Torn Apart- Part 2
Thank you all for the beautiful feedback on the first part of this Eddie Diaz series.
I hope you will all like this next part, please let me know what you think and any ideas you have.
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Summary: (Y/n) tries to cheer her brother up and takes Chris to spend the day with him. But they all get swept up in a tsunami, and when Eddie finds out, he becomes frantic to try and find his family. Especially because (Y/n) is pregnant.
Enjoy.
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The twisting, niggling feeling wouldn't dissipate from Eddie's stomach no matter what he did or how hard he tried to settle down.
He couldn't settle. He couldn't stay calm. What was he supposed to do when his pregnant wife was missing during a tsunami?
Fate seemed to have doomed Eddie because this wasn't just the regular panic of wondering where (Y/n) was and if she was alright. He knew she was involved in the tsunami, there was no question of that. She had been caught up in the all consuming waves. She had been snatched from the pier by the ravaging ocean just like Buck and Chris. It was a question of where she was and how injured she was.
The unknown was biting away at Eddie's heart, taking huge chunks at a time until he was certain that there would be nothing left but tattered shards that would be of no use to anyone.
How was he supposed to find her? Eddie wished love could be used as a radar to point him in the right direction. That his love and connection to (Y/n) could be seen as a ribbon that bound them together and he could follow it right to wherever his wife was. No matter what condition she might be in, Eddie had to find her.
Eddie's foot tapped incessantly against the polished floor until he sounded like a drummer on overdrive. But he wasn't pacing up and down anymore, and he wasn't sat in the corridor sobbing his heart out either.
He was stood in the small assessment room with Chris in his arms now that he had been checked over and cleared. He had a few cuts and bruises but miraculously no broken bones or deep gashes or wounds. He had done extremely well under the circumstances.
As soon as he had been checked over, Chris scrambled into Eddie's arms. Leading to Eddie now stood in the corner, swaying from left to right with Chris bound to his chest like a baby monkey. His arms were tightly looped around Eddie's neck and his heels were digging into the back of Eddie's hips, but he didn't care.
He had his boy in his arms, as close to his chest as possible, and that was all that mattered. Chris had his cheek pressed into his dad's shoulder with his lips and nose meshed up against Eddie's throat and he was on his way to falling asleep but he wasn't quite there yet.
For a while, Eddie lost himself in thought, allowing his mind to drift away without him like his soul was leaving his body behind. That was what he wanted. He wanted to leave this wreck behind and drift through the world until he found (Y/n).
But he was brought back to reality when he heard Chris's quiet whimper into his neck.
"I want mum."
If this had been any other situation, Eddie would have loved the sound of that. He loved to hear Chris refer to (Y/n) as his mum and see the cheesy smile on his face when he said it. Eddie had been shocked when Chris had been ill and whined for 'mum' which meant (Y/n), it had been the first time Eddie had seen Chris so desperate for someone else's love and comfort that wasn't his own, and it was such a lovely thing to witness.
But not tonight. Not when none of them knew what kind of state (Y/n) was in or if she was okay or even alive. They knew absolutely nothing and all of them were fearing the worst, and now Chris was getting upset again.
He wanted (Y/n). He wanted to know where she was. He was confused that the three of them had been separated yet he and Buck had been reunited at the same place whereas (Y/n) was nowhere in sight. He presumed she would have been here and he started to cry when he found out no one knew where his mum was.
"I know buddy, me too." What else could he say? How could he comfort Chris when there was nothing pleasant or calming that he could say to console either of them?
Eddie wanted (Y/n) back too. He wanted to find her and he was going out of his mind with trying to come up with a plan.
A deep sigh rumbled past his lips as he tried to will himself not to cry anymore. He had already shed enough tears to rival the tsunami that had wrecked his day. He attached his lips to Chris's temple before he moved towards the small bed that was barely big enough for Buck.
He had been stitched up and tended to by a nurse, and they had been allowed to stay in here for a while since both Buck and Chris needed some antibiotics bringing to them, just for precaution.
Leaning over, Eddie carefully eased Chris down into Buck's arms who was brought out of his trance. He quickly eased his nephew onto his lap and hugged him close while he set his phone down beside him with a small shake of his head.
"Nothing." Buck had called Maddie to tell her what had happened, and as soon as she finished her shift, she was coming down to see and try and help them. He had asked her to listen out on calls for anyone that sounded like (Y/n) or for calls to anyone with (Y/n)'s description, but so far Maddie hadn't had any calls like that.
And Buck had started to ring round a few hospitals nearby, but he either couldn't get through or got brushed off. They would have to go in person to search for (Y/n).
"Stay with uncle Buck for a minute." Eddie's hand brushed over his jaw and scraped the back of his neck as he turned and headed out into the bustling corridor.
He needed a moment to breathe, to think, to gather his thoughts and work out what they were going to do. He could feel the shaking start to overwhelm him again until he was vibrating, about to shoot through the ceiling like a rocket. Eddie wished there was something he could do or someone that could tell him exactly what he was supposed to do.
He wanted someone to find (Y/n) and bring her directly to them; preferably unscathed and unharmed. But he knew that apart from being impossible, it was also improbable to think that (Y/n) wouldn't have been hurt at all after today.
He almost laughed at himself for feeling a spark of hope light up in his stomach when he looked to the right and saw Bobby storming down the corridor towards him.
