a list of chaotic moments/conversations between Stasma Syr and Novei over the course of their long (and unique) friendship.
‼️ spoilers for the jedi consular/sith inquisitor storylines, KotFE, KotET, and beyond ‼️
the first time Novei and Staz meet in the genetics lab on Manaan:
they bully Valkorian together on Ziost, pissing him off before Lana even suggests the idea
Novei programs a droid to offer advice to Staz whenever she’s not on Odessen. all the ideas are war crimes.
Staz introduces Novei to rootleaf stew. Novei insists it’s disgusting. she’s eating it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner by the next week.
work together to make birthday dinner for Theron. set the kitchen on fire. they blame it on Force ghosts.
Staz: everyone, we need a plan.
Novei: *raises her hand*
Staz: *sighs* no, we can’t just destroy the planet.
Novei: that’s not what i was gonna say.
Staz: then what were you gonna say?
Novei: we destroy the entire solar system.
Staz: NO.
after learning that someone had placed a bounty contract on Staz, Novei pretended to be a bounty hunter and “brought” Staz in. once she received the money, Novei freed Staz and they arrested the contractor. they split the money afterwards.
place bets on how long it’ll take for Jorgan and Kaliyo to start arguing.
Staz: Sith tend to lie. *looks at Lana and Novei* no offense.
Lana: none taken. though, i must point out that we tend to lie for good reasons.
Novei: i do it for fun.
place bets on how long it’ll take for Scourge to destroy furniture again (Kira is included in the betting pool)
i know Republic players haven’t met Darth Rivix yet, but i just imagine the bombastic side-eye™ Novei and Staz would be giving each other every time he speaks because they both know he’s sus
Novei: ah, Nar Shaddaa...i used to have a cult here.
Staz: you had a what?!
Staz when Novei is insulting Darth Norok on Manaan: 👀 😗😮💨
Novei when Staz punches Saresh: 👁️ 👄 👁️
when they learn Darth Malgus is alive and well (Onslaught):
Novei doesn’t understand what Staz sees in Rass and judges him at every turn: “the commander doesn't like that blend of tea” “perhaps if you stopped following her around like a lost bantha she'd actually pay attention to you” “her favorite flowers are Alderaanian starflowers. didn't you know that?”
occasionally help each other do their makeup
enter each other’s rooms without knocking like the annoying (found) siblings they are
have a secret handshake
Bonus:
Staz: looks like we can’t mansplain, manipulate, manwhore our way out of this one
Novei: manslaughter it is
if technoblade and wilbur team in MCC i need to warn the new people that the majority of what they do is aggressively bicker and in fact if you didnt know better you might think they hate each other. i promise they dont. i dont think it’s always a joke but they definitely dont hate each other
Q and Bond flirt and MI6 ships it. There is a betting pool.
wordcount: 2791
Many thanks to Kira for helping me figure out the ending.
007 and the Quartermaster meet.
Really, the minions should have seen it coming. So should have R and Eve Moneypenny and M and the rest of the double 0s.
Introducing 007 to the Quartermaster had been the simultaneously best and worst decision MI6 had made since the founding of the double-0 program but the meeting of the youngest Quartermaster and the oldest serving Double-0 in the history of MI6 had not only been inevitable; at that point no one had really had any idea of what they were getting into.
Their fist meeting had been witnessed only by R, who was in Q’s ear at the time, and a few minions who kept tabs on the Quartermaster via CCTV, both of which was a plain matter of security.
It had been a smooth affair. Q had been brought to the National Gallery in a standard issue vehicle and entered the building with only a brief glance at the cameras above. He had strolled around for a bit, perfectly anonymous to everyone around him.
Then he had reached the meeting point and 007 had been waiting, ready to receive his papers and equipment.
»…Always makes me feel a bit melancholy. Grand old warship being ominously hauled away to scrap… Inevitability of time, don’t you think? What do you see?«
The cameras hadn’t been able to capture the slyness of the smirk in its entirety, and neither would they catch the cynicism in 007’s voice when he answered,
»A bloody big ship. Excuse me.«
Then Bond had turned away, and it had seemed as though he really was about to leave, had it not been for the very slightest of smiles on his face.
