Somewhere Only We Know
Knight!Aki x Princess!Reader
Summary: A tale of a strong knight falling in love with what he must protect.
A/N: This has been on my mind for a year! I honestly think this is my favorite fic I have done. I've had such a hard time writing lately, but this came so easy. The world became much bigger than I imagined. I wouldn't mind doing spinoffs maybe.
CW: SFW, Knight AU, Romance, Fluff, Angst, Comfort, Suicide Attempt, Happy Ending, Food, Alcohol, Light Violence, Depression, Flirting, Sexism, Weapon Mention, Forbidden Love, Pregnancy Mention (Reader Doesn’t Get Pregnant), Female Reader
W/C: 13,293
Credit to cafekitsune for the banner.
It’s warmer here than Aki remembers it being. Right under the sun, it’s no surprise the castle was built on a hill. The most important building in the whole kingdom. He hasn’t been here in ages, longer than ages. Aki has been away for a very long time, but he’s now returned on special order from the King. He wouldn’t say it was unwarranted exactly. He was the best knight in the nation; it only made sense that the King would assign any special orders to him. When the message came to him Aki found himself intrigued by the offer.
He’s spent the past several years on the ground commanding the kingdom's army into battle. Most certainly not an easy task, which was why he was interested at the King's request for a personal knight. For the Princess, the message noted. He didn't really know much about you. You were an only child, the sole heir to the strong King and Queen. He hadn’t spent any time near normal subjects, so he was unable to speak towards your character (though he had heard whispers between knights speaking of your beauty, whether or not they were true was to remain to be seen). That being said, you were a Princess. He was sure that nepotism carried you along in life, and he had a hard time fathoming you to be anything of a normal person. Not on purpose of course. You just had everything handed to you on a silver platter.
When Aki sets foot on the castle grounds he realizes not much has changed. The walls are still cemented with thick concrete, daring anyone to try to knock them down. There’s still the same silver birch trees planted on the sides, giving the castle a more warm feel. He’s even seen a few familiar faces since arriving, to which he gave a curt nod before passing by. Aki hated to admit it, but he knew he was more or less famous now. He knew tales of his deeds reached far and wide within the kingdom once he became the leader of the army years ago. That was one of the reasons he was hardly surprised to learn that the King requested his help specifically.
Aki locates the head guard, following him around the halls of the castle to find the King. He’s making small talk, half paying attention while half wondering what his days are going to be like. The sounds of their feet fill the halls, each step determined and measured.
He probably wouldn’t need to touch his sword again.
On the off chance he would need it, he would be more than ready.
“Your Majesty,” the guard abruptly says, coming to a halt and then bowing.
Aki tunes back in to notice the King standing in front of him, his attendants on either side of him. He looks exactly as Aki remembers. Tall and muscular, with deep smile lines. It’s been years but he still commands the same presence he did back then.
“Sir Hayakawa, it’s wonderful to see you again.” The King begins, voice deep and all powering. “How was the journey?” If he’s feigning interest, Aki certainly can’t tell, but then again he’s never been one to fully understand royals.
“It was pleasant, Your Highness.” Aki bows, keeping his eyes trained at the King’s feet before he stands back up straight.
“That’s wonderful to hear. We were starting to get worried about you, you know.” The King starts walking, looking over his shoulder to wait for Aki and the guard to follow. “We haven’t heard much about your ventures as of late.”
Communication has been slow between the army and the crown for the past several months. There had been no major battles to report, which was a good thing. Sometimes Aki wondered if the royals wished there to be more blood shed - if it would be more entertaining for them.
“Nothing to report Your Highness, everything has been calm on the ground, more or less.” Aki trails after the King, walking throughout the halls. The King is bringing him back outside, he’s noticed.
Isn’t he supposed to meet the Princess first thing?
“Well, I suppose that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” The King adds. “How do you feel about Sir Denji taking over for you?”
“I fully believe in his ability to lead the military. He’s more than capable,” Aki responds, images of the younger man pushed into a mature role at far too young flashing through his mind, briefly reminding him of himself.
The King looks over his shoulder at Aki again, a knowing glint in his eye.
Aki may as well be fully honest.
“He’s a bit impatient, but that will dissipate with age I’m sure.” Aki admits, one hand dangling at his side, with the other resting at the hilt of his sword.
The King hums and chuckles, agreeing quietly. “I’m sure no one could compare to you Sir Hayakawa, but alas I have a more important task for you.”
The King reaches a large door leading to the courtyard, sun blinding Aki’s eyes as he follows shortly behind. There’s a gaggle of guards training in the yard, wood swords being thrust in the air with low grunts filling the space. He’d trained here too once, long ago.
Several guards bow at the King, and remained bowed for Aki. He has some of the highest respect in the castle, save for the immediate royal family. It never feels normal, even if it has been for the past few years. Once acquainted with guards or fellow knights he quickly assured them that he doesn’t require such pleasantries.
He was wondering where the King was leading him, though.
“Your Highness-“ Aki begins walking slightly forward, ensuring not to stand directly aside the King. He knows his place.
“There she is, the important task I have for you.” The King nods forward, Aki’s eyes following the direction.
The Princess.
You’re standing in the courtyard, with a guard beside you. You’re wearing a long red dress, the color deep and rich and surely meant to be beautiful, but the color reminds Aki of only one thing. You have a small grin on your face as you watch the guards spar, with your hands neatly folded in front of your waist.
“You’ll be assigned to her until further notice, I sure hope she doesn’t cause you too much trouble.” The King bellows, catching your attention.
You glance towards the King, noticing your father and his entourage. Your eyes find Aki and he would be a liar if he said his lungs didn't stop for just a moment.
The rumors were true. You’re stunning. The light catches your hair perfectly, giving an unnatural glow to your face. Aki has heard his comrades mention before of your appearance, but he thought it was all heresy. Now he can most certainly attest that it is not.
You walk up slowly to your father, the guard beside you following closely. The castle grounds are the safest place in the nation, but you can never be too sure. That’s most of the reason Aki was reigned in here.
“Father,” you say, curtsing deep. “I thought you had a meeting right now.” You stand up tall, shoulders squared back as you look at the King.
You’ve spared Aki one glance since he’s arrived, but he finds himself craving it once more.
“Darling, I was. We finished and I was on my way back to my chambers when I noticed Sir Hayakawa in the halls.” The King looks over his shoulder at Aki. “He is to be your new Knight.”
Once his presence is announced, you finally give Aki your full attention. He keeps his head high for a moment before dropping to one knee, rehearsing the dance he learned long ago.
For the King and Princes, a bow. For the Queen and Princesses, a knee. For other members of the court, nothing.
You lift your hand up as if on cue, offering it to Aki. He takes it, delicately holding your palm in his hand. Truth be told, he’s not sure the last time he held something so dainty.
Aki raises his mouth to your hand, kissing the back while looking up at you. A small smile tugs at the side of your lips, polite and vague as Aki does so.
“Princess, it’s my honor to meet your acquaintance.” He means it.
“My honor to meet yours as well. I’ve heard many stories.” Your eyes follow him as he stands up once more. “I certainly look forward to hearing if they’re all true.”
Aki would never tell you the stories of his ventures. They were far too gruesome for a lady of your stature. Whether or not the tales told were accurate or not was to remain a mystery, at least as long as he could control it.