He didn't need to say anything. Eddie could read his expression, and it was clear that (Y/n) wasn't in this hospital by the look on Bobby's face. He had gone round the whole hospital, each ward and department had been checked but (Y/n) wasn't here.
"I'm sorry," Bobby shook his head but he knew his words came as no surprise or shock to Eddie.
They all knew that whatever hospital (Y/n) was in, they would have to find personally, by hand and not by phone. She wouldn't have her bag with her, no ID and no one with her who would know who she was. So unless she was conscious and able to talk- presuming of course that she was at a hospital- the staff wouldn't know her name.
In disasters like this the hospitals would just help whoever they could and try to get names afterwards.
Eddie was going to have to show a picture and give (Y/n)'s description to every hospital in the area to try and see if she was there. The same went for any sites and shelters set up to help people. But they all figured that (Y/n) would be at or en-route to a hospital, she would need to be checked out. That much was a given.
"What am I gonna do?" The words floundered past Eddie's lips in a breathless whimper as his hands both moved to clasp together behind his head.
His fingers weaved and interlocked and his nails scratched against his scalp between the shortened strands of hair. He knew in a matter of seconds there would be skin and blood trapped beneath his thin nails and deep scratches to the back of his head and neck. He had to stop himself from going insane somehow.
How was he going to find her? There had to be hundreds of hospitals in LA that would now be flooded with victims and casualties. He knew the drill, he knew how it would work. He had been in the emergency room earlier today and saw the chaos for himself. Doctors and nurses patching up people, treating them in corridors and squashing as many beds into one room as they could because they were all overcrowded with people needing help.
"Eddie, just sit down and take a breath."
He shrugged off Bobby's touch when the Captain tried to rest a hand on his shoulder and he stepped towards the other side of the corridor. But standing still wasn't helping, so Eddie turned to pacing back and forth, the same continuous five steps from one wall to the other.
How could he sit down? How could he try and take a breath when his heart was somewhere else, possibly hundreds of miles away from him with (Y/n)? He wouldn't be able to breathe easy or have a mellow heartbeat again until he knew exactly where his wife was and if she was alright or not.
His heart might never beat regularly again if she wasn't okay. Eddie wouldn't be able to muddle through each day without her. He had Chris to think about, but he couldn't suffer such a loss again. He couldn't lose another wife. He couldn't lose the one person he'd trusted his heart to. He couldn't lose two babies either, having never seen or held them.
His heart couldn't take it. And his mind couldn't take much more of waiting around and imaginging every possible worst-case scenario that might have happened to (Y/n) and the twins.
"I have to find her." Desperation entwined in his words like vines scouring up a wall.
"We will-"
"She might not be here, t- the whole coast was hit, what if she's miles out the city?"
Eddie had heard of people becoming separated during disasters like this. He'd heard of families being apart for days, weeks, possibly months while they tried to reconnect and find one another. He couldn't go days without knowing what was wrong with (Y/n) or where she was, and he wouldn't survive weeks without her.
And he wasn't sure he could physically drag himself around every hospital in LA to find her. He wanted to, but Eddie knew the longer he went without finding (Y/n), the worse he was going to feel. He would run himself down, wear himself thin searching for her.
And if he never found her, what then? What would he do?
He would have to start searching the drowned streets looking for her body. He would have to go round the morgues seeing if they had an unclaimed Jane Doe that turned out to be his wife.
Oh God.
Horrible ragged breaths started to wheeze past Eddie's lips that were turning dry and chapped and his shoulders rose and fell like he was a puppet on strings with how hard and heavy it became to take in oxygen.
Tears flooded his eyes and blurred his vision of Bobby moving to stand in front of him but he could feel his Captain's hands settling on his shoulders to stop him from pacing and gasping all at once.
"Eddie, breathe. In… and out. Again." Bobby repeated the mantra again and again until Eddie was nodding along with him and sucking in more air than he was exhaling.
Seeing him stood there, fingers scratching into his scalp, elbows trembling as they pointed East and West, chest almost convulsing and his teeth punctured into his lower lip, it was terrifying and heart breaking all at once. But it was his dark eyes overcome with shrouded blackness that looked the worst, and the tears glossing his orbs only made him more terrifying to witness in this state.
And the worst part was knowing that there was nothing Bobby could do to ease Eddie's agony and prolongued torment.
The only thing that could stop this torture was for someone to tell Eddie where his wife was and what condition she was in. And no one had the power to do that. None of them knew where she was, but they would scour the streets, roam the entire length of the Earth until they found (Y/n). No matter what condition she was in.
"Wherever she is, we'll find her and bring her home."
For a second, maybe two, Eddie tried to nod. He tried to agree and calm down with the knowledge that the team were going to do everything they could to help him find (Y/n). He knew Maddie was already preparing to come down here to either help search or to watch over Chris. He knew Hen and Chimney would go round hospitals with him and search the streets for (Y/n).
But that relief was short-lived when a frightening image of (Y/n), face down in a murky swamp of mud and salt water, flashed across Eddie's vision.
His head snapped to the side with a gasp and he violently blinked his eyes to try and scour that image from his mind. He didn't want to see that every time he closed his eyes. He didn't want to imagine the worst, but it was like a timer was ticking in the back of his head, counting down the probable time that (Y/n) had left before her fate could be assumed as the worst scenario.
Violent images flipped through Eddie's mind like a slideshow. (Y/n) wandering the streets alone. (Y/n) laid out unconscious in the middle of no where. (Y/n) drenched in blood. Her crying with bloodied hands and two lifeless forms resting in her lap.
