Summary: MC tries to make dinner while a demon tries to woo them
Warnings: mentions of stalking , swearing and violence
Characters mentioned: all the brothers, Diavolo, and Barbatos (briefly)
Pairing: no implied relationship but gn! mc
Note: this was written in 2020 right after I joined the fandom and has been barely edited, so bare with the bad writing T-T
Today MC was not having a good time. They had dinner duty today and wanted to make a slightly fancy and big meal. Everyone had been busy the last few days and swamped with work, so making dinner a little bit better was the least they could do.
However, at the market MC wasn't getting so lucky. They went alone, so it was harder then usual to get thru the crowds—but MC was determined.
And when they finally got to the Butcher's stall some random demon had the nerve to hit on them.
"So, whats a little human like you doing all by yourself? Why don't you hang out with me?" MC rolled their eyes.
"I'm more interested in whatever weird demon food I'm buying than you," they turned around and placed their attention on the butcher.
"So I'll have two fishes, one quetalcoatl brain, 12 newt legs, and 2 whole havoc devils," MC had around an hour before they needed to get home and start prepping this food.
The butcher handed them their food, they thanked him and started to walk away.
"Not so fast, where do you think your going?" The demon had tried to trap MC in a kabedon, but failed terribly.
"I'm not interested, get the hint buddy. Or i swear to Diavolo I will summon of those idiots to deal with you," They ducked under his arm and sped walked to the next stall, hoping to lose him in the crowd.
They picked up some fresh veggies and fruits, and then started heading home.
‘Okay, if I sprint walk I should get home in time to be able to cook everything’ MC thought as made their way home.
They unlocked the door and headed inside. Luckily, Beel wasn't home to bother them while they cooked, he was at his sports practice. Surprisingly, nobody was home. Most of them decided to go get coffee at a new cafe, MC had been invited, but they lied and said they were feeling tired in order to keep up the surprise.
This was the time when MC had realized 'fuck, I barely have any experience with everything I bought'. Like everything else, they weren't going to give up. After all, seeing their happy faces, especially Beel's is going to make everything worth it.
So, MC pulled up the recipes on their D.D.D, started playing one of the brother's songs and got to work.
They started with the two whole havoc devils. This was most likely going to take the longest to cook, especially because there were two and all.
So, they washed and seasoned them, and started the roasting process. While that was cooking it was onto the quetzalcoatl brain curry- the one that Belphie loved.
Singing to themself, they started cooking the rice and getting the rest of the ingredients prepped.
Having made this before, it shouldn't be too bad, the other items were a little more worrying, but it was most likely going to turn out fine.
Yeah, or maybe not. Everything was almost done, MC just had the fish to do.
But, that was the issue. You would think all of the other crazy things MC bought would be the hardest and smelliest thing they would handle. But nope.
"Oh my god, its looking at me. Yeah um no. Sorry little fishy but, i kinda need to chop your head off," they started the de-scaling process and the chopping part, hoping it would be done quick.
"Stupid devildom markets and them only selling the whole fish," The first fish was done, and MC already wanted to give up.
"Why did I make myself cook two fish?" they sighed as they went to wash their hands and take a mini break.
In the corner of their eye, it seemed as though they had saw something or rather someone through the window.
‘Who would be dumb enough to approach the house of the seven rulers, it's probably just a bird or something’ MC thought dismissively
They headed back to the kitchen, washed their hands and grabbed the fish by its tail. Right as they were about to start, the doorbell started to rapidly go off and was followed by persistent banging.
MC, who was already pissed off and frustrated, due to their lack of fish knowledge, didn't even bother to put the fish down and took it to the door with them.
Upon opening the door, they were greeted with the demon from earlier, however he was in his demon form.
"Oh fuck no," they tried to shut the door in his face, but he wedged his foot in the gap.
"Hey babe, did you really think you could get away from me? Haha you? A pathetic little human. Wait- ew why do you smell bad?" he pinched his nose and made a disgusted face.
MC gave up and stepped outside the door, putting some distance between themself and the idiot.
"Wow, already giving up? Just what I thought. You are weak after all, none of those egotistical demons are here to save you," he smirked.
"Oh no, I'm so scared. As if bitch, I have this fish and I'm not afraid to use it," in the far distance, Satan, Asmo, Belphie, Beel, and Levi were on their way back.
"Hey is that MC?" Satan squinted.
"Are they with another demon?"
"Oh no, I think thats the weird stalker person we were told to look out for. Lucifer talked about it in the last council meeting,"
"Hold up, are they carrying a fish?"
"I think? We should go check it out, It doesn't feel right," they started rushing to the scene.
"Yeah like a measly fish could-*SMACK*" The creep was shocked. The group paused.
"Oh wow they just slapped him with the fish, I wanted to eat it," Beel was a little disappointed, however Belphie was proud.
"Woo yeah slap him MC," with or without the cheers, MC was hyped up.
"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET YOU FUCKING CREEP *SLAP* I JUST WANTED TO COOK *SLAP* FOR MY FAVORITE BOYS *SLAP*" by this point, he was laying on the ground while MC was just flailing the fish around.
Nobody made an effort to stop them, they just watched him get beat up with the fish.
"I feel bad for the fish, it has to touch that pevert's face." Asmo shuddered in disgust.
"Aren't any of ya going to stop them?" his words were barely heard, and barely listened to.
Belphie yawned, the rest were mostly wondering how long this would go on for.
"You are a demon, who's getting beat up by a fish. How more pathetic and pitiful can you be?" Satan had a point.
"What's with all the commotion? And why is MC slapping that person with a fish?" Lucifer had finally arrived home, with Mammon trailing behind.
MC finally stopped, adjusted their grip on the fish and began explaing.
"Well, I was at the market earlier getting stuff for dinner, and this idiot *slap* decided to hit on me, even after I rejected him, “ Lucifer sighed.
“Then I went home to start a fancy dinner as a surprise *slap*, but thats ruined now.” The demon groaned.
“And finally, as I was finishing up the fish, I find out that he followed me back home in an attempt to get something outta me *slap*"
MC could feel the air get tense, and took one glance at Lucifer. He was not happy.
"Hey okay, I think it's time to stop ya stop slapping him. Um leave the fish on the floor," Mammon started pulling at their arm leading them away.
"Thank you Mr. Fish, you did good," they whispered it and gave a little salute. Some of them gave them a 'wtf' look.
"Well MC, you caught the pervert that was causing trouble at RAD recently. But I think it's time for you to go inside. I will handle this," all of them, excluding Lucifer, headed inside, pulling MC in with them.
"Wow, the house smells so good."
"Please wait one second, I have everything plated and ready but the fish," Belphie gave them some wide eyes.
"You don't mean that fish right? It has idiot all over it, and dirt," MC laughed.
"No, I got two fishes originally. Also, what's up with devildom markets and selling the whole fish?" Levi stiffled a laugh.
"Loooooll romfl, they sell the fast and ready to cook fish too. You probably just went to the wrong place, or got sold the wrong thing," MC internally cried.
"Well, at least I managed to get everything done and plated. Besides the fish- I don't even know if I want to eat it anymore." Lucifer came back in shortly, with Diavolo and Barbatos beside him.
"I heard from Lucifer you put quite the show on out there," Diavolo seemed amused, but hints of anger were still present.
"Hahaha yeah," Mc sheepishly grinned.
"Well, since you are here, please have dinner with us."
The room settled into its usual dinner chaos as MC contemplated the last few hours.
Suffice to say, they were not going to eat fish for a very long time.
