I cannot stop thinking about you today. I simply can’t. I know I’ll likely never give you this message but I have to be truthful and get it out somehow.
I have been trying for days, weeks even, to put this away. To feel differently. To pretend what I feel isn’t real.
To pour my energy into other things.
But what you resist persists, I suppose.
So instead…in this moment, I am simply going to allow myself to feel what I feel.
In this moment, I am going to long for you.
I am going to imagine you so vividly that my body begins to respond as if you were before me, wanting me as badly as I want you.
I am going to think about kissing you. Touching you.
I am going to think about what it feels like when you reach your arms out to me… and how in those moments, more than anything, I want to bury my head in your chest and breathe you in.
About what it would feel like to place my hands on your chest as you hold me, your lips resting against the top of my head.
To slide them up and around your neck as I look up at you. To find your eyes and plead with them that you might kiss me.
To get lost in that kiss.
To slide my fingertips from the back of your neck gently along your jaw line, drawing your tongue deeper into me.
To abandon my breath completely just to get more of the taste of you.
To hear your breath catch with desire for me and reciprocate by pulling you in deeper, still, my hand clutching at the back of your button down shirt.
To rest my fingertips softly at the side of our married mouths, urging you not to separate from me even a little.
In this moment, let me have you.
Just for right now, give me all of you.
If only in this daydream where I allow myself to tell the truth.