Which one of those fates had (Y/n) succumbed to?
"What if I can't bring her home? What if I- I'm already too late?" His throat felt raw and the words tasted of ash and poison on his tongue, but he couldn't be imagining this alone.
He needed to know what to do if that situation happened. He needed someone to tell him what he was going to do if he had to bury another wife. If he had to bury (Y/n) without getting the chance to say goodbye to her. If he had to say goodbye to the two babies he hadn't had the chance to meet or hold or watch take their first breaths.
How were Eddie, Chris, Buck and Maddie going to cope if they were already too late to save (Y/n)?
"Eddie, you're not going to get through this if you believe the worst. It's been hours, not days, we have time to find her. Let's try and figure out how we're going to do that, rather than how we'd cope in hypothetical situations. Okay?"
Presuming the worst was only going to make things worse for Eddie because he would be slipping into a depressive state believing his wife was dead and there was no hope of finding her. It was almost as bad as hoping for the very best and then being let down when that didn't come true.
There was a perfectly good chance that (Y/n) was alive and relatively okay and they had to cling to that and hope to find her. They had to be practical in finding her and try not to dwell on the worst. Not yet.
"If she's- she's not here, I have to look round other hospitals." Eddie was nodding to himself as he spoke like he was trying to gear himself up and prepare for the storm that was ahead of him.
Hospitals were the most likely place, hours after a tsunami, (Y/n) must have tried to get herself to a hospital if she was awake and lucid. She wouldn't hang around and scour the streets for long looking for her family, she was practical. She knew if they weren't nearby, they would most likely be at a hospital too.
And if (Y/n) was unconscious and had been found- surely she would have been found by someone- then she would have been taken to a hospital. Eddie had to search them all. He had to search every hospital to find her.
Only then would he start scouring the streets and reside to the horrendous thought that if she wasn't at a hospital or clinic needing help, then she was presumed dead.
"Okay, you do that and I'll make some calls, see what I can find out." Bobby had contacts, he had the numbers of every nearby fire station and he could ask them if they had found anyone matching (Y/n)'s description while out helping during this event.
Him and the team would keep calling and looking nearby and doing what they could here, then they would branch out to clinics while Eddie checked the main hospitals. They would have a system in place until they found (Y/n).
Deep breaths shuddered past Eddie's lips as he bustled back into the confined room and knelt down in front of Buck and Chris. His boy was almost fast asleep, curled up over Buck's lap with his face nuzzled into his thigh and his hands wrapped around one of Buck's arms. They had both been reunited and they would help calm one another down after the horrors they had been through today.
A smile almost pulled at Eddie's lips when he reached out and started to card his fingers through Chris's unruly curls, but the tears won.
"Chris, I need to go and find mum now. But uncle Buck can take you to stay with Abuela for tonight, and I'll ring and talk to you soon. Okay?"
Eddie cradled the back of Chris's head while he glanced up to check that Buck was alright with that. He could see Buck's inner conflict. He wanted Chris to stay with him, he wanted to watch over Chris after searching all afternoon to try and find him. But his little sister was still missing.
Buck couldn't watch Chris and try and look for (Y/n) and he wouldn't be able to settle if he didn't at least try and help. Maddie was on her way, she could pick them up, drop Chris with Eddie's Abuela and then take Buck from there so they could both search for their sister.
As soon as Buck nodded, Eddie pushed forward on his toes and pressed a long, tender kiss to Chris's temple. Murmuring "I'll see you soon," against his skin, but it was more to calm himself down than Chris.
He had his boy safe and sound, now he had to go search for his wife and unborn twins.
***
"Papi?" The sigh that followed was as broken as Eddie's soul and he fought with every fibre of his being against the urge to pull away and hang up the phone.
He wanted his mum. He didn't want his dad to answer the phone, he didn't want to be speaking to him. Eddie called to talk to his mum, to sob to her and get some sort of comfort.
He wasn't close to his parents, not like he had been when he was a child and his relationship with his dad was fractured with how absent his father had been during his life. But there were many times when Eddie called to seek his mother's advice or just to listen to her voice and find solace in her words.
After everything that happened with Shannon and his parents trying to control and take over with caring for Chris, Eddie had kept them at arms length.
The one thing that brought them closer was (Y/n).
She was the thread that knitted their family together. She tried to bond with his parents and have a good relationship with them. (Y/n) was friends with his sisters. She was the go between, keeping them all updated on Chris and how things were in LA. And she encouraged Eddie to take trips down to see his parents, both on his own and for the three of them as a family. They all went down to El Paso to tell his parents and sisters that (Y/n) was pregnant.
And now her fate was uncertain, and the only person Eddie could think to talk to right now was his mum.
"Eddie? What's-"
"I need ma, I need to speak to ma." The abrasive, almost rude tone to Eddie's voice was enough to cut his father off and stop him from retaliating or questioning the phone call.
He heard the deep sigh come down the line, but his father didn't argue. He didn't say how rude Eddie was being for not speaking to him when they hadn't talked in over a month. He didn't bother to chide him or draw him into an argument. The tone of Eddie's voice was clear that something wasn't right.
"Eddie, honey it's late have you just finished work? We saw on the news about that tsunami business. Are you all okay?"