The King inhales deeply, eyes darting back and forth between the two of you. “Now that that’s all taken care of, I must depart.” His attendants and the guard who escorted Aki stand back. “If you need anything Sir Hayakawa, do not be afraid to ask.” An offer that Aki is sure he won't take.
He would never dream of taking something from the King.
The King excuses himself along with his entourage, and in the mess of people Aki notices the guard standing near you leaves as well. It’s just the two of you now facing each other.
“I was just out here to watch practice,” you start, facing the guards once more.
Aki lets his mind wander. He notices you aren’t standing on the parapet, which would have been more common. Royals tend to keep themselves above others in order to gaze down upon them. Yet here you are, standing on the same ground as the guards.
He watches you smile at the sparring. It doesn’t make him angry per se, but he does wonder if you know what they’re practicing for. They’re here to train to be a part of the royal guard or knights. Knights being on the front lines of war, while royal guards were the last line of defense for the crown - putting their life on the line should it require it, and sometimes it does. Both roles are incredibly dangerous, with many lives already having been lost.
Is this all entertainment to you?
It wouldn’t be the first time a royal has thought so.
“Do you come here often, Princess?” Aki inquires, walking to your side. “Does it not frighten you?”
“I like to stay up to date with what our subjects are doing,” you answer. “Plus, it looks like they’re having fun, does it not?”
Aki looks back at the guards and notices laughter flowing throughout the air. They’re all young, innocent from all the harm that may befall them in the future. Aki supposes he must be cynical; he’s been in the game for far too long and yet somehow not long enough. He can’t remember the last time he laughed like that.
“Yes, I suppose it does.” He replies, though he’s not sure if you were truly looking for one.
You look out of the corner of your eye and grin at him which he misses.
“Princess, you must return to your chambers at once!” A feminine voice yells, each syllable more frazzled than the last.
Aki and you turn in sync, watching as a short brunette woman rushes over.
“I’ve been looking for you everywhere Princess-“ she catches her breath. “Your lessons are well passed due.”
You give a tight lipped smile and nod. Aki doesn’t interject, knowing it’s his place to only provide assistance when needed, and when he isn’t needed he plans on just being a quiet fly on the wall.
“My apologies Kobeni, I was only taking a short recess. We need to go over details of the dance, correct?”
“Yes. There will also be dress fittings.” Kobeni’s eyes slide over to Aki. He can tell she’s wondering who he is, and if he’ll be attending the dress fittings.
It’s not his place to introduce himself, so instead he waits like a dog, patiently and quietly.
“This is Sir Hayakawa, he is to be my knight.” His name slips off your tongue so easily, Aki finds himself wondering if you had ever uttered it before.
“I see, well, follow along then.” Kobeni turns around and rushes forward, not even glancing back to ensure the two of you are following.
You give a soft smile and walk after her. Aki trails behind you, going at a slower pace than his limbs are normally used to due to his height. He keeps in mind to stay right behind you.
“There’s a dance to be had in two months time - the largest of the season.” You explain.
Aki doesn’t know much of dances, but he supposes this is what his life is going to be like going forward. A far cry from battle. Although, maybe it’s a battle in its own right.
“I have to practice for it. Dressings, etiquette, dancing,”
Aki listens intently. You don’t sound as though you’re complaining, which is a bit of a shock to him. He could never imagine having to prepare for something like that.
“Do you practice with the other royals?” He asks, looking at the back of your head.
You’re easier to talk to than he would’ve imagined. He doesn’t feel as though he needs to hold his tongue as much.
“No, this dance is for me.” Your voice echoes in the halls of the castle once you enter.
The rock encasing the castle ensures the inside stays nice and cool, perhaps a bit too cool, and it would have been considerably darker if not for the candles hung on every wall along with the large windows.
“It’s for suitors.” You finish, and Aki detects a hint of emotion in that sentence, more emotion then he’s heard from you thus far, even though it was barely anything.
“Sounds exciting,” Aki isn’t quite sure how to respond.
He doesn’t know too much about the process of marriage for royals. He knows more often than not it is for military gain, joining two kingdoms together in peace. Less than rarely is it out of love. Aki isn’t sure he knows of a case where it is.
There are a long list of men your age (just a few years Aki’s junior) in the nearing kingdoms, all of different statuses. As there is no other heir to succeed the position in this kingdom, sexism be damned, you were more than likely to be wed to a Prince for his kingdom. Unless your father and mother could produce another heir, a male heir (which was unlikely) you would be tasked with producing two male heirs. One for this kingdom, and one for the next. Aki didn't want to think about what would happen if your body wasn’t up to the task.
“You think so?” Your tone is calculating in the way royals usually speak, trying to find a hidden meaning. Royals are good for one thing and that’s the art of communication. They excel at discussing topics without outright saying them.
Aki knows they are trained from a young age to navigate tough discussions, to use their words to disarm others. It’s a talent Aki can admire, he was never particularly good with his words. Awkward and stilted, conversation was never really important for battle.
“I suppose so. I imagine dances are fun,” he says, never having attended a formal royal one.
You faintly smile and agree softly, leaving Aki to wonder what your hidden agenda was.
“What do you think of Kobeni?” You ask.
“She seems nice, perhaps a little frazzled.”
You chuckle at that and there goes Aki’s lungs again, stalling as if he’s forgotten how to breathe, as if his endurance built up over all of these years has amounted to nothing.
“Yes, well, she’s been that way for quite some time. She doesn’t look it but she’s much older than me. She raised me for most of my childhood, she was my wet nurse in fact. Mother was far too busy.”
That surprised Aki as he would not have guessed her to be your senior by that many years. When the two of you finally reach your room, much to Kobeni's impatience, Aki takes a good look at her face once more. There’s wrinkle lines around her eyes and mouth where there would not be otherwise.
The normal code would suggest Aki follows you unless you dismiss him, but he does find the back of his neck getting hot at the idea of being here for a dress fitting. He’s not sure what that entails, but it sounds like it would be immodest for him to attend, the sight most likely reserved for your future husband.
“Sir Hayakawa, you can stand guard out here while I change. Once we’ve found the dress you may enter.” You walk into your room, “thank you for your service.”
Aki keeps his face neutral even though the compliment surprises him. He had hardly done anything thus far, aside from guiding you to your chambers. He had fought numerous wars without hearing a peep of gratitude, so the feeling is foreign to him, yet not entirely unwelcome. “Of course, Princess. Call out if you need anything.”
Kobeni shuts the door behind you, leaving Aki to guard your door alone. If he listens closely he can hear faint talking in your room, various handmaidens assisting you in changing.
Though this job was much safer than his last, it was also much more boring. He’s halfway through counting the stones beneath his feet when the door behind him opens. Aki turns around and looks into your room, finding you in front of a mirror, adorned by a gown. It was a deep blue, the length of it nearly swallowing you whole. You’re admiring the dress when you meet his gaze reflecting in the mirror, which causes you to sheepishly look away.
“It’s not entirely fitted yet, although this will be the dress I’m going to wear.” You tell him, refusing to meet his eyes.
“You look lovely, Princess.” Aki murmurs, his attention drifting from your jaw, to your collarbone, to your dress.
It’s a compliment he doles out without even thinking. You really do look like a Queen, even if you currently weren’t one.
You bite your lip and dip your head, your fingers starting to pull at the dress in a sign of embarrassment.
Once the moment is over you watch Kobeni talk with the two handmaidens, giving instructions on what they need to do next. “Kobeni, was that all for the day? I'm quite tired.”
