#spn 12.11

[heller-meta-of-the-day]

December 27th

Regarding Dean (12.11)

Hellers are so sad. Not only do they want Cass in the episode but they also want SHIPPING CHEERLEADER SAM to be in it as well.

Of course, they're ignoring that Dean after losing ALL his memories, still only cared about SAM.

[spnpolls]

Pick one if my favourite episodes

Just My Imagination [11.08]

Love Hurts [11.13]

Red Meat [11.17]

Regarding Dean [12.11]

Nightmare Logic [14.05]

The Heroes’ Journey [15.10]

Drag Me Away (from you) [15.16]

Voting ended onMar 19

[weanwinwhester]

and Cas….Cas is my best friend….

[foxthefanboi]

12.11 | sam

[idontwikeit]

The ending of 12x11 but it’s queen of the rodeo playing

(insp by the ask on @americachavez)

[nancylou444]

Unpopular opinion.

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I REALLY HATE THE LAST SCENE OF REGARDING DEAN.

You know the mechanical bull riding thing.

And now thanks to the Walker gag reel, I’m being forced to see that crap once again ad nauseam on my dash. 

[mittensmorgul]

When I talk about samwena, someone always says that their relationship is motherly, just like when I talk about destiel, someone always says that they are like brothers. Although I firmly believe that Sam and Rowena's relationship is not motherly, it bothers me that Rowena said "this is my boy" to Sam, because she also talked about Crowley, her son. Do you think this was an attempt by the writers to try to turn samwena into a mother-child relationship?

Aw, hi there! and I’m gonna start this by saying that I have written a lot on the subject, and none of it has seemed to change anyone’s mind, so I don’t know whether writing another long post on the subject will, either.

I’m putting this under a cut because it’s long-ish, and because I don’t need saileen shippers attacking me again... y’all have been warned if you don’t wanna read stuff that isn’t glowingly heart-eye’d about them... bearing in mind that I read all the positive saileen posts and just smile and nod politely at them and then move on with my life while shutting up about it...

(sorry about that... I edited this post for a typo and it seems to have messed up the read more cut...)

For years, we’ve watched the relationship between Sam and Rowena grow slowly, and it reached a point somewhere along the line where I couldn’t ignore the blatant romantic themes. The thing is, for me, their relationship can’t possibly work as her being “motherly” toward him. Because Sam has just as often been the provider of comfort/security to her as she has to him, you know?

I’ve seen a lot of people just flat out reject the read of their relationship as romantic, but I think that’s mostly because folks were clinging to the notion that Eileen was actually still alive. Granted, the fact that she had actually been dead all those years was only confirmed after Rowena’s death, but I think folks were dead set on them picking up their “romantic” relationship (which I don’t even think approached romantic in canon until Sam offered her that parting kiss, but again, that’s just me) and immediately were able to dismiss Rowena with that. Despite the fact that Sam (in canon, again) couldn’t just dismiss Rowena and strike up a relationship with Eileen (even after he verbally, repeatedly confirmed that he and Eileen were “not like that” after Dean’s prodding, a lot of people still only had heart-eyes for the two of them, and I get it, I really do, but I don’t see it, and can’t see it as ever having been romantic in canon before that point).

I personally do not think that Eileen will be back as Sam’s endgame love interest, and never have. I know that comment upsets a lot of people who cannot see a happy endgame for Sam without some sort of relationship with Eileen. But canon literally has not laid the groundwork for that. She could come back, he could call her at the end and suggest they give a relationship a try, but to me it would be just that-- not some Grand Romance that has been years in the making, but the very beginning of what could potentially be a happy life together. And I just find that... disappointing on so many levels. But again, that’s just me. If that’s what the show gives us, I’ll personally be incredibly meh about it.

In 15.03, as Rowena is attempting to convince Sam to kill her, to sacrifice her for the spell that was SUPPOSED to save the world, to finally free them from Chuck’s Final Punishment and heal the rift he opened into Hell, she sacrificed herself believing it would be to save Sam and the world. And the key thing to understand here is that her sacrifice did NOT end Chuck’s game of horrors for them. He was SUPPOSED to have left their world after that, and yet he didn’t. He just kept writing, destroying, and pushing them. Eileen was a pawn in his game. I can’t see her as anything more than that, as far as Sam goes anyway. In fact, her return prompted Sam to spend that entire episode thinking about Rowena, learning he was the only one able to enter Rowena’s home without being cursed by her security system. Had to bear the weight of the fact that he was the one who killed her, even if she basically had to force him to do so... Eileen being resurrected felt like cold comfort, especially when Sam still thought it had been Rowena’s one-time-use spell that had brought her back.