He thought her voice would calm him down. He stupidly thought that hearing his mother's lulling voice would soothe the wounds hacked deep into his soul and make him feel at ease. That her words would settle him and give him a sense of calm and readyness for what was to come and to push him to keep going.
Instead, her voice made him cry.
Deep, guttural sobs began to wrack from his chapped lips the moment her words shuddered through his ears.
She sounded so understanding already and he hadn't even told her the dreaded news he was calling to unleash.
Eddie bowed his head forward and moved his free hand to pinch at the bridge of his nose, but it did nothing to cease the tears streaming down his face. His shoulders trembled with each sob that left his lips until he was scarcely breathing at all. And he was suddenly grateful that he had done this on his own, that the team were going separate ways to try and find (Y/n). He didn't want them witnessing him in this state.
"Oh sweetheart, oh what's wrong? Eddie… Eddie please-"
"They were there." He barely managed to choke out the words as he raised his arm to try and wipe his grimey sleeve along his cheeks. "(Y/n) and Chris, t-they were at the pier, and the tsunami happened."
Eddie swore he could hear the sound of his mother's heart hitting the pit of her stomach.
"No, oh my God are they okay?"
"Chris is alright, we- we found him. Ma, I… ma I can't find (Y/n). I don't know what to do." Another sob tumbled past Eddie's lips as (Y/n) danced across his mind for what had to be the millionth time tonight.
He wasn't sure why he called his parents right now, he didn't have any news to give them.
But something within him fought hard for him to find his phone and make the call. He didn't want his abuela calling his parents and worrying them and causing a frantic mess. He knew Buck had briefly told her what happened when he dropped Chris off, and no doubt Chris would have reeled off the days events to her. He was surprised she hadn't called his parents immediately but then he supposed she was fawning over Chris and trying to make sure he was settled and not panicking.
He guessed he called because he wanted his mother to tell him everything was okay. He wanted to hear her voice telling him that (Y/n) and the twins would be fine, that he was going to find her any moment and then he could call and tell them that everyone was okay.
And Eddie knew his words were coming out in the wrong order because he was so distraught. He was already working through the plan he and the team had come up with.
They were calling other fire stations and going round clinics. Maddie was getting alerts from the call centre on anyone remotely matching (Y/n)'s description. Buck was searching the streets and trying to find any help point near the pier destruction in case (Y/n) was still around there.
And Eddie was searching the hospitals. This was the second one he had come to and (Y/n) wasn't here. He had only just started and already he felt like he was losing hope. Could he keep going? Could he keep looking round the hospitals and try to find her when she didn't seem to be anywhere nearby?
"Where are you? Sweetheart is someone with you?" His mother was crying. He had made her cry by calling her.
He should have waited. He should have waited until he had some proper news, but if Abuela called them first then his parents would have been calling him non-stop for updates and to know what was happening.
"No, I'm…" A shuddering breath left his lips as he tried to compose himself and stop the sobs from breaking free. "I'm going round the hospitals, to try and find her."
He leant back until his back was aligned with the chair and his shoulders were braced against the wall. He tensed his thighs and closed his eyes, trying to hold himself still and keep his breath deep in his lungs to control himself.
He had done well so far. Until now, Eddie had been scanning both hospitals taking to anyone that would listen. He'd looked through every department, shown (Y/n)'s picture around but no one with her description had been admitted.
The only saving grace was that no bodies by her description had been in the morgues either, so Eddie didn't have to search through the dead and fear seeing his wife's face looking back at him.
"I'm scared, ma."
"You don't have to be scared, sweetheart. We're coming down to you, we'll be there in the morning and by then, you'll have found (Y/n). You're all going to be fine, you're going to find her; I know it."
***
How many more times was he going to have to go through this? How much more heartache could he take? Would this be the end of his nightmare, or just the beginning?
The caffeine running through Eddie's system was battling alongside the adrenaline sparkling to life in his stomach. The combination was fighting off the mass depression that was threatening to take over him and it kept him moving and pushed him not to stop when the anxiety and depressive thoughts were telling him to give up, that there was no point to any of this.
His heart was starting to break all over again.
He had been looking all night through the hospitals to try and find (Y/n). He had gone from working all day with the team during the tsunami to working all night on a personal mission to find his family.
Early in the morning, he had gone over to Buck's apartment to have a shower, get a few restless minutes of sleep and a drink, and then start all over again. He couldn't face going home, not when that meant seeing pictures and feeling (Y/n)'s aura when he knew she wasn't going to be there. And he couldn't look at the fridge and see those scan photos pinned up or pass the nursery and wonder if it was ever going to be used.
Staying with Buck for a few measly hours had felt a lot safer than daring to go home alone. And Chris was still with Abuela, waiting for Eddie's parents to arrive. They had set off in the early hours of the morning and were driving down to LA. They should be here soon, but Eddie wasn't ready to face them. Not until he had any news on (Y/n).
Eddie wasn't sure what number hospital this was, he'd lost count after seven. Bobby had written a list of hospitals ranging from closest to furthest from the pier so they could work through them. Eddie just kept scribbling them out one by one, rage seeping further into his touch with each one he went to that denied him his simple request. Is my wife here?
Part of him felt like he should just give up. No hospital seemed to have his wife or any recollection of where she was or where she might have ended up. He felt like there was no point to this never-ending disaster. But (Y/n) was the point. She was the reason behind everything and Eddie couldn't give up on her now. He had to keep going until he or the team found her.
