My ex convinced me I was Endogenic. I am not. I'm actually a system though. She broke up with me for figuring out I wasn't Endo.
This is forced syscovery.
This is a huge reason I have a problem with the endogenic community. They view "plurality" casually enough that they see nothing wrong with convincing others they are systems, when in actuality their overlap in the CDD community is what causes situations like this.
Nobody should be forced into syscovery, whether or not you believe that person is "endogenic" or not. You have absolutely NO way of knowing what is going on in someone else's brain.
I'm going to talk about our own syscovery for a moment, because this isn't the first time we have had endos come to us assuming we're the type of anti who abuses people into their syscoveries/tries to convince them they just have a CDD. I feel it's important to share my own experiences with armchair diagnosis and how it has harmed me if I'm going to continue running this blog.
I also wanted to make this post to hold myself accountable for ignoring asks like that in the future. Those accusations are not worth my time, and I recognize that.
Content warnings ahead: emotional/psychological abuse, forced syscovery discussed somewhat in detail, and general trauma discussion:
My first year of college (before system awareness), I chose to room with someone I knew from high school who had DID (and at the time, anti-endogenic, but syscourse wasn't really something I cared then). We were fairly well-acquainted with one another, but we weren't exactly friends until rooming in college.
This system forced someone we love very much into acknowledging their trauma within the first week of classes, and made them realize they are a system. I don't have the in-depth story on their forced syscovery, but it also is not mine to share.
Two months later, on a day we were already very dissociated, our roommate did the same thing to us.
On this day, the three of us (including the other system whose syscovery our roommate had already forced) took a walk down to the local park to have dinner. In this location, a mile away from the residence hall we were staying in, our roommate began asking us questions regarding systemhood. These were all questions we had been asked by them before, but they pushed us into really thinking about our answers. We insisted we didn't have any amnesia, that we only experienced normal forgetting. They described "grey-out" and emotional amnesia to us (along with describing general dissociation and other symptoms in-depth), pressed us into thinking about how it applied to us, and would not let up until we were genuinely too dissociated to answer them anymore.
It was getting dark by the time we started making our way back to the residence hall, and we could barely walk. We had to be half-carried and take multiple breaks in walking because of just how extremely dissociated we were. I have a very difficult time remembering this entire day—most of the "memory" I have from it is from a retelling of what happened from our partner system (who is the other system who was forced into syscovery by our roommate).
Our roommate had pushed us into acknowledgement so forcefully that the first alters we were aware of aside from our host were heavy persecutor-protectors (both extremely covert). We still have worries to this day that we were only manipulated into believing we are a system because of how extremely we were affected.
Being forced into syscovery was catastrophic to our mental health. A lot of trauma we were not ready, nor in a safe place to uncover was realized, acknowledged, and resurfaced due to the premature/forced system awareness. We didn't have access to reliable psych care, nor had the money to support ourselves (and we tried the campus counselors, they SUCKED). It was awful. Us and our partner system bonded a lot through the trauma we endured from this system, and we have not been in contact with that system for two years now.
I would never wish my experience on anyone else, no matter how much they disagree with my views. Being forced to recognize I had a CDD resulted in one of, if not the most traumatic periods of my life. I truly hate having to defend myself from accusations of something I would not only never do, but something that I, myself, have had to endure and still negatively affects us to this day. Since I am admittedly still finding myself bothered by the ask from yesterday, I am reiterating that we won't be acknowledging asks of that nature any more. If people want to be so horribly ignorant and confrontational like that again, my responsibility of educating them ends here.
My significant other used to make jokes about things I would say that seemed plural. It started to bother me, so I asked him to stop and he did. He sent me a comic about systems in denial and said i didnt have to read it. I did not feel pressured to. I did read it anyways. Within a week we had talked about it and came to the conclusion i likely was a system. He isnt wrong, it just happened very fast and caused a lot of breakdowns about identity. The timing was bad bc we didn't (and sometimes still don't) believe we were abused even. Im not at all upset at him, it just was intense for figuring it all out in like. Under 2 weeks
This is forced syscovery.
Even if people mean well or don't mean to cause harm, armchair diagnosis that ultimately leads to premature disorder/trauma acknowledgement never ends well. I hope you're doing better now, nonnie. Forced syscovery is extremely stressful.
Thing is, I am a (self-diagnosed due to doctors not available since yeras) system
However I hate how I discovered it
I was in a bad, traumatising situation. I already was a system however I myself was NOT aware of it.
I did hear about systems before and knew what they were but I put alters off as 'oh those are just fantasy friends im imagining' or 'oh im just imagining im that character!' Which was good because it kept me calm and bla bla
Anyways, my friend was also into reading about systems back then (funnily enough they are one too)
We were around, 13 or 14 then, I domt know exactly
But either way they read about it and sometimes said stuff, and somwtimes I did thing 'huh seems familiar to me' but I didnt dive deep into it
Eventually they realized i am a system tho. Which is fine cause sure you can suspect stuff and i suppose you could ask 'have you ever thought you were a system?' Or so, sure.
But they got SO obsessed with making me realize I am a system back then
They kept telling me I am a system, when I said the slightest thing that is a symptom, instead of just talking about the thing they were like 'see that is a system thing!' And bla bla
It caused me to eventually realize that yes, I am a system, but it was bad.
We were in a situation where being mentally ill was seen as *bad*.
So i went into denial which caused me more stress, which caused more splits which just worsened it
It led to sh and stuff [tho i never told my friend that] and it was just really bad.
I get my friend just wanted to help me, but it just made it worse back then. I would've preferred it greatly if I would've figured it out myself eventually or through theraphy
This is forced syscovery.
I feel you, nonnie. I'm so sorry you were pushed into acknowledging you were a system.
Armchair diagnosis is being pushed into syscovery and into separating my "alters" by endos because I have multiple kintypes and experience voices due to schizophrenia.
This is armchair diagnosis, and forced syscovery.
So sorry this happened, op. This is such an important reason why we are anti endo, ourselves—and why pro-endo rhetoric is so harmful.
Formerly run by @pocket-of-trinkets , formerly @/pocket-trinkets. New mod - Aimee (pronounced ay-mee). Aimee's intro
This page was inspired by the rise in armchair diagnosis and forced trauma recognition I have seen online. I intend to educate on unhealthy methods commonly used to "help" people who are struggling, point out harmful behaviors within mental health spaces, and generally focus on forced illness acknowledgement.
This blog is anti-endogenic and anti-radqueer, but anyone may send asks and examples of armchair diagnosis. Any hate or aggression will be ignored, and senders will be blocked.
FAQ
What is armchair diagnosis?
WIP:
Why is armchair diagnosis harmful?
Why consider endogenics perpetrators of armchair diagnosis when plurality (in their eyes) isn't always disordered?
