eye.
A sleek black case, with tiny gold engravings at the bottom, and a brand you couldn't quite recognize. Upon pulling said case out, you hold it in your open palm. It was light, but you knew better than to shake it. Instead you pop the lid open as you peek at the contents inside.
"Woah…" Your surprised gasp makes Soobin lift his head from where it had been engrossed in the math homework. His eyes widen a fraction as he sees what you're holding in your hands, a faint flush creeping up his neck as he scrambles up from the bed.
"Put that back", he practically demands, his voice low and gruff as he reaches for the object in your hands.
You're quicker, holding it out of reach as you spin around. "I didn't know you wore glasses", you say as you bring them up for closer inspection. Somewhere behind you Soobin lets out a frustrated exhale, though he makes no attempt at plucking the glasses from your hands again.
"I don't wear glasses", he retorts, "Just sometimes when I study for longer periods. Reading makes my eyes hurt." The last part comes out a lot more quiet, like he would rather sink through the floor than admit to wearing something as common as a pair of glasses.
Turning back around, you send him a small smile. "So? A lot of people wear these." You approach him, gaze flickering between him and the black rims around the glass, wondering how they would look on. Soobin doesn't protest when you lift the glasses to his face, carefully sliding them on to rest on the bridge of his nose. He blinks once, his dark eyes look a lot softer behind the lens and you resist an even bigger grin as you take in the sight of him like this.
He stands awkwardly in the middle of the room. Pushing the glasses up a little higher with the help of his index finger. "They look stupid", he mutters under his breath, his gaze stuck to a point behind your shoulders as he avoids looking directly at you.
Shaking your head, you lean forward to straighten them a little over his nose, humming to yourself when you step back. "You should wear these more often, they suit you."
Soobin only scoffs, snatching the pencil case from his bag before returning to your bed without as much as another word, but you saw the way his cheeks dusted a light pink — even if he tried to hide it. Pleased with yourself, you skip back over to sit down beside him, this time making sure your own knee bumped against his thigh as you got comfortable.
For a long while nothing but silence filled the air of your dorm room. The two of you worked quietly side by side as you solved equation after equation with a speed you never had before. He really was good at this. Soobin relaxed beside you after a good fifteen minutes, the flush on his face had faded again and he didn't touch the glasses on his nose aside from pushing them back up as they slid down.
Silence was never a good thing because it got you thinking, and thinking was never good when you had a lot of unanswered questions. You glance over at Soobin where he sits criss-crossed on your mattress. He looks oddly out of place in your colorful room, the pink bedsheets and the soft pillows contrasting his sharp features like the sun and moon. And yet he looks just as beautiful as he always had. How you longed to capture this moment with a photo.
Soobin lifts his head to look at you when you clear your throat, one of his brows raised as he waits for you to speak. There's something almost serene in his expression now, none of the stoicism or the unreadable mystery lingered as he watches you with almost wide eyes.
"I… Should we talk about last week?" You tentatively ask, careful as though you were treading over a minefield.
His gaze narrows just a fraction, a crack in the otherwise peaceful moment. "Last week?" He echoes, his voice low. "What is there to talk about?"
What was there not to talk about? You had been replaying the brief second over and over for the past couple of days. Imagining how his lips had felt on yours, the burn that lingered on your skin after the simplest of touch. Had he not felt the same way? Was there really no other reason he was here right now, in your dorm, on your bed. Finally you had enough of tip toeing around, friends did not keep things to themselves, especially not when it weighed heavy on them. And you would consider Soobin your friend… With that you take a deep breath as you blurt your next words out:
"You kissed me."
There. You said it. The silly thing that had been on your mind for nearly a week now, finally out in the open. Soobin doesn't react at first, but his features slowly harden into something far more serious. He's let go of the pen between his fingers, it rests between the open pages of the forgotten math book. Shifting slightly on the mattress, he gives you a brief glance, "I would hardly count it a kiss."
He wouldn't even count it as a kiss? Then what had this all been to him, just a fun little game? Your attention drops to your hands, fingers intertwined on top of your thighs as you purse your lips. "Then what is a kiss?" You mumble under your breath, not meeting his gaze as you pick at the pajama pants you wore.
Next to you Soobin scoffs. Through the corner of your eye you see him lean back on his hands, the mattress creaking under his weight as he does. "Probably what you and that kid have been doing all afternoon." He practically spits, not bothering to hide the edge of disgust that laces his words.
"What?" Your head jerks up, brows tugged into a deeply confused frown. What was that supposed to mean? Did he think that you and Ji-ho… But that wouldn't make any sense. Soobin and Ji-ho did not know each other, why should that matter to him in the first place? It wasn't like you and the junior from your photography club was doing anything like that.
Soobin exhales, his gaze fixed to a point on the wall opposite him. "He likes you." He flatly states, like it was the most natural thing in the world. Except it was not. You almost snorted at the ridiculousness of it all. Ji-ho? Liking you? No, Soobin had it way in over his head. You and Ji-ho were just getting to know each other, and he had been kind enough to bring you soup and medicine when you were sick.
To think that Soobin was implying that you had been making out with the junior… Shaking your head, your fingers curl a little tighter around the fabric of your pants. "I'm talking about us. About our kiss." You say, eyes narrowing as you search his.
There's something darker that shadows Soobin's expression, something you didn't recognize. "Why would there be an us?" He sounds almost wary as he asks it, like the idea of something like that was unimaginable.
His response made something within your chest twist uncomfortably. You had been so patient with him, trying your hardest to get through even when he was cold, even when he was distant. Now he tells you this? "Why couldn't there be?" You push, leaning forward just enough for him to lean back, it only makes the hurt in your chest worse.
Soobin remains silent, his eyes guarded as he peers at you from behind his glasses. You catch his fingers curling around the sheets beneath him, jaw clenching when he swallows. You wanted to ask him why he was here in the first place, if the idea of an 'us' was so dreadful to him then why had he even bothered showing up here to help you with something as basic as math homework.
You lean even closer, so closer that you could hear the faint hitch of his breath. Exhaling, your grip on your pants loosens as your shoulders slump. "You really are impossible to figure out, do you know that?" You hum as you tilt your head to the side. Soobin doesn't say anything but you can practically see the gears turning in his head. Your gaze drops to his lips, they're pressed together in a firm line, like he might end up saying something he would regret if he opened them.
With a quiet huff, you meet his eyes, "And for the record I never kissed Ji-ho."
Finally something seems to fall into place as Soobin blinks once. He exhales roughly, warm breath hitting your face. "No?" He wonders, and he sounds almost hopeful.
"No." You confirm, not moving away as your face hovers just inches from his.
Soobin bites the inside of his lip, and if you hadn't been so entranced by the action you would have probably noticed the flush that crept along his neck. "That makes me happy to hear." He admits, his voice a low rasp. The confession catches you off guard and you blink once, craning your neck just slightly to peer straight into his eyes.
"Huh? Why?" You ask, still slightly dumbfounded. Could it really be that he had been… jealous? Of Ji-ho? The thought was almost a little funny, well, it probably would have been if Soobin wasn't sitting so dangerously close, his erratic breaths mingling with your own.
He licks his bottom lip, probably a subconscious movement but your gaze still glues to his wet tongue. "Because…" Soobin whispers, leaning just a fraction closer — too close. His eyes find yours, something unspoken lingering in their depths. "… I've been wanting to do this." Without waiting for a response he closes the distance between you, letting his lips press against yours just like they had not even a week ago.
Only it was different, very much so. This wasn't the forced and awkward press of lips against each other, it was something much more raw — something much more alive. Letting your eyes flutter closed, you kiss him back the way you wished you had that day. The way you hadn't had the courage to back then.
His large hand is soft and gentle against your cheek as he cradles your face, his breath warm against you as he exhales in short gasps. Shuddering when his tongue slides along your bottom lip, you allow him to slip it inside your mouth without protest. Your head tilts back enough to give him more room and you peer at him through hooded eyes. Soobin's face his flushed, his own lashes laying against his cheeks, lips moving tenderly against your own. The glasses on his nose slid down enough to nudge you, the cool material against your skin a stark contrast to the heat that simmered beneath the surface.
You both come up for air when your hand braces themselves against his chest, pushing him back a fraction. Bleary eyes finding his, you give him a lazy grin as you reach for the glasses, now sitting crooked on his nose. "I love them on you, but they're in the way." You murmur as you carefully pluck the frames from him, twirling them between two fingers, you send him a sly smile.
Soobin blinks, his gaze flitting between his glasses and your expression, a flash of desire passing through his dark eyes. His lips are parted, a prominent redness creeping along his neck, adam's apple bobbing when he swallows. He doesn't say anything, but the way his attention lingers on the glasses hanging off one of your fingers betrays just how much this was affecting him.
Wordlessly he leans back in, sealing you both in another kiss as he swallows your noise of surprise. Glasses still in one hand, you brace yourself against his shoulders when Soobin guides you back against the mattress. The forgotten study material still lays scattered across the bedsheets, a reminder of what had once been so important. But Soobin merely shoves the books onto the floor in his haste, not bothering to make sure he didn't accidentally break anything.
When he settles you down against the pillows and crawls on top of you, you started to wonder if perhaps things were going too fast. You thought you liked Soobin, at least enough to want him as your friend — and you had been thinking about the kiss for almost an entire week. But did he really feel the same way? Maybe he was just using you as an excuse to get laid, maybe you looked easy and desperate enough, it wouldn't be the first time he had made that clear.
But it doesn't feel like lust when Soobin's lips move down your neck. When his breath ghosts over your skin and his tongue drags across the juncture of your throat. And though a rational part of you keeps whispering for you to stop, somewhere deep in the back of your mind — you can't find it in you to force the words out into the air. Instead your fingers curl a little tighter around his shoulders, gaze fixed on the ceiling as you bask in the feeling of Soobin's soft and gentle kisses to your neck.
His hands are hot and they burn like fire when he moves them along the expanse of your thigh. Even through the material of your pajama pants his touch was electrifying. You felt almost engulfed by him, by his hands, his mouth, the sound of his jagged breaths.
When his fingers slip past the hem of your shirt you shudder. He moves slowly, like he was treading uncharted territory, which he was. Pausing to check for signs of discomfort, you catch the sight of his dark and hungry eyes when he lifts them from your collarbone to peer up at you. His hand moves higher, palm brushing against the curve of your breast before his fingers close around the flesh.
Your back arches off the bed, if only a fraction, when his thumb circles over one of your nipples, teasing it enough for the bud to harden beneath the pad of his finger. Then suddenly, his lips are back on yours. This time they're even hungrier than before, like he'd just gotten a taste and now he was in for more.
Hands making their way to his dark hair, you let your fingers thread through the soft strands the way you had imagined doing many times before whenever you had caught sight of his hair being slightly unkempt. When you tug slightly on the longer ends Soobin lets out a soft groan, the sound vibrating on your tongue and sending heat straight to your core. You pull him impossibly close, until his chest is nearly pressed against yours, until you could practically hear the erratic beating of his heart.
"Your shirt…" He murmurs against your lips, his voice uncharacteristically needy, bordering on almost a whine, "Can I take it off?" The request makes you clench with unfulfilled desire, your body screaming for you to comply, to tell him to just rip the garment off. Instead you nod quietly, letting go of him as he sits back on his knees.