Every time his phone buzzed in his pocket he felt that little flutter of hope in his chest that it would be them telling him they'd found her. But each time when he realised it was just a notification or his parents updating him and checking on him. Or when it was the team asking if he'd had any luck, those hopeful butterflies in his stomach started to die one by one. There weren't many left now.
This hospital was just as overcrowded and overwhelming as the rest. People scattered about the emergency room, sitting on the floor, on cot beds, cradling bottles of water and wearing coloured tags to put them into emergency and non-severe categories.
Eddie's nose crinkled in agitation just looking around them all. Despite having showered and slept and changed at Buck's place, Eddie still put on a fresh work uniform. He wasn't going to be at work for a while, he knew that already, but he was looking around hospitals.
He wanted to have the station logo on his chest in case anyone tried to fob him off or act like he was just another panicking civilian who didn't know the process and how things worked. Some staff were more willing to talk if they knew they were talking to fellow emergency responders. And Eddie would use any advantage he had if it meant getting that one step closer to finding the rest of his family.
Another burst of trembles broke out deep in Eddie's bones and had his whole body shaking back and forth when he approached the reception desk in the emergency room. This one wasn't as crowded as the last one, he didn't even have to wait in a queue of people demanding to be seen with minor ailments.
So far he hadn't seen or heard many people asking or looking for family members. But he had seen a few being escorted to where the unidentified dead were bagged, waiting to be found by loved ones.
Maybe he should of had breakfast before he went back out scouting hospitals this morning. Eddie hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday and by the time he realised his family had been caught up in this disaster, his stomach was churning far too much for him to try and eat. Now he wasn't sure whether it was impending panic or lack of sugar that was making him so lightheaded and heavy-limbed.
He had to stretch his hands out and hold onto the desk to steady himself and his breaths were turning shallow when he looked down at the receptionist.
"How can I help you?" She looked tired. Something about her reminded Eddie of Carla, she had a warm smile despite her exhausted features and she looked like she wanted to help which was a lovely change.
Most of the receptionists Eddie had spoken to had been aggravated and rude and brushed him off like he had walked in asking for directions rather than trying to find his wife.
He dropped his head down and breathed deeply, thankful to have someone kind for a change as he tried to gather his words. It was the same mantra he had been saying all night, the same repetition of words in a slightly different order each time. But always with the same answer.
"Please, I'm looking for my wife, (Y/n) Diaz. She- she was on the West pier when the tsunami hit."
Reaching into his back pocket, Eddie pulled out his wallet and flipped it open to show the picture he kept in there of (Y/n) and Chris from their holiday earlier in the year. He knew her name might not be much help when in a disaster like this, they didn't always take names.
But he needed the receptionist to look at (Y/n). Really look, see her hair colour, her eyes, her skin, her beautiful smile. He needed her to look at (Y/n) and check the files for anyone looking remotely like her who had been admitted during the tsunami.
"She's thirty-one weeks pregnant, with twins, do- do you have anyone here matching her description? Or anyone I can talk to, so I can find her… I'm desperate."
The tears Eddie was trying so hard to hold at bay felt like his eyelids were a dam and it was close to breaking.
He needed help. Eddie needed someone to give him a sense of direction, a map to follow that would lead him to his wife. He couldn't continue scouring round every hospital in the state trying to find her, it just wasn't going to work.
Maybe if all the hospitals had connecting files, if they could search each database for (Y/n)'s name or a Jane Doe description that fit her image. Then Eddie could find the right hospital to go to with the click of a button.
His fingers began to tap out an uneven rhythm against the reception desk while he waited for an answer. Whether it be her telling him she was sorry but she couldn't help, that (Y/n) wasn't here or she had no idea how they could help him, Eddie couldn't guess. Especially when the lady tilted her head at a funny angle and stared up at him through fluttering lashes.
"Twins?" The strange look she gave Eddie with that one word made his stomach twist and churn like his own tsunami was turbulating within him.
He didn't like the sudden flood of sympathy he could see in the receptionist's eyes.
"Yeah." He almost didn't want to answer. What was she about to tell him? Oh God, what kind of news was he in for? Maybe (Y/n) was here, or maybe she was down in the morgue. Eddie didn't like that look on her face, he had seen the team give enough sorrowful looks similar to that to know that this couldn't be anything good or relieving.
The receptionist wheeled her chair a bit closer to the desk so she could look up at Eddie and he was sure if she could, she would have rounded the desk to try and comfort and steady him.
"We had a lady brought in last night, it- it could be her. She was unconscious, we couldn't find any ID on her. Wait here and I'll get a doctor to come and get you."
For up to a minute, Eddie didn't breathe. He stood there, watching the receptionist scuttle away from the desk to go and find somebody and once she was out of sight, Eddie doubled forward.
A strangled sound emitted from his lips as he folded his arms on the desk and flopped his forehead against his forearm. He could feel his breaths condensing the desk and his chest heaving from the effort of sucking in as much oxygen as he could get. His head was spinning whilst his knees started to waver back and forth like they were about to snap and give way beneath him.
She was here. (Y/n) was here. His wife was in this hospital. Eddie's search, his pilgrimage for (Y/n) was finally over.
She wasn't lost somewhere in the streets or face down in a puddle waiting to be moved to the morgue. She wasn't in some body bag with no name or ID on her body. She wasn't lost in the world never to be found or somewhere remote, in agony and torment with no one around to help her.