»I’m your new Quartermaster.« Q said, still facing the painting of ›A bloody big ship‹
Bond sat back down.
»You must be joking.«
»Why? Because I’m not wearing a lab coat?«
»Because you still have spots.«
»My complexion is hardly relevant.«
»Your competence is.«
»Age is no guarantee of efficiency.«
»And youth is no guarantee of innovation.«
The whole exchange had been laced with a hint of amusement that went over the heads of the Minions, whose grainy CCTV feeds and earpieces could only pick up so much.
They didn’t catch the glistening of a pair of rings on the Mens ring fingers either.
Later all present observers would agreed that, in retrospect, this was the point from which it had gone downhill. Though ›downhill‹ was the wrong expression entirely, because the Quartermaster and 007 had caught on like a house on fire.
And so it had begun.
When Bond wasn’t on mission he hung around Q-branch and tailed Q. Sometimes he would flirt in his not-so-subtle ways or bring Q fresh cups of earl grey.
Q flirted back be either complaining endlessly about Bond’s tea or not complaining at all, depending on how busy he was.
After a week of this Q branch had opened a betting pool on when and how they’d go on a date.
When Eve first found out she was close to furious - about not being told that is - and regularly joined the Minions on breaks to discuss the latest gossip.
Once Bond had brought Q Indian takeaway after returning from a mission. The wagers rose immediately.
Then Spectre happened. Bond had gone with Madeline and the entirety of Q-Branch and all of the double-0s were ready to murder Bond and incredibly careful around Q.
Q didn’t seem to care that Bond had run off but everyone at MI6 who was at least slightly invested in the matter was secretly convinced he was just putting on a brave face.
A few weeks after Bonds disappearance Eve and R - who was a mother hen to everyone in Q-Branch - told Q that he should just forget Bond; in response Q only looked at them like they’d just told him to get a job at an Internet café and asked what they meant by that.
Eve and R retold the exchange during break and again there was a major shift in the bettings. Not that anyone was having any doubts about the Quartermaster and 007 ending up together, but the predicted time for a first date moved back considerably.
Of course Bond came back eventually, as he always did.
He even brought with him all of his equipment, most of which was intact, including the Aston Martin which sported a new set of scratches but was otherwise fully functioning. When Bond entered Q-Branch - for the first time in six months after dropping of the radar as well as everyone’s favours - Q looked up from his Laptop, smirked at Bond when he laid out the equipment carefully on his desk and said with an eerie lightness in his voice: »Thank god you didn’t ruin the car. I’d hate to rebuild it from scratch again.«
Bond returned the smile and answered in his usual flirtatious tone »Don’t get used to it. I don’t think I’ll do a mission that quiet or extensive ever again.«
Q put his head to one side, and squinted at Bond and mused, »I suppose not, no. Yet another broken record, hm 007?«
Bond considered this for a moment, but refrained from answering and instead took Q’s empty scrabble mug and ventured to the Q-Branch break room to make a new cuppa.
The minions, who had collectively held their breath since 007 had set foot in Q-Branch, exhaled slowly and carefully but didn’t refrain from retelling the situation in vivid, if not dramatic detail to Eve and the agents during lunch. Eve later told M while delivering files.
Not a full 24 hours after Bond’s return everyone in on the situation had changed their bettings again.
By day three of 007’s - ‘unexpected’ wasn’t the right word, considering the bets had still run high during his time of absence - return, Bond had taken it onto himself to make sure the Quartermaster drank and ate properly and even organised a large couch from one of the waiting rooms to put in Q’s office. He denied that the sudden appearance of a bed substitute had anything to do with him, claiming he wouldn’t care how or where Q spent the night.
His lie would have been more believable had Bond not spent the better part of the last two days trying to convince the Quartermaster to sleep more.
Q only rolled his eyes so far back it looked painful and turned to work on a new project.