Soobin's gaze is fixed to the rapid rise and fall of your chest, his hand moving slowly as he wraps it around the hem of your shirt. Then he tugs it upward with the patience of a madman. Goosebumps prickle across your skin when the cool air hits you, the bra you had chosen not to wear leaving you completely bare in front of him. It's almost like he forgets himself after that, his hand on your shirt coming to a stop as soon as the garment is bunched over your chest.
"So gorgeous", he murmurs under his breath, and it sounds like he's speaking more to himself than anyone else really. His finger brushes against your nipple, tweaking it between his index finger and thumb, dark eyes flickering to your face when you sigh in pleasure. Then he pauses, brows furrowing for a second as he lets go off your chest again. "Wait." He exhales, and before you can ask any questions, he's climbed off of you — leaving an unfamiliar emptiness in his wake.
Pushing yourself up on your elbows, you watch as he makes his way back to your desk, hands rummaging around for a moment before seemingly finding what he was searching for. Soobin turns back to you, a most familiar object between his hands when he re approaches you on the bed.
Without bothering to explain himself, he crawls back over you, pushing you down against the mattress with a force that makes something deep inside your stomach flutter. His lips hover above yours, dark eyes searching yours as he exhales a short breath. "A memory", he says before leaning down to kiss you again, one arm holding himself up as the other clutches what he had snatched from your table.
When you part for air he leans back, sitting onto his heels as he turns the polaroid camera in his hands. Strands of black hair fall in front of his face, and he pushes it back with one hand as he inhales. "Just one", he murmurs as he flips the camera, his eyes meeting yours from beneath his long lashes, "A memory."
Licking your dry lips, you nod. Soobin hums, gripping the polaroid camera a little tighter as he brings it to his face. He plays around with the angle for a bit, leaning back a fraction. Then his free hand comes up to cover one of your breasts, fingers cupping the flesh gently as he gives it a small squeeze. The flash blinds you a second later, the sound of the photo being taken echoing through your dorm room.
Not letting go of your chest, Soobin flips the camera around, watching the small polaroid as it prints out, plucking it awkwardly with the help of two fingers. He sets the camera down on the bedside table, waiting patiently for the photo to develop, his other hand still kneading your breast mindlessly. Raw and unfiltered desire strikes his features when he peers down at the small photo in his large palm.
"Perfect", he exhales, thumb stroking against the edge of the polaroid. Then he stuffs the photo into his pocket, hungry eyes returning to you as he leans back down. "I'll keep it safe", he murmurs, lips brushing against yours before he reconnects them in a kiss that knocks the air from your lungs.
He was done holding back now, teeth closing around your bottom lip as he pulled it back enough to make you squeal. There was something uncontrolled about the way his chest pressed down on yours, hips grinding against your core as he failed to keep down the strained grunts that rolled off his tongue, growing louder with every passing second.
Your head falls back against the pillow when one of his hands travels lower, fingers brushing the hem of your pajama pants before slipping beneath the fabric. Arching into his touch, a small moan tears from your throat when his index finger brushes over your cunt through the cotton of your panties.
"More?" He breathes, a stupid question, but you nod, gazing up at him like he could give you everything you wanted.
Soobin doesn't waste any time as his hand moves under the thin barrier of your panties, fingers dragging across your almost embarrassingly wet cunt. The sight of him in his glasses earlier had certainly not helped in aiding your case. He hums, the sound reverberating through his chest. "You're soft", he murmurs, brows pulling into a small frown when he pushes one finger inside of you, careful as he gauges your reaction.
Your wanton moan feels deafening in the hot air, legs spreading even further as you invite him in closer. Soobin complies without a word, his lips trailing down your jaw as he presses kisses to your skin. Thumb pressing against your clit, he draws another small noise of pleasure from you as his open mouth moves lower — back to your chest where his tongue swirls around one of your nipples with urgency.
"All of you…" He exhales roughly against the curve of your breast, "…so soft." Adding another finger carefully, like he might shatter this fragile moment if he went too fast, he works you open slowly. He takes his time, teaching himself what made you clench around him, studying your every reaction like you held the answers to life itself. You were beginning to understand why he excelled the way he did in math, he was a fast learner.
His lips are wet when they close around your nipple and Soobin pulls as much of you into his mouth as he can. One hand still buried between your legs, the other one comes up to grope at your other tit, fingers tweaking the nipple only to hear you gasp beneath him. His large frame draped over you, the weight of him pressing down against you was maddening, making your head spin as you stared up at the ceiling.
But it wasn't enough, you needed more. You needed him. Your hands, which head previously been limp by your sides, moved toward him. One slipping under his loose t-shirt, fingers gliding across the taut muscles of his chest — the other finding its way to his jeans, palm pressing against his obvious hard-on through the denim as you palmed him slowly.
Soobin groans against your chest, jaw slacking around your nipple as his eyes flutter. His hips buck into your hand before stilling again, his fingers curling inside of your cunt with a cruelty that made you clench uncontrollably. "Please", you whisper, nails digging into his abdomen as your hand cups him through his pants, "Give me more."
His pupils are blown wide when Soobin finally looks up from where his face had been buried against your tits. Expression dazed and sweat sticking to his forehead, he looks absolutely ethereal like this. You move before even reacting, hand slipping out from under his shirt as you reach for the discarded polaroid camera once more. A small smile tugs across your lips when you bring it up to peer through the lens.
"A memory", you muse, hand pressing against his raging erection once more and Soobin's face scrunches up in ecstasy. His mouth falls open, eyes fluttering as he hovers just over your chest. You snap the picture a second later, framing the moment and making it into something that would last forever. Soobin doesn't appear phased, he keeps watching you with that same almost awe-like expression as he sighs.
The polaroid prints out through the camera, and you snag the picture as you watch it develop. Soobin's breath is hot against your chest, his lips closing around your nipple once more as his tongue drags against your skin. Your gaze flickers between him and the photo in your hand, comparing the two as heat coils low in your gut, "A natural", you comment with a small smile and Soobin chuckles against your breast.
Leaning back up, Soobin peers down at you as his chest heaves. His once loose t-shirt now clings to his torso, sweat sticking to his neck. You're quick to follow, pushing yourself into a sitting position as your hands land on the belt around his waist. Glancing up at him, a silent question lingers behind your eyes. He nods, knuckles brushing against your cheek as he allows you to unbuckle his belt.
The sound of the metal coming undone fills the silence along the heavy breaths passed between the two of you. Your fingers are trembling but you can't tell whether that was because you were nervous or excited about the idea of what was about to happen. Carefully you undo the zipper, hesitating for only a moment before your hand slips beneath the fabric of his boxers, fingers wrapping around his cock experimentally.
Soobin exhales a sharp breath, his free hand falling to your waist as his fingers dig into your skin. Your gaze flits between his face and the sight of him in your hand, hot and heavy. Giving him a tentative stroke, your thumb brushes over the tip, relishing in the way his entire body shudders.
"Fuck—" He groans, shaking his head just slightly, "Don't do that." But there's no real bite to his words, more than anything you can feel him practically begging for you to keep going.
He throbs against your palm, and your thighs almost rub together at the mere thought of what he would feel like inside of you. When your eyes met his, there was only one sudden question on your mind.
"Do you have a condom on you?"
What a cock-blocker. Still, you weren't willing to take any risks, even when your body was practically yelling for you to just throw yourself at him. Soobin bites the inside of his cheek, for a second he appears almost conflicted. "No", he grunts, his hand on your waist slackening just slightly.
You cast a glance toward your bedside table, scooting back just a fraction as you pull the top drawer open. There, hidden away for a good while now were the condoms they had handed out during orientation day. You had kept them in safe storage for over two years now, never having to use them — until now. Grabbing one, you turn back to Soobin who was perched where you left him, one of his hands wrapped around his cock as he stroked himself leisurely.
"Let me.." You murmur as you nudge his hand away. Ripping the package open with your teeth, you carefully pull the latex over his cock, taking your time as you slide it in place. Soobin exhales deeply through his nose, both of his hands keeping your hips in place.
When you're finished he wastes no time as he pushes you onto your back, fingers hooking around the hem of your pajama pants as he begins tugging them down without a second’s thought. The cool air hits your bare legs like the first snow during winter and you shiver. Soobin is there in the blink of an eye, large hands roaming your naked thighs as he soothes the prickles across your skin.
"Can I?" He wonders, index finger hooked around the lining of your panties as he tugs at the elastic suggestively.
You nod, letting your head fall back against the pillow when you sigh. "Please. Please do."
You thought you could hear him chuckle somewhere above you, sliding your panties down your thighs without another word. Once he's pulled them entirely from your body he settles back between your thighs. There's an expectant look on his face when his eyes meet yours, desire swirling within the dark pools of his irises as he swallows. Your fingers are curled around the hem of his shirt, tugging gently on the fabric in a silent plea for him to take it off.
Soobin obeys without hesitation, big hands replacing yours as he slides the loose cotton over his head, tossing the shirt aside to reveal a toned chest beneath. Swallowing back saliva at the sight, you reach out to run your palm across the planes of his chest and stomach, feeling every crevice of him as his ragged breaths vibrate beneath your open hand.
He leans forward, bracing himself on one elbow as he hovers above you. "M'sorry", he murmurs as his lips brush against your cheek, gentle but insisting, "Can't wait any longer." The head of his cock bumps against your clit and you shiver as he drags his tip through your slick folds. With a strained groan he eases himself inside, going as slow as his patience would allow as his thick cock stretched you out in a way that left you burning for more.
Your hands fly to his shoulders, nails locking into his skin as your eyes fly open. "H-ah.." The gasp leaves your lips when he bottoms out fully, your thighs begging to close around him as they give a small twitch. Soobin notices of course, taking a second to let you and himself adjust, his gaze travels down your body. His hand slides along your thigh, over your knee and down the calf before returning to settle just at the bend of your leg.
"Closer?" He huffs, but it sounds less like a question and more like a plea. Then he tugs your leg, hooking it around his waist and your quick to oblige as you tighten your hold and pull him deeper inside of you. The sensation pulls a whiny-moan from you, head sinking even further into the pillow as your eyes flutter.
Above you, Soobin is already panting, the hot air passing through his parted lips hits your faces like waves crashing against shore. He sets a slow and steady pace at first, pulling his cock through your cunt slowly, withdrawing before gently rocking himself back in — like he was trying to savor the moment. It was during that brief and intimate second that you dared hope that perhaps this meant just as much to him as it did you. That this wasn't just a cheap one-way in for him, and that when this was all said and done, things would go back to how they had always been.
Soobin's lips brush against your cheek, then your jaw. His touch is soft and reverent, like he was handling something sacred. In that moment you felt precious. Your eyes slowly blink open, finding his in a split second as they lock together. His gaze is uncharacteristically gentle — filled with something vulnerable, something you had never before seen on him.
His pace falters, a hushed curse passing his lips followed by a strained groan as Soobin tears his eyes away from you. "Fuck", murmurs, panting against the skin of your neck, "Don't look at me like that." His words hold no real warning, just an empty threat of pushing a boundary that both of you knew you wanted to cross.
"Why?" You ask, hands loosening their grip on his shoulders as they make for his hair.
Soobin huffs out a breath that sounds like a mix between a scoff and a laugh. When he peers up at you once more, his eyes are darkened with desire, his cock hardening significantly inside of you as it gives another twitch. His open palm is gentle against your cheek, cradling you carefully as he sighs. "'Cause I won't be able to last. Much less hold back."
