So I just read Song of Songs, a book supposedly written by Solomon and a book that is part of both jewish canon and most versions of Christian canon. It’s a love poem that’s supposed to be an allegory for the Israelites relationship with god and the temple. I read it. It’s not really long, but it is read. Oh boy. And. And I. And I have. And I have some... I have some Thoughts. Many Thoughts.
Firstly, some parts of this poem are really genuinely sweet!
[Captions: three verses from Song of Songs. The first one says “Let me be a seal upon your heart, like the seal upon your hand. For love is as fierce as death, passion is mighty as Sheol; it’s darts are darts of fire, a blazing flame.” The second verse reads “Who is she that shines through like the dawn, beautiful as the moon, radiant as the sun, awesome as bannered hosts.” The final and third verse says “You have captured my heart, my own, my bride, you have captured my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one coil of your necklace.”]
And like, that’s pretty neat! A lot of parts are actually beautiful, but the thing about this song is that as poetic as it is, it is also unmistakably, undeniably horny. Like really, really horny.
[two verses from Song of Songs. The first says “Sweetness drops from your lips, O bride; Honey and milk are under your tongue, and the scent of your robes is like the scent of Lebanon.” The second verse says “Awake, O north wind, come, O south wind! Blow upon my garden, that it’s perfume may spread. Let my beloved come to his garden and enjoy it’s luscious fruits.”]
And that is.... weird. Idk why Solomon likes Lebanon so much. But like fr, this is like, new levels of sexual innuendo that I just... I wish I could include more, but what really caught my eye was verses like this:
(btw the third and fourth verses are right next to eachother in that order)
[Five verses from the Song of Solomon. The first one says “His legs are like marble pillars set in sockets of fine gold. He is majestic as Lebanon, stately as the cedars.” The second one says “His cheeks are like beds of spices, banks of perfume. His lips are like lilies; they drip flowing myrrh.” The third one says “if only it could be as with a brother, as if you had nursed at my mothers breast: then I could kiss you when I met you in the street, and nobody would despise me.” The fourth verse says “I would bring you, I would lead you to the house of my mother, of her who taught me — I would let you drink of the spiced wine, of my pomegranate juice.” The fifth and final verse says “his left hand was under my head, his right hand caressed me.”]
HEY SO QUICK QUESTION SOLOMON
WHAT THE ABSOLUTE 156% FUCK? WHAT THE FFFFFFFFUCK!
I will inform you that these are supposedly written from the perspective of a woman but they are still supposedly written by King Solomon himself!
I am not paraphrasing. This is the canon text. This is the most homoerotic thing I have ever read and it is in the Bible! I CAN’T FUCKING HANDLE THIS!
oh my god he just- he- h-
SOLOMON YOU FUCKING GENIUS! YOUR HOMOEROTIC POEMS MADE IT INTO THE BIBLE! I APPLAUD YOU SIR!