Learning that spell had been planted there by Chuck, after Sam had gone to Rowena’s in search of a crystal to trap Eileen’s soul for an eternity (better than going back to Hell or wandering the earth until she went vengeful), (which is admittedly not a very romantic start to any of this), and then learning that Rowena was first Queen in Hell and then had apparently lost control of the place by the next time Sam and Dean went to seek her help... I mean, the whole notion that Rowena was actually happy there is blown to shreds. 

Heck this is getting long, and I already wrote a dissertation on Rowena’s character (too long for tumblr, it’s on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21641770). Somehow every time I start talking about Sam and Rowena’s romantic potential it always devolves into a dissertation on why I can’t see Sam and Eileen as a romantic potential, but that long essay is almost entirely about Rowena herself and has very little to do with shipping at all. I’m not interested in ship wars here. If y’all are happy thinking about Sam and Eileen together, congrats! I’ve written them as a couple in fic! They are cute together! But in canon, there’s no there there...

But back to Rowena, and that final line from 15.03:

ROWENA Hell's closing. The walls are falling. SAM There has to be another way. ROWENA I wish there were... I do. I don't care about anything enough to take my own life. Not you, your brother... not even the world. But I believe in prophecy. I believe in magic. And I'm here, and you're here, and everything we need to end this right is in our hands. [She puts the dagger in Sam’s hands and tries to get him to stab her.] ROWENA I know this in my bones... it has to be this way. Do it! Kill me, Samuel! [Sam hesitates. Rowena puts a hand on his shoulder.] ROWENA I know we've gotten quite fond of each other, haven't we? But will you let the world die, let your brother die, just so I can live? [...] SAM No. [He stabs her, crying. Rowena touches his face.] ROWENA That's my boy. [She twists the dagger where Sam stabbed her. Then, she takes it out.]

(and for every reason why I believe that entire conversation is key to Rowena as a character, again, see that long essay)

Rowena doesn’t do “fond.” She wields flirtations as defensive weapons. She manipulates and shields herself with favors and sensuality. I mean, remember every man she’s had flirtations with-- from the men she’d attempted to con into relationships in order to take them for everything they were worth to flirting with the most powerful being in the room from Chuck right on down to Cas. We know her history, from Crowley’s birth story to how she’d survived for hundreds of years by ingratiating herself to those wealthier and more powerful. Remember those witches in 12.11 who’d basically used her up and dumped her out again. But with Sam? With Sam she’d never made a power play. She’d never aggressively come on to him, never felt the need to assert herself to control him or defend herself from him. He was the only person she’d ever been entirely honest with, about her fears and her concerns.

Sam was the only person, possibly in her entire life, that she trusted fully.

And in return, Sam literally held her life in his hands. Nobody else had the power to kill her, and that is a fuckton of trust to have in someone you will then refer to as “fond of each other.”

I mean, honestly

how is that not romantic?

And yet her final attempt to comfort him after he’s done what she asked of him and has tears streaming down his face is “that’s my boy...”

What was she supposed to do? Kiss him? Knowing she would die and condemn herself to Hell didn’t seem like the right time for anything else... And yet now she is trapped there after a futile sacrifice that failed to save the world.

The look of abject shock on Sam’s face in 15.08 when they find her in Hell is telling. She dismisses him to refill her drink, because I don’t think she could bear that look on his face, and then advises Dean and Cas to fix their own mess. And that, to me, only served to underscore the fact that her own mess remained unfixed, and possibly unfixable at that point, you know? She was still dead, still trapped in Hell because of her own choices. She hadn’t even earned redemption for that sacrifice.

Are we supposed to believe that she’s still condemned to that fate, and that’s just the end of her story in an “oh well, moving on” sort of way just so Sam can have a cute lil fledgling relationship with Eileen (who left, with no immediate intention to return) and forget all about all of that? Nah, no thank you.

There are seven more episodes to air, and one of the major things I personally feel needs to be resolved with Chuck’s imminent dismissal from his creation (because honestly do any of us believe that Chuck won’t be defeated in the end?) is the reorganization of the whole of Heaven and Hell. Something tells me that without Chuck manipulating creation, Heaven and Hell will not survive as they are, and then what would happen to Rowena? I think she’s still important to the story, or at least I hope she is.

