#therapy advice

[the-wanderer]

[sysmedsaresexist]

how does someone process trauma they know next to nothing about?

I'm currently in therapy, my therapist is really good and all, specialised in EMDR and trauma focused CBT. she's very good, it's just... she's specialised with PTSD patients who aren't dissociative. she knows what dissociation is, she's just not used to working with dissociative patients who forgot their trauma.

she tells me to think of a distressing event that happened to me so we can work on it, and I really can't think of anything. for now we worked on more recent and distressing but not traumatic events, e.g. breaking down at work, why it happened, working on the causes and how to help it. I made some progress but every time she wants to really help me, I don't know how to start remembering. it's frustrating for the both of us and it's making me want to quit therapy at this point

am I doing it wrong at seeing an EMDR therapist instead of someone more specialised in dissociation?

I wouldn't say you're doing it wrong, I want to tell you to be patient. Your therapist may not be specialized, but it doesn't mean they can't help you, especially if you've clicked and feel comfortable with them. You might try asking if they know of any specialists, or ask them to look into the three phase approach.

Treatment is generally the same for ptsd and cdds but people with dissociation move at a MUCH slower pace. It can take years before the actual trauma will show itself.

The most effective treatment for CDDs is a three phase approach.

You don't actually process trauma until the second stage.

Normally because you still don't remember it.

Phase 1 is focused on stabilization, building skills and learning to manage emotions. It's just getting you in a headspace where you can just function and you're building a relationship with your therapist.

People take the importance of that relationship for granted, it's so important.

It's dealing with stressful situations and more recent trauma.

Phase 2 is trauma processing. Now that life is steadier and you've developed a good relationship with your therapist, you can then start looking for deeper trauma and working through those emotions. Your brain will probably not let you get to this point for a long time.

Phase 3 is about integrating those old memories across the system.

These phases are dynamic and people jump around a lot, they drop back into phase 1 randomly, suddenly they're integrating, one week you do great, another week it's like you've never had therapy before.

Be patient and trust the process, and especially decide if that therapist is the right one-- not based on what they specialize in, but how you get along with them. THAT'S the most important part.

[alpydk]

What would you do if the court room wasn't ruling your life for one afternoon?

I'd go in the garden and throw some fucking paint.

I did not have paint. But I had stickers for my box.

[serdunkthelunk]

I never finished Veilguard and honestly have no idea how it ends but in my mind my Rook fucked up so bad trying to save the world that the world basically exploded. It's unrecognizable. It's what supposedly would've happened if Solas had succeeded in tearing down the veil. And it's all on Rook's stupid incompetent impulsive angry shoulders <3

[your-local-squirrel]

Hey guys, I've got some genuine questions for the furry community to help a client and I'm hoping y'all can get this where it needs to go

So a teenage client disclosed to me that they consider themselves a therian or not entirely human. I asked them if there is a particular animal or being that they identify with, and they said wolves.

As someone who isn't a part of this community, I'm hoping y'all can point me towards some resources. Particularly for common terminology (I didn't know what a therian was until they explained) and any considerations I should make to ensure they know that they are welcome and accepted with me. Also open to learning about misconceptions and anything else you wish your therapist would know ahead of time :)

Thank you in advance!! <3

[system-of-a-feather]

Do you have any recommendations on finding a good therapist for treating DID?

(Sorry about how I think this has been sitting in my ask box for like a month I kept saying Id respond to it later XD)

Honestly? Its a complex thing and unfortunately finding therapists - in my opinion - is largely a game of shopping, luck, and fishing for someone who works well.

Typically though, a few things I find to be green flags.

They work with / help / are trained to help LGBT+ people; even if you arent LGBT+, therapists that are LGBT+ therapists tend to have a better perspective and better mindset to approach DID related issues. It's not a red flag if they don't explicitly say LGBT+ necessarily, but it is something I like to see

If they say they work with dissociative disorders, thats an obvious green flag

If they say they do EMDR I tend to consider that a relative green flag, as EMDR is a really useful tool for trauma processing and while its controversial as to if it is a good standard for people with dissociation, being certified in EMDR tends to signify that they have a dedication to working with people who have trauma and have dedicated time to that; so even if you dont plan to do EMDR, I like to see therapists that COULD do it

If they are trained and capable of working with personality disorders, particularly cluster B personality disorders, that is a good sign. Even if you don't have a cluster B, Cluster B personality disorders tend to be stigmatized WITHIN the mental health system and also tend to be considered "difficult patients" - so if they are more than comfortable stating that they work with Cluster B personality disorders, they are probably going to be better at dealing with some of the more extreme core beliefs, emotional dysregulation, and chaos that can come with working with someone who has DID

Some RED flags:

If they are a religious - particularly Christian or Catholic or have anything about 'healing through god / faith' or anything like that - run.

If they don't at least have PTSD on their treatment list

Trust your gut honestly

Also know what you need and what you want out of a therapist / out of therapy. "A good therapist for DID" could mean a lot of things depending on where you are in your journey and what sort of approach, level of help, and what not you need.