Kobeni stops mid sentence with the handmaidens. She looks as though she’s running on fumes, her mouth pulled downward in a frown. “Yes Princess. Let me assist in changing your clothes first, then I will take my leave so you can rest.”
“No, it’s fine Kobeni, I think I can manage. Thank you. Why don’t you take a break?” You offer, turning towards her.
Kobeni looks like she wants to argue but refrains from doing so, instead ushering out the other girls while you watch. You thank her and the other handmaidens before they take their leave, leaving the two of you alone.
“Well, I suppose I will give you some privacy then.” Aki says, excusing himself.
“Yes, it shouldn’t take me very long.” You agree.
Aki steps out again and closes the door, knowing you must change before he can lay his eyes on you once more.
The sight before him even just now was a treasure, the presence of the Princess wearing such fine clothing. It was a sight most would only dream of seeing.
He begins counting the stones again, nearly forgetting where he had ended off last time when he hears your voice.
“Sir Hayakawa, will you help me for a moment?”
Aki turns around again and opens the door, peeking his head in. He assumes you’ve finished dressing, perhaps needing help to put the dress away. The sight before him is far different. You’re still standing in front of your mirror, arms bent behind your back while you attempt to unbutton your dress. Aki quickly looks away as soon as he sees a hint of skin.
“I can’t reach the last one,” you sound clipped, patting behind you to reach the final button.
Aki flicks his gaze up to you once more before peeking his head out into the hallway again, making sure no one is around. He’s not doing anything wrong necessarily, his job is to help you with whatever you need. Even if that was the case, it still felt so scandalous.
He steps inside, closing the door quietly behind him before he strides up to you. He notices how small your hands look compared to his. Aki locates the final button, noting there were still ribbons to be undone as well.
“They make these difficult, don’t they?” He murmurs, unbuttoning the final button, noticing how the dress becomes looser.
You're holding it up with a hand on your chest, watching in the mirror.
“Yes, they honestly do. I was hoping I could take it off myself but that seems to not be the case.” You let out a soft laugh at that, a poke at your own foolishness.
Aki’s fingers skillfully pull the ribbon loose, catching a glimpse of your bare back before he looks away. Under any other circumstance the sight would not be considered out of the ordinary. He’s seen his fair share of royals before and on occasion their dress will reveal their backs more. Even so, this does not feel the same.
“Thank you Sir Hayakawa, you’re dismissed. I will call for you once I’m done.”
He turns around and waits in the hallway, recounting the sight of your small hands and soft skin until he hears your voice through the wood. You open the door before he has a chance, once more wearing your red dress.
“I thought you were tired, Princess?” He expected that you would want to rest in your room for the remainder of the day.
“Quite. Let’s wander, shall we?”
You’re confusing. You’re nothing like the previous royals he’s met so far. You have some traits that are typical, such as the way you seem to speak in riddles. Other than that you’re different. You’ve thanked multiple staff since he’s arrived, and you’ve let him touch you, even if it was innocent.
Aki follows you out, unsure where the final destination is but knowing he’ll protect you nonetheless.
You walk outside, waving at the children who pass by, their parents certainly working for the crown. He wants to ask where you’re going but holds his tongue, still unsure of what he can say. You’re easy to talk to, sure, but you’re still above him in ranking. He would never want to overstep.
It isn’t until you are far out of the castle's bounds, feet navigating through long grass in a field when you speak again.
“I used to come out here all the time when I was a child,” you say, walking slower until you near a large oak. “Still do sometimes, though I’m much more busy.”
Aki understands why you liked the field. The area is quieter than the castle, not another soul in sight. He thinks it might be dangerous due to it being deserted but assures himself that if an attacker were to come then they would most certainly be located quickly.
“It’s nice.” Aki stops by the tree, watching as you walk several feet forward until you come to a stop, lowering yourself to sit on the grass below.
You’ll get your dress dirty, perhaps Aki should have come more prepared to offer you clothing to lay upon. Next time, he thinks.
“Princess, your dress-“ He rests a hand on his sword, looking over the field slowly.
“I know, it’s okay.” You run your hands through the grass as your shoulders sag. “Sir Violence said the same thing every time I came out here. I do miss him.”
That’s a shock. Sir Violence was your previous knight. Rumor has it that you were the one who fired him, although the action seems almost out of character now that Aki’s met you. Still, royals have their reasons, and their temperaments can be finicky at best.
Aki remains quiet, looking forward as though he hasn’t been granted to look at the sight below.
“You’re wondering where he is, aren’t you?” You ask, and Aki can feel your gaze on him.
Aki was. Sir Violence had been one of the higher up knights, responsible and kind. From what he heard he liked being your knight, so Aki felt bad when he heard the news that you had fired him.
“Yes, but it is none of my business.” Aki answers honestly, as doing so has gotten him the furthest.
“I fired him.” Hearing the words come from your mouth was even more shocking.
Aki feels a strike of anger, knowing Sir Violence enough to know he wouldn’t have done anything to warrant such action. It’s the first time he’s felt the emotion towards you, and he doesn’t like how it lays on his shoulders, heavy and wrong.
“Did he offend you, Princess?”
“No, not at all. His wife became with child.” Oh. Aki did not know that. “My knights have to be with me from sunrise to sun down. It seemed rather cruel to have him with me for that long, knowing he had a wife and babe waiting on him.”
Aki did not expect that. He looks down at you, finding you already looking up at him. He quickly moves his eyes back forward again.
“I set up a job for him in the city. He’s to be the next chief.” That job paid handsomely.
“That was very kind of you,” Aki murmurs, sheepish from how he jumped to conclusions. There would have been no ulterior motive for you to do that for Violence.
“I felt awfully selfish,” you mumbled, tucking your legs beneath you. “However, I am glad that it led me to meeting you.”
Aki fidgets with the handle of his sword. He’s not used to upfront compliments, not used to the way it makes his forehead sweat as if he was just in battle.
“Thank you, Princess.” Aki knows he shouldn’t let his feelings get too close to the job, but you’re making it awfully difficult.
“You know, you can call me by my given name.” You say your name as if it isn’t common knowledge in the kingdom. “I would be okay with it.” You hesitate for a moment like you have more to say. “Can I call you by your name as well?” There’s the greediness Aki half expected when he started the job, but he finds that it doesn’t turn him off. “We’re going to be spending a lot of time together, after all.”
“That would be immodest, Princess.” He stands his ground, though he knows he isn’t too strict on the situation, and would give up if you pushed him enough. He half expects you to, half wants you to.
He wants to set clear boundaries. He knows that all he is is your knight, and that is all he will ever be.
Still.
Would you press the matter further?
Why does he want you to anyway?
“I suppose it is, isn’t it?” You fold in on yourself a bit. Aki can taste the disappointment in the air, thick like blood.
He clenches his jaw, unsure how to navigate the situation. When he doesn’t say anything back you drop the conversation, choosing to watch the field and the sun above.
You spend the next hour or two telling Aki about the upcoming dance, and all that it entails. There were bound to be countless people, which meant countless opportunities for harm to befall you. Aki would rather die than let that happen. Whether you preferred him or not, your safety belonged to him now. It was not a decision that came lightly to Aki.
The two of you lose track of how long you’ve been out here, but he knows you can’t remain here forever.
“Ready to return, Princess?”
You flick your eyes up to him, facial expression dissatisfied but wordless. He thinks you probably want to stay out here for even longer. Aki doesn’t know how strict the King and Queen are with you yet. He imagines a little due to the fact you felt the need to sneak out here.