The admission hangs heavy in the air and you feel yourself throb at the idea. Fingers twisting the dark locks between them, you pull him closer. Your open mouth is millimeters from his, your faces so close that his nose brushes yours. Inhaling a shaky breath, you hold it for a long moment before slowly letting you, uncurling your grip on his hair just a fraction as you whisper your next words into his open mouth.
"So don't."
It's like a switch had been flipped inside of him. Soobin lets out a groan that threatens to label itself as a whine, his hips jerking against yours mindlessly at first, like just the idea of losing control like that was enough to send him into overdrive. The muscles in his arms flex when he readjusts his position over you, bracing himself in order to make each thrust he gives you be truly felt.
His lips are back on yours after the second one, messy and hungry as his tongue slides inside your mouth, licking at you like a man starving for water. You moan against him, another sound of pleasure tearing from your throat when his teeth close around your bottom lip, biting down hard enough to make you clench around him as Soobin curses.
"M'serious, I won't last—" He warns you, and he says it like the idea of him coming undone completely wasn't the hottest thing you could have ever imagined. Your leg, still hooked around his waist, tightens as you force him even deeper, moaning when his cock throbs inside of you.
One of Soobin's hands moves down between your bodies, not stopping until he reaches the point where the two of you lock together in one. His thumb brushes over your clit, pressing down on the small bundle of nerves as he rubs gentle circles across it. The same reverent and soft touch quickly turns into something far more deranged as he feels the way your cunt clenches vigorously around him in response.
"Feels good", you admit in a shaky sigh, tugging on his hair just a little harder. Heat was coiling low in your gut, the strings of a feather tightening until they reached the point where they were about to burst at any given moment. Soobin's cock fills you out from inside, his thumb pressing against your clit in a way that makes you feel absolutely delirious, "Please."
The word slips from your tongue as you gasp into his mouth, cunt clenching hard around him as you feel your orgasm wash over you like a tidal wave. You shudder, holding onto him like a man to shore as Soobin's hips continue to rock into you, helping you carry out your climax with each sharp thrust.
He pants above you, sweat sliding down the sides of his face as he continues to kiss you like it was the only thing keeping him sane — perhaps in the best of universes, it was. He's still hard inside of you, aching with demand even as his attention is poured into making you feel every bit of your orgasm, not pulling his hand away until your moans turned into whines.
"Almost there", he reassures you even as his pace gets quicker, more rough — meaner. It's so good that it almost hurts, your whole body aches for a reprieve only he could give, and Soobin knows it. "Just a little more", he grunts against your lips, hips slamming against yours with a force that nearly shakes the bed. His promises feel like a reality so far away when all you can feel is the burning sensation of overstimulation that comes with each of his thrusts.
His breath stutters a moment later, jaw slacking against yours as his kisses fall short. Giving another roll of his hips, Soobin lets out a low moan as he finally empties himself into the condom, cock throbbing and twitching violently inside of your spent cunt. His face buries in the crook of your neck, his breath jagged and desperate, like he'd ran a whole mile.
For a long moment after that neither of you move, content to lay in each other's embraces just a while longer. Soobin presses gentle kisses to the skin of your neck, his lips lingering several seconds longer than necessary. The quiet actions are the only sound to fill the silence.
You want to ask Soobin what this would mean for the two of you now. Would things change? You weren't friends this morning, but now it felt like that same term wouldn't even begin to cover what had transpired between the two of you within the past hour. The question lays ready on the tip of your tongue, but when he wraps his arms around you, pulling you just a fraction closer as his head rests against your shoulder, a mumbled plea of closeness on his lips — you can't find it in yourself to bring it up.
So you let the moment pass.
The next morning the bed had been empty and cold when you woke up. Between the messy sheets and the dented pillows, you still thought you could see the outline of Soobin’s figure where he had slept. You remembered the warmth of his embrace as his arms wrapped around you, fingers stroking along your arms absentmindedly as you both fell asleep on your bed.
Now he was gone without as much as a trace, leaving behind only the faint scent of his cologne that smelled like saltwater by the sea, and the memory of how his lips had felt on you.
You had sat in your bed for nearly an hour, just staring out in the void. That was unusual for someone like you, for someone who would be on her feet after the first sound of her alarm, moving about and getting ready for the day as she hummed to her favorite song. Where had that been today? Instead you were left an empty shell of the girl you had been yesterday, back when you had taken Soobin for granted.
Of course it had meant very little to him, even if it had been everything to you. By now you should know how Soobin operated, and that was with everyone at an arms length. Perhaps he had been right in saying that you were the one who needed a friend, not him.
Your gaze drifts across the pink bedsheets, thinking about how insignificant they had felt just a day ago. Now they held so many memories, so many smells and so many lingering touches. A small white corner piece catches your attention. Stuffed half under a spare pillow, yet still visible if you just squinted a little. You shove the soft pillow aside, eyes widening when they land on the tiny polaroid. Picking it up between two fingers, you bring it to your face.
It was one of Soobin. The one you had taken yesterday, recklessly in the heat of the moment, when you didn't know what it would lead to. His face is flushed, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead and his jaw slacked in pleasure. He's looking at you, eyes shining with something that was as far from the Soobin you thought you knew as it could possibly be — yet all the more him.
There's a tenderness in the way he looks at you in that photo. Like he truly saw you, and in your selfishness you had allowed yourself to believe that it was the truth. Even if the evidence scattered around you pointed elsewhere.
You clutch the photo a little tighter, keeping it to your chest as you exhale slowly.
That day you had stayed home as well. Not because you still felt very ill, but because you knew that facing Soobin now would be more than you could handle. Even worse would be him not showing up at all, leaving you standing like a complete fool. No, it was better this way. If you didn't turn up, then there was nothing for you to be disappointed by, for a few hours longer, you could still pretend like everything was fine.
When four pm rolled around, you had made it out of your dorm for the first time in what felt like forever — though it had technically only been three days. You had missed out on your previous club meeting, and now you were more than eager to get back to it.
Heavy duffel bag slung over your shoulder and the handmade sign under your arm, you had made your way down to the classroom you would be occupying. It felt weird being in school after hours, especially when you had been absent these past couple of days. It was almost like you had stepped through into an alternate universe of some sorts. The sun was beginning to set outside the windows, leaving the sky pink and orange against the pale trees.
There were a lot of preparations to be done, and as you busied yourself with setting up the cameras and photos, humming along to a song stuck in your head, you failed to hear the pair of approaching footsteps that echoed across the floor.
It wasn't until the clearing of a throat behind you that you were startled from your thoughts. Nearly dropping the camera from your grasp, you shriek. Luckily, another pair of hands are quick enough to join in as they cover your own, keeping the valuables safe between your palms.
"Careful, noona." Ji-ho muses as he sends you a small smile.
The junior stands only a couple of inches away, nearly pressed up against you as he'd rushed forward. Exhaling a relieved breath you loosen your grip on the camera just a fraction. "Jeez, you scared me!" You try to scold, but your tone is far too lighthearted for him to actually take any actual offense.
Ji-ho merely laughs as he gives an apologetic bow. "My apologies", he says as he flashes you a grin. The last sunlight falls across the side of his face, highlighting the soft curls that fell around his ear and across his forehead. His cheek has a dimple dented into it, eyes crinkling as his smile widens. Ji-ho was endearing, but even then you couldn't help but compare him to Soobin.
The difference between the two was stark. Soobin's rough edges and his dark hair, his stoic mask of indifference and his tall brooding frame was very different from Ji-ho's boyish grin, his soft hair and warm eyes. Why was it that no matter Ji-ho's continued kindness and efforts that your mind still plagued itself with thoughts of the person who obviously hadn't cared at all for your night together.
"I've been wanting to do this." That's what he had said. Did that ever mean anything to him? Or was it just mindless talk in order to get in your pants? For a while you had dared hope that Soobin had just been a wilting flower in need of some water. That if only you were patient enough, your efforts would be returned sooner or later. Now you just feel like a fool for trying so desperately in the first place.
It's not until Ji-ho makes a small sound of acknowledgment that you finally look up to meet his gaze. Forcing a smile to your lips, your attention falls on the notebook he'd brought. "You're here early today", you remark, the other students had yet to roll in. Then you point to the notebook he holds in one hand, "What is that?"
Ji-ho rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "Well, it's ah. I had a few ideas of things I would like to photograph.." He pulls the notebook out, opening it as he begins flipping through the pages. You watch him with a fond smile, peering down as you try and get a glimpse of what he's written when suddenly the classroom door is pushed open. Turning your head in its direct, your heart stutters in your chest when your eyes meet a pair of familiar and dark ones.
Soobin lingers in the doorway, still dressed in his uniform, arms folded across his chest, he regards you with an expectant look. Ji-ho still doesn't seem to have noticed him as he continues to ramble about the topics in his book. "Obviously they might be a little hard to do since it's not quite spring… But I thought maybe this one…"
The sound of his voice fades into the background as you continue to watch Soobin where he stands. He had yet to approach, to even make his presence known beyond just ominously appearing. There was some nerve he carried for him to show up like this, unannounced after leaving the way he had this morning. Your jaw clenches, fingers twitching by your sides as you tear your gaze away from him.
"Hey, Ji-ho. Would you mind waiting here for a moment? There others should be here any minute, I just need to do something." You place a reassuring hand on his shoulder, a pang going through your chest when the enthusiastic look on his face drops again.
"Oh— Okay, sure noona!" He smiles, but you can tell that there was disappointment carefully masked behind his easygoing demeanor.
But you knew that you couldn't prolong the inevitable conversation with Soobin. So without looking back, you turn and march up to him.
He doesn't react when you approach, much less when you grab a hold of his arm and drag him back into the corridor. Closing the door behind you both, you let go of him with a little more force than necessary. "What are you doing here?" You spit, sounding more defensive than you had hoped for.
Soobin, if anything, doesn't seem particularly phased, and if he was he did not let it show. His arms hang limp by his sides, hands finding their way to his pockets when he gives a small roll of his shoulders. "I thought you wanted me to join your club?" He muses with something that bordered on a smirk.
His response gnaws at something deep inside of you. Yes you wanted him to join your club, but only on his own terms — only if he wanted to. "I don't want you to join just because you screwed me and think you need to make up for it somehow. I'm not that easy!" You snap, crossing your arms over your chest like a shield as you send him a glare.
The brows on Soobin's forehead raise as he regards you with something almost like confused amusement. "Screwed you? Is that what you're going to call it?" He asks with a hint of disbelief.
You frown, huffing out a short breath that sounds more like a scoff. "You made it very clear what it was. So don't you dare tell me what labels to use." Being angry wasn't exactly a usual occurrence for you. In fact it was very seldom that you ever let your emotions get the better of you like this — you hated what resentment did to people, what it made them do to others. Part of you knows that you should stop before you, too, cross a line you cannot return from. But the truth was, you were upset with him.
Soobin continues to watch you with that same expression, but when your last words reach his ears, it morphs into something conflicted. "I made it clear?" He echoes, and this time it's his turn to frown.
"Yes, Soobin. You did." Gesturing toward nothing in particular, you heave a frustrated sigh.
Down the hall a couple of students approach, you recognize them as members of your photography club. They slow down when they see you and Soobin, both of you leaning against the wall, both standing a little too close for it to be considered friendly. Sending them a quick smile, you urge them to enter the classroom. With slight reluctance they nod, shuffling through the door one after the other before closing it behind them again.