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out, and I don’t have any definitive guesses about anything, but to me, this is the only way things can play out happily for Sam, saving Rowena the same way Cas once saved Dean (sorry Saileen shippers, I know Sam “saved” Eileen already, but uh... there’s about 50 asterisks on that where Chuck’s desired story just falls apart all over the place, especially the peek into the future Chuck gave Sam in 15.09).

[team-free-will-you-idjits-67]

Regarding Dean

Description: Dean starts losing his mind. Literally. All his memories, people’s names and even himself start slipping away. You and Sam fight to get him back with the help of Rowena. 

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Rowena Macleod, Reader

Relationship: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: A bit angsty (Maybe), FLUFF, implied smut at the very end (a little) 

Word Count: 2487

A/N: This is for @luci-in-trenchcoats 10k challenge! We had to write a fic based off an episode and I chose episode 12.11 Regarding Dean. 

A/N2: Again, thank you to my twin, the lovely @justawaywardwinchester for beta-ing this for me! 

Tag List

Masterlist

You sat at the motel table, head in your hands as Dean walked around the room trying to name objects. Sam was following closely behind, sighing and scribbling on a sticky note pad every time Dean named something wrong. 

You were sick to your stomach and your heart was breaking while you were watching the man you loved slip away. You only knew that it was going to get worse.

A knock on the door broke you from your troubled thoughts. You got up, watching the boys as you opened the door revealing Rowena on the other side, “Hello boys, Y/N.” You nodded towards her as she entered your room.

Dean looked at her quizzically, “Who’s she?”

She looked between you and Sam, “Looks like the spell is progressing, I see.”

You and Sam looked at each other, focusing back on the witch as Dean approached her. He smiled, tugging at a strand of her hair, “Her hair. It’s so bouncy!”

Rowena smiled, “Why, thank you!” She turned towards you and Sam, “Do we have to fix him?”

Sam cocked his head to the side “Rowena,” his tone dark with warning. You in turn stared daggers into her wretched soul for even lightly joking. Of course Dean needed to be fixed.

She sighed, turning her attention back towards Dean as she grabbed his hand, checking him over. “Those glyphs you found, are an archaic form of Celtic magic.” She continued on, but your attention was not focused on what she was saying.

You were focused on Dean.

You could see his light and mind diminishing, quickly. You were hunters. You knew that this life didn’t end pretty, but you never thought Dean’s would end this way. A literal vegetable.

Rowena and Sam walked to the other side of the motel room to talk while you sat with Dean on the bed watching Scooby Doo. You couldn’t help but smile at the innocence this dreadful curse placed on him. He beamed at Scooby, laughing at the ridiculous things the talking dog and his gang did.

Your mind wandered, wondering what would become of things if Dean couldn't be saved. How would you and Sam cope without the eldest Winchester? Sure, Dean may be an arrogant ass sometimes, but he was your family. You both needed him as much as he needed you guys.

You knew you wouldn’t be able to cope. His death, especially like this, would kill you.

In that instant, you regretted never being open with Dean about how you felt. It’s like all that usual rom com shit that old bitties love. You were pining after the man that you worked with, but never did anything about it. You were too scared to ruin your friendship with him. You’d rather have Dean as a friend than not have him at all.

Sam took Dean into the bathroom to talk alone, leaving you with Rowena. You stared at the TV, Scooby Doo still playing, when Rowena broke your attention from the cartoon. “Oh dear, Y/N.”

“What the hell do you want Rowena,” you words dripping with venom.

She chuckled, “No need to be nasty, Y/N. I just feel sorry for you.”

You tore your eyes from the screen, hateful disdain emanating towards the witch, “You feel sorry, for me?”

She nodded, crossing her hands delicately in front of her, “It’s hard to watch the man you love fade away.”

You stared at her, dumbfounded, “How-,” you were cut off by Sam leaving the bathroom.

Rowena quickly bounded towards Sam, “How is he?”

He shook his head, “Oh, like you care.” He sat on the end of the bed with you, “You know, I’ve seen my brother die, but watching him not become him? This might actually be worse.”

Tears started to form in your eyes as you listened to them. This definitely was worse than just watching Dean die. You rubbed your mouth, trying to push down your feelings.

Rowena spoke low, “We need to find that grimoire.”

You scoffed with Sam, “Of course. That’s your angle.” He ran his hand through his hair, “A powerful spell book shows up and all of a sudden, you’re here to help?”

You chimed in, “Altruism isn’t your style, Rowena.”

She looked between the both of you, “True. It never hurts to have a Winchester, or Winchester adjacent, owe you one though.”