You stand up, stretching you arms up far above your head. “Thank you for coming with me,” you say, a small grin on your face.
Even though he was only here because it was his job, he still feels his heart flutter nonetheless. Aki follows silently as you walk back to the castle.
“I’ll have more lessons for the dance,” you murmur, giving him the details of what your day would look like. “I hope it won’t be too terribly boring for you, Sir Hayakawa.”
“I think I’ll be fine,” he reassures, giving a small smile as a way to return the kindness you had given him.
~~~
He has no idea how he got here. One second ago he was bidding you good night, then the next he was following you down the dark hall with nothing but a tiny candle in your hand to lead the way. You had asked him if he wanted a treat but he had no idea what that meant.
Aki was standing outside your bedroom keeping watch, about ready to leave for his chambers when you poked your head out of your door, a mischievous grin on your face. You wore only a thin nightgown and it made Aki’s skin hot. You offered no further explanation, only a promise that he wouldn’t regret it as he followed you in the halls.
He’s been your knight for a month yet you still find new ways to surprise him every day.
“Princess, I’m sure we could find some castle workers if we need to.” Aki starts once you reach the kitchen.
It’s empty, the remaining chefs having gone home for the day. Aki almost feels like he shouldn’t be here, like he’ll be caught any second doing something he shouldn’t be doing.
You are the Princess though, and short of the King or Queen reaching out to you then the two of you would be okay.
“No! I know a recipe,” you chuckle, digging around for a bowl. “Plus, isn’t it more fun this way?” You flash a dangerous smile towards Aki and he has to force himself to look away, lest he stare for too long.
Once you’ve gathered all the ingredients you need, you finally tell Aki that the two of you are going to be making chocolate chip cookies.
“It’s one of Kobeni’s recipes. Used to make them when I was a kid.” You tell him, tossing flour and eggs into a bowl.
He hasn’t had cookies in ages. The memory of them is like a whisper in the back of his mind. Images of a stool beneath his feet and his moms gentle hands guiding him, her voice soft as she tells him what he needs to do next.
“Are they your favorite?” He asks, eyes drawn to the way you mix ingredients.
You ponder for a moment before answering. “Yeah, I would say so. When I was little I would sneak bites of the dough too.” You say. “Do you like them Sir Hayakawa? I hope you do.”
“Yeah, I like them.” He thinks he does anyway.
“Great!” You smile before looking back down at the table.
You’re beautiful. No doubt in his mind that you were meant for royalty.
“Would you mind cutting the chocolate? I’m sure you’re much better with a knife than I.” You chuckle, the sound like a cool glass of water on Aki’s ears.
Aki smiles and agrees, beginning to chop up the chocolate into tiny pieces. The two of you fall into an easy rhythm, with you instructing Aki on what to do next. The sleeves of your night gown are rolled up clumsily and there’s a dash of flour on your cheek. Aki isn’t quite sure how that ended up there.
“Do you sneak down here often to make these?” Aki asks, watching as you get the flame ready.
It makes him a bit nervous, his fingers starting to itch wanting to stop you so he can take over. He thinks you should depend on him a little more, but he supposes that will come with time.
“I used to do it more often. Kobeni would come with me, but one night we got caught and it freaked her out so bad she refused to do it again. We didn’t get in any trouble but still…” you turn back towards him.
He can’t help but let his eyes flick down to your mouth as you talk. Aki notices how plush your lips look, how they curl around each syllable when you speak.
He’s a fool, he thinks as he pulls his eyes away from you.
You are the Princess.
Aki stirs the dough around, the final step before placing them on a pan to bake. He’s about to take the spoon out to put in the sink before you quickly stop him.
“Wait!”
He raises his brow, waiting on further instruction.
“Is it alright if I lick the spoon first?” You ask, as if he could ever say no to you. Partly for his duty, but also due to something else. Something much more hot and tingly that curls in his body if he thinks about it for too long.
Aki lifts the spoon up, holding it sideways for you to take. You don’t do that. Instead, you walk up towards him and stick your tongue out, allowing it to trail along the side of the spoon. Aki sees the way dough covers your tongue before you bring it back inside your mouth, a smile on your lips. A feeling bubbles inside his gut and he can’t look away.
“It’s so good, Sir Hayakawa! You must try it as well.”
He can’t say no to that.
Instead of getting a new utensil like a reasonable man would do, he nibbles on the opposite side of the spoon, watching you as he does it. There’s a grin on your face and the sight is sweeter than the dough on his tongue.
“That is really good, Princess.”
“I know right!”
Everything after that happens in a flash. He’s still stuck on the moment between you when the two of you form balls on the pan, before you place it into the wood stove.
You sit across each other at the table while you wait for the cookies.
“Thank you for doing this with me, I’m sure you’d rather be in bed.” You murmur, looking away from Aki.
He really cannot think of anywhere else he’d rather be.
“Of course, Princess.” He wants to tell you that he’s having fun, but the words fail him.
Once the cookies are done the two of you plate them, and share them beside candle light at the table. They’re warm and they’re tasty, the chocolate melting in Aki’s mouth as he chews them.
When he accepted the job offer he was not expecting midnight rendezvous with the Princess, but that’s what he's got, and so far he is more than happy with the arrangement.
~~~
It’s the night of the dance and light fill the ballroom, laughter and conversation bouncing off the walls. There must have been a few hundred people on the castle grounds already, which caused Aki’s nerves to tingle. He didn’t want to be too stingy, he knew it was one of your only times to truly socialize. Aki could be patient. He was good at that.
Aki waits at the bottom of a large staircase, a plush rug filling out the space below him. He was instructed to wait here while Kobeni gave you finishing touches. You had been getting ready for what felt like an hour. It seemed like an awful lot of prep in order to meet one man. The event was held specifically for Prince Kurose. He was of a neighboring nation, just as Aki had suspected. There was no animosity between your kingdom and his, but a union between the two of you would only strengthen the bond.
It had only taken a few weeks for the King's advisors to decide on which suitor would fit best. Aki was under the impression this dance was to meet all of them so you could decide, but he supposes that was wishful thinking. Unless tonight goes terribly, you were to be wed to Prince Kurose. Tonight was just a formality.
Aki notices the room get significantly quieter. There could be only one reason for that. As he turns around he notices you walking down the steps, Kobeni in tow as she holds the bottom of your dress. Stunning. Aki doesn’t blink as you descend from the stairs, your gaze locked on the crowd below. He holds the hilt of his sword tighter, admiration flowing throughout his blood stream. If he had it his way he would rush up the staircase and offer help immediately, but he needed to wait.
He’s grown fairly fond of you over the past two months. He would never admit it out loud for it would be out of place, but he quite enjoys your presence. He likes knowing he gets to protect you every day. It’s an honor. Not only that but he likes knowing he gets to see you every day. You’re more talkative than he would have figured. You’ve told him many stories since he’s arrived, and he’s memorized each and every one, locking them away in his brain to tell himself late at night when he goes to bed.
Aki’s become something more of a confidant, a friend even, although he would never say so in front of the King. First and foremost he is your knight. He knows this. Even so, he’s gotten attached.
The two of you would go to the field often. You’d take a break and sit on the grass while Aki stood several feet away, always by the tree to give you distance. Over time he slowly started inching closer and closer so he could hear you better. He reasoned he would be able to protect you more that way, but he knew it was a farce.