All the panic, all the searching and frantic phone calls and rushing round the hospitals had finally paid off. Right when Eddie thought that he would have to change his plan to try and find (Y/n) faster.
As long as she was here and being taken care of, then Eddie had some hope. She wasn't dead and he prayed that she wouldn't be on Death's door when he found her.
It's over. I've found her. It's over.
The mantra circled Eddie's mind on a constant loop like it was the only thing he knew, the only thing he could understand. It was the only thing circling around in his head until he heard someone clear their throat.
He was quick to push up off the desk, despite the ache it caused in his chest and the throbbing in his temple that made him feel lightheaded all over again. His hands ran up and down his thighs to rid the sweat slicking his palms and a deep, shuddering breath escaped his lips as he looked at the doctor standing ahead of him.
"Mr Diaz?" He seemed unsure of the name, as if he wasn't quite certain he'd remembered the right name the receptionist uttered to him.
"Yeah, do- do you have my wife here? Is it her?"
"Come with me." The sense of calmness radiating off of the doctor and entwined in his voice was almost a lulling rhyme that made Eddie's chest shudder.
The first few steps Eddie took made him feel like he was about to do something he would regret. He felt like he was making a mistake, but there was no going back now.
His boots echoed harshly on the polished floor and it marched to the beat of his heart that was pounding in his ears. Every sound nearby sounded so loud and Eddie could barely process a thing, every noise was like an attack on his mind.
He didn't know whereabouts they were going and his throat started to dry up and feel like the desert when he thought about trying to ask any sort of question. Was (Y/n) okay, what injuries did she have, who brought her in, how bad of a state is she in? What was happening with the twins? Everything he wanted to ask wouldn't pass his sore lips that were still bloodied from how badly he had chewed on them in his anxious state.
"We've had casualties coming in since the first wave hit, half of them were either unconscious with no ID or couldn't give a name. A young woman was brought in by ambulance yesterday, unconscious, heavily pregnant, wedding ring but no ID. You showed the receptionist a picture, may I see?"
Half of what the doctor said seemed to go straight over Eddie's head and he had to blink a few times to bring himself back into focus.
His hands were trembling when he pulled the photo back out of his pocket. The very photo that he had been gazing at all through the night and into the morning. The photo that brought tears to his eyes every time he looked at it. The photo he was afraid would be his only option left to see his wife and witness and remember that beautiful smile.
A sound burned at the back of his throat when the doctor took the picture but Eddie muffled it down into a cough like he was on the verge of getting a cold.
"This way, I'll need you to identify whether she is your wife or not before I discuss anything further."
Eddie nodded, that was something he could understand while they climbed the stairs in a thick silence that was like a fog rolling in around them and clogging his throat. The doctors had to be safe, they couldn't discuss someone's health with a random stranger from the street without confirming whether they were related or even knew each other. It was violating priviledged information.
But he could feel his heart almost giving out when he was led onto a ward and they were closer to finding out whether his search had truly ended or not.
This had to be (Y/n). The receptionist said they'd had a pregnant woman come in last night, and they had been searching almost a day to find her. There can't be that many women who looked like (Y/n), who were around thirty weeks pregnant- with twins- that were found after the tsunami. Those were slim odds, this had to be (Y/n).
Eddie felt like he was in his own little world, walking to the sound of his thumping heart like it was a marching beat drawing him closer and closer to his death- or the death of his wife. But he stopped abruptly when he happened to look up and realise that the doctor had already stopped outside of one of the rooms.
It didn't dawn upon Eddie until now that this hospital wasn't as crowded as the rest, at least, this particular ward wasn't. People weren't sitting on the floor or lying in beds in hallways. No one was rushing around trying to help desperate patients or scrambling for a spare room to put their urgent care patients.
Either the havoc had died down by now or this hospital wasn't as close to the main disaster as the rest of the ones Eddie had visited.
"Mr Diaz, is this your wife?"
He didn't want to look. Eddie didn't want to know. All these hours he had spent worrying and panicking and praying to God to find his wife, and now he wasn't sure he wanted to know.
If this was (Y/n), Eddie was seconds away from finding out what kind of state she was in. What horrors and torment she had been through, what she had suffered, if she was going to recover. And he would find out what had happened to their twins. The horrors of what he was about to face were starting to appear and he didn't want to face them.
A terrible shaking started to rattle throughout Eddie's body as he turned to the left and stepped closer to the window the doctor was standing in front of. There was a solemn, almost blank look on the doctor's face as he silently pointed to the window.
His short nails started to puncture into his palms and he took a brief moment to close his eyes, seeing the last image he had in his mind of (Y/n). When he kissed her goodbye yesterday morning before work, a day which felt a lifetime ago after the panic and terror that had ensued since then.
When Eddie opened his eyes, he peered through the window until his nose was almost smashed up against the glass.
"It's her." His voice was nothing but a breathless whisper that faded on the wind.
Relief and panic washed over Eddie all at once and spots started to dance across his vision as if trying to block out the image of his wife he was now faced with. It was her. That was (Y/n), his wife, his beautiful girl, laid there in that bed like she was some kind of mannequin.
His hand was reaching for the door before he could think. He wanted to get in there. He needed to. Desperation was clawing through Eddie's bones, tearing through his muscles and shattering his heart. He had to get in there. Hours had passed where Eddie thought that (Y/n) was dead, that he was never going to see her or touch her or hear that voice again.