You got up off the bed, walking towards your weapons bag. You grabbed your gun, checking to make sure it was loaded with Witch Killing Bullets as Sam got up, “Gideon Lockwood’s address was in his accountant’s files. If it’s there, we’ll find it.”

Rowena bounced slightly in place, “Well, of course you’ll need me there to read the spell.”

You cocked your gun and looked at Sam, “No, you’re staying with Dean.”

Sam looked at Rowena, “Someone needs to stay here with him, and I don’t trust you with us.”

Rowena scoffed, “Well, obviously. But the grimoire is written in ancient druid, how do you expect to find the right spell without me there?”

You walked over to Sam, handing him his loaded gun, “You said a few were still alive right?”

Rowena looked between the two of you and rolled her eyes, “You really expect them to read the spell for you? You just killed their brother, they would rather use your skin as an outfit.”

You and Sam smiled, holding up your guns, “They can try.”

---

You slid into the passenger seat of the impala, as Sam started it outside of the accountant’s office. Worry started to eat away at your insides.

What if it’s too late?

What if you can’t save Dean?

You looked over at Sam, white knuckled grip on the steering wheel as he stared forward. “Sam?” He didn’t look towards you and kept quiet. Tears started to prick at your eyes again as you whispered, “What if we can’t save him?”

Sam grunted in response, “We will save him.”

“But-.”

He turned towards you, seething, “We will save him.”

You nodded, staring forward as you drove towards the Lockwood’s house.

---

Sam ambushed the guard outside, “Who’s inside?”

The guard reluctantly told the two of you the lockwoods were indeed inside, before Sam put him down. You both quietly walked into the house as he called Rowena.

“You’re in?” The shock in her voice annoyed you slightly.

Sam shushed Rowena, “Yeah, we’re in.” He swallowed thickly, “As soon as I get the translation, you cast the spell.”

You both walked through the house, looking for the Lockwoods. Finally approaching a room with the door slightly ajar, soft humming coming from the other side of it. Sam pushed the door open, Gideon lay dead on a table in the middle of the room, stones covering his eyes, as his sister, Katrina, continued pinning the butterfly she had in her hand.

Sam stepped forward, “These guns are full of Witch Killing Bullets. So, why don’t you go to your grimoire and tell us how to break the memory spell?”

She snickered, finally looking towards you both, “I told him you would come.” She finally pinned the butterfly into her display case, “Boyd wanted to go after you, but I said ‘why bother? You’re hunters. You’ll hunt us down, right at our doorstep.’”

Sam stepped forward, “I’m not asking you again,” as Boyd came up from behind you two, yelling, throwing you two into a bookshelf as Katrina started chanting a spell over her display case. The noise that was produced from her spell was high pitched and harrowing, bursting your ear drums. Blood poured out of your ears as you tried protecting them with your hands.

It was no use.The pain you were in, physically and mentally, was enough to cause you to pass out.

You woke up to crashing on the floor below you. You looked around the room, Boyd was standing over Sam with a knife. Sam was trying to talk to him, reason with him, but he wasn’t having it.

The Lockwoods were hell bent on bringing their brother back.

You struggled against the magic they used against you, keeping you in place, hoping you could break free and save Sam when you heard a gunshot ring downstairs. Boyd panicked for his sister as Sam took the opportunity to charge him. Boyd dropped the knife and pushed Sam off with magic. He started to run out the door when Sam grabbed the blade and charged after him again. Another burst of magic knocked the blade from Sam’s hand as Boyd escaped from the room.

You felt the magical binds fall off of you as Boyd’s priorities ran elsewhere. You shot up, running after him with Sam. As you ran down the steps, you saw Dean, gun in hand, Katrina dead on the floor, and Rowena, a crumpled mess to the side.

He was confused, pointing the gun between the three of you, not knowing who the witch was. Sam yelled, “No, no, no,” he pointed to himself, “Brother,” you both looked at each other and pointed at Boyd, saying in unison, “Witch!”

Dean pointed the gun towards Boyd and pulled the trigger. Boyd fell against the wall, crumpling onto the floor as blood poured out of the bullet hole in his chest.

You looked at Rowena, “Rowena, you need to help him.”

She nodded as she stood up, “Some help up would have been appreciated, but a girl can’t get everything she wants, now can she?”

You grumbled as you walked down the stairs with Sam, passing Rowena dragging Dean up the stairs. You ran your hands through your hair and bit at your nails as you waited for Rowena to reverse the spell.