After a month and a half you asked him once more, “Sir Hayakawa, what’s your name?”
He looked up at the branches on the tree, only standing three feet from you now, knowing you would only keep asking. There’s no harm in telling you his name. It was more scandalous to help you undress and he had done that within hours of meeting you.
“Aki. My name is Aki.”
After speaking he looks at you once more, your eyes already glued to his form. Your fists are clenched in the grass below and there are stars in your eyes.
“Aki.” You repeat.
His name has never sounded so good before. He knows it.
“That’s correct.” Aki clears his throat, already sure that if he doesn’t he’ll ask you to repeat his name again and again.
“Could I call you that instead?” A kind Princess. A greedy Princess.
“I will not stop you.” He hopes you do.
He’s dancing a thin line between what’s appropriate and what’s not. He’s your knight. He also cares about you. It only took you forty-five days to crawl inside of his brain.
“Aki,” you say, looking up at him once you reach the foot of the stairs, dragging him back into the present.
He allows himself to smile at you. He’s only given you a handful (he tries to be serious, he really does), but each time he gives you one he means it. He means it from the bottom of his heart.
“Princess,” he greets you back, raising an arm up as an offering.
You look beautiful, he wants to state. You look more beautiful than the moon, his throat asks him to speak. I wish it was just the two of us, alone, like on the field. Don’t you wish that too, his mouth almost says.
He doesn’t utter a word.
Remember your place. Always remember your place.
You take it, gratefully and greedy, holding him close to you. Aki guides you further into the party, where you greet others as they bow to you. Aki brings you to the food tables, where drinks and treats line the area in large amounts. He hadn’t allowed himself to indulge, of course wanting to be of sound mind, but he urges you to do so if you wish.
You grab a glass, filled with what is Aki’s guess, and tilt your head back slightly to take a drink. The two of you stand there and people watch as you finish your glass, before you pick up an hor d’oeuvre. Aki stands silent as you eat, watching anyone who’s gaze lingers on you a bit too long.
“Have you heard of Prince Kurose’s arrival?” You question, passing your dirty dishes to a servant waiting to the side of a table.
“No, I have not.” Aki answers honestly. He should be here by now. “You know how the trails can be, perhaps his carriage is arriving late.”
You look uncertain when you nod. Aki notices you clenching his arm tighter in your hold. He feels a bit satisfied in the way you’re seeking him for comfort, but the feeling quickly turns to acid when he realizes how painfully selfish it is.
“You look handsome, Aki.” You say before immediately casting your gaze to the ground, as if the words fell from your mouth before you could stop them. They didn’t sound rehearsed or even elegant, they sounded real.
Aki’s cheeks tint pink and he hopes that no one can tell in the yellow light. “Thank you, Princess.”
Aki is wearing something of higher caliber. A satin shirt with matching pants with straps around his chest and thighs, along with a long black cape at his back. It took him an hour to get fitted for it, all the while Kobeni telling him he must look decent beside the Princess.
It seems a bit of a joke to him now. He knows he could never measure up to your beauty when standing next to you.
You fidget with your dress as your eyes dart about. He thinks you get nervous around loads of people, which should be ironic considering your stature.
“Are you okay?” He lets himself ask.
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” You reply quickly. Aki doesn’t believe you, and he thinks you don’t believe yourself either. “I’m going to do a lap of greeting people. I should be alright, there are guards everywhere. You’re free to take a break, if you would like.”
“I’ve hardly been here long, all I've done is stand over here.” I don’t deserve a break, he thinks.
I want to be near you more. Let me be near.
“How long were you waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs?” True. “Surely you must need a drink, or the bathroom.”
He lifts his arm up, letting you tug yourself away from him. “I’ll be fine, Aki.” You reassure him.
“If you insist. I will be here though.”
“I’m sure you will.” You tease, locking eyes with Aki before you slip away into the crowd.
You intended on greeting other royals. There may even be some more suitors here as well, intent on swooping you up should Prince Kurose fail. Aki tries not to dwell on the thought for too long. He tries not to dwell on the sour taste that sits on the back of his tongue at the thought of your suitors.
Aki says hello to those that pass him and make conversation. No matter how impolite, he keeps his eyes moving across the room while talking, searching for any sign that you may need help.
“Did you hear?” A voice near him says. He strains his ears to listen.
“They’re saying the Prince is a no show,” someone else responds.
Aki finds two women talking a yard from him. They look rich, heavy gowns on their bodies while they sip something powerful.
The Prince was a no show?
That couldn’t be true, right?
That being said, it is awfully late.
“I know, I feel so bad for the Princess.” The first woman murmurs.
Aki’s feet move immediately, taking him around the room. It's crowded in some areas, so he has to squeeze by. His mind starts to race the longer he can’t locate you. Surely you were still in this room, right? Perhaps he should walk up the stairs to get a better vantage point-
Aki passes by a table with seats, noticing all but one is empty. You sit alone, eyes glued to the floor. Anger flares in his gut at the sight. Just where was Prince Kurose? Had he had something better to do?
“Princess,” Aki says softly, although part of him wanted to say your name, if only to see a smile pop up on your face.
You quickly find him, your eyes wide as saucers. It’s almost as if you’ve been caught doing something you shouldn’t have, but you haven’t done anything wrong. All you’ve done is wait up for a sorry excuse of a Prince.
“Hello, Aki.” You stand up, walking close to him.
He can smell the scents Kobeni had doused you in prior to the dance. Something sweet and delicate, just like you.
“I was looking for you.” He admits.
“I’m sorry. I was just taking a break,” you gesture to the table beside you. “Have you heard?” You ask. “They’re saying he’s not going to show. Prince Kurose, I mean.”
There’s an unrecognizable emotion on your face.
“I have. Are you okay, Princess?”
He knows the answer to that. Of course you aren’t. The Prince has made a fool of you tonight.
“Yeah. I’m…” you look over the people in the ballroom. Some are talking, others are eating, and there’s a small group in the middle swaying.
You spent all of those hours practicing for a pathetic excuse of a man.
Aki makes up his mind. He offers up a hand, eyes on yours until you hesitantly take it.
“Would you like to dance?” He asks, forcing the nerves inside his body to simmer down.
Your eyes light up and Aki decides he’s going to continue doing whatever it is he needs to in order to make it happen again.
“It would be a shame if you didn’t get to, don’t you think?” Aki says, reasoning that it’s less selfish this way. “You still should have a good night.” Princes be damned.
You smile and follow him through the crowd, allowing him to lead you. Your hand is much more softer than his in his grip, so he tries to loosen himself. Once the two of you make it to the middle, he faces you, holding his arms out in a traditional waltz position.
You eye him closely, grabbing onto him, waiting for him to lead as the man typically does.
“You know how to dance?” You question, disbelief appearing on your face.
“I may be a commoner, but I’m not a beast.” He replies, teasing.
It’s partly true. If you’ve seen half of what Aki’s done on the battlefield he wonders if you’d see him as a beast. Would you still let him near you if you knew of the damage he’s caused? Would you still let him hold you softly if you knew what his hands have done? Would you still say his name just as tenderly if you knew what he was capable of?
You laugh anyway, because you don’t know the half of it.
The music guides the two of you, and you dance. You dance. It’s easy to get lost in it, lost in the strums of music and in your smile. Aki can’t remember the last time he had this much fun. His heart thrums, but instead of fear in his veins he finds something else. Something sweeter, something softer.
