#things ive overheard

[modernlotrhobbitthoughts]

LotR + Hobbit Characters as (Even More) Things I’ve Overheard (Part 2/3)

The Mouth of Sauron: I never wish to be forced to submit to the dentist.

Galadriel: You know what’s cool? [*starts singing creepily*] I have lucid dreams... where I can’t see a thing...

Denethor: Wow! No, I take it back. I don’t care. Leave me alone.

Fili: Okay, I’m going to tell you all the facts I know about Bruce Willis. Ready, go!

Ori: I often get crafts and weapons mixed up.

Elrond: It’s interesting to watch with your critical hat pulled firmly around your ears.

Nori: He’s the nicest looking raccoon he can be.

Éomer: Feeling disillusioned? Do some shots!

Boromir: In all of my dreams I’m driving a Jeep.

Legolas: Heterosexual sex... which is quite problematic...

Pippin: I almost got high off my monkey noodles.

[bluestone-alley]

Some of the best things I have overheard

“Cmon boys lets go get that mayonnaise”

“Rest In Pepsi”

“STDs gotta catch em all”

“Dwayne The Rock Johnson is part of the MCU”

“I don’t know what I need more, alcohol or a shower.”

“Hi I would like to have non-binary with a side of people misgendering me”

“8th grade privilege is smoking weed.”

“Grammarly can suck my dick”

“I control alt deleted your rights.”

“Do I have the chance to opt out of an assignment if I cry”

“Fight me in LEGO Marvel Superhero’s, dude.”

“Do it and I’ll let Owen suck your toes”

“My boy loves his friends like I love my split ends, but now he’s just a broke hoe.”

“I wanna kill myself too, high five”

“You take my points and I’ll take your life.”

“You can really feel the insecurity in the air”

[modernlotrhobbitthoughts]

LotR + Hobbit Characters as (Even More) Things I’ve Overheard (Part 3/3)

Sam: Oh! You should talk to him about plants! He wants to be…. [*clearly loses train of thought*] a plant.

Tauriel: We could discuss the plot of a Barbie movie and refuse to acknowledge it when the professor asks questions.

Smaug: If nothing is real, why are we allergic to different types of fire?

Aragorn: Shanty Baron is the ideal title.

Merry: Wait, don’t you want to see grandma’s drugs?

Faramir: I can’t think any deeper than colors, sorry

Radagast: I’ve always had really loose ear crystals.

Sauron: Sorry, I was just thinking about being a transparent eyeball.

Bofur: Maybe in the future, people will be watching Cats 2019 and analyzing it as a great piece of art.

Kili: Have you heard of a show called Spongebob? Because I think you’d love it.

[modernlotrhobbitthoughts]

LotR + Hobbit Characters as Things I’ve Overheard (Again) (Part 1/2)

Glorfindel: The mafia had an… understanding… with the gay community.

Gimli: Who needs to be a CEO when you could be a professional bar fighter?

Elrond: STOP! Okay, no more Donald Duck impressions, you guys!!

Aragorn: He’s married and has two kids. I hope he understands at least…. One emotion.

Bard: Whatever happened to just good ol’ math?

Bombur: He’s got a big ole mouth for cheese.

Bilbo: I’m an accurate cricket sort of person.

Smaug: Oh no, his garbage can is on fire.

Pippin: I ain’t a snitch either! ...Because you can’t be a snitch if you don’t know anything.

Frodo: Reading is a sport for the eyes.

Faramir: *1000% done* Oh, look, there’s an alligator. Oh, wait, he ate me. Sucks, I guess.

Galadriel: *after describing something that makes no sense* This is where it gets tragically complicated.

Saruman: *singing* Dead bones. Human bones. Dead bones. Human bones.

Sam: *after a long silence* Oh, to be a pebble… in grass…

[modernlotrhobbitthoughts]

LotR + Hobbit Characters as Things I’ve Overheard (Again) (Part 2/2)

Thranduil: Also, the dance is on roller skates so you have to learn how to roller skate in the next two days. Okay, bye.

Thorin: Ohhhh, tragedy has made him dumb.

Bofur: He’s our foreign exchange hobo.

Dwalin: Oh yes, the war rhinos!

Lindir: Ah, weather. *uncomfortably long pause* That’s it. I’m done.

Radagast: To let a wolf lick your teeth would actually be really sanitizing.

Éowyn: I think it was really the toxic masculinity that took me out of it.

Legolas: Ah, there he goes, causing one of his classic traffic hazards.

Boromir: Sometimes this thing just makes me think: “WHAT?!?!”

Merry: I just think it’s interesting symbolism for him to be closer to heaven than hell. Anyway, those pairs of people’s heads look like boobs.

Ori: I could smell this book all day. Maybe I could get high off of it!

Tauriel: I’ve got my punching fists ready to Black Friday some people so I can get what I want.

Kili: I’d cry if I lost. Wii Sports Resort is my whole life.

Gandalf: Ha! The trash can gives me power!

Fili: *gesturing with a giant knife* Look, safety is key-- oh, wait, shit.

[modernlotrhobbitthoughts]

LotR and Hobbit Characters as Things I’ve Overheard, Part 2:

Ori: *(“I’m sixteen! I’m not a child anymore!”)* I’m still a child! Do you know how old I am? Yeah, me neither!

Gimli: *third grader* You’re wearing a beer hat. Classic.

Éowyn: No one breathes oxygen anymore! It’s too mainstream!

Nazgûl: Did you just kill an innocent civilian?

Elrond: Careful of the stairs. They go down.

Bard: Yeah, it’d be super neat, until you die!

Thranduil: Ferme ta fucking bouche, bitch!

Bifur: *violently signing ‘milk’ in sign language*

Boromir: If I get married-- *fake laughter*

Tauriel: Here’s the deal: if you stand up straight, I’ll keep my bra strap in the right place.

Kili: What’s so bad about bringing the llama in? *walks in with a giant green llama and immediately gets yelled at*

Fili: Our family left us and now we’re lost.

Dwalin: *spitting crumbs everywhere* These are CRACKERS!

Galadriel: *(“the document will explain it”)* Okay. Well, all this says is: “and it is.”

Faramir: Oh my god. I just clapped so hard I scared myself.

[onomonopetabread]

High schoolers are the funniest people on Earth. I just heard a teenager argue with his friend over whether it’s weird that he’s in love with, and I quote, “an eighty year old silver fox anime lady”.

[officialfaeriequeen]

Overheard at school today

Some kid: stop fingering my butthole. It’s gay