If you are early on, having someone that is familiar with complex trauma and dissociation that can help you figure out how to get a sense of stability, manage your trauma symptoms, learn self care and what not can be super helpful and you might not necessarily need a DID expert as the first stage in DID recovery is stabilization and is focused less on identifying all the parts and communicating with parts (though that will inherently be part of it) and more about trying to establish a sense of stability. For some systems, this might be able to be done pretty well even without a focus on DID and a good C-PTSD therapist that has a good rapport and good match generally can do you a lot of good

If you are later on in your recovery, having someone more DID familiar might be helpful in navigating the more complex nuances and conflicts that can come between parts.

If you are late stage in your recovery, having someone that is familiar enough with the concept and terms to generally follow the flow of discussion and experiences as well as open and respectful to learning / understanding your experiences can be plenty of enough for some people. In these cases, if you have issues that feel like they need a specialist more, then as long as the therapist is comfortable working with you, is familiar with DID and dissociation, and is capable of handling a C-PTSD / PTSD patient, then needing to be a "DID therapist" is honestly really not too important.

The latter is actually our situation, our therapist is an autism/adhd specialist first and foremost that got training and went through a deep dive relatively recently on complex trauma and complex dissociative disorders. Its by no means his expertise, but he is familiar and capable of following along which is honestly all we need at our stage

[chocolate-mintdromeda]

Something my therapist and I came up with, I want to share. I have ADHD (currently unmedicated). We're working on managing my day to day productivity, and being particular about planning and wording has been helping. I tend to get overwhelmed with not just everything I need to do, but everything I have to do to do it right. To the point that I would freeze or self sabotage.

Anyway, the whole point of all this is to say, we came up with a better way to say "lower your expectations". Instead, I focus on "increasing practicality".

It's not practical to move every every piece of furniture to sweep and mop, it's OK to go around some it. I don't have to clean the bathroom all in one go, I can do the sink one day, the toilet another. I can spot clean the floors, I can focus on the big messy chores, I can take it half an hour at a time.

Increase your practicality. And good luck.

[just-here-for-the-art-shit]

A Thing I Learned In Therapy:

This little ted talk is about something I learned in therapy, but I haven't seen talked about or known very often.

For mental States and disorders involving mood, if you ask a person what is stopping them from getting help even when it is made available to them - they will have a list. A lot of things on that list may sound like this:

"I don't want to burden people or my loved ones..."

"I'm afraid of what they will think of me."

"I don't have the energy to get up and do something about it."

"I can't be fixed/I don't want to be fixed."

"I'm afraid of losing my creativity."

This is the mental disorder talking. Not you.

The first step often in therapy is distancing yourself from the disorder/emotion, which you've probably heard - but what makes that so hard is fear.

"I fear being a burden to my loved ones will stress them out."

"I fear that if they know, they will leave me, or talk behind my back."

"I fear what will happen if I make an effort and fail."

"I fear there's no way to fix me/I'm afraid of not being this way."

"I fear I will lose myself."

You are attached to your mental disorder, trauma, emotion, etc, by fear. It has fear too - and it shares that with you in order to keep you in line, so to speak. Think of it like a virus or bacteria - it doesn't want to die off, it's going to fight back.

Having a mental disorder for so long means that the disorder roots itself more and more and more into your personality, until you see it as part of you - and you fear losing it.

Feeling happy after spending 8 years feeling sad is terrifying if you're not used to that sort of happiness. Depression has become a comfort zone.

Having no worries after being paranoid for 8 years is terrifying. Anxiety has become a comfort zone.

Have you ever known a person who is always, no matter what, in some sort of drama - and if they aren't, they make drama? Same thing. It's a comfort zone.

We may yearn to be free of depression, anxiety, anger, drama - but after such a long time, it's become a normalcy to have that yearning. When the problem goes away, and we have nothing to yearn for - Terror. Fear. Boredom. We need a new problem now.

To overcome all this? It's the most cliche thing in the book - you have to face fear. You have to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, to live in your fear. You have to find who you really are, not what the disorder says you are.

It's not easy. Believe me I know. And you'll want to give up. You won't want to even try in the first place. You'll slip up along the way and make excuses as to why you've given up.

You will never be a burden to the ones that truly love you - and if they say you are? That's their own mental disorder talking. Don't take it to heart - that's their problem, not yours.

Anyone who is worth your time will not leave you - friends leave those who refuse to change.

Your effort will mean something, even if you fail, even if it comes in micro amounts. You're going to fail sometimes. It's inevitable. But you will get back up too.

You are not stuck like this. You are not an outlier. A million people feel the same way you do. You are not alone, and you can get better. There is no definition of "fixed". There is no end of the road, just a zig zagging line of highs and lows - but the goal is to increase the amount of high plateaus.

And finally, being happy will not kill your creativity. That is you, not it.