seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Canada
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Martinique
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Singapore
seen from Japan
seen from Romania
seen from United States
seen from Spain
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
Maglor: what on earth are you gonna do now
Maedhros: Fingon
Melkor: So I have a confession to make.
Mairon, already Sus™: I'm listening.
Melkor: Well, number one: I may have had a thing. With an Elf. In Valinor. I was lonely. Number two: I may have borrowed some of his jewelry. Without his permission. Number three: he noticed and now he's real mad at me. And number four: we're at war now. BUT.
Mairon: There's a but?
Melkor: Surprise! You love war!
Mairon:
Melkor: [does 'ta-da!' jazz hands]
Mairon, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration:
Melkor:
Mairon: I am going to throttle you.
Melkor: How? You're not tall enough.
Mairon: YOU'VE SUNK LOW ENOUGH FOR ME TO REACH
Tolkien Characters as things my extended family and I have said on our annual five day bender (pt. 1)
Aragorn: Anything that wants my blood bothers me.
Kili: No cousin wants to see their cousin’s friend’s dick and balls!!!
Legolas: You cannot mount the lama. I’m sorry. You cannnot do it.
Boromir: What is that? Your ass peircing??
Denethor: MINECRAFT. THEY ARE SITTING ON THE PORCH BEING CRIMINALS. M I N E C R A F T.
Samwise: Google potatoes.
Fili: And then she had this unwashed asshole and she wanted him to eat her ass because she really wanted him to eat it, but he never did.
Thranduil: I threw shit at my children. White claws. Dirt. Children.
Merry, seeing Pippin pour beer on his foot: That’s alcohol abuse.
Bombur: I’m a big fan of beans.
Bofur: I’ve got a mattress. I can pretend that someone is under me….and on top of me.
Kili: *rushes Fili into his room* I need to tell you about my bagalini addiction. *pulls out 5 different bags* “You can’t tell Thorin!”
Dwalin, looking at Bilbo: He’s a concerning kind of weird.
Gimli: Hey! ASSHOLE! Come join your friends over there. There’s some sort of orgy happening.
Samwise, spraying an insect eating his plants: fuuuuuuccck youuuuuuuuu
Kili: Uncle Thorin poked me in the butthole.
Gimli, to Gandalf: You look like you have been antiqued.
Frodo: I feel like a shriveled up shrimp.
more parts coming soon!
Elros: Maglor, we're hungry!
Elrond: Maglor! What's for dinner?
Maedhros: We're hungry, Maglor!
Maglor, frying a bottle of ketchup over the stove: *screams*
Balin: So how exactly did this accident happen?
Ori: We were driving and Amahle didn’t see that there was a deer in the road, so I said, “Amahle, deer!”
Balin: Okay. And then?
Ori: Do you wanna tell him what you said next or should I?
Amahle:
Amahle: *sighs* I said, “Yes, honey?”
In the Halls of Mandos...
Finarfin: I just wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school. I wish that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles, and we'd all eat it and be happy
Feanor: He doesn't even go here!
Feanor: I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me, but I can't help it if I'm popular
Turgon, looking at Third Age Minas Tirith: that is the ugliest effing kingdom I have ever seen
Maglor: On Wednesdays, we wear red
Celegorm: Get in losers, we're going kinsl- I mean hunting
Fingolfin: Feanor, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you hit yourself with a hammer. And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.
Finrod, about Curufin: Irregardless, ex-boyfriends are just off limit to friends. I mean, that's just like, the rules of eldarism
Aredhel, to Eol: Why are you so obsessed with me?
Caranthir, about Haleth: I gave her everything! I was half a virgin when I met her
Celebrimbor, about Annatar: I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him
Curufin: You're really pretty
Orodreth: Thank you
Curufin: So you agree? You think you're really pretty?
Maedhros: I don't think my father, the inventor of Silmarils, would be too pleased to hear about this
Fingon, pushing Maedhros' hair back: Will you tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back?
Nerdanel, visiting Maedhros and Fingon: Do you guys need anything? Some snacks? A condom? Let me know know. Oh, Eru love you
Elros: Forgive me Father, for I have sinny-sin-sinned.
Maglor: not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming ptsd, so theres that
