Tolkien Characters as things my extended family and I have said on our annual five day bender (pt. 1)
Aragorn: Anything that wants my blood bothers me.
Kili: No cousin wants to see their cousin’s friend’s dick and balls!!!
Legolas: You cannot mount the lama. I’m sorry. You cannnot do it.
Boromir: What is that? Your ass peircing??
Denethor: MINECRAFT. THEY ARE SITTING ON THE PORCH BEING CRIMINALS. M I N E C R A F T.
Samwise: Google potatoes.
Fili: And then she had this unwashed asshole and she wanted him to eat her ass because she really wanted him to eat it, but he never did.
Thranduil: I threw shit at my children. White claws. Dirt. Children.
Merry, seeing Pippin pour beer on his foot: That’s alcohol abuse.
Bombur: I’m a big fan of beans.
Bofur: I’ve got a mattress. I can pretend that someone is under me….and on top of me.
Kili: *rushes Fili into his room* I need to tell you about my bagalini addiction. *pulls out 5 different bags* “You can’t tell Thorin!”
Dwalin, looking at Bilbo: He’s a concerning kind of weird.
Gimli: Hey! ASSHOLE! Come join your friends over there. There’s some sort of orgy happening.
Samwise, spraying an insect eating his plants: fuuuuuuccck youuuuuuuuu
Kili: Uncle Thorin poked me in the butthole.
Gimli, to Gandalf: You look like you have been antiqued.
Frodo: I feel like a shriveled up shrimp.
more parts coming soon!