The Prince never shows, and Aki is partly upset by the fact. He’s also glad that he gets this chance with you. No other suitor dares to step forward while Aki has his hands on you, and a surge of pride douses his system.
If it weren’t for all the stares Aki could delude himself into thinking this was like any other night, where statuses didn’t matter. You were just a kind beautiful woman in a dress, and he was just a man who couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
~~~
You’re quieter today. Aki wonders if it’s a result of the dance, if Kurose’s refusal to show up affected more than you led on. He wouldn’t be surprised. There were discussions happening if Prince Kurose was off the table for marriage. His reason for not showing had never been revealed. The Queen said they should look for different suitors, while the King argued that a stronger relationship with Prince Kurose’s nation was too important.
You’re sitting near him, head low as you pick at the grass. Aki can’t take his eyes off you cause he feels like he should say something, knows he should say something.
He tries to decide what would make you feel better when you speak before he gets the chance.
“Can I tell you a secret, Aki?”
Uncharted territory. This is one of those situations where he’s leaning less towards being your knight and more towards something else. He reminds himself that he’s already crossed over the line from just being your knight. Though up until now you’ve never told him a secret before, and he’ll have to decide if it’s something he must report to the King.
You’re waiting on a response.
It’s harmless by itself, and he really wants to know what you have to say.
“Of course, Princess.”
You sigh, looking forward intently as if you see something he doesn’t.
“I don’t wish to be wed.”
For all the things you could have said, he wasn’t expecting that. He hated the idea of being forced into a marriage, so he understood. Aki remains quiet to give you room to speak.
When you don’t, he opens himself up. “Now?”
“Now. To Prince Kurose.”
It made sense.
Aki wants to sit beside you to offer some form of comfort, but your safety is more important. He remains standing. “Have you talked to the King? Could they choose another suitor? I don’t think it would be unreasonable.”
“I don’t want to be married under the crown.” You answer. “I don’t want someone to choose for me.” Your voice is soft, a tinge of shame in your words.
He bites his lip because he isn’t sure what to say to that. It was custom to have the King and Queen choose a husband for their daughter. There wasn’t a way around it.
“It’s for the good of the country, I know that…” You go on. He wants you to be more selfish. “I don’t want to be shipped off to another kingdom where my voice doesn’t matter.” Where you’ll be forgotten.
Aki wonders if you might be crying, but when he looks down at you, taking a peek at the side of your face he notices that you aren’t. You have a blank stare. He realizes you do see something he doesn’t see, and that he can’t understand. You’re looking at your future.
A future where you have no bodily autonomy despite being the Queen of a nation, because you’re the Queen of a nation. Aki’s stomach feels queasy. Any words of encouragement he may have had prior to this conversation die on the tip of his tongue as he watches your shoulders deflate.
The rules of this game were set in motion far before the two of you were even conjured into existence. You were a Princess, soon to be Queen, whose duties depended on the needs of her kingdom and Aki was a knight who would return to war in one year's time, name surely to be forgotten when someone eventually gets the best of him.
“I’m sorry, Princess.” He was. He truly, truly was.
“It’s alright,” you reply, looking up towards him, a small smile playing on your lips. “I just wanted to get that off my chest. Thank you, Aki.”
“Of course.” He wishes he knew how to respond better. There must be something he can say to you.
“Is it okay if we stay out here a little bit longer?” You ask.
“Yeah,” he would give you the world and everything in it if he could, but he is just a man so he cannot, but he can stand beside you in the field for as long as you want.
~~~
It’s the middle of the night.
Aki was excused of his daily duties two hours ago, and it took him awhile to rest fully. The conversation the two of you had earlier in the day had been replaying in his mind.
He had been resting for the past hour when the screaming started. He wakes up with a jolt, reaching for the sword beside his bed in a blind panic. His room is dark, but he can see torches from outside run by his window.
Something is wrong.
He throws on a loose shirt, fumbling on his shoes while reaching for his door.
“What do we do?” Someone yells just outside Aki’s window.
Something is wrong.
He thinks he hears your name being shouted outside.
Something is wrong.
Aki can’t breathe as he runs down the hall, straight to the doors leading outside. There's a black hole where his lungs normally are as he scans the area. It’s the same area where he first met you, where the guards train. Normally it’s empty this time of night, but right now it’s filled with various castle workers and torches.
“Somebody get the King!” A handmaiden yells.
Aki’s eyes fly around to see what the commotion is about. Stay calm. It’s what he’s good at, he’s been able to stay calm during numerous wars but he can’t get his body under control right now.
He needs to find you.
Aki’s gaze follows where everyone is looking, their heads tilted back as they yell.
There you are.
You stand on the parapet, hundreds of feet up in the air. You’re wearing only your thin nightgown, a sight that would normally make Aki’s cheeks pinken but now it only causes concern because of how frigid the temperature is.
Your hair is blowing in the wind and your feet are on the edge and fuck, what the hell is going on?
Servants are trying to yell up at you but you don’t respond, your eyes in a trance as you stare at the ground below.
“Princess!” Aki yells, not a drop of sleep in his voice.
He runs closer, mind already racing with what he can do.
“Why isn’t anyone stopping her?” Someone asks beside him. “We should be able to drag her back from behind!”
“She blocked off the door!” Someone responds.
Fuck.
Could Aki scale the building in time?
There's no way.
Could he catch you?
Does he trust himself enough to catch you?
Aki swears he can see tears in your eyes as you work up the courage. He has no idea what’s going through your mind right now, but all he can focus on is the need to stop you. He makes a split second decision, turning around to run back into the castle. Castle workers run the opposite way, wanting to make a spectacle out of your decision.
Just as he had overheard, there are several guards banging on the door leading to the parapet. Once Aki rushes up the steps he sets his sword down.
“Move!” He yells.
The three guards step back with wide eyes, watching as Aki throws his whole body against the door. The side of his shoulder burns once he makes contact. You really did block it well. Aki rams himself into the door again, ears picking up on the sound of wood splitting.
He needs to get to you.
It takes two more tries before the door breaks down and Aki sees your back. It’s so high up here. This area was meant to keep watch over the entire grounds and then some. Aki runs, your form getting closer and closer. He doesn’t have time. He thinks he overhears himself shouting your name, not Princess or any form of honorific but your name.
He isn't going to make it.
As soon as he’s a foot away from yanking you back, you step off the ledge. A crowd of screams come from below. By some miracle, Aki’s able to reach out and grab your arm in time. The bricks below crush his chest as he falls forward, putting all his strength in his upper body, and he’s holding onto your arm as tight as he can while you dangle from the wall.
“Why did you do that?!” You yell, the first time Aki had ever heard any hint of anger in your voice.
There's a mixture of cheering and yells from below as the castle workers hold their breath, unsure if he’ll be able to pull you back up.
Aki would rather die than let go.
He doesn’t answer, instead choosing to focus all his power on pulling you back, ignoring the way the brick scraps at his skin.
Aki manages to lift you up, falling backwards onto his ass with you between his legs. He wraps his arms around you tight, closing his eyes as he counts his lucky stars.
You’re struggling against him, and even though his arm feels weak from holding you over the wall, he’s still strong enough to hold you down, and he takes every shove and push easily.
“Let me go!” You yell, tears flowing down your face now.
“No!” He replies, body stiff until a group of guards come rushing up the steps.
Why were you going to do that? Why did you wish to die so badly? Aki was missing a piece of the puzzle, he’s sure of it. He needs to find out just what happened to you.