Purple light flooded the upstairs as you could hear Rowena chanting in the foyer. They emerged from the hallway, walking down the stairs as you both stared up at them dumbfounded.

Sam spoke softly, “Did it work?”

Dean looked over at him and pointed, “Who are those hippies?”

You turned away, running a hand through your hair as tears started falling down your cheeks.

It didn’t work.

Dean laughed behind you, “Look at his face. Ah, kind of like that time I ate all your Halloween candy. Remember? Classic.”

You turned around, wiping at your face as Sam scoffed, “Not funny.”

You shook your head, tears still falling, “That really wasn’t funny, Dean.”

His smile softened at your reaction, “I’m sorry, Y/N.” He walked towards you, wrapping you in a bear hug, “I didn’t mean to upset you like that. I was just trying to mess with Sam.”

You just nodded into his chest before pulling away, “Now, let’s get the hell out of here.”

The boys smiled and nodded, walking towards the door as you and Rowena followed closely behind them.

---

Rowena made sure to leave quickly after you all got back to the motel. She cleaned the blood off her face, fixed her makeup, and packed up quickly. You stayed in the room, packing up the last of everyone’s things as the boys walked out with Rowena.

You walked out of the room, as the boys were standing on either side of the Impala, talking. You opened the trunk, throwing in the duffle bags, and closed it.

Dean was messing with his keys as Sam looked at him with concern, “It’s uh, the shiny-.”

Dean glared at him, “Shut up and get in the car.” He looked towards you and smiled before he slid into the driver’s seat of the impala.

You quietly got into the back seat, settling your back against the door and throwing your legs up onto the seat. You closed your eyes, letting the calming sound of the tires floating over the tarred road, the boys rhythmic breathing, and the low sounds of a classic rock song wash over you. Sleep came easily now that you had Dean back and everyone was safe.

---

You woke up, a few miles from the bunker, Dean’s gaze hardened on to the road, Sam sleeping by his side. You swung your legs over from the seat, placing your feet on the floor board as you placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder, “How are you doing, Dean?”

He smirked, his right eye crinkling at the corner, “I’m good.”

You sighed as you sat back against the seat, “Okay. I’m here if you need to talk though.”

He nodded, “I know.”

---

You sat against the headboard of your bed, freshly showered, as you scrolled through Netflix when a knock rapped on your door. You sat up a bit straighter as you placed the remote down beside you, “Come in.”

A shadow loomed before you saw who was at your door. “Hey, Y/N.” You nodded as Dean pushed his way into your room with a hand rubbing the back of his neck, “Is it okay if we talk?”

You scooted over in your bed, patting the empty space, “Yeah, Dean. Always.”

He smiled as he sat next to you, laying his back flush with the headboard, “How are you doing,” he threw his hands out motioning in a circle, “after all of this?”

You chuckled, “Better, now that you’re okay.”

He smiled and nodded, “Yeah.” He looked up at the ceiling and rubbed his mouth, “Y/N, this uh,” he scoffed, “this whole thing really opened my eyes.”

You turned towards him slightly, “What do you mean?”

He chuckled as he wrung his hands in his lap, “I,” he paused, looking at you with concern in his eyes, “I,uh, like you Y/N. This was kind of a wake up call for me. Losing my mind and everything.” He smirked, “This life, it doesn’t have a happy ending. But, after the last 24 hours, I would like to make my life as happy as it can be, even with a shitty ending.” He looked at you, wide-eyed and mouth slightly agape, a small smile playing on his lips as he turned to face you, “Look, Y/N. The way I watched you react today, I think-,” you cut him off, lips crashing against his.

You cupped his cheek with a hand as your lips melded with his. His lips were soft, plump, and needy. Seemingly a perfect fit against yours. His hands cupped your face tightly as his tongue swept along your bottom lip, begging for entrance. You opened up to him, your tongues meeting, swirling together.

Dean broke from the kiss, staring deeply into your eyes, “Woah.”

You laughed, “What, didn’t expect that Winchester?”

He smiled and leaned in, softly kissing you. He got on top of you, dragging you down your bed so you were laying flat against your mattress, without breaking the kiss. One last soft peck of his lips, he looked you in the eyes, a smile plastered on his face, “Way better than I expected.”

Tags: 

Forever Tags:

@emoryhemsworth , @nanie5 , @gabrielslittleangel, @alexwinchester23 , @assassinofmasyaf , @caswinchester2000 , @justawaywardwinchester , @thehufflepuffblog

Dean x Reader Tags:

@unlikelycollectortimetraveler , @xxtheoutsidersxx