CW: Lobotomy, ice pick, memory loss/amnesia, after effects of a lobotomy, medical whump
A piece of writing for my The Program AU :3
Truly, he had hoped that maybe - just maybe -something would have happened to delay the impending date. Maybe just enough for a swift rescue, or a miracle that would have been the take down of the program. He lingered awake at night, praying to anyone that may listen to save him from such a dire fate.
Rufus hadnât been so lucky.
The time was ticking, the doctors ready, the tools pristine and shining, prepared to be bloodied. Bumbling about the cramped space doctors voices floated over him, speaking of him as if he wasnât there at all. Readying for their victory, one that Rufus hoped didnât mean a complete end for the rebellion.
With a wash of tears crawling down his sunken cheeks, Rufus couldnât help but wallow in the despair of the moment. Of the lingering doom that he faced, knowing in just a few minutes his story was more than over.
If nothing else, it would have been nice to say goodbye. To tell his friends he loved them just once more. To give his mom one more hug. He couldnât see an outcome where that would still be possible when they were done with him.
Shaking in the chair they had him strapped onto, the metal pieces cracked against one another. His breathing picked up rapidly as he caught a glimpse of the ice pick they were about to use to split through his fucking skull. He tried to swallow down his cries, the ones that only got louder and whinier as they slipped from his chest.
A hand, gentle if not for the circumstances, nimbly fell to his shoulder. âCalm down, hun. Thereâs really nothing to be afraid of.â
Rufus made the attempt to shrug his designated nurse off, but her touch continued to linger. âE- easy for you to say.â He spat between whimpers. âYouâre not the one theyâre gonna f- fucking lobotomize.â
âI told you, Rufus, itâs not a lobotomy.â Nurse Becka chuckled, because she truly didnât give a fuck that this was the end of the line for him. âIt might seem similar, but I assure you itâs a million times safer. Weâve practically perfected it.â
âGo fuck yourself.â He growled, hot and fiery and desperate.
She sighed, as if she had the right to be disappointed. âAnd thatâs exactly why you need this, sweet. You wonât accept the help we offer, and we want to ensure that you get it.â Her fingers brushed over his cheek, and he nearly bit her hand right off.
âDonât kid yourself.â Rufus laughed in her face, spittle flying. âYouâre ruining lives every fucking day! Everything thatâs wrong with my life is all of your fault! Youâre all crazy!â
Nurse Becka shook her head. âYou need this, Rufus.â Rubbing in circles over his shoulder, she comforted him as his anger crumbled into despair. Her comfort was only welcomed as it was all he would get. âYou probably wonât remember this soon, but I want you to know that we are doing exactly whatâs in your best interest.â She smiled, standing as the doctors signaled for her to leave, as Rufus choked and sobbed. âTrust me.â
âPlease-,â he pleaded, vision clouded with tears. âPlease donât-,â
The doctor, face blinded by the light hanging from the ceiling and the mask over her face, snapped. âShush. Donât talk.â
âC- can-,â swallowing the last of his dignity, Rufus begged with an ugly cry. âp- please can you count down?â
The doctor began, a long pause as she adjusted her rubber gloves. Rufus froze, rigid and ice cold. This was it.
She picked up the ice pick, twirling it in her fingers to find the right grip. Shrieking, Rufus thrashed about as the rest of the doctors rushed to hold him in place.
âMnghâŚâ he whined, curling his face into the pillow below him. It was soft and fluffy, and he had no interest in waking.
âIâm sorry hun, but youâve been asleep way too long.â The voice said, calm and apologetic. He liked the way it sounded, but didnât like the words it was saying. âIâve got some questions to ask you, is that okay?â
âCâmon kiddo, time to get up.â The voice had arms then, flipping him onto his back and putting him face to face with the bright lights of the ceiling. âYou donât have to get out of bed, but I have a little quiz for you.â
âMm⌠âkayâŚâ he obediently adjusted his blanket over his chest, sinking back into the mattress.
Finding the nice voicesâ owner, he cocked his head at her. She had a mixture of colored, curly hair tied into a bun on the back of her head, with pretty long lashes and pretty brown eyes. âThat alright?â She asked.
âMhmâŚâ he said, barely recognizing what he had agreed to, lost in her tender gaze.
âFirst question.â She started, trailing down her clipboard with a pen. She sat beside his bed, legs crossed. âDo you know who I am?â
Squinting, he studied her once more. Besides her pretty hair, her pretty eyes, and her pretty smile, she had on dark blue scrubs with a name tag that said something he couldnât read. There were little glittery stickers on the tag though, ones he found vaguely pleasant. âNo.â
Her cheeks scrunched as she smiled harder, smile lines thick, still kind and calm inducing. âYou can call me Nurse Becka, and Iâll be the one taking care of you from now on.â She said, with her pretty lips and pretty white teeth. He absentmindedly licked the inside of his mouth, feeling his slick canines and set of mangled teeth. âIs that alright?â
âMhm.â He agreed instinctively.
âAlrighty then. Next question.â She tapped the pen to the paper, jaw working. He couldnât take his eyes off of her. âCan you tell me what the program is?â
âTheâŚ,â his chest tightened, just a bit. He didnât know why. âProgram?â
âCorrect.â She nodded.
âUhâŚ,â it was familiar, at the most. Racking his brain, he couldnât find anything else to say about the two words. âNo.â
She scribbled down something he couldnât see, just before her fingers grazed his knuckles. âThatâs alright hun. No answer is a wrong one.â
Her gaze flickered to the paper, before trailing back to meet his eyes. âDo you know where you are?â
He swallowed. âN- no.â
âGood thing I get to tell you then.â She laughed a little, light and bubbly. He liked that too. âYouâve been officially moved into one of the programâs top facilities for observation and facilitated living.â
âOkay.â He nodded, emotionless.
âNurses and doctors like myself who work here dedicate their careers to helping those like you who need extra care.â
His brows furrowed the slightest at that.
ââŚMe?â
âYes, dear.â Her features softened in response. âThe program wasnât able to work for you fully the first time, so we took it upon ourselves to keep fighting on your behalf.â She pointed to her left eye. âYouâve just been through a grueling procedure, one perfectly designed and proven to get rid of unwanted thoughts and feelings that make living normally hard.â
âMmnâŚâ doing his best to pay attention to her, he yawned loud and strong.
âThatâs what that bandage on your face is from.â
He repeated her motion of gesturing to her face, tapping to the left side of his face only to find a thick bandage wrapping the spot. Reaching to peel it off, he was stopped by the pretty ladyâs hand.
âWoah there!â She exclaimed, and he flinched back. âSorry, but you canât take that off, okay? Itâs going to keep that wound from getting infected.â Guiding his hand back to his lap, her smile failed to falter.
âLetâs move onto the last question, shall we?â She asked, and Rufus nodded, eager to listen. âCan you repeat back anything you have just learned?â
âUmâŚ,â She looked to him expectantly. Shaking his head in confusion, his face slightly twisted. He couldnât recall anything she had just said. âNo.â
Folding her delicate, worn hands in her lap, she flashed him a toothless show of satisfaction. âPerfect.â