Once you're alone, you turn back to Soobin. "You left, just like that." You could still recall the cold sheets from earlier that day, the emptiness of your dorm room and the silence that felt too loud. "Did you really dislike it that much?" That's not what you're really asking. There's another question weighing even heavier on your heart, one you dare not ask. Did you really dislike me that much?'
Either Soobin was just not comprehending what you were telling him or he did in fact not care at all. Shifting against the wall, his hands dig even deeper into his pockets. "That's not it…" He murmurs, frown deepening as the crease on his forehead becomes all the more prominent. "I thought it was nice." He pauses, like he was considering his next words, then he tilts his head to the side, "Didn't you?"
He was actually unbelievable. Nice? Did he think it was nice? That was it then — nothing else? So he could just leave without a word in the morning, and then just brush it all off by saying that it was… nice? Pulling your bottom lip between your teeth, your nails dig into your forearms as you bite back all the thoughts lingering on your tongue right now. With a final huff, you push yourself off the wall. "Yeah. It was nice, Soobin. Really nice." Your voice does little to hide how frustrated you actually were.
"I'm glad you had such a fantastic time."
You don't spare him another glance, turning promptly on your heel as you head back inside the classroom. The door falls shut behind you with a slam that echoes. Not looking up from the floor, you let your arms fall to your sides as you make your way up to the board with a deflated sigh.
"Are you okay, noona?" Comes Ji-ho's voice from somewhere ahead. It was clear that he was worried and it only made you feel even worse about it all.
A moment later another girl chimes in, "Was that your boyfriend out there? Did you guys have a fight?" Hushed murmurs follow her timid question as the rest of the juniors speculate about what could have gone down between you and Soobin just outside the door. But you merely shake your head, shushing them with a dismissive wave as you reach for one of the cameras.
"Let's not waste our time on my private matters. Today we're here to learn about photography!" You muster as much encouragement as you could gather, smiling toward the students as you prepare to forget about Soobin, at least for the next two hours.
The sky is pitch black by the time your club meeting was wrapped up. Ji-ho had stayed behind to help you pack everything down in your bag, his hands brushing yours a few more times than necessary as he did.
"Noona…"
His quiet voice had broken the comfortable silence between the two of you.
"Hm?" You replied, not looking up from the photos you were organizing back into their folders.
There was a brief pause, and for a moment you thought he might not have had anything to say at all. But then he cleared his throat, shifting awkwardly beside you for a moment. "That guy… Choi Soobin", he says, the name already familiar to him, as were all of the Choi's. Ji-ho's face flickers with hesitation, but in the end he proceeds. "Are you and him… I mean are you together?"
His question catches you off guard. Your fingers come to a halt over the folder you were holding, jaw clenching as you peer down at the photos inside. "Ah… I don't know." You finally admit, almost a little sheepishly. It was embarrassing to be honest — not knowing where you stood with him. Soobin had made it very clear that his intentions were nothing but surface level, right? So why would Ji-ho ask?
You remember Soobin's words to you last night, blurted out too quickly for him to have thought them through. "He likes you." Glancing over at the junior, you watch as he busies himself with wiping down the lens of one of the cameras, avoiding your gaze with all his might. Was it really true? Your lips tug into a small frown, how could you tell him that what you felt for him wasn't like that…
Ji-ho seems to pick up on the prolonged silence. Carefully he sets the camera back down, wiping his hands on the cloth he'd been using. "It's alright." He smiles that same boyish and endearing smile before adding, "I think he likes you, noona."
Your breath stutters in your throat, the folder nearly slipping from your grasp as you glance over at him. "What?" You huff, baffled by the sudden remark.
The junior only shrugs, his smile widening a fraction. "It's pretty obvious. He came by last week as well, I saw him too." He pauses, hands clutching the cloth between them a little tighter, "He showed up yesterday as well." Licking his lips, his gaze drops to your bag where it sits on the table.
Shaking your head, you stuff the photo folder inside the duffel, "Me and Soobin are just—"
"Just friends?"
Ji-ho's warm eyes find yours quicker than you had hoped for them to. They're filled with sincerity, perhaps even something more — something longing, like he knew he couldn't have what he truly wanted. "Friends don't look at each other like that, noona." He says it like it's the most simple thing in the universe, even when you both know it's not.
"Ji-ho…" You start, swallowing down the lump in your throat. He had brought up the inevitable, and now there was no backing out of it either.
But it doesn't seem to phase him, if it does, he hides it well behind that smile of his. "I get it." He says, his voice a little too enthusiastic for him to actually mean it. Exhaling a shaky breath, he averts his gaze as he blinks a couple of times.
You want to hug him, tell him that it wasn't like that at all — but it would be a lie. And Ji-ho already knew the truth. So you remain cowardly silent, trembling hands reaching for the camera he had been wiping down as you place it inside the bag before zipping it up. "Can you forgive me?" You whisper, even when it was selfish to ask.
Ji-ho shakes his head, still smiling. "You have nothing to be forgiven for." Under the dim lights that hung above you, you thought you could see tears glistening in his eyes. But he quickly pushes them back as he gives your shoulder a playful nudge. "Besides, I get him", he says as he tilts his head to the side, "You're really pretty, noona."
Heat rises to your face at the blunt compliment, and you swat him away with your hand, "Shut up."
He chuckles, the sound far too bright and joyful given the context of your conversation. Then he takes the bag you had packed together, holding it out for you to take. "I mean it." There's no hesitation in his voice, and his fingers linger on top of yours for a moment when you reach out to take the duffel from him, "Make sure he tells you that."
Ji-ho follows you out, and the two of you part just by the entrance. He's smiling all the way until the end, waving you off as he promises to come by and help set everything up before the next club meeting. You watch after his retreating figure for a while, fighting back the guilt that still clung to your heart. He was far too sweet for his own good, keeping himself together just to make you feel a little better.
Once he's completely out of sight you finally turn to walk back to your dorm. It wasn't far from campus, only a block away, taking you merely five minutes.
The night is dark and cold, the freezing February air was unforgiving as it latched onto you, making you shiver slightly in the evening breeze. Keeping your gaze downcast, you count the lampposts you pass, trying to think of anything but the conversation you had just had — or the one before that.
You had made it past four of them when suddenly a shadow appeared, cutting through the dim yellow light. Faltering in your steps, you look up only to be met with a pair of dark eyes.
Soobin leans against the fifth lamppost. Clad in his black coat, hands buried deep in his pockets — he watches you with an unreadable expression. You stop completely, feet planting against the ground as your breath hitches in your throat. What was he doing out here?
The warm glow of the lamp casts a halo around his dark hair when he pushes himself off the post. He takes a couple of steps toward you, halting only when he realized how close he was getting. One of his hands moved within his pockets, almost as though he was about to reach for you, catching himself just in time. He visibly swallows, gaze flickering between you and the ground for a moment before he grunts, "Can we talk?"
A part of you wants to say no, to just keep walking and act like none of this had ever happened. Except it had, and running from it would only make it worse. For a while you don't say anything at all, only watching him silently under the dim light. His eyes, usually so distant and cold look different tonight — or maybe they had always looked like this, maybe you just hadn't paid close enough attention. Ji-ho's words ring in your ears:
"Friends don't look at each other like that, noona."
Then how was he looking at you right now? If only you could understand him, if only he could make the effort at being understood. Your tongue darts out to wet your bottom lip, fingers curling around the strap of your bag as you slowly nod, "We can talk."
Soobin sighs, and he seems relieved. His mouth opens, then it closes again. It seemed like he was struggling with what to say. You wait for him, just like you had waited all those other days — begging for him to unfold and bloom. He pulls his hand from his pocket, running it through his hair once before pushing his glasses further up on his nose. His glasses. It's then you realize that he is wearing them.
"I…" He begins, face scrunching up into an uncomfortable grimace like the entire conversation was taking everything in him to continue. Then he exhales sharply through his nose, visibly frustrated with himself. "I didn't mean what I said earlier." His fingers curl into a fist by his side, jaw clenching as his eyes drop to the ground below him. "About last night, when I said I thought it was nice."
He's quiet for a moment, brows furrowing like he just realized how weird that sounded. "I mean— I did think it was nice. I still do." Keeping his gaze downcast, he inhales deeply. "But that's not how I meant it. I just—" Cutting himself off by dragging a hand down his face, he lets out a frustrated groan. "This is fucking stupid. I'm useless at this shit", he spits, the words laced with a self loathing that didn't fit him at all.
You watch as he shifts on the spot, his arm falling limp to his side as he takes slow and controlled breaths. He was hardly making any sense, jumping from point A to point B with little coherence as he kept his attention firmly on his feet. Your own lips part, a question waiting on your tongue but Soobin beats you to it.
"What I meant was—" He sighs, heavy as it came from his chest, "I thought that you were nice." Finally lifting his gaze, his dark eyes find yours as he chews on the inside of his cheek. "I think you're nice. But it came out wrong the first time and then I didn't know how to correct it and then you just assumed that I…" He shakes his head, fingers flexing awkwardly by his side as he struggles to hold your gaze.
You should probably say something now, address all the things he had just brought to the surface — but your mind is still caught on those four words as they play on repeat. "I think you're nice." Your heart stutters in your chest and you blink twice when you exhale.
"Then I was going to join your stupid photography club— but… it's actually not stupid it all. I actually like it a lot and I think it's really cool but then I made myself look like a fucking douche bag and you got angry with me and I—"
"You think I'm nice?"
Soobin cuts himself off mid-ramble, his face finally reflecting all the emotions he was feeling. The guilt, the regret, the shame, the longing. He swallows. The truth of what he had said just now catching up to him as it registers in his head. His jaw clenches, fingers curling into a fist — almost like a reflex, before relaxing again. "Yes. I do." He bites hit lip, a conflicted expression flashing across his features, "I think you're really nice, and I think— no, I know that I like you."
When he realizes exactly what he had just said he takes a step back, then another, his shoulder hitting the lamppost behind him as he runs a hand through his dark hair. His face is hardened into the mask he always wore, only it was slipping right now as cracks spread throughout its entirety. There was a flicker of panic behind his eyes, like the idea of being this open, this vulnerable with someone absolutely terrified him.
Your bag drops from your shoulder, hitting the ground with a soft thud as you quietly approach him. Soobin doesn't even seem to register the fact that you were closing in, too caught up in the tangled mess of his own emotions as he rubbed the back of his hand over his face with a strained groan.
"It sounds really stupid and pointless when I say it like this but I don't know how else to. And it's been eating me alive all day especially because—-"
He trails off when your fingers wrap around his wrist, pulling his hand from his face gently. His cheeks are red, and whether that was from the cold or the fact that he appeared more than flustered at the moment, you couldn't tell. It didn't really matter anyway. Your gaze drops to his lips, soft and pink — slightly parted as he lets out a shaky exhale, warm breath fanning across your own lips.
You smile, eyes meeting his as your free hand pushes his glasses a little higher on his nose. "I think you're nice too." With that you lean in to press a tender kiss to his open mouth, listening to the hitch in his breath as Soobin goes stiff as a board against you. A second later he relaxes again, one of his arms hesitantly wrapping around your waist as he pulls you closer.
He lets you lead the kiss, eager following along as your lips move on top of his. Kissing him like this felt different from all the other times, slower, not at all as intense but somehow all the more nerve wracking. Soobin is soft, and he tastes sweet, nostalgic almost — like something you'd want to try over and over again and never get tired of.