Obviously the information on Bond’s exact phrasing was passed around MI6 carefully and was thoroughly discussed during coffee break. By the end of the week everyone at MI6 was convinced Bond had stopped seeing other people altogether in an effort to get the Quartermaster to have dinner with him.
Then Bond was cleared for the field.
While he regularly lost his MI6 issued watches and guns, he always returned whatever communication device he was entrusted with. Q seemed to appreciate this, and always smiled brightly at the agent when he carefully placed the most recent earpiece or radio on Q’s desk. While the betting pool was often reset by a few days or even weeks it was only once after Bonds disappearance, that it was collectively delayed by more than five months.
Five weeks after Bond’s return to MI6, R checked into the google docs spreadsheet that the Minions had created to keep tract of the wagers, only to find that almost everyone had changed their wagers to an average of plus seven months until first date.
Confused she checked the minion group chat and, upon realising that something had happened during her off-shift, got Minion #22, Lake, to summarise why exactly there had been such a massive delay in the predicted dates.
Apparently Bond had come down to Q-Branch after spending his morning at the gym, which was not unusual. He had sported black slacks and a white shirt and the top three buttons had been undone.
That was unusual. R didn’t think she’d seen 007 without tie ever.
And Bond had been wearing a necklace, #22 continued, but not any necklace. There’d been a ring on it. It had been a simple gold band, fitted to someone with rather thin fingers in comparison to 007 himself.
The Minions had come to the obvious conclusion; Bond had been married and, whatever had happened to the original wearer of the ring, Bond wasn’t over it.
R contacted Eve Moneypenny.
To the dismay of all of MI6, while Bond kept flirting with Q and regularly fed him take-away, Q didn’t respond to his efforts any different from before. He ate and drank what Bond handed him, and even sometimes took a nap. Not once Q answered Bond’s offers to take him out for dinner with anything but an exasperated sigh.
R didn't get to see the fabled ring until two months later.
Bond was on a mission in Lebanon, trying to seduce a woman who knew something. Getting into the party had been ridiculously easy and within ten minutes of his arrival at the luxurious villa Bond was surrounded by pleasant music, thick red carpets and about two hundred strategically placed candles, that basked the crowd in golden light.
Bond was currently talking to a grey haired man sporting a white suit, whose tongue had been loosened by the free champagne significantly since the beginning of the event.
When the target entered the room every one present turned to towards her, including Bond. The grey haired man seemed to read his expression all to easily - though admittedly the years as spy had made Bond a formidable actor.
The man took another champagne flute from one of the passing waiters - his fifth - and shook his head at Bond, when he turned back to him. "Oh that is an expression I have seen before." He slurred.
Bond cocked one eyebrow.
"That look on your face, Mr. Sterling. Forget it. She doesn't go for men like us."
"Men like us?" Bond asked with an easy smile.
The target was, according to her files, eight years older than him, and the grey haired man was older than her by a few years, so age couldn’t be the deciding factor, and neither could money, as Bond was ‘Mr. Sterling’ tonight.
The grey-haired man sighed with all the theatrical expertise of a sixth grader. "She likes to go for married men -- Only for married men, ever since her husband died - the third one I mean." He hiccuped.
Q-branch was dead silent.
So was Bond, for a split second.
Then he turned away from his conversational partner and took a step into the crowd.
R, who was on CCTV duty for the night, could see him open his mouth to speak-
"Not a word James." Q unceremoniously cut off what ever Bond might have said. The place had excellent cameras, R found, as she watched Bond smile innocently.
"I don't know whatever you could mean, dear Quartermaster."
Q groaned and shoved up his glasses over his forehead to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Oh, grow up 007 -- Just do it."
Bond reached in the inner pocket of his suit and pulled out a chain with a ring on it.
Judging by the reaction of the minions - a collective intact of breath that was so blatantly obvious that even Q briefly looked up from his laptop in confusion - this was the necklace Bond had been wearing a few months back.
Bond, unaware of the consequences of his actions to the betting pool, opened the chains fastener and pulled the ring off. Then he carefully placed the chain back in his pocket and slipped the ring on his left ring finger where it fit surprisingly well. He straightened his suit jacket and made his way across the room to their target.
