#system denial

[anti-willo-sayori]

Tbh, I feel like people don’t talk about imposter syndrome “struggle Olympics” enough.

It’s like a constant fight between both “I’m not traumatized enough” and, because you’re so used to your own symptoms that it can be hard to tell how much it really effects you, “I’m not struggling enough for this to be a severe dissociative disorder”, and I feel like that insecurity often goes ignored.

[system-search]

Only good thing during trying to figure out if I'm a system is that I've somehow uncovered some trauma (by uncovered I mean, I randomly remembered it one day without even trying, it just reappeared in my memories) and it gives me panic attacks sometimes so I can't mistake myself for an endo or willo or anything

I'm anti endo anyway because I'm educated

[dreams-of-oranges]

We fall into denial so easily because of how we function. And by we I mean me.

Since I never leave front it's so easy to just tell myself that I'm pretending, that I'm lying to myself and the like two people I've told for attention. Especially on days when it's so quiet and I'm by myself.

I wish I was like the systems that can fully switch, who's alters do take full control of the body and present themselves so prominently. I care for my parts, and I appreciate all they do for me, but when the most they can do is heavily influence/co-front it makes it hard to believe ourself when we say we're plural.

[cerberus-dogs]

Introject: *forms* Me, in denial: Oh I'm so faking this. Introject: *pats my back in headspace to comfort me* Me: Totally not real at all. Introject, fronting, in denial: My voice is wrong my accent is wrong and my memories are wrong so I must be faking :)

[🩵🐶 & 🌹🐶]

[skylarcollective]

System denial is funny. What do you mean the "imaginary friend" you had during your hardest years reappeared one day, took over your body, and told your boyfriend all about the system just for you to go "nuh uh." The fuck you mean "nuh uh?"

This post is targeted at our old host

-Sean

[rae-of-death]

A very beloved friend of mine ( @dysphoricpoetic ) said this to us while we were somewhat in denial and I think it's valuable enough it belongs here.

Reality is subjective. The brain is a processor in a box with custom made sensors and nobody actually knows if all of our sensors even send the same signals as each other? You see a color and call it blue and other people learn that color is called blue but do they see the same blue you see? We can't know. But by agreeing hey whatever color we are actually perceiving, we'll call this object blue and now we can use that framework. And that's helpful, so the unspoken contract is that it doesn't matter what hex value the eyes send the brain that's blue and we're going with that.

So much of our world is built on that. On frameworks like that. On, well ok this is this. And it works. So why is that not good enough when it comes to this if it's good enough for what entire societies base their lives and cooperation and communication on?

We just take a lot of that for granted because we learned it so young we didn't have the experience or reasoning to really question it and we've leaned on it our whole lives

If the framework of plurality helps you (and it seems to) then does it matter? It's still helping you.

[renfaired]

What if I’m not a system and I just have like 50 disorders that mirror every single symptom of DID

[unique-plural]

modular subsystem. in our subsystem's case, denial spiral comes in the form of particulates for various neuroticisms [neutral] moving in & out of the consciousness bubble like its a damn kitchen, and almost every time a new one cycles through, they pull away with them the emotional and/or factual memory of their front so i cant access it. thank fuck it's just this subsystem because that means i have people in the main system helping us keep a grip on all this.

Ooh... We don't have anything like that but it sounds really odd.

I never heard anything like this before, at all. We don't have any modular subsystems either so it's not that easy to picture, maybe other modular systems have a similar experience.

-Zenith (2nd "Personality Host"/Zenitsu Fictive /@enberneutral)