When you pull back he makes a low noise at the back of his throat, it sounds almost like a whine but he doesn't attempt to pull you back. You blink once, peering up at him through your lashes as you send him a smile, and for once, you get one back.
Soobin looks like a whole different person when he smiles. Not one, but two dimples show on his flushed cheeks, his eyes crinkling just slightly when his teeth trap his bottom lip between them. This is the Soobin you had pictured in your head all along, the one in full bloom like flowers in spring, or perhaps a snowdrop in winter. You reach out, fingers gently brushing a strand of hair from his face.
"So", you hum, unable to hide the teasing edge to your voice, "Does this mean you'll join my stupid photography club?"
Soobin's smile widens, showing the top row of his teeth. Then he nods, just a subtle tilt of his head. His arm around you pulls you impossibly close, close enough for you to feel the erratic beating of his heart against your chest. "Yeah", he says, his eyes soft and warm behind his glasses,
⋆·˚ ༘ * After a missed anniversary and weeks spent out of sync, Soobin just wants to be close to you again—really close. No rush, no performance. Just you, him, and the quiet reminder that you still belong to each other.
✦ Love Language: Quality Time
pairing: soobin x reader ✮⋆˙✐ 3.8k
warnings: smut, f!reader, no protection, soft dom!soobin, sub!reader, cock warming, slight oral f!rec, praise, romance, no protection, finishing inside
🗂️ click to access all txt member’s files
˚₊ · »-♡→ main masterlist
The apartment is quiet when you finally come home.
Way too quiet.
The kind of quiet that makes your chest feel heavier than your bag slung over your shoulder, heavier than the late hour blinking back at you on the microwave clock.
Stepping inside, you make sure to lock the door behind you. You take off your shoes, drop your keys into the bowl, and glance toward the couch.
He’s sitting there, asleep—just barely. Half curled into the throw blanket, one arm slung over the back of the couch like he was waiting for you but gave up halfway through.
You stand there longer than you intend to, just wanting to watch him for a moment. He stirs before you can say anything, lashes fluttering, voice groggy.
"You're late again..." Soobin grumbles. It wasn't accusatory, just worn thin.
You give him a small apologetic smile. "I know, I'm sorry. I didn't even get a lunch break today."
Soobin nods and tries to smile back, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He looks toward the TV, and the silence stretches on longer than you'd like. With Soobin's recent comeback promotions and your new late-night shifts at the office, quality time together was few and far between.
Even when you managed to spend time together, it was never just the two of you. There were always friends around, always the other members. Never a moment that felt truly yours—never a chance to just be alone with Soobin.
And still, he loved you with a quiet kind of devotion. Soobin would wait up long past midnight just for the quiet privilege of walking you to bed. Even the smallest moment alone with you was worth losing sleep over.
You were so used to running—meeting quotas, ticking boxes, always being on—that you hadn’t noticed how little of yourself you’d given him lately. Not your stories, not your softness. Not your time.
And apparently not even your memory for important days, like today.
You realize it the moment your eyes flick toward the calendar on the fridge. The date. Your heart sinks.
"Shit," you breathe. "Our anniversary..."
Soobin doesn’t even flinch. He just watches you quietly, eyes soft but ridden with exhaustion.
Your own eyes shift down to the uneaten container of food and unopened bottle of wine on the kitchen table—he waited to eat.
"You didn't have to wait."
He responds quickly. "I wanted to." Soobin doesn't say for you, but it's written all over his face. He'd do anything to savor a moment with you.
"I am so sorry, Binnie," you're barely able to get out. "I care about you so much. I would never..."
You feel a twist of guilt settle in your stomach, but he doesn’t pile on. Nor does he guilt you. That’s not who Soobin is.
“You didn’t forget because you don’t care,” he says softly. “I know you. You just… never forget things like that. I know how overwhelmed you've been.”
Soobin doesn’t say more. He just lifts the blanket, a wordless invitation smoothed between the wrinkles in the couch cushions. When you lie down beside him, it’s quiet again. The kind that’s warm this time—full of unspoken things and shared breath. His arms curl around you instinctively. He presses his face into your neck like he’s been holding in the need to feel you all week.
"I hate this," he breathes out, almost like he's embarrassed to say it. "Hate only seeing you like this."
You swallow hard, because you feel it too. You've never been good at this. Never been good at showing Soobin just how close you want—no, need—to be near him.
You try to apologize. To say something, anything about work. About your stupid boss, the lack of breaks, the lack of appreciation, the unpaid overtime.
And he lets you ramble on. Because this is his favorite thing in the entire world—hearing your sweet voice talking about your day, getting to hold you while you do it. His eyes are sparkling and trained on your face, attention undivided as you vent. Soobin's heart thunders beneath his rib cage.
You’re halfway through telling him all the messy details—words spilling too fast, casual but unfocused, like you’re trying to outrun your own exhaustion. There’s a thin sheen of energy in your voice, but it’s cracked at the edges. You yawn mid-sentence, barely stifling it behind the back of your hand.
Soobin notices the way you press on like you aren't seconds from collapsing. He always does.
You brush it off like you usually do, reaching for a water bottle on the coffee table, already moving on to the next thought. But before you can, Soobin gently lays his hand over yours.
“You’re tired.”
You blink at him. “I’m fine.”
“You come home and talk like you haven’t breathed in hours," he chuckles through a sigh. There’s no judgment in his voice, just a quiet hurt.
That makes you stop. Not because you disagree, but because he said it like he’s been holding it in for too long. You never really knew how to be present with him. Even in times like this, when you knew he needed it most.
He sits up straight, shifting his body to face you fully. His hand doesn’t leave yours.
“I know you don’t like stopping. I know being tired makes you feel like you’re falling behind. But I promise it's okay to slow down once in a while.”
"Binnie..." Your voice trails off.
“You didn’t forget on purpose,” he says again, because he needs you to believe it. “But I still need you. I still want today to matter. Even if it’s just here, like this.”
His voice dips, eyes searching yours. "I know we've both been working a lot. But to be honest, this has been really killing me. Can't we just take our time tonight?"
And then he’s pulling you in—slowly, gently—his arms around you. The kind of embrace that doesn’t demand anything, only offers.
You don’t fight it, don't say anything. You just let yourself sink into his chest, right into the warmth of him. It’s the only place where you don’t have to be composed or efficient or fine. You just needed to be his.
His hand slides up your back. “Just… be here,” he murmurs into your hair. “For a little while.”
And for once, you let yourself stay still. His lips brush the crown of your head, barely there.
You feel the slow rise and fall of his chest against your cheek, the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath your palm. He doesn’t rush you. But when you tilt your head up to look at him, his eyes are already on you. Warm and desperate. It’s not lust, not at first. It’s pure longing.
He cups your cheek, his thumb brushing beneath your eye like he’s trying to memorize you. You can’t help but lean into his angelic touch. Then his mouth is on yours. A slow and needy kiss that says I’ve missed you, stay forever.
You can feel the tension in his body, the way he holds back even as his fingers slip under your shirt, testing you, as if he’s asking for permission with every touch.
You give it with ease.
When you shift into his lap, straddling him, wrapping your arms around his neck, the ache of it all hits him.
Soobin holds you like he’s scared you’ll disappear again. His tongue is pressed between your lips, scaling every inch of your mouth that it can reach. An exasperated moan leaves you in a low sigh, and he swallows it down greedily. You unravel against one another, piece by piece.
The growing tightness in Soobin's pants presses firmly against you. You were beginning to throb for him and his attention alone. No distractions or distance, just this—focused and intentional.
Even though your lips moved unhurriedly, you have to pull away for air. But he doesn't let you escape so easily, keeping his forehead pressed firm against your own.
Soobin wants your attention on nothing but him tonight, that’s a promise he kept for himself. Before your mind can race, he's rubbing circles with his thumb over your leggings, stealing your mind away from stress and thoughts of work, locking them away where they’d be forced to put Soobin at the forefront.
Your leggings, usually an inconvenient barrier, were completely soaked through to the skin. It left Soobin no problem in rubbing every sensitive spot you yearned for him to reach.
A shaky breath leaves your lips. "Fuck, been needing you so bad. Been so stressed out." His eyes are trained on the outline of your folds, your cunt basically sucking in the soaked fabric and begging for his finger to follow suit. He wondered just how well you would suck his cock in if you were dripping and swelling like this already.
He groans loudly without remiss, throaty and strained, head dropping against your shoulder in self-control.
He continues to rub you lovingly, tearing his gaze from between your thighs to your face, smiling at the blush blooming across your nose and cheeks. His eyes flood with warmth when he speaks. "I want to do something."
“I’ll do anything,” you answer to him like you always have. Your time, your mind, your soul—he’s always had access to all of it, whenever he wanted.
Soobin’s smile spreads wide across his face, unable to contain it. His hands grip your hips before slipping beneath your shirt, slowly lifting it over your head with care.
Your breath catches. He looks almost shy when he speaks again.
“Can I just… stay inside you tonight?” His voice is hushed and reverent. “I don’t want to rush. I just—want to be close.”
A nod is all you need to deliver him. His hands are gripping just beneath your ass, standing up from the couch as he holds you. Your legs lock around his waist, keeping him close amidst the trek to your shared bedroom.
You noticed how deliberate Soobin was tonight—every step he took toward the bed felt endless. And when he finally lays you down against the soft cotton sheets, it’s like the world exhales. For the first time in a long time, you feel breathtakingly alive.
His movements flow into each other, rewriting time just to make this moment last longer. The only moment he disconnects himself from you his to peel off his own t-shirt. Your clothes are stripped from your body as well, more carefully than ever. Tender fingers work at the hem of your leggings, dragging them down your goose-bump ridden skin.
Soobin's lips are the only things moving quickly, wanting to feel your warm skin against them. He's kissing a trail across your chest, down your stomach, breath sucking in at the laced panties staring back at him.
The black material is sticky, soaked, and completely lost between your folds. Your head rested gently against a pillow slightly cocked to the side, peering down at him through hooded eyelids. He was so beautiful. All the time in the world belonged to you two.
"Mm, fuck baby," you're already whining out. Fuck these new schedules. Fuck your late nights. This is what you've both been denied for too long.
Large hands splayed across the curvature of your hips, gripping the flesh and securing you in place. Between your legs, he helped himself to one long, and slow drag of his tongue up your cunt. He breathed you in, fabric and all, with greed. It felt like a reward for the time he'd spent patiently craving for your presence.
Tender teeth got hold of your panties, dragging them halfway down your legs. A chill shoots up through you, his teeth grazing your inner thigh just enough. Soobin's fingers took over, sliding the material the rest of the way off.
One more lewd kiss against your cunt, this one hard and claiming, and he's up on his knees removing his sweatpants and underwear just as painfully slow. You'd never felt so prepared for Soobin in your entire relationship. Thighs and sheets stained with splotches of your sweet arousal, out of control.
Now fully undressed and erect against his toned stomach, Soobin takes his place next to you on the bed. He's propped up, back against the headboard, looking at you expectantly.
"Come here," his voice is so careful as he pats his lap. His voice holds the kind of care reserved for precious things.
You swing a leg over his waist with his help, straddling him where he sits. Soobin is silent, but his face says everything. His chin pressed to his chest as he looks between your legs, lips drawn rough between his teeth.