~~~
It’s been several hours after your attempt, the sun having finally come up and Aki hasn’t seen you since. You had been locked in your room without visitors, only allowed to see the King and Queen along with the castle doctor. He examined you over and over to look for what was wrong, but there was nothing. You were in clean health. A sickness of the mind, he murmured to the King and Queen, voice just loud enough for Aki to hear. Aki had known all too well what that meant. He had seen others go through it multiple times over the years. He went through it himself when his family passed.
Aki’s been right outside your door the entire time, waiting on further instruction on whether or not he’s allowed into your room.
Once he finally gets permission, he can’t believe his eyes.
The King and Queen stand in your room, frowns filling their faces as they stare at you. The King is touted as being a kind man, but Aki has been hearing him yell at you for the past hour.
Something about shame, something about royal duties.
“Sir Hayakawa, we wanted to discuss the situation with you.” The King acknowledges his presence so Aki straightens his back.
“You understand that the news mustn’t get out, correct?” He goes on. “People must not find out what she tried to do.”
“It would make us look crazy.” The Queen murmurs.
Aki nearly flinches at that. She spits the word like it’s poison.
“Others will think we don’t know how to manage our daughter, and if we don’t know how to manage our daughter then how are we to manage a kingdom?” The King says. His eyes dart to you, where he lets out a sigh. “Why would you be so reckless?” He asks, the words uncaring.
It’s clear that they aren’t worried for your sake, but more for the sake of your image. They’ve never been unkind parents to Aki’s knowledge, never striking you or speaking vitriol.
The kingdom always comes first, though.
“Keep watch over her, Sir Hayakawa. Her handmaidens need a break.” The Queen speaks, looking at Aki as if she doesn’t see you in the room at all.
“Surely, Your Highness.” Aki bows as the King starts to make his exit, remaining in the position until he hears them leave the room.
You’re laid up on your bed, face devoid of any emotion as you stare at the ceiling. Your window that used to be open constantly to allow fresh air in was now sealed shut, a counter measure to ensure you didn’t make the same mistake again.
The handmaiden who had let Aki in leaves, eyes stuck on the floor as she quietly shuts the door. It’s like no one wants to look at you. Aki knows he should be the one to speak first, but he finds himself at a loss for words. What can he say? You tried to kill yourself. If Aki hadn’t been there, and he nearly wasn’t, you would have hit the ground.
“It’s good to see you again, Princess.” He decides on, because it’s true.
You turn your head slightly and look at him, and Aki has to force himself to remain still. You’re looking through him. Your face looks lifeless, almost like a painting in front of him.
“Why did you save me?” You question after awhile, your voice almost too quiet to hear.
There were many reasons.
He couldn’t stand to see another person die.
It was his job.
But above all else, because he cared for you.
He cared for you in a way he could have never seen coming.
“Because I wanted to.” He answers.
“For the kingdom?”
“For myself.”
You look distrustful at that. You look like you want to argue back, but the words just won't come to your mouth because you’re too exhausted.
It’s just the two of you, so Aki steps over and sits on a chair beside your bed. He says your name for the first time, which causes your lips to twitch. Not a smile, not by a long shot but close enough for Aki to consider it a win.
“Why did you do it, Princess?” Aki questions softly. He needs to know why so he can help you avoid it in the future.
“I knew the dance would be the last time I would fully enjoy myself.” You reply.
The dance. Where you spent nearly the entire night together.
Aki looks at you and doesn’t blink.
He should have known you were not well after hearing you talk about your secret. Hours later you stood atop the parapet, wanting to end it all.
He should have realized. The way you were talking yesterday should have tipped him off. He’s a fool. He’s supposed to be your biggest protector yet he couldn’t save you from one of the biggest threats. Yourself.
“Princess…”
“You don’t have to say anything.” You talk over him. “I know I’m being dramatic.”
He wants to tell you that you aren’t being dramatic. Every feeling you have no matter how fleeting is valid. “I don’t think you are.” Fuck, why can’t he be better at this?
You look away from him, refusing to argue but also not fully agreeing with his opinion.
Aki stays at his post beside your bed for hours, and hours turn into days. He stays by you while the doctors try nursing your mind back into health, or at least healthy enough to be concealed.
He talks more often than you do. The roles are reversed now. Instead of the field, vast and empty except your voice filling the air, it is now your room, claustrophobic with people coming in and out constantly while Aki makes conversation. He tries his best to talk as often as he can, even when you don’t respond, which you usually don’t.
“Why did you become a knight, Aki?” You ask one night.
Your eyes have a little bit more light in them. It’s been two weeks since the fateful night, and you seem to be almost on the mend.
Aki wants to say ‘I don’t know.’ It would be much easier if he did. He wouldn’t need to explain his life story, but he realized he didn’t mind if it was to you.
“When I was a child, my family got killed in a war.” He says, looking at your floor. “I never found out who did it, but I wanted to join the military to try.” It was his life’s mission in fact. “I wanted revenge.”
He didn’t admit that part of him feels like he has to. He wanted to, of course, but it also felt as though there were no other choices. He was a prisoner to it, locked down until he was able to satiate the monster inside of him. Aki realizes the two of you might be in similar situations. You’re sealed off in your room, the Princess of a nation who must attend to her duties, chained to your family name. Aki understands he’s chained to the past, a slave to his own decisions.
“Have you found it, Aki?” You ask. “Revenge.”
That’s the thing. He hasn’t.
“You must have, or else you wouldn’t have accepted the offer to be my knight.”
Why did he accept it? He’s glad he did now, of course. However, he could have easily denied the King, told him the ground needed him much more. It would have been a risky move, but the King had granted him his wishes up until this point.
If he stayed on the ground he could have continued seeking revenge for his family. Was that what he still wanted? Did he subconsciously reach a hand out when accepting this offer, his inner thoughts telling him that enough was enough?
“No,” He takes a gulp of air. “No, I didn’t find it.”
You avoid meeting his eyes and he knows he must have made it awkward. He needs to fix the situation. He needs you to know he doesn’t regret coming here.
“I’m glad I left though.” He’s being honest when he says that, even though he never thought that idea would be possible in a million years. “I’m glad I met you.”
“Don’t do that.” Your voice is soft, sadness leaking from your words.
“Do what?” He inches closer, kneeling beside your bed now.
You sit up, finally looking his way. Your brows are creased, and it looks like you have a million things to say. “Don’t say what you don’t mean.”
Aki murmurs your name and he would have thought you took a knife to the chest with the expression you make.
“I do mean it. I’m glad I became your knight.” He wants to say ‘friend’ instead, but knows he shouldn’t.
Truth be told, he saw you in a different light than just the Princess since the night the two of you shared in the kitchen.
“Have I gone Mad?” You ask. “Am I the only one who doesn’t see you like that?”
It feels like Aki is free falling.
“Do you only see me as your Princess, Aki?”
He doesn’t know how to respond. He doesn’t know how to tell you that he's been in love with you since he saw you in your old nightgown with flour on your face.
Aki whispers your name like it might slow the situation down. The two of you shouldn’t be doing this. It will cause you so much trouble.
“Aki, I’m in love with you!”
It’s just the two of you in the room. Your words bounce of the walls. If Aki had any sense left in him he would worry that someone outside would have heard your confession. He doesn’t, though. He only cares about what you said because they’ve been on his mind for months.
He’s never been good with words, so he lets his body do the talking for him.