He had to get in there and slip his hand into hers, he had to hold onto her with everything he had and kiss her and tell her how sorry he was that he hadn't been there or found her sooner.
His fingers barely closed around the handle before a heavy grip was set on his shoulder causing him to freeze.
"Mr Diaz, we need to talk first, then you can go and see her."
He wanted to argue, to tell this doctor as politely as he could to back off and talk to him later. Eddie wasn't in the mood to talk, he just wanted to sit with his wife and be as close to her as possible. He didn't want to wait any longer to be with her.
But Eddie didn't even know what was wrong with (Y/n), what injuries she had sustained and what had happened whilst she had been here. He figured he needed to know that much before he went in there and sat with her.
His lips pressed together in a thin line and his throat ached from the breath he held, but he forced himself to nod. He would delay his reunion with (Y/n) for a few minutes, but he wasn't moving away from this room.
His shoulders pressed back into the wall in between the window and the door and his arms tightly bound around his chest like he was giving himself a hug to bind his broken pieces together long enough to get through this conversation. He had no idea what he was about to be told or asked, or what was going to happen after this moment.
"We don't have any of her details." His voice was soft and he crossed the hall to take a pen and clipboard from the nurse's station before he moved back to stand in front of Eddie.
Up to now, (Y/n) had been just another Jane Doe for the hospital. They didn't have her name, age, health conditions, past medical history, any medical insurance. They knew nothing about her except a rough estimation of age and the fact that she was heavily pregnant.
Eddie was a little surprised that he was being asked for her details first before he was being told what exactly was wrong with her and what she had been through.
But he forced himself to nod and imbedded his clenched fists into his chest as he tried to clear his throat.
He reeled off her name, her date of birth, their home, the fact that she was allergic to naproxen- just like her big brother- something he hoped they hadn't tried to give her before now. He mentioned the few health issues (Y/n) had suffered in the past, although he knew now they had her name they could pull up her entire file on their database.
"Thank you."
With the clipboard tucked under his arm, the doctor stepped closer and leaned against the window. The proximity and the look on his face told Eddie that this wasn't going to be a pleasant or easy conversation, for either of them.
"When your wife was brought in, she had a lot of injuries. We stitched up a gash to her left temple, and she had a shard of glass punctured through her right hand which we had to remove and sew up. There was a deep abrasion to the back of her left thigh, with splinters of wood that had to be removed."
Eddie wouldn't say that it was what he was expecting to hear, but he couldn't believe how shocked his mind seemed to be at this revelation.
He had seen the injuries people had been suffering since the tsunami. People swallowing dirt and even rocks, being hit with bricks or crashing into floating cars. Getting caught up in cable wires, pinned down by metal imbedded in their skin.
A tsunami acted as anti-gravity and telekinesis, it levitated what should have stayed firmly on the ground. It bended items and otherwise immobile things to its will and harmed people in strange ways.
So hearing that (Y/n) had gotten glass through her hand or wood battering her legs shouldn't have been a surprise. And yet it was. Or perhaps it was simply Eddie's prayers of (Y/n) not being dangerously hurt that caused him to feel blindsided by her injuries.
"Because we didn't know what caused the cuts, and due to the muddy water she inhaled, we've put her on broad antibiotics. We don't want the risk of her developing pneumonia."
That seemed reasonable. The water was surely dirty or in the very least unsanitary in parts. There would be broken metal shards, broken wood, dirty nails and needles and garbage floating around in that water. Whatever had cut (Y/n) couldn't have been clean and they didn't know how long she had been left exposed and bleeding before she was treated. Antibiotics would prevent any developing infections.
The last thing they wanted was for any of that water that she inhaled or swallowed to fester and develop into pneumonia. She was already in a weakened state, fighting pneumonia would make her recovery that much harder.
"She's still unconscious?" Eddie turned to look over his shoulder, not really looking for an answer to that question when he could clearly see (Y/n) peacefully asleep in that room.
"She's been heavily sedated, we had to take her for surgery early this morning."
Those words caused Eddie's neck to click when he snapped back to stare at the doctor. He didn't like the sound of that. So far (Y/n)'s injuries had been bad but not extensive or life-threatening. Eddie had been fearing a missing limb or being impaled or nicked arteries.
The twins.
It seemed to dawn on him far too late that the doctor hadn't mentioned anything about the twins so far. He had listed off all of (Y/n)'s injuries, but he hadn't said if the twins were okay or if they had been hurt, if (Y/n) had any abdominal bruises or wounds.
"A C-section? Are they okay, she- she's only thirty-one weeks, over two months early." Words rambled past Eddie's lips as he fought the urge to turn around again and take a closer look at (Y/n) to try and see if her shape had changed and if there was a bump beneath that sheet or not.
If they took her for surgery to do with the twins, it had to be a C-section. What else would they do? It seemed too risky to try surgery on (Y/n), on the twins, and try to leave them in the womb and see if (Y/n) would recover and cope. Her body had been put through the ringer like she had been stuck in a washing machine.
Having the twins born early would be safer for them and for (Y/n), but that still meant they would be two months early. They would be extremely premature, need a lot of time and looking after in the intensive care unit.
"Your wife had internal bleeding, a C-section was our only viable option with one of the babies being in distress."
"Where are they- are they alright?" He didn't like the look he was receiving from the doctor. He didn't want that sorrow, that held-back pain, that controlled sense of composure that looked very hard to keep up with. Eddie didn't like any of it.