He keeps his hands at your waistline, lifting his hips just enough to align himself with your sopping entrance. You both hiss softly as the head of his cock slides against your folds, hot and thick. But he doesn’t push in just yet. He’s waiting for you again, asking for permission.
“Can I?” he whispers, even though you’ve already said yes in every way that counts.
You nod and sink down slowly, inch by inch, until he’s fully inside you. Neither of you moves. You just sit there, wrapped around him, buried in each other.
Your walls clench instinctively, and he emits a broken groan. But he doesn’t move, he doesn't fuck up into you—just presses his face into the crook of your neck and breathes.
This isn’t about sex for either of you. It’s about connection. Closeness. The ache to feel like you still belong to each other. Skin on skin, hearts syncing with every breath, you melt together until you’re not sure where he ends and you begin.
Soobin stays nestled inside your warmth for so long that you begin to lose track of time. His hands draw lazy circles over your back, his lips brushing your shoulder in silent worship. Your arms hang around his neck, holding him close. Every now and then, your walls flutter around him, and he exhales a quiet curse into your skin.
Every moment spent inside you is marked by a kiss—some soft and delicate, others deep and bruising, left like claims on your neck. Soobin's voice is hushed, whispering over and over how much he adores you. His hands roam your body like he's rediscovering it all over again, tracing every dip, outlining the shape of you with his touch. He’s etching you into him.
Eventually, the stillness turns to tension. You shift your hips just slightly and feel him twitch inside you. His breath hitches, and you notice.
“Don’t do that,” Soobin murmurs, voice taught with restraint.
Your faces are pressed close, cheek to cheek. He can feel the graze of your hardened nipples against his chest, your shaky, uneven moans fanning hot against his ear. And suddenly, he’s entirely too aware of you—of how impossibly tight and perfect your body feels around him, like you were made to fit just like this.
"Sorry, Binne." You don’t mean for it to come out as a whimper, but it slips, drenched in need. “I’m just so full…”
You try to remain still, but your eyes are already glassy with want. And when your lips find his again, more desperate this time, he gives in.
He starts to move, gently at first. Rolling his hips into yours like it’s the first time all over again. You can tell he's afraid to shatter the moment, but can’t help needing you more.
Soobin's hand finds your hair, gripping firmly—not to dominate, but to really see you. He pulls back just enough to watch your face, to pass every wave of pleasure back and forth between your eyes. He makes love to you like he’s savoring it, dragging his cock in and out at the perfect angle, hitting your g-spot again and again with a patience that feels more like devotion than control.
But it’s not enough, not with how he feels inside you. How his cock stretches you open just right, how his eyes celebrate every inch of you like you’re the only thing that’s ever mattered.
So you shift again—this time intentionally—lifting your hips just slightly before sinking back down. The friction makes your mouth fall open, a soft moan filling the air.
Soobin groans, his hands flying to your waist. “Baby…”
But you’re already moving again. A slow, teasing roll of your hips that pulls breathless curses from his lips. Your hands brace against his chest as you rise onto your knees and start to bounce—gently, at first, letting yourself adjust, letting the stretch fill you again and again. His cock drags along your walls in the most maddening way, kissing your sweet spot again and again.
His fingers dig into your sides, but he doesn’t stop you. He wouldn't dare. Instead, Soobin just watches you with his lips parted, chest rising and falling with every bounce. The expression on his face is pure awe. He can’t believe this is real. Spending time with you has never felt this heavenly. You're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.
“You feel so good,” you whisper, voice trembling as your thighs work to keep the pace. “So big…”
He sits up more to meet you halfway, arms wrapping around your waist as his mouth finds your chest—kissing, sucking, biting gently at your sensitive skin. Every time you sink down, his cock hits deeper, and the pleasure tightens in your belly like a fuse burning too close to the edge
“Just like that,” he breathes, kissing up your throat. “You ride me so well, baby. So fucking good for me…”
Your movements grow faster, more desperate, chasing the high together. Each bounce has you both gasping, moaning, gripping onto each other like you’ll fall apart if you let go.
His hands slide up your back, anchoring you to him, and when your forehead presses to his, his voice is barely audible.
“Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.” Soobin’s thumb finds your clit, rubbing slow circles that have you squeezing tight around him. The sudden surge of pleasure makes your entire body jolt—your thighs trembling, your rhythm faltering.
“F–fuck!” he cries, his voice cracking as his core tightens beneath you. One hand claws at your back, desperate to ground himself, while the other keeps working your clit, coaxing you closer to the edge with each drawn-out stroke.
Your body trembles in his lap, chest heaving as you ride the crest of sensation. His name leaves your lips in a gasp, hips stuttering as you start to unravel for him. But Soobin doesn’t let up—he leans in, kissing you fervently. His voice is gravelly in your ear.
“That’s it, baby… you’re doing so good. Let go for me. I’ve got you.”
And you do—your whole body shaking as pleasure rips through you, fluttering tight around him, squeezing him so perfectly he groans through gritted teeth. Your forehead drops against his shoulder, breath caught somewhere between a sob and a moan. Soobin holds you through it, murmuring praise into your hair, letting you ride the waves until your hips finally still.
But he’s still hard, still tucked deep inside you. You blink, dazed, and meet his eyes.
“Soobin—”
“Not done,” he breathes, cupping your cheek. “Let me love you a little longer.”
He shifts, lifting you slightly before guiding you down onto your back, never slipping out. His body settles over yours, and he kisses you so slowly you forget how to breathe. It’s not rushed, none of this was. He wants to remember every expression and sound you make beneath him.
Soobin starts to move again, hips rolling deep, cock gliding into you with a drag that has your toes curling. Each thrust is slow yet hard, filling you to the brim. He's making sure you'll feel him for days.
“Still so wet,” he whispers, voice shaking from restraint. “You were made for me, weren’t you?”
You nod with teary eyes, hands gripping his shoulders as he begins to fuck you just a little harder—still slow and sensual, but with the kind of focused passion that makes your whole body scream.
His lips find your neck again, then your jaw, then your mouth, speaking softly with his mouth pressed on yours. “Want you to feel everything, baby. Want you to remember this whenever our schedules are busy.”
“Don’t say that,” you whisper, clutching at him.
“I won’t go anywhere,” he promises instantly, fucking into you with a little more urgency. “I’m right here. You’re mine.”
You moan his name again as he rocks into you, shifting his angle just slightly to hit your g-spot head-on. The overstimulation begins to take you over. Your back arches off the bed, and he catches you with one arm wrapped beneath you, pressing your bodies flush together, like even air between you would be too much distance.
“You’re so beautiful like this,” he murmurs, watching your face. “So good for me.”
You barely manage to choke out a response. You’re too full, too overwhelmed, and too wrapped up in the heat of his body and the impulse in his gaze.
He slows again as he nears the edge, you for a second time that night. Thrusts going deeper, heavier, until you’re clutching his hair, pulling him closer, whispering into his ear, “I want you to cum inside.”
Soobin groans deep in his chest at your admission and presses his forehead to yours, breathing unevenly.
“You sure?”
“Yes. Please.”
It only takes a few more slow, grinding thrusts before he’s burying himself to the hilt and pulsing inside you, arms shaking as he holds you close. His lips tremble against yours, his moans drawn out and desperate as he fills you. The inappropriate sounds quickly have your own, blinding orgasm flowing from you with ease.
He still doesn’t pull out.
Instead, he kisses you again, even sweeter, before shifting both of you onto your sides, tangled together, still joined.
You’re panting, but your heart is calm. You feel full in every way, wrapped in his warmth, your body and soul entirely his. Soobin strokes your hair, nose brushing your cheek.
“Stay just like this,” he whispers. “Let me keep you.”
You nod, one leg hiked over his hip, arms tucked against his chest. “Don’t let go.”
“Never,” he murmurs, breath hitching when your walls flutter again. “Fuck. You’re still gripping me so tight…”
You press your face into his neck, smiling softly. “That’s ‘cause I want you to stay.”
He chuckles, fingers tracing your spine. “Then I will. All night, baby. However long you’ll have me.”
You both fall quiet, still connected, warmth shared between flesh. The room feels sacred, filled with love, comfort, and the kind of silence that means everything. You make a mental note to call out of work the next morning.
Soobin stays inside you until you’re both asleep—bodies tangled, time slowed, nothing left to say but everything left to feel.
pairing: choi soobin x fem!reader
genre: best friends to ?, non-idol au, suggestive
rating: nsfw, mdni
wc: 1k
warnings: mention/description of reader’s nudes, brief mention of a blowjob, implication of sexy time at the end, soob has a boner, everyone’s horny
synopsis: what happens when your best friend who secretly has the hots for you accidentally sees your nudes?
requested forever ago by @mapofthemazeinthemirror <3
[blog status: semi-hiatus, requests closed]
soobin is an honest guy, but he'd have to admit that he's been lying to himself a little when it comes to you.
you, his pretty best friend who he's always been able to tell nearly everything to — everything except for the naughty stuff, the kinks and the turn-ons that he keeps firmly clutched to his chest every time you try to teasingly weasel one out of him.
he has no idea how you can be so casual about that stuff with him, tossing out a joke about the last blowjob you gave while he sits red as a tomato at the mere thought, and as a result he's left with the burning question:
why is it only you that makes me feel this way?
but there's no time to think about that right now as he sits on the edge of your bed, waiting expectantly while you pull your phone out of your back pocket.
one of the things you and soobin had first bonded over was your mutual love for anime, so when you’d told him recently that you want to try cosplaying for the first time at this year's comic con, he readily agreed to be the beta viewer for your costume;
you had already taken the test pictures of yourself as yor from spy x family (merely hearing which character it was had him swallowing hard to begin with) and you're ready to sit down and show him when suddenly the stove timer beeps from the kitchen.
"ah right, the ramen. here - you can just look through them all. let me know what you think i should change!"
"alright," he calls after you as you hand him your phone and skip off to the kitchen.
his heart thumps in his chest the second he sees you in costume, scrolling slowly through the pictures you took, fingers hovering over the screen with the guilty temptation of zooming in a little on your peeking cleavage — shaking his head to himself as if to clear the thought away before scrolling on to the next.
but his brows raise subconsciously the longer he swipes as your poses seem to grow more and more.. he gulps.. provocative....
soobin freezes.
he blinks. once, twice- three times-
"f-fuck."
he stares wide-eyed and slack-jawed at the sight in front of him, a sight he never thought he'd ever get to see, his mind going blank as all of his blood rushes immediately straight down to his cock.
your body,
your naked body,
displayed on the screen in his hands.
you had removed the dress with nothing underneath, still clad in the thigh-high leather heels and golden headpiece, his eyes wandering hungrily over your figure despite every moral warning bell in his head telling him to quickly scroll away.
but instead he swipes to the next one, and your tits- god, your tits- he has to stop himself from groaning as the next picture has you leaning forwards, breasts pushed together deliciously as your tongue sneaks out to trace the fake golden dagger in your hand, and soobin's head is reeling.
he shouldn't be looking at his best friend this way, at these pictures that he clearly wasn't meant to see, he knows it, but.. soobin has obviously been lying to himself for more than a little too long as he swipes and swipes, dizzy as he reaches the end and finally forces himself to turn your phone off, gaze trailing down to the rock-hard bulge in his pants.
he doesn't even have time to wonder how to hide it or what he should do when you come back before he's suddenly jumping out of his skin at the sound of your panicked voice as you rush down the hallway, yelling,
"WAIT! SOOBIN, WAIT!"
he's like a deer caught in headlights as you burst back into your room, quickly coming to the accurate conclusion of what happened as he stares up at you with wide, panicked, guilty eyes, posture stiff and face redder than you've ever seen it before.
even if he were to try sputtering through a poorly executed excuse, he can’t; soobin is speechless.