Aki reaches over, letting his hand rest on your cheek. He brings his lips to yours and kisses you so softly it almost feels like he hasn’t made contact. Your lips taste of tea, with a hint of salt. Maybe from dried tears. You’re stunned at first, remaining still before you push into him, deepening the kiss. It’s everything Aki has wanted. He communicates his feelings to you through the seam of his mouth.
I love you.
I don’t want anyone else but you.
I would rather die than see you jump off the ledge, or marry another.
Aki spoke of your greediness to himself, even though he wanted to drink it all up. But perhaps he was more greedy than any royal, more greedy than even you.
When he pulls back and opens his eyes he finds you staring at him. “Why did you do that?” You ask, surprise etched in your features.
“I love you.” He murmurs back to you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
You begin to cry, reaching forward to grab at him. He slides into your bed beside you and holds you against his chest, even though he knows it must be uncomfortable.
“Aki, I cannot marry Prince Kurose or anyone else.”
“I know,” He wants you to be with him instead.
“What are we going to do?” Your sobs fill the room. “We should be together,” you whisper before pulling back to look up at him. “Aki, do you want to be with me?”
“Of course I do,” he says your name softly.
“Would you run away with me?” Your eyes are filled with hope at the new idea.
Do you know what you’re saying? It would damage the rest of your life. Aki would be a traitor and his head would be wanted by the entire kingdom, but that he does not care for. He only cares for the image of you in a small house with no warm water, and an uncomfortable bed.
He wants you to have the best of the best.
Except you aren’t happy here.
He isn’t sure what to do. He wants so badly to help you and save you from this situation.
Life outside could be treacherous.
No. He can make it work. He will make it work. He will work as hard as he must to provide for you.
“Are you sure you want that?” He questions, breathless as he looks at your sparkling eyes.
“I am.” You reply. “Run away with me.”
~~~
Aki says your name when he gets to your room, each letter lighter than the last. It’s nice, saying your name. It flows off his lips so easily he would swear that he was born to say it. Not because you were the Princess of his kingdom, but because you were his.
It’s been two days since the night you decided to leave the kingdom together. Once you made up your mind your entire demeanor changed. You smiled again, more talkative with all of your handmaidens. The doctor even said you might be ready to leave your room soon.
They had no idea.
“Are you ready?” He asks, his gut telling him to turn around to ensure no one was near by, but his brain telling him not to.
He doesn’t want to look. It would be safer to check, but if he doesn’t look then no one is there. It’s not how reality works, but Aki can hope.
A giddy smile plays on your lips, your eyes lighting up. There's that smile that Aki swore he would do anything for. There’s a ratty dress on your body, a little too short but it covers all the necessary areas. He also gifted you a thick jacket to keep you heated during the night. Aki had bought both from a castle worker who had no idea they were aiding in betrayal. He wanted you to be wearing something that wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb, even though you truly ought to be wearing only the finest of clothes.
If the King were to find out what Aki planned to do, what the two of you planned to do, then he surely would have Aki’s head.
Nothing fun ever came without risks.
“Yes,” you carry nothing, Aki having told you it was better to pack lighter.
He carries several rations of food and drink, heavier on his back than any metal sword. His hand grips yours tight like he’ll lose you, even though there are torches lining the castle walls. The light dances off the two of you as you make your way into the night.
It wouldn't take the guards long to notice your absence. Aki was grateful that he knew all of their schedules, as it had greatly helped him in plotting your escape.
He hears a shuffling noise before you do, quickly yanking you back around a corner and sliding his hand over your mouth. Now he really felt like a criminal. There was no way he would risk either of you being seen.
Once the coast is clear he rushes forward, hand holding yours as he hugs the wall while making his way closer and closer to the exit. The two of you had mere minutes to do this. The plan was to slip out the back, cross over the field where you spent many hours together, and you would be free. You would have to exit the kingdom first, but once you left the field and entered into the streets neither of you would have to worry about weary eyes. The both of you would be long gone from the country before the guards even thought that you may have left the castle.
He’s looking out into the darkness, waiting to see if any torches pass by. It’s the shift change. Once he decides that it’s now or never, he holds your hand and runs out the castle, through the back door. The night is cold as it kisses Aki’s skin, perhaps to jolt him back to reality. Is he sure he wants to do this? Is he really sure he wants to do this? Once the two of you left there would be no turning back for him.
He’s never been so sure of anything in his life.
Somewhere along the way, between lush grass and whispered discussions Aki found himself deeply and irreparably in love with you. It didn’t matter that he was a knight who grew up on the streets, groomed for a life of hardship. It didn’t matter that you were a Princess, destined for a life of delicacy.
Perhaps it’s because of who you are that led the two of you to a life of love and betrayal. Not because you were wealthy and he was not, but because you taught Aki more things in the several months that he's known you than he learned his entire life. You taught him how to smile again, how to love again. He’s worth more than a life of revenge. He wants to be good for you.
It would be a more exciting tale had there been a guard who caught the two of you right as you were about to make your great escape. If guards pulled you apart from each other, where you would never see the other again.
That isn't what happened.
Instead, you and Aki are able to slip from the castle door, no one around to see your choice.
Aki’s heart is loud in his ears as the two of you travel further and further, past the field of green, not even a bird in sight.
“How are your feet?” Aki asks, looking at your side profile, your face mostly covered by the large hood you wore. He wanted to get a horse, he could not bare to see you walk the far distance he knew was ahead, but he didn’t want to draw too much attention.
“I’m okay,” he can tell you want to say his name but you don’t want to risk it while you’re still in the city, even though everyone is fast asleep in their beds. “We haven’t been walking that long.”
The shops surrounding you both are closed for the night, but Aki knows they will open up in several hours, with guards eventually walking through to warn them of the Princess’s status. All hands would be on deck, so the two of you really needed to make it out of the city before morning's first light.
On the edge of town there’s a family who raises horses for a living. You just need to make it there and it would be alright. Sure it would be a life on the run, but Aki trusted himself to be able to keep you out of the King's eye as long as you left the city.
The two of you are silent as you walk through the empty roads, knowing the kingdom isn't the largest by any means, but feeling as though the road ahead of you will never end. You keep a tight grip on Aki’s hand which calms his nerves a little, a way to show him that you want this.
His other hand keeps close contact with his sword should he need it, even though he really hoped he wouldn’t.
You finally reach your destination after an hour of walking. It’s a small house on a hill, the city looking tiny and faraway in the distance. Aki speaks in hushed tones as he exchanges a bag of gold coin for a large horse, one big enough for the two of you. Her coat is brown, and her hair is soft as silk.
Aki grins when he notices you patting her head, promising to give her an apple as soon as you’re able to get your hands on one.
You did it, you really did it.
“Are you ready?” Aki asks, his shoulders light now that the two of you have made it free.
“Of course.” You smile back.
He helps you mount the horse with ease before jumping up to get on himself. The man who sold him the horse was not able to get a good look at your face, thanks to your coat. Aki bids him farewell before taking the reins on the horse, letting her guide you both down the path away from the kingdom.
The dawn arrives, the sky’s colors muted as the horses' hooves clack against the road. It had been several hours since you escaped. Surely the guards were searching for you and Aki by now.
It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because you made it. Even though you two were bound to face hardships going forward, Aki knows he will keep you safe and happy. He vowed to.
Aki has never broken a promise before, and he doesn’t plan on doing it now.
You ride off into the rest of your lives.
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