The rest of the mission passed in a haze.
Bond seduced the woman, who was convinced that he was a married man and thus more or less openly spilled some secrets MI6 had been after for weeks -- as well as some no one had had any idea about, but they weren’t going to complain about that, were they.
The intel was transmitted via Q-branch to the recipient, 004 - R's fiancé, currently on mission to snuff out a child trafficking ring in the north of the united States - and Bond, for once perfectly following his orders to return immediately, managed to grab the first plane to England the following morning.
What MI6 personnel found much more interesting than the gathered intel was the fact that not only was Bond apparently over his marriage - or at least had no problem using it to his advantage - but Q had apparently been well aware the spies former engagement.
Within three hours the betting pool was fully reset once again.
Bonds flight -Beirut to London, almost 2000 kilometres - took four hours which he spent sleeping. When he arrived at Heathrow, still quite tired, he found that Q had already organised a non descriptive silver car to take him back to MI6. Yet, by the time Bond finally reached the steel doors of Q branch it was 10 am and the day shift had taken over again. The only thing he wanted now was a warm bed with a Quartermaster in it, and since Q had worked even longer than he had he woudn’t object to James taking him home. If you asked James he slept way too little anyways.
Bond put his Hand on the scanner to his left and waited till it had picked up his handprint - something Q branch apparently had an obsession with - and stepped through the opening doors.
R sighed. Deeply. She was supposed to be at home by now, enjoying the off time or sleeping, yet here she was, sitting at her desk, working on a project. And it was all Bond's fault.
Well technically.
She just wanted to be present for 007 return - usually the best time to pick up fresh gossip about the Agents budding relationship with the quartermaster. Unfortunately she now could barely keep her eyes open. Time for another coffee then. She stood, cup in hand, when the for opened and Bond strode in. Fucking finally.
As usual Bond went straight for the Quartermasters desk at the back centre of the room where Q was sitting, typing idly away on his sticker covered laptop.
As usual Q looked up at the sound of Bonds steps on the cold concrete floor, a smile forming on his lips. Since Bond hadn’t been equipped with anything more than a com system for the mission, only carefully placed the small device on Q’s desk.
“You know 007, I might just start equipping you with only a com. At least if I don’t give you any tech, you won’t be able to loose it, hm?”
“Aw Q, you wouldn’t do that to me.”
Q didn’t answer.
“Would you?”
Q wasn’t listening. Even from R’s position pretty much all the way across the room it was clear that he was staring at Bonds hand. The one with the Ring on it.
Now even James noticed that something was amiss.
Q stood from his chair and extended his hand towards 007. “James, Hand over the Ring.” There was something in his voice that was a perfect mix of annoyance and fondness - which confused R a great deal.
Bond liftend his hand and pulled the ring off. It must have been a little too tight because he struggled quite a bit before dropping it in Q’s outstretched hand.
R took a step towards Q’s desk, to have a closer look. By now the attention of the entire room was in Q and 007.
Q rummaged with his free left hand through the pocket of his cardigan and pulled out a gold ring that seemed - to everyones surprise - to be the exact same Bond had just handed him, safe for the size. Bond’s ring was narrower, while Q’s looked like it would fit comfortably on the Quartermaster thumb.
Q took the larger ring and slipped it onto Bond’s outstretched finger, where it fir perfectly. Bond smiled, not fazed in the least.
“I was wondering why it was so tight.”
Q scoffed. “Oh yes, it’s almost as though there was a reason they get fitted, hm?”
Bond’s smile only widened as he picked up the smaller ring to slip it onto Q’s ring finger, apparently completely unaware of the minions shocked expressions around them.
“Join me for dinner then, Quartermaster?”
R chocked on air, but Q only rolled his eyes and shut down his laptop, carefully placing it in his messenger bag.
“James, for the love of god. It’s 10:12 am and I just completed a 38 hour shift.“
Bond’s smirk only grew as he offered his left arm for Q to take. “Bed it is then.”