"um....... okay. so, i.. forgot.. that those were in there."
and as if the fact that you're speaking to him suddenly gears his brain back into motion, soobin's mouth becomes a motor as words fly out of it faster than you even have the chance to answer them.
"i-i’m so sorry, oh my god, i shouldn't have looked! i mean- i- ok, fuck i-i looked, i'm so sorry i swear i'll just forget this ever happened and never talk about it again a-and i'm not a pervert i promise and you can even hit me if you want and- uh, w-wait that's not what i mea-"
"soobin."
soobin shuts up.
he swears that you must be able to hear his heart banging against his ribage as his hands grip the material of his sweatpants, leg bouncing nervously, and he swears he's about to explode or cry or both when your eyes trail down to the impossibly large boner that he forgot to try covering.
(he would have failed anyway).
"soobin..."
his eyes snap back up to yours. something in your tone has shifted and he's not sure what, but...
he inhales shakily as you step closer. the look on your face has his cock throbbing in his pants.
"soobin, do you want me to put the costume on?"
"w...w-what?"
you're so close that if you were to take one more step, you'd be standing right between his legs;
"i can put the costume on for you... and then, if you want..."
you lean in close to his ear.
"i'll let you take it off."
soobin is certain in this moment that he must have saved a nation in his past life to be sitting in this situation right now, as the strangled little moan that accidentally escapes past his lips causes your own to curl up into a smile —
it seems to you that you won't have to pine secretly over your best friend any longer as his hand tentatively comes up to caress your hip, and he breathes,
summary: high school days came and gone with soobin managing to stay single the whole 4 years, without lack of trying. his shy personality made it difficult to get past just the friendship stage, but he vowed to find the girl he’s been searching for, and luckily, in sophomore year of college, he found her. you.
warnings: virgin!soobin, soft core, oral (f and m) receiving, afab!reader, dirty talking
early morning on saturdays, his body wrapped with yours was the most peaceful soobin has ever felt in his whole life. he habitually woke up at 7 am every morning while you were the opposite, usually waking at around lunch time.
the two of you have been together for 4 months and although soobin has never had a girlfriend lasting more than a week, he was a natural. you shared the same interests with him so naturally, the both of you relate more than any of your past boyfriends and his respect for you made it feel like a breath of fresh air.
soobin chuckles at himself when he sees the sleeping position you found yourselves in after a night of tossing and turning. you’re laying flat on your back, taking most of the room on his twin size mattress, and he was against the cold wall, an arm lazily holding your body.
you weren’t in a conventionally attractive position, your mouth was hanging open and soft snores escaped from your throat, but soobin has never been more attracted to you than right now.
he leaned down slowly and gave you a sweet kiss on the side of your head, then kisses down to the side of your neck before stopping when he felt you stirring around. “soobie?” you had a raspy morning voice that went straight to his heart, making his chest explode with butterflies.
“yes darling?” “what time is it?” your eyes begin to open and you rub the sleep from them with the back of your fist. “7:30 am.” soobin knew you were going to whine and fall back asleep, but surprisingly he looks down to see a smile on your face, “good morning,” you whisper sweetly and kiss his lips, his lips immediately matching your movements.
“i should wake you up every morning with kisses, you seem so relaxed,” soobin chuckles and moves so he was ontop of your body, kissing you once more. “i just had a really good dream,” you giggle, thinking about the dream that has your face red.
even though you were the one who asked soobin if you two could take the relationship slow, and the furthest you’ve gone was makeout sessions, dreaming about it isn’t illegal.
“mhmm, what was the dream then?” he curiously asks by the way your face was beet red and your eyes gloss over when you disassociate while reliving it. “it’s a secret.” soobin’s eyebrow arches, not wanting to take that as an answer so he holds a hand up, “i will tickle you if you don’t tell me,” the smirk on his face made your eyes widen and you instantly think of a fake dream to save yourself the embarrassment.
“we went to the beach and cuddled on the sand after a picnic, very romantic, so put this away,” you grab the hand that threatened to tickle your sides and soobin puts his hand back up, “i know when you’re lying, your voice gets lower.”
your eyes roll, “so attentive..”
“fine, we were in bed, kissing a lot,” you wanted to keep it as vauge as possible and soobin seemed pleased with this answer. “we always kiss in bed though, i wonder what was different from your dream than reality,” he blushes too, his lips turning into a cute shy pout.
instead of answering, you just kiss him and wrap your arms around his neck to bring his body closer. soobin relaxes in your touch, his tongue finding its way inside your mouth soon and just happy to make your dream come true.
one of your hands reach to the back of his head, your fingers lacing in his soft hair, and with the intensity of the kiss, you pull softly at his roots.
a deep moan escapes from soobin’s mouth at the hair pulling, which the both of you choose to ignore to save from the embarrassment, but you couldn’t help wanting to hear more. it wasn’t the first time either of you made little noises while kissing, but this one was different, it sent a ping straight to your core.
soobin pulls away from the kiss when he feels it was getting too far for him to stop and just leaves a kiss on your forehead before laying next to you on the bed.
the high you felt from his lips was fleeting so you decided to take matters in your own hands and change positions, wrapping your legs around his waist. “Y/N..?” you take a deep breath, knowing you were about to change your relationship with soobin forever, but for the good.
“do you trust me?” soobin just simply nods, the thoughts in his head were jumbled around with fear from a new experience, but he truly did trust you.
he kisses you again with more passion this time while you grab his hands, and place both of them on either side of your hips. he gives them an automatic squeeze, as if it was second nature, and your lips travel down to the side of his neck, leaving sloppy kisses over the skin.
“may i?” soobin had the hem of your shirt in his fingers, slowly beginning to pull it up and you didn’t stop him. he has seen you in just your bra before, on accident, when he walked in the bathroom while you were changing, but your breasts just being out in the open, the tent in his pants couldn’t be ignored.
you begin to slowly grind your hips on the hard bump underneath you and his breath hitches from the movement, “i will take care of you my honey,” you whisper in his ear after pulling away from his neck to slide down.
soobin gulps at your gorgeous boobs that he really wanted to touch and watches you moving down his body, “take off your shirt baby,” you smile up at your handsome boyfriend’s nervous face, but he does as you say.
you are now eye to eye to his hard on in his sweatpants and you look up at him again, “last time, are you sure?” you wanted him to know you’re okay with waiting longer, considering he’s a virgin and all, you can tell the anxiety he’s going through.
instead of answering, soobin grabs the waistband of his sweats and pulls them down with a smirk, “i think this answers it enough,” you giggle at his fully erect dick that was already leaking of precum.
you grip the base and lean in to wrap your lips around the beating red tip after giving it a few pumps with your fist, “f-fuck,” soobin’s voice sounded like honey that sent the familiar ping to your core.
you didn’t give up though, your mouth sinks all the way down until your nose hit his abs. it was no easy feat, soobin’s dick was the biggest you’ve ever had, almost intimidatingly big. your eyes began to water after a few seconds of bobbing your head on him but it was worth it by the sounds coming from his mouth.
soobin grabs the back of your head with a loud groan and carefully bucks into your throat when you hollow your cheeks for him. “this is so much better than my hand baby, fuck.” he was exasperated and ready to cum so you pull away fast. “if you cum, i want it to be by my pussy, not mouth,” you smirk up at the boy who’s hips were still jerking, trying to chase the feeling.
you slide off the sleep shorts you were in and the obvious wet spot on the crouch area made soobin bite his lip, “i didn’t know you could get turned on so easily baby, i wonder what else i have done to turn you on, without knowing.”
your face turned red at his dirty words, this side of soobin is usually hidden and it made you weak at the knees.
“pretty much everything you do turns me on soobie,” you smirk back, carefully wrapping your legs around his waist again, “your dimples when you smile, your kisses, the way you hold me when we’re going to sleep-,” you begin to spill the secrets that you only thought would be heard by yourself, while slowly sliding down on his cock.
considering you haven’t had sex in about a year, and the girth of his dick, your breath hitches from the burning that soon turned into indescribable pleasure.
“-when you’re studying or playing video games, the angry face you make is sexy. the sweatpants you wear to bed, when i can make out your dick line,” you continue while bouncing fast on his cock that was expecting to explode at any minute.
soobin’s head throws itself back from your tightness and grabs your boobs tightly with a low groan. “so pretty much everything i do turns you on?” he blushes, but was enjoying the reassurance of how much you love him.
“yes soobin, everything you do turns me on, i have been wanting to fuck you for so long,” you whimper at the position of his tip hitting directly on your sweet spot, and soobin turns the two of you around with quickness. “i want to look in your eyes while i cum.”
you gulp at the seriousness in his face but just nod, kissing his lips with need when he begins rutting into your pussy as fast as he could. his eyes stare deep in your soul and one of your legs go over his shoulder so he can get a deeper angle. “fuck soobin, i’m going to cum,” your whimpers alone almost made him let it all go right there.
“cum with me my baby,” his heavy breath was near your ear and when it sent chills throughout your entire body. just a few more pumps of him inside of you and the sound of your skin slapping together, you clenched hard, cumming around his dick with a loud whine.
soobin went almost limp while pumping into your sensitive pussy, his breath getting heavier and you knew he was close. “fuuck baby, i love you,” soobin groans loud, cumming deep inside of you with a string of curses.
you blush at his flushed out face that was resting against your neck and his half hard dick still inside. “don’t pass out still inside me,” you giggle and kiss the side of soobin’s sweaty head who was still breath hard. he pulls out slowly and kisses your lips sweetly, “that was so amazing Y/N… we need to do that again.”
you nod and run your fingers through his hair, “we will baby, whenever you want,” you smile brightly then gasp when your legs get spread open, the air hitting your fresh wetness that coated your pussy. “okay, now will do for me,” soobin was already nuzzled inbetween your thighs and you just giggle, not being able to refuse your handsome boy.
warnings: lowercase intended, not proofread, soobin being so boyfriend that it is in fact lethal, this just got longgg because I can’t stfu about how perfect soobs is
a/n: it doesn’t get more boyfriend material than soobin in txt, go argue with a wall
we already know choi soobin is one of a kind
im probably the biggest advocate for bf soobin agenda
like bf material = choi soobin!!