"Mr Diaz, I'm very sorry… the boy was stillborn. Your little girl is in the ICU, she's stable."
Eddie didn't recognise the sound that emitted from his lips, it sounded like something broken. A howl of despair.
His teeth sank down into his lower lip so sharply that blood began to well up and smear across his lips like gloss. He could taste the tang of iron in his mouth and it made his nose crinkle worse while tears began to pour down his face.
"Fuck!!"
This wasn't fair.
How could this be happening? How was this fate? Everything was twisted now, it was one big line of string knotted up so tightly that the threads were stretching and about to snap.
Eddie had been afraid of this, but somehow, deep down he thought that he could get away with it. That fate would never be this cruel to him. He had found Chris unscathed and when he got here, he had found (Y/n) too. Eddie hoped that fate would continue this streak of luck and allow the twins to be alright too.
Taking one of them wasn't fair, but taking him when Eddie wasn't here and (Y/n) hadn't been conscious or alert; that was worse.
They had lost their boy, their little boy and neither of them had the chance to hold him. They didn't see his face, they don't know what he looked like or what he felt like being held in their arms. They never got to kiss him or tell him how much they loved him and wanted him. How sorry they were that this had to happen.
Was he on his own now? Was he cold? Had anyone properly held and cradled him?
Did anyone say a prayer for him?
Something twisted in Eddie's stomach at that thought and he could feel his heart rushing up to block his throat. His boy hadn't been baptised, and he doubted any of the staff would have said a prayer when he was delivered. He would be truly alone without a prayer to God.
Before he could stop himself, Eddie's fist was ramming into the wall along with his temple that stayed pressed against the plasterwork as if his temple was now glued to the wall.
They didn't know they had been having a boy and a girl, it had been a secret. Instead of having two boys and a girl, they simply had one of each and one little boy they were never going to take home.
They had been preparing to take two babies home, double the trouble and the work and the love.
How could they look at the nursery the same way? Only one crib occupied instead of two. Only half the clothes and bottles and nappies needed. A piece of them will always be missing. Left behind. Torn away from them.
Eddie wasn't letting that happen. He wasn't letting his boy be taken away from him. Wherever he was in this hospital, Eddie was going to find him and at least hold him. His boy had to know that he was loved, he had to be held by someone before he was taken from them for good. Someone had to be with him. He would be somewhere in the morgue as baby Doe, a little boy from an unknown Jane Doe.
That had to be changed, he was somebody's, he was loved and known and wanted. He was baby Diaz.
"I wanna see him." His voice didn't seem to match, it felt like it came from somewhere deep within, somewhere low and cold and as dark as the pits of Hell.
"That can be arranged, but maybe when your wife is awake. She hasn't been conscious since she was brought in…"
He didn't have to say it. Eddie guessed already. They hadn't told (Y/n) their boy had died. She had been unconscious while they tried to help her and then subsequently took her to surgery and now her anaesthetic was still wearing off. When she woke up, Eddie had no idea if she would remember what she had been through or how she got hurt.
He didn't know if she would know that she had been hurt in the tsunami or if she even remembered going out with Buck and Chris. She wouldn't know that the twins had been born, and Eddie was going to have to break the news to her that their boy was gone.
"Would you like me to call someone for you?"
Eddie ran a hand up and down his face and tried to take in a deep breath but his lungs felt like paper bags being squeezed empty. Breathing didn't feel like an option right now.
With a shake of his head and a hand held out somewhere in the doctor's range, Eddie looked away from him. He would make the phone calls. He would talk to the doctor after he'd calmed down, after he saw (Y/n) and when she woke up.
The doctor disappeared as if he were a school boy who had been dismissed.
Eddie had calls to make and he needed to sit with (Y/n). He needed to call Buck and tell him that they'd found (Y/n), that the search was over and he could come and see her. He needed Buck to then call Maddie and their parents so they knew the situation.
He had to call his Abuela and see if she was okay to have Chris for a bit longer, although he knew she wouldn't mind at all. And he'd have to call his parents. They would be close to LA by now, and Eddie would have to tell his mum that she had been right, that he had found (Y/n) and she was relatively okay. But he'd have to explain that they'd lost their little boy.
His hands were trembling when he pulled out his phone which was almost out of battery by now, and dialled Buck's number.
"Hey Eds, which hospital are you at? I'm gonna make another list and we can tick them off, if we both search it'll be fas-"
"I found her, Buck." He seemed to breathe through the words and he wasn't sure if his voice held any weight at all or if it was a whisper on the wind that could only be heard by certain pitches.
"Where?! How is she? Is she awake, what's she saying?!"
"Oh Dios… it- it's not good." Another sob wracked past his lips as he went back to leaning on the wall for support. But it wasn't enough, he couldn't stay slumped against the wall when his legs were turning to jelly and he felt like he was about to faint.
He grabbed the door and hazardly flung it open, stumbling into the room to find the chair and scrape it across the floor so he could sit as close to the bed as physically possible.
"Eddie, what's happened to her?"
How is he going to explain everything to Buck? How could he tell him that (Y/n) had been bruised and stitched and torn apart like this, and that the twins had been born already? How could he explain that one of them hadn't made it? Eddie couldn't say any of this over the phone, it was something he had to do in person. He needed Buck to come down here so he could explain, and so Eddie had a shoulder to cry on.
What was he going to tell (Y/n) when she woke up?