he’s tall, funny, pretty, hot, cute, smart
it’s giving cute college bf every girl dreams of
I genuinely could go on and on glazing him im afraid
BACK HUGS are a major yes >>>
you could casually be doing anything and he will just wrap his arms around your waist and snuggle his head between your neck letting his body heat radiate to you
most occurrences being when he’s just woken up, still feeling sleepy and you aren’t next to him so he goes on to find you and just hold you and close his eyes again
the second being while you both get ready for the day in the morning or for bed at night together
he may not be super clingy but he just loves the physical intimacy between the two of you
the sort of boyfriend you just can never shut up about and you probably have thousands of different wallpapers of him already
and im saying this coming from a place of how effortlessly bf this man looks in all his pictures
he’s caught you recording him on multiple occasions but he just lets you and he gets flustered but that just makes him look cuter in the pictures and videos
you both have highlights dedicated to each other, he’s constantly on your instagram stories too
just as much as you’ve got so much content on him, so does he on you
but a lot of it is candid and when you’re not paying attention because he’s tryna be slick
90% of his gallery consists of pictures of you either sleeping or mid laugh because that’s when he thinks you look the cutest
members have caught him smiling at himself like a dork looking at pictures of you whenever he’s away from you and misses you
he has mentioned on multiple occasions that he’s the passive type that “likes to be dragged around” or lead by his partner
and I can soooo see that
he would just be down for whatever if that’s what you want
if anything, your outward boldness was probably what drew him to you in the first place
“hey guys so im dating someone now.” soobin tells his friends
“dude what-“
“they came up to me and said I was cute and wanted to go out on a date. The waiter got me the wrong order and they called them out for it.” he explains shrugging his shoulders
everyone was too stunned to speak but he thought you were a badass and he has been head over heels since then
bake for him and you have his heart
and to those that aren’t the best in the kitchen, that’s okay too but as the saying goes, “a way to a man’s (soobin) heart, is through his stomach”
so I just think he would find it so cute and would be touched if his partner ever cooked or baked him anything
the type to give you piggy back rides and carry you
whenever he’s with you and he notices you getting tired, he just props down in front of you silently and waits for you to get on his back fighting back a small smile
if not that, usually at home when you’re tired or fallen asleep on the couch, he will just carry you up to your bedroom bridal style before tucking you in and kissing your forehead
small acts of service that sometimes you don’t even notice or you’re oblivious to
bending down to tie your shoelaces, carrying your bag for you, walking on the outer side of the pavement near the road, buying you medication whenever you’re sick, giving you his jacket when you’re cold, etc
the judgemental bf
and if you’re a hater then you can be judgey together!
it’s giving, he makes the face and you say it (soulmates)
he absolutely cherishes quality time
probably one of his biggest love languages might I add (alexa play love language by txt)
as previously mentioned, he is so down to do whatever you wanna do but he also loves the small moments where he just gets to cuddle you, play games together and watch a movie or a show with you
he also gives the warmest cuddles known to man
it’s like hugging a big teddy bear because he’s so warm (and squishy?)
in moments where he thinks you’re asleep while you both cuddle you catch him whispering sweet and soft words of affirmations to you
simply expressing his love and telling you how absolutely amazing you are and he’s just so lucky to have you
as much as he could tell you this consciously, he just gets too shy to say it to your face a lot of the time
he loves cheek kisses sm
be it giving or receiving (mostly receiving because he’s soft like that)
and just whenever you cup his cheeks or poke his dimples make him get all shy and feel all giddy
whenever you do touch his cheeks, he has gotten into the habit of leaning in into your touch and placing his hand on top of yours before kissing your palm (I want this so bad, I am unwell)
if you are a bit on the shorter side (which atp everyone is cause mans is HUGE) he would love the height difference
this also makes him love seeing you in all his clothes because of how much bigger they look on you and just swallow your frame
take all his hoodies, he would die from the cuteness aggression
and just to revel in that fact more he loves bending down to be at eye level with you while looking deep into your eyes before smiling with his dimples full on display
he knows very well that makes you weak in the knees and he loves that
the type to carry your favourite necessities with him in case you forget your own (eg. an extra hairband, lip gloss, anything of that sorts)
probably has a cute keychain you got him on his bag too that he gets teased about but he flaunts it like a badge of honour because it’s from you and so he loves it
always yapping to his friends about you and finding a way to bring you up into the conversation
“wow i heard this place has great pasta.” taehyun says looking through the menu
“that reminds me of this one restaurant I went to with (y/n) and they loved the pasta there…” and he just goes on and on yapping their ears off
he’s just a man that loves his partner and wants everyone to know that too
warning: mention of alcohol, drabble-ish, slight exhibitionism, Soobin is whiny tbh, Beomgyu is kind of a dick, this is like borderline crack in the beginning, drunk sex acts, shitty ending, subby-ish soobin, slight exhibitionism
Soobin and you have been dating for about a month now, introduced to each other by some mutual friends. I was only common for you both to attend certain house parties said friend hosted from time to time.
Yeonjun loved throwing parties, but especially loved when you and Soobin showed up, you both always truly enjoyed hanging out with him and never go just for the free booze. It really means a lot to him to know you both are his friend too and that he was able to bring you both together, it’s the hopeless romantic in him.
You and Soobin were separated in the crowd, him playing beer pong and you dancing away to the heavy hip hop music; you liked r&b more but a couple drinks loosened you up. Speaking of a couple drinks, Soobin was currently losing and drinking wayyy to much to be the designated driver, you both knew staying over was the only option at this point.
The song switches up a few times and you’ve left to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge despite the crowded space in the house. You pulled out some lime whip shots and started spraying it into your mouth before sneakily putting it back and grabbing left over pizza from the near back of Juns fridge.
You closed up the fridge and lifted your pizza above the sea of bodies while squeezing past, you grip on the crust was actually quite impressive because you managed to make your way into the back of the house without losing not even a freezing cold topping.
You sat on one of the plastic seats as began to eat, ignoring the way Beomgyu walked by and make the most disgusted face you’ve ever seen. “Cold pizza is fucking nasty.” He commented. “Suck my dick.” You replied with your mouth full, opening your legs into a manspread and looking up at him. “I’d rather not take my chances at herpes.” He responded quick, leaving you to gasp and shut your legs as he laughed and patted your back before leaving.
A pout emerged onto your face as you continued to eat your oh so cold pizza. “Y/N!” you heard under the loud music. “Y/N~” You heard again, a bit louder this time “Bunny?” You called back, recognizing the slurred voice. “There you areee~” Soobin giggled as he stumbled out the house and over to you.
“Just eating pizza.” You smiled as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and crouched down. “Yummy- Ahhhhhh” He opened his mouth wide, wanting a bite, this is why you guys were so perfect for each other. You put the pizza in his mouth and pulled when he bit down, breaking the piece off.
Soobin hummed and stood up, planting a kiss on your forehead before letting you know he was heading inside to use the bathroom. You simply nodded and let him leave. Soobin left you with the crust of the pizza which was way to hard to bite so you just threw the rest away.
You took yourself back inside and began asking around for your boyfriend, but the moment you made it towards the steps upstairs you got a text from him telling you to come to the bathroom near the guest room. With a sigh you trudged up the steps and down the hall.
Once you were in front of the door you knocked, not bothering to pay attention to the moans on the other side of the door because it just sound like it was coming from one of the neighboring rooms. When you walked in, really knocking to announce your presence, you were stunned, slamming the door behind you and leaning on it as Soobin leaned on the sink jerking off with muffled moans.
“Fuck, bunny.” You sighed at his unbothered state, jerking off faster now that you were here. “H-help-“ He panted, thrusting into his hand while you just stared. “Y/N!” He whined and you broke out of whatever trance his cock put you in. “Can I?” You asked him with big eyes, contrasting his lust hazed hooded ones. Soobin just nodded, letting go after a few more pumps before you took him into your hands.
His cock was bigger than you thought, his hand made it seem like an average thickness but the moment you touched it you knew, your fingers couldn’t even close around it. “You’re so big, Bunny.” You comment, jerking him off. You both were drunk, not even realizing you were in Yeonjuns guest bathroom or that you were at a party. Not to mention this was your first time being intimate together.
The whine that Soobin let out made you squirm, jerking off the red tip of his cock. “Oh- Fuck- Just like that please- Make me cum please.” He whined and babbled, hips thrusting into your fists.
Your thighs rubbed together and a whimper left your throat. “You like that, Bunny?” You asked, jerking him off faster and planting a kiss to the base of his cock while looking up at him. Sweat sheened on his forehead and neck and his head fell back, “yes-yes, so good-“ Soobin panted, trying hard to whisper.
You couldn’t help but kiss up his shaft and squeezing your fist around the tip of his cock as a response, giggling at his whiny voice. “So cute, Bunny, you’re so loud.” You tease as he loses all control over his voice, the tightness around his cock making his eyes roll back. “Fuck- fuck being quiet- ngh- so good-“ Soobin whimpered, “Cumming- oh fuck im cumming-“ the taller warned with a loud long groan before cum spewed out into your tight fist, throbbing and pulsating hard.
“My god- Binnie~” You gasp as cum dripped down your forearm, you let go of his cock and more cum flung out at the release of pressure, making you yelp when it hit your chest and chin. “Holy shit!” You giggle before standing up and licking the cum of your chin like frosting. “You’re so hot.” Soobin slurred with half open eyes.
“You’re hotter, Bunny.” You slurred back before turning on the sink behind Soobin and running the water over your arms. Soobin moved away from the sink and pulled up his pants. “Thank you, honey.” He mumbled, now tired from one of the best handjob orgasms he’s ever gotten. “For the compliment and the handjob.” He rambled out before jumping hard, feeling his heart jump out of his chest at the loud knock on the bathroom door.
“YOU GUYS BETTER NOT BE FUCKING IN MY BATHROOM.” Yeonjuns voice blared from the other side of the door. “fuck.” You both whispered at the door.
୭ SUMMARY. soobin holds your hand through a crowd but doesn’t let go once you get out of it.
୭ WORD COUNT. 482
the brisk night air engulfed you, but the smoky aromas coming from the food booths chased the cold away.
not to mention soobin’s warmth right next to you.
the two of you walked side by side through the lively night market, in awe of all the foods available.
soobin’s heart was set on finding milk bread so the both of you were walking around, searching for the food stand that could satisfy his craving.
the crowd around you was building up now as more and more people poured in with hopes of tasting all the market had to offer.
a large mass of people began to congregate in your path, making things more difficult for you and soobin.
you stuck closer to him, making sure he didn’t leave your line of sight.
“i think the milk bread is past there,” he said, referencing the hoard of people in front of you.
“then let’s go get it,” you nudged him.
soobin walked first, pushing through to make way for you. you followed directly behind him, eyes locked on the back of his head.
in your desperate attempt to not be parted from him, you entangled your fingers with his and followed his lead, weaving through the dense crowd.
the feel of your fingers searching for his made soobin flustered, heat rising to his cheeks, reminded of his secret crush on you. he immediately focused on making sure you weren’t separated and you were safe.
the crowd was so thick that you only gripped onto him tighter, making him look back at you to make sure you were okay.
your eyes looked at his just to be met with his tender, reassuring smile. he wouldn’t let you go.
you made it past a tangle of excited bodies and stalls of korean cuisine with soobin in hand, feeling comforted by his closeness.
after emerging from the crowd, you found yourself at the milk bread stand you’d been searching for.
walking happily towards the booth, your attention was suddenly directed to the grip that never went away: soobin’s hand, still holding yours.
he smiled at you, squeezing your hand, making you give him a shy smile in return.
“can i keep holding your hand?” he asked, voice low enough for only you to hear.
“of course,” you nodded, feeling a rush of nerves at the triumphant grin he gave you.
upon reaching the booth, soobin ordered for the both of you, insisting he treat you.
you gave him a small ‘thank you’ as he passed you the bread, ripping into the fluffy bun. taking a bite, you understood why soobin wanted it so badly. it was soft and warm, comparable to how your hands felt interlaced together.
“should we go find some tteokbokki?” he asked, flashing you that same gentle smile you always loved and giving your hand another squeeze.
“that sounds good,” you nodded, letting him lead the way